You make valid points.

Yes, I am in this perpetual cycle of trying to come up with ways to fix the situation (quickly!), as well as trying to preempt his next move so that I can be prepared for whatever he throws my way next. Have you ever heard that expression “the best defence is a good offence”? I’m always trying to stay one step ahead of him, and at the same time considering my actions and how they would look to a judge (ie “will this help or hurt?”). It’s all very strategic to me. It can’t be just a case of “wait and see what happens, and just roll with the punches”. The thought of being unprepared makes me feel physically ill. I can’t be caught off guard. Not only this, but I take it to the extreme. As an example, I have to think of and write down responses to every thing I think *might* come out of his mouth, or the judges mouth, or the lawyers mouth. I’ve never been able to just think on my toes.

I am fully aware of how weak and pathetic this man is. The only power he has over me is in the legal sense, and unfortunately, that is all that matters.

Yes, I do firmly believe that a child needs the support and love of two parents, and just as importantly, I, as a single mother, need the support. It’s damn hard raising a child alone, and that is part of the reason why I have sooooo much anger and frustration in me, and not nearly enough forgiveness.