Hi leke,

I have been through some of these experiences and understand how cumulatively they can lead to disappointment and isolation, and how this can happen multiple times in life. Bouncing back each time is taxing, I know :(.

Know that if you have not been following true intent you hold for yourself i.e. because you have not defined it, you are too scared or have low self worth – The effect is that it/you create ‘transience’ in your life manifested in many different forms, because you are never where you want to be, and meeting people that ‘travel in different directions’. This is daunting. You keep failing to find worth in self expressing and receiving positive validation. Hopefully meditation will help you with this, looking inward to move forward.

Know that we are all expressions of love! You express love and refer to ‘caring’ in your message here and ask for validation :). Even this website is an expression of love, do you see how?! You never stopped experiencing love! Observe it in everything around you and within you. You simply stopped perceiving it because you hold on to negative beliefs about yourself. Understand that ‘adults’ is a concept. It is not that you do not love humans, instead you reject what you fear and you project this onto adults. Your fear is shaping your reality. You have become afraid to self-express. You have become afraid to love. You have become afraid to be. Do not let those ghosts from the past get the better of you! Aim to express unlimitedly instead!

‘The now’ is forever becoming – and within ‘now’ we are always creating something new; the future. Keep questioning during each and every moment what you are creating for yourself – and question whether this actually aligns with your true intents? What are they? i.e. Your intent is to experience love but then you let fear block you. In other words, what you create for yourself is not aligned with your intent. Similarly, you may let others get the better of you, but your decisions that lead to this were also not aligned with your intent. and so on 🙂

You allude to love requiring interaction/intimacy, but love can be experienced in many other ways. Love is an action, which you can do alone or with others. You are never without love and within this you are never without another! I hope you continue to seek ways to express, heal and expand, and widen your perception. Maybe seek the parks and forests for the love and peace to can provide.
Hopefully one day soon you can be accepting of all and express love towards all again. I am sure there are many today that would be happy to express love for you, I do too with this message 🙂

Dear Leke:

You are very welcome and please do update your topic as often as you need to and I will be glad to read and respond!

anita

Hi Leke,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I can relate very much so to what you are saying. People have always considered me to be too nice, my kindness was always taken advantage of, and I found that “friends” weren’t really what friends ought to be. I also had a difficult adolescent with my family and a good period of depression in my early 20s.
What I first learned was to focus on loving myself. I started listening to positive affirmations everyday, I pursued hobbies I am passionate about, and I read many self help books to learn and open my understanding. I learned what boundaries are and how to put them up so that others could not take advantage of me and it has helped mend pain from my childhood. I think when you have a healthy understanding of relationships, you immediately will recognize another’s intent upfront.
I forgave those who had hurt me, I forgave myself, and like you I meditate, sage, and say thanks daily for those experiences as I would not be who I am today without them. I also learned how to let go. I can freely give the love I have in my heart, which I’m sure you can relate as it sounds like one of your gifts is love, to others without expecting anything in return. It isn’t easy, and not a quick fix but with clear intention to fully open yourself to source and that incredible energy, you will find yourself not holding on so tightly but reveling in each moment.

Hi Leke,

That is very wise to focus on kindness-love during meditation. I might be all over the place here so I will apologize in advance. I can only offer the advice of what I feel, so please do not feel my way is the right way. What is your main focus when you meditate? Are you listening to anything? Are you counting your breathes, inhaling positive thoughts and feelings, and exhaling the negative? Do you use any crystals or rocks during? Do you sage prior and after? Do you invision yourself covered with light around and through you? I like incorporating the last few as I notice a dramatic difference when I do. I think you need to adapt the “letting go” mantra into everything, not just meditation. For example, say a negative response pops up when you recall a memory that was a happy time, but that person is no longer here and was a painful loss. Tell yourself to let go, breath, and then focus on the positive. Say someone has said something hurtful about you, replace that thought with one that you believe is good about you. Maybe you become frustrated with something not working or moving at the pace you want, tell yourself to let go. Have you had experiences in life where you did let go and everything fell into place? As you are saying about resentment and these relationships, are these the kind you want to have where your opinion is ignored? Start projecting to the universe what you do want in your friendships and relationships and then let go and let it happen.

