Forum Replies Created
June 14, 2016 at 10:42 am #107263
Good fathers do not wish there unborn children dead and rip up ultrasounds, they do not physically abuse the mother of their child while the child is inside them.
A good father teaches his children how to behave through example. If your child is a boy what will he learn from his father about how to treat women and be a good person, what will he learn about how he should treat you from his father? What will he learn about what a relationship should be like between a man and woman?
Do you want your son (I assume it is a boy as you said his father) to be like his father?
What life do you want your child to have?June 14, 2016 at 10:30 am #107260
Making mistakes is part of life and doing things you regret is part of living. Feeling bad about them is good to a certain extent – to stop you from continuing to make those mistakes and continuing to do the same things that you regret. It is only not learning and stopping those behaviors that is the real failure.
If when you drink you have blackouts and do things you wouldn’t consider doing as a ‘normal drunk person’ then that is really unsafe and scary. And you are realizing you just aren’t able to drink like some other people. Its just something that makes you uniquely you, a part of your make up, like having an allergy or an intolerance, that you have to work with in order to have a great life.
Congrats on your relationship, he sounds like a balanced guy not freaking out about something you may or may not have done and well done for being honest with him about it. That cant have been easy.
Forgive yourself for getting into that situation (which I think might be why you can’t get over it because its not about the maybe kissing someone) and don’t put yourself in that situation again, which I recognise might be hard if there is a big drinking culture where you are but for your own safety and your relationship its not worth it for a night you can’t even remember!
ErisJune 12, 2016 at 2:33 am #106985
It normal when you are a teenager not to appreciate your parents, its a part of your life where you are breaking away from childhood into adulthood and in a normal families parents (and siblings) are there as the safe place to push against as you learn how to understand yourself and relationships, you then if you are both fairly balanced people come back into a renegotiated relationship (with a few throw backs to child/parent every now and then!!). They are also human so aren’t going to have all the answers or necessarily handle it in the best way (just as no one handles everything in the mythical perfect way in life)
How is your relationship with them now?
The incident may also just have become your brains code for something, (maybe that you are letting emotion get in the way, or that you are doing something you may feel guilty about or even that you are feeling guilty about something you shouldn’t – only you will be able to work out what) in your current life, a warning that something in your life is not quite right.
Alternatively it just a thing your super critic uses to beat you up about when its feeling threatened, like when you are getting out of it influence. Again only you will be able to work out if this is true but you’ll find yourself having thoughts about this when you are taking steps forward to improve your mental strength and the super critic is fighting back for control. If this is the case I find what works best for me is to recognize what it is doing and say something like “sneaky! I see what you are doing, clever super critic but i’m on to you. I know you think you know how to protect me best but I’ve got this so let go and relax mister!”
Anyway just me two cents – you were acting from a nice place and, as you recognize, it really was not a big thing (not sure, if i’ve understood the story, that it was actually a thing at all except in your mind)
If that is the main thing you have to beat yourself up about then you were a very good kid!June 10, 2016 at 10:43 am #106861
“Scientific fact-disease is caused by negative energy. Is it possible your ill health is caused by your negative attitude? #explore”
Don’t think that actually it is scientific fact. Second part I think actually it is worth exploring how your mental energy might be effecting your physical BUT I wouldn’t say it 🙂
I think some aspect of mental laws work. In the sense that if you feel good about something, then you give off good body language, react in a more positive way and that will help you get what you wanted (works especially for unspecified relationships!)
Looking for the positives in things does help more than wallowing in the negative but anything you boil down to over simplistic is well … over simplistic.
Good topic. Gets you thinking 🙂June 9, 2016 at 11:23 am #106809
I don’t disagree with anything anyone is saying but what about the placebo effect? That is a recognized effect where someone’s belief in something can effects the outcome. So much so that all drugs trials have to be double blind to make sure it doesn’t affect the data….May 26, 2016 at 2:40 pm #105718
Honey its only been 6 months. That’s not a lot of time at all for something like this. This is a BIG thing.
I broke my wrist and it took longer than 6 months to heal it completely and get it back to working properly and that took hours of painful physio, hours of time where i had to sit with the pain, accept the pain because it was by working with the pain that I was going to get full movement back.
