Anita (sorry for the delayed response 🙁 )

“Now, my question to you is: can you make the needed changes you need to make this year, make it so that you operate not as a “glutton for punishment” but operate for your own well being while you keep contact with family members? All of them?”

I feel like I’ve got this – like I said, I’m feeling pretty confident about myself lately. As for my family members – I guess people have no choice in the matter as to who they are related to. A phrase I’ve been pondering on over the past few days is “you kill more flies with honey than you do with vinegar”. That’s not to say I’m not taking any more crap from anyone, but I do believe it’s possible to stand up for yourself without resorting to their standards.

My sister has always been and always will be super judgmental and critical of other people and I don’t expect she will stop being super judgmental or critical.

The next time she has something she would like to pick at, I’m just going to respectfully tell her I’m not okay with it. I’m nobodies scapegoat.

We’re not even close at all – my other siblings are all best pals with each other, they always phone each other and do things together, they only text me when they don’t have anybody else to talk to or when they need something like me putting money towards buying a big present for mothers or fathers day (I just buy my own just to spite them haha!) I’m okay with it – like I said before, if we weren’t related we wouldn’t be friends. We don’t share the same interests, we’re not into the same things. I know it sounds cruel and heartless but I can think of several other people I would happily spend time with instead of my siblings.

I’m 24 and I’m old enough to make my own decisions. My grandmother passed away last October – she was the linchpin that kept the family and relatives together. Now she is no longer with us, I am under no obligation whatsoever to spend time with my other relatives and attend family functions.

My sister also has a nasty habit of being rude to me in front of everybody at family events and humiliating me. She plans to get married in Italy either this year or next. The truth is, I really don’t want to go. I’m not sure if I will be able to afford it and I don’t want my parents to pay for me to attend. Even if money wasn’t a problem, I don’t want to spend a lot of money to go to some snotty hotel just for my sister to be rude to me in front of all her guests. She is a very shallow, materialistic judgemental person and I just know she will find something to nit-pick over. I hate weddings – I hate making small talk, I just get ignored at these things. Am I right to not want to go to her wedding?