Jenny, thanks for sharing more of your experience. I was reading your posts in the other thread you started in and saw some similarities in what you say you went through in the pushing away and hurting the other and found similarities in what my ex was doing and saying in our relationship. He was also trying to move on too quickly from a long term relationship (and a long history of relationships) without taking a timeout to grieve and grow first. And now, after establishing a deep relationship with me, realized that he still has to take that time that he neglected to take. He too would pull away, come back strong and certain, and then sink back into doubt and depressive phases. Eventually we both realized how much pain it was causing us.

Maybe I don’t know the entire story, but given that I feel that I can put myself somewhat in your ex’s shoes (without the fortitude to do the breaking up, as close as I came to it but failing every time) I wonder why you feel that all is lost? I know that it is necessary to not cling to attachment in order to truly heal and move on, but what is it about the way your relationship ended that has entirely closed all doors to a future between the two of you– whether that is as friends or lovers? Do you believe he really has no desire to hear from you again? Do you feel that the two of you were incompatible and will be forever? What is it that you are scared of?

Sorry for all of the questions and you don’t have to feel obligated to answer. This may be selfish of me but I am extremely curious to understand this rather unheard from perspective. I’m inexperienced and intrigued 🙂