In a way it was the same when I had my heart broken by the person I thought was the love of my life, I had to sit with the pain and not resist it when it kept coming up for it to slowly resolve its self. Keeping busy is good and a dog is awesome for bring joy back into your life but be patient with yourself and your heart.
Big wounds take time to heal. I know what it can be like, the pain is so bad sometime you literally want to crawl out of your own body, your own life, you’d do anything to just get this part of it over with but the more you resist feeling the pain and processing it the longer it will take.
Even now 2 years later I still feel a dull throb occasionally but it will get better I promise just be kind to yourself and as Anita says make sure you really face the fact it is over. any hope that its not really over is like ripping out the stitches in the wound every time it starts to heal….
There are some good books out there that i found helpful – ‘its called a break up because its broken’ was one i liked.
ErisMay 24, 2016 at 1:06 pm #105515
Michael Jackson seemed deeply unhappy, he definitely didn’t feel good enough as all his plastic surgeries show. So if someone who was that talented and loved didn’t think he was good enough can you actually trust your thoughts that you are not good enough?
Our feeling of not being good enough just tell us that we don’t FEEL good enough not that we AREN’T good enough.
ErisMay 24, 2016 at 12:55 pm #105514
Can you go to the ceremony but not stay for the reception. The ceremony is the important part for you to be there as a friend who wants to see a friend happy and brilliant part is you don’t have to be sociable with people (talking during it is normally frowned upon lol!)
Then you can give your friend your congratulations and if you are feeling unsociable or stressed out leave. Your friend will remember you were there for her on her big day but will be busy with photos and all the other people for the rest of it.
Obviously some weddings are easier to do this for than others but hopefully this is one where you can be there for the important bit, and feel proud of yourself for going, but not have to do the more stressful bit 🙂May 24, 2016 at 12:48 pm #105513
One thing I read when I was going through that post break up with the first person I ever truly loved (he obviously didn’t feel the same lol) was that when a person breaks up with you it is not a spur of the moment thing, they have already been processing it for a while, getting use to the idea of you not being in there life and trying it out for size in their head and by the time they get to actually breaking up with you they are already quite a way down the post break up path.
The person being broken up with has to play catch up.May 23, 2016 at 1:58 pm #105406
I don’t know of many celebrities who have had long term relationships with fans. Maybe you should think about how he can see you as an equal and not one of the many fan girls.
It may be hard to even get near him to speak to him as he will have people to protect him from fans.
You say you have an artist in you which is one of the reasons why you are drawn to him, perhaps if you allow that artist inside you to develop and become a success in your own right he will see as a potential life partner and not a fan.
It must be very difficult for him to be worshiped all the time, to find someone who sees him as a real person and not the media persona. This is why most celebrities marry other celebrities, because they understand that the media person is not the real person, and they understand how hard it is to have so many people in love with them.
I think learning Korean is a great thing to do by the way.
I hope you do get to meet him one day.
ErisMay 23, 2016 at 12:07 pm #105392
It seems that those people who do this to you
” get shouted at and spoke too like shit… being called and freak a clown, a dirty tramp.. the(y) are like a pack of wild dogs when the get going.”
are small, pathetic, jealous people. They are also stupid, to be able to do a job like yours and be successful in it is crazy hard, you have to be an incredibly brave, strong, talented person.
See them for the jealous, small life people they must be to act like that and its funny how much less of a sting their opinion of you has (it will still sting but not as much!)
Well done for having the type of life that most people wish they were brave enough to have!May 21, 2016 at 9:59 am #105246
Just calling it like I see it 🙂 I
Its so funny that your parents would discourage you from science. I know so many other people whose parents would be begging them to go into science because its a ‘proper’ subject which will always be needed (especially anything medical!) Just goes to show parents are human beings with there own hang ups lol
Anyway I just thought I’d share that with you coz its just such a weird concept for me that parents would not be encouraging you to do science!
I’ll stop interrupting your conversation with Anita now 😉
Enjoy finding your way of negotiating this crazy, wonderful, occasionally horrible, often unfair but sometimes rewarding thing we call life xMay 20, 2016 at 2:50 pm #105196
I remember that time in life when school work is so busy and stressful and important. Turned out it wasn’t really, not in the greater scheme of life, not that I am saying you shouldn’t work at it and make it a focus now but just realize its just a relatively small phase of life (obviously quite a big percentage of your life at the moment).
