Missjennacole,

Everything you are posting here is great! you are in a sense talking yourself through your current situation. We all just happen to be in the bleachers screaming and cheering like at a grand final!

Like a relationship camel.

This has made my day! 🙂

The difference that stands out the most to me with my ex is that he pursued me and took a little more control. I didn’t always have to do the work

Okay, i think we are getting to the end game here, you connect with men who are as invested in going places as you are. A man, not some guy or boy, but a man who knows what he wants, is confident in himself, trusts his choices. You want a man that takes action, but also cares about your feelings and what you want to do. You want a man to look after you (protect you, or at least feel like there is a hulking silver back gorilla that’s got your 6!…i mean this metaphorically of course). IMO he sounds like a ‘bloke’, you want a ‘bloke’! To me, it sounds like you actually know what you want, you know the kind of guy that can make you happy. It’s a matter of just finding him. Easier said then done, i know.

I think things started to fall apart when he got emotional. He cried once

You would hate me, i cried recently watching the animated movie ‘The little prince’ 🙂 But seriously, i think it could also be that you have a particular idea of what a man ‘should’ be and what a man ‘shouldn’t’ be. Everyone is entitled to their perceptions and beliefs, however they still need to be somewhat realistic, otherwise your relations will always be based on an un-achievable ideal. This more than anything else will cause you sadness and depression. You just have to work on slowly changing your perceptions of the ideal, it will take time, but start to ‘soften’ your ideal. Be willing to step outside of your comfort zone in this regard. I also believe that when people are in a relationship, naturally they become more vulnerable, sometimes emotions run high as a result. If you want something more, then you may have to give a little more.

I want everything to come easy to me, and when it doesn’t I give up.

This is a mindset, and attitude. It can be adjusted, you just have to want to do it. Since it will be challenging and difficult you may well truly give up. So then try again. And then try again and again. You may spend your entire life trying, that’s what i have done. One is not empty because they haven’t achieved what they set, one is empty because they decided they weren’t good enough to dust themselves off and try again. Each time learning from your past experiences, not mistakes, just experiences. You have to rationalize your choices: either continue down this path (which is why you wrote this post) or attempt to change. These are your choices. Until your want is as great as your need, you will continue down the same path…as a relationship camel. One of the most powerful quotes i know is that; “If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere” Frank A. Clark

(I’m a notorious “I love you” slut. I even say it to the mailman.)

Then be aware next time that you should tone down the use of such a word. Love is not an easy word for people to understand, at one moment it’s an emotion, at another it’s a feeling, at another it’s an expression of one’s inner emotions. Love is not a word that should be thrown around willy nilly. It’s fine if you are joking around, but when it’s time to get serious, try not to say it because you feel that the moment demands it. Only say it, when you truly feel it. Although your feelings for another may be subconscious, your understanding of it is conscious. Don’t say it unless you mean it, unless you understand what you love about someone. Words are more powerful than most give credit to, they have the power to influence, hinder, hurt, save, manipulate or destroy someone. They are truly magical. With great power, comes great responsibility 😉

Once again, everything you are writing, is a form of healing, a form of inner reflection. I think, ultimately you know what you want to do, more so than myself or others. All i can say is; believe in yourself. Believe that you can change your current situation, believe that you are capable of finding love, believe that at the end of the day, it can only get better.

I hope this was helpful, if you have any comments or questions, just keep posting 😉
Sincerely,
Matty

• This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Matty.