Thank you both for your replies. Has certainly given me something to think about.

I think a large part of me is unable to let go, because this person will always be a permanent fixture in my life as my child’s father. I feel that the only way I will be able to let go and to heal is to completely cut ties – but I can’t do that. Legally or morally. I’ve spent 6 looooong years trying different ways to cope with everything that gets thrown my way. Even if I do forgive him, his behaviour will continue. The man has destroyed me, and continues to do so. I lost my home. I lost my job. I lost every single one of my friends. I lost my dignity and self-respect. I lost my health… I could go on, but this is turning into too much of a pity-party. How do you forgive that? Where do you start?

I don’t want to hate him. I truly don’t. He is my child’s father, and below the surface, I know he loves him dearly. I used to be all about love and light. Now that blue sky is grey, and those blooming flowers do nothing for me but make me sneeze.

Unfortunately I’m not a religious person. I wish I was though. Would be nice to have some faith to cling on to.