Missjennacole,

I flirt with guys and then when they show interest in me, immediately I get bored. If I do happen to enter into a relationship with a man, I seem to always be looking for flaws and once I’ve zeroed in on those flaws, everything they do irritates me.

Well this is the pattern, i guess the first thing is to understand why the pattern continues. You stated that you have always had unsatisfying relationships; did all the men have similar traits? similar personalities? do you have a particular type that you go for? Also what would MAKE you satisfied? is there anything in particular when in a relationship that made you go; “ah, i wish i had more days like this?”. The little things annoy you said. Are they insignificant (leaving the toilet seat up, messy etc.) or significant (always fighting, strong egos etc.)?.

I will be interested for a few moments but then I will suddenly flip and decide I can’t stand them or want nothing to do with them. (This also happens with girls I’ve dated, I just prefer men in general)

Hippiechick outlined that you may enjoy the chase. A little bit like a game. I would also suggest that maybe you just like the ‘thrill’ or ‘honeymoon’ stage of the relationship. When it’s all lovey dovey happiness. You see it all the time on TV and online, celebrity found soulmate, divorce 9 days later etc. I believe people who dwell in this stage of the relationship, generally do so because they haven’t thought of where the relationship is even going. Connecting with someone on an intimate level is not a haphazard, lets give it a crack adventure. It’s work, you are creating a functioning team which influence and bounce off one another. Are you looking to be serious? are you willing to set roots down? are you willing to allow someone else into your life? It could be you (subconsciously) aren’t interested in a relationship with others, right now. Maybe you unconsciously sabotage your feelings because it isn’t the right time.

I’m getting very anxious and depressed about this.

When you end the relationships, how do others feel? is it mutual? is it “what…um…i don’t understand”? I guess it is ‘normal’ to feel nervous and a little depressed because its a recurring pattern. Well, it would make sense to start to re-evaluate what you do and do it differently. Instead of just flirting and letting the other partner initiate, why not you just go up and ask them if they are interested?

Also, where is you life heading, do you have a direction. If you do that’s great. If not, then trying to find that direction should be your focus. In either case, ask yourself whether or not you need a relationship. Is it apart of your direction? I’m asking a lot of questions since you know that there is a pattern, but understanding the ‘why’ is a soul searching task. You don’t have to answer me, these questions are more for your reflection. However if you feel like continuing then please post again 🙂 Look at your past and try to reflect and see what you can learn from it. Extract the information.

Best of luck
Sincerely,
Matty

Hi everyone I’m new here so I’ll get it to it. Growing up I never had any friends. My sister and I never got along in fact one time our fights were so bad that I almost wanted to kill myself. That starts when we were held back in third grade. Fast forward a few years later, still living with my parents and what’s worse I don’t drive( embarrassing but ever since my bike accident I’ve been afraid of driving and everytime I try to take the test I fail everytime), I don’t have a job and no money(use to work in customer service but got laid off in January) and what’s worse I mess up during niter views and my mom and I think that I may be dyslexic on a communication all level meaning I mess up on words or get things mixed up etc. and I don’t get hired.
I do art commissions but no one would hire me for that. This is the link to my site http://brandonrsahm.strikingly.com/ and even though last month after getting drunk and admitting to my parents that I want to kill myself and making a vision board and affirmations, there’s still a part of me that wants to end it because I’m a disappointment, I didn’t do anything with my life and everyone I know is. I even have this obsession to overthink “what if” or “what could have been” stuff like that, I can’t even sleep at night anymore.
I enjoy comicbooks like marvel and DC, I love pop culture, and I’m an Eagle Scout. Would’ve been better if I was in the navy or in school ( I choked during training and dropped out because it was too expensive. Tried financial aid but no one got back to me if I qualified). Hearing or seeing everybody I often thought that one day I was gonna make a life for myself while living in a world of hate, ignorance, and biggots but I’m afraid to socialize because of my background and deep down, I wish I could forget it all if not become someone else. I try to be me, I try to be good but what does it get me? Many times where I would dream that I would become an actor or an artist but now that’s all it is and even now as I’m writing this, I’m afraid what people on here would think of me, what would they feel or say? I just paid off the rest of an expensive bill that was a lesson for me and now, I’m not sure what to think. I’m going back to church but I still feel doubts and that emptiness.
If I could turn invisible I would so no one would find me or worry since we live in a world where no lives matter. I always ask god why he created me? Why did he give me life? I didn’t ask to come to existence, I didn’t ask for any of this. I just wish that I was someone else.

missjennacole,

Every man I’ve ever dated has been totally blind-sighted.