I am not sure the basis of your spirituality, mine is faith based. That was my source of love. Each day I wake up and start my mindset with thanks and love and it helped greatly during my depression. I love that I have another day of perfect health and that I am who I am and for all of the hardship I had to go through, as I feel there is a purpose for it. Believe that in yourself too. Feel your purpose. You can say this to the universe, and even though you may not feel it, in time after repetition you will the light shine in you. Focus each day on loving yourself. Louise Hay has great positive affirmations, as well as Wayne Dwyer and I would recommend them.

For boundaries, setting them has now allowed to have my family in my life and has created the healthiest of relationships that could be cultivated. A synopsis is that my family is very self-destructive and full of drama. I was manipulated a lot by them, I normally was the one hurt in the end and blamed for any personal issues that they were going through. I too wrote some of my family members letters but never gave them to them, and I allowed myself to grieve the loss of what I wanted or thought that relationship could have ever been. I forgave them for all of the hurt and pain, and I thanked them because I am a strong person for it. Allow yourself to really feel that and for me, I now know any interaction with them hopefully benefits them in some way. And don’t stop the process because you will not fully move on from it if you don’t. I’ve seen it with others. The book I read on setting boundaries is faith based- Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. That is great you can wish them love as well, do you feel that you are though? Can you send them love now?

Really great to share with you and your words have touched a part of my heart. I love to learn and share with others, as life is so much more meaningful when you do. Best wishes.

Hi Leke,

Wow I feel like I have a lot to say and am enjoying sharing our experiences together.
Michael had mentioned following the true intent you hold for yourself and without this you fail to find worth in self expression and receiving positive validation. Before you figure out what others feelings or opinions matter, I would suggest truly focusing just on yourself. I’m happy to hear you read Boundaries. Have you read The Untethered Soul? I have found much clarification from it and it has helped my meditation and focus. With sage, I would suggest white sage, it helps clear energy from your space. I cleanse or smudge my space each week or more, and it forces any negative or stagnant energy to leave my space and only allow positive energy in. I also cleanse my crystals and rocks as they do retain energy in your space.
In my life, when I let go of the control I feel I need to have, the expectations put in place, others feedback, and allow myself to enjoy and believe that good things are to come, I am given abundance in life. Just to say, I left a secure job because I was disatisfied, with no back up plan. I ended up coming into the most fulfilling position ever because I let go and believed I would have a job that I loved and brought meaning to my life. And this happens each time I’ve let go. Opportunity and doors have opened, strangers have shown kindness and support, and each event had a purpose.
Please do not ever feel you are a victim because of how others have treated you. I am sure you know this as you seem very wise. The ego demands to feel validated, and when it comes to family especially, you can’t interact in life if you have a feeling they hurt you. We all have unintentionally hurt people in our lives, but it is the compassion and empathy that allows us to heal and move forward. We do not allow this person to continue the behavior, but with boundaries you understand when it is time to remove yourself from the situation. There is no fighting or running away, because you know emotions are fleeting and that even if you did act out, they more then likely wouldn’t understand. And from that point, with self love inside of you, you can decide to move on in your life without these people. I think with your situation going on, I think the next experience should and will be the best. I am sure you are projecting what you want in life. I wouldn’t say avoid the emotions in your life right now, but look towards your future and what you want! Make plans of how you can accomplish these goals.
You mentioned you don’t know about heaven or hell, rebirth or karma. I didn’t know about the last two as I raised myself very religious. But two years ago I saw a pyschic and she has helped me grow spiritually. Not in the fortune telling/ reading type but with my meditation, my chakra balancing, and with loving and believing in myself. We are all our own person and as you evolve, you will come to understand exactly what fits in your life. It’s not black and white, but a knowing inside of yourself.

You sound like such a strong and loving person who is kind and understanding. Make the steps to get out of this current situation. Believe it will happen and that it will all work out as it is meant to. Be patient with yourself.