Dear Violet:

My thoughts following reading your last post:

In couple therapy, my therapist taught me the acronym EAR which stands for Empathy Assertiveness Respect, as how to communicate and treat each other. Please notice Assertiveness, stating what you need is part of it. As I read about you being kind all the times in your interactions with others, I hope it doesn’t mean being passively nice. I don’t think there is a requirement to be nice or kind to anyone and everyone, just not abusive. And I don’t believe in the literal meaning of “turning the other cheek” – if someone hurts you, state it is not acceptable, express anger appropriately, and do not spend time with a person who hurts you twice, not taking responsibility for his or her actions, not trying to repair, etc.

Also, I was taught that interactions with people and a relationship like the one you are having, needs to be a Win-Win. It should not be about you fixing him and making him happy while you sacrifice your own well being (that would be a Win (for him)- Lose (for you). Win for both.

…Also, there are messages in emotions, very important information in emotions that need to be understood so to act logically.

Please post again and again… and again, as many times as you need to, on this thread that you started and we can talk about your developing relationship as it develops, if you’d like!

anita