Have you ever dated a friend? It just makes me curious as to the men always being completely taken by surprise. Are these men/ women ever been close to you before? A relationship can be any length of time, how long does it take before you generally start to bore? on average. Because i wonder, when you start to get bored, could be a sign that your getting ‘too interested’ or they are getting too interested in you. They personal things you wouldn’t share with others. If this is the case, then i think it’s less about being in relationship with someone who likes chit chats and annoys you. It could simply be you don’t want to share who you are inside to others. You like a bit of mystery? I’m just trying to wrap my head around someone who is successful at catching the fish, but always releasing them back into the wild. I mean it happens, man there are so many movies about it. But this is real life 🙂

Being an only child can have certain effects on one’s life. For instance, if you were the center of attention as a child, then not much (IMO) changes over time. This makes sense, there was only one of you 😉 But it does bring the question of your limited attention span to others. It’s like once you have received enough attention you move on. It could be symbolic of your need to be appreciated by others, but not judged. We always judge people, it’s a fact that makes most uncomfortable. But this is how we end up with friends, partners etc. By passing judgment on others we either trust them or don’t. It’s just a thought, and i think i’m way off.

I resent having to share my life with anyone.

Maybe it’s that you are just not ready. Maybe you still in the prime of your life and want to play around, it’s more that the relationship side accidentally becomes attached. Almost like a ‘tag along’. So it truly depends on whether you want to be in a relationship right now. Do you? You might find that the timing is not right, hence why you only want ‘crushes’ or partners for a short time. You are filling a temporary void until you move on. But eventually you will want to settle down (permanently fill that void), it’s just not now. You feel an attachment to your previous ex, as an exercise put his name in the middle of a piece of paper and write down the things that make him/ her standout from the rest. What made him more than the others? Hopefully you might be able to see a difference in your previous patterns. Finally, when in a relationship certain sacrifices and sharing occurs (although you state you haven’t had issues sharing), but material possessions is one thing, it’s different when it’s yourself (your emotions, will, beliefs, things that make you who you are). If you aren’t prepared to share part of your life with another, than what’s the point? You wouldn’t be in a relationship, it would be two people living together without really knowing each other until it becomes awkward and moving on as a result.

But then again, and this is my second major point, you haven’t met the right one. I mean you have been with many people and in various relationships, i figure there are still a couple million people out there….you only have to find one 🙂 that’s the good news! You sort of have found someone who is your ex, so maybe the next time will be better. You could just have a different procedure for finding a decent mate, that’s all.

What do think? Again, there is nothing wrong with you…unless you’re doing a ‘species’ on everyone! 😉 I always tell people, that ‘normal’ is socially constructed, that what we think is normal, may be only within our own community, within our own household..even our own mind. So don’t measure yourself to others who just meet one person and settle down, have kids etc. ‘Different’ is normal.

Sincerely,
Matty

Dear Missjennacole:

In my quest to help you with insight, I have more questions:

You wrote that your parents are incredibly strong willed, this is how you put it, I believe. Tell me more about them being strong willed: how did them being so strong willed express itself when you were a young child?

When there were lots of shouting between them, how did it make you feel at the time? Did you intervene, try to comfort your parents when they were angry at each other? If you did, what was their response?

How did your parents handle the “soft emotions” in each other and in you? Soft emotions being fear, hurt, sadness? Did they express those to each other, to you? Did they allow you to express those to them?

anita