Forum Replies Created
February 12, 2017 at 8:54 pm #127300
I have only one thing to say and that is “put yourself in his wife’s shoes” and I think everything will fall into place. What he’s doing now to her will happen to you. Good luck.February 3, 2017 at 10:05 pm #126685
There is a saying that goes “We’re not what we think we are. We’re not what others think we are. We are what we think others think we are.” We find our identity in relationships with other people. That’s why people tend to be different with friends versus family. When we fall in love with someone we inadvertently identify ourselves in the eyes of others. When those relationships end our identity dissolves and we become lost. This is why breakups are so painful. So no matter how many times you will be reminding yourself of these things while you’re happy and with someone, you will be in the same pain if you were to breakup again. Unfortunately, that’s human nature. If there is anything i can suggest it is to not put all of your eggs in the same basket. Diversify yourself. You are all you have, so cherish the time alone with yourself. Invest in yourself and your character, so your identity remains when the other person may not. 🙂
February 3, 2017 at 9:48 pm #126684
- This reply was modified 5 years, 6 months ago by TriangleSun.
I think it’s worth keeping in mind one simple truth. Any feedback from another person can only be quantified as criticism if the person truly cares about you, your performance, your growth and generally follows up with an advice for improvement. Everything else, which is generally what a most of us experience at work, isn’t criticism. It’s bullying disguised as criticism and it’s going to come from people who don’t care about you.January 21, 2017 at 8:44 pm #125890
I’d advice your sisters to research Bill Clinton’s sexual escapades during and after his presidency which include everything from sexual assaults to rape and how his wife was attacking those poor women who came forward with allegations of sexual assault against Bill. This was all over prime time news years ago and everyone seemed to have forgotten. Clinton makes Trump look like Mother Theresa.January 21, 2017 at 8:18 pm #125889
How about taking some programming courses and starting a new career as a programmer? The job is low stress and very rewarding and stimulating.
If you love nature, you could also think about anthropology, geology, archaeