Dear Daniel:

First, relax, calm yourself best you can. If there was a scared young child who is very afraid in your presence right now, what would you do? Talk to him in a calm voice? Reach out to him with your hand, slowly giving him a gentle hug? Make him hot tea? Take him for a short walk for some fresh air? Do that for you because you are that scared child.

Second, once you are calm, please write to me what was the job like, what scared you, specifically, background of your fears before starting the last job…?

anita

Dear Daniel:

I assume you are a man because of your name, but correct me if I am wrong. Unless you correct me I will continue to refer to you as a man.

What you are saying is that you were scared during the 25 minutes working in the nursing home, not when you were at another location? If so, the association between feeding sick people and not to long ago feeding your sick mother makes sense. I mean, the attachment of a boy to his mother is very strong, and it doesn’t go away just because you are an adult. Sometimes it remains as strong. I am supposing you were and are afraid of losing your mother, the main figure of your emotional attachment.

The fact that your father lost his job and that money is tight adds to your fears.

And then there is your channel of self expression, the area where Daniel gets to be himself, express himself, writing that is. This is what you want to do, passionately, isn’t it? This is a different way of life, to be motivated by passion, something you want to do. It is different than being motivated by fear. Big difference.

In your short, original post you asked: “What can I do to look deep into myself to see what’s causing me to feel this way and how to fix it?” This is my answer at this point, knowing about your passion for writing:

Write, here, on this thread. Write about your life, how it was, how it is and… how you want it to be, how you wish it to be. I am very interested in the last part, no less than the first two parts. If you are willing and motivated to do so, I will respond again and again with the best feedback I can give you.

anita

Dear Daniel:

Your mother does not work; your father is unemployed (recently lost his job) and your three siblings are employed, all living together? Are your siblings younger? Older? All single?

If so, then three out of six in the household bring in some income. You feel pressured to bring income as well. I understand.

If all are living together, what country is it you live in? And if all are living together, why is it so?

anita