If you fail one exam today it will not stop you having a great life and a good job. In the UK we sit exams at 16 called GSCEs (you can leave school after these) and they are a big deal – your future depends on them kind of vibe, until you do the next stage of exams called a-levels and then what your score at GCSEs was doesn’t matter any more as long as they got you into A-levels and then if you go to college what score you actually got for A-level doesn’t matter as long as it got you in to University/College and then all that matters is what degree you got, which only matters until you actually get your first job. Then unless you are staying in academia or some more specialized roles what kind of degree you got doesn’t actually matter because your employer doesn’t really look at those type of qualifications on the whole, they just care about your work history (and I say that as someone who employs people).
I know in the US your degree and the type of College you went to seems to be a bigger deal but i think generally each bit is only important in getting you to the next stage and what is most important in how successful you are in getting money to pay for the kind of life you want is what type of person you are, are you proactive, do you get on with people, can you problem solve, are you able to communicate, can you learn.
From what i see in your posts you don’t need to worry about that you seem very thoughtful, articulate, able to have good relationships, and resilient.
My best friend has a much better, higher paying job than me (headhunted to work on Communications and Marketing in Qatar for their medical service) and she never got a degree she learned it all on the job, getting specific communication qualifications as she went. In fact she did rubbish in her a-levels as well because she had anorexia but she is a now a career success. There are many paths and a whole life filled with enjoying travelling them if you let yourself enjoy it.
When I went travelling for a couple of years everyone said what about work, aren’t you worried it will set your career back but with in 9 months of coming back I had the type job I would have had (so the next stage up in my career) if I hadn’t gone travelling with all the years of getting to see the world and live in other countries as well.
Oh I should have added that being able to deal with failure positively is a key part of success in the world and jobs (you will fail and make mistakes in life, if you are breathing it will happen) so anything you don’t do as well at just see as valuable practice time 🙂
And dont worry about your weight, worrying about it makes you fat I am convinced. Just do something like Yoga to get you in touch with what it needs and honor your body with love and healthy food.
Your parents probably worry about money and rag you because they care and because they fear (maybe because they fear there is only one path to ‘success’ and that you might not get it right) but just because they care doesn’t necessary make their fear correct 🙂
From what comes across from your writing I have a feeling you will be all right what ever path you take. So take the ones that make you happy.
Blessed Be.May 20, 2016 at 11:46 am #105175
Don’t live somewhere that makes you unhappy.
I would never live in London. I love visiting it but is energy sucks for any length of time.
The English dream is not just London – why don’t you explore the rest of it – there are good universities all over England, with liberal, tolerant people, where the cost of living is cheaper, people are happier and there is still stuff to do.
And yes you should make decisions based on your health and how you feel. Its called listening to your body and your intuition. Being miserable is a sure sign that SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG. Being strong is not battling through misery in the hope you can deal with it later. it is having the courage to make the changes you need to in order to live a life that is right for you now.
Ask yourself if you were diagnosed with a terminal illness now how much would you regret living the life you are currently living? Living a rubbish life now on the chance that it will all work out later is not a good idea.
There is no way to know what the right life for you is with out making changes and taking risks and trying things out. Life is an ongoing process 🙂
Good luck and check out some other places in the UK 🙂May 18, 2016 at 3:08 pm #104940
I wish there was something I could say and hopefully someone will be able to give you better advise then me but I just wanted to give you a virtual hug. My Dad put my Mum through a very similar situation (although far more cliched in that there was another woman) where he just completely changed and became this self absorbed person I didn’t recognise any more (I was 21 and just back from Uni and living at home). He left all of us (I didn’t see him for 7 years) not just my Mum and he’d been a great Dad before that so I know people can just throw everything away like that in some kind of midlife crisis!
To be honest he never went back to his normal self, he’s a bit more normal now but he is not the same person.Its scary and devastating when someone can just change like that.
Do you have a friend who isn’t a gossip who you can talk to. Its not good to go through this with out someone you can be weak with for a bit and then go back to being strong.
I’m so sorry you are having to go through this, its awful, unfair and you don’t deserve it and you are awesome, and strong and better than he deserves!