Hi Thinker

My mum didn’t want to have children. I was unplanned! My parents were married – my Mum just wasn’t particularly bothered about having kids. She was a great Mum.

Now I am an adult I see friends whose parents had kids to fulfil some part of their life and saw their kids as an extension of them selves, not letting them get their hair cut because they wished they had such beautiful hair or not letting them choose their own a-levels because they knew best. Those friends have issues because of it.

Mum didn’t come with any of that having kids to fulfil me/to be a continuation of me baggage which I think made her a better mother ( not perfect but pretty damn good). Now I am not saying all parents who want to have kids do it for their own selfish reasons at all or all people that wanting kids are like that just that not wanting kids doesn’t mean that you will be a bad parent or regret your decision.

I also remember some proper good rows between my parents but we (me and my sister) never felt threatened, we knew they loved us and each other,I guess it depends how you row. Parents can not row but still create a toxic atmosphere in their dealings with each other that is horrible to bring children in to as well.

If you are mean and disrespectful to each other whether you argue or don’t argue then that is a sign of a relationship that is not healthy.

Its the use of the word fight that is interesting to me as that does imply more of a no holds barred/attacking/hurt the other person because they hurt you kind of argument that is not good for anyone! However that could be cultural thing.

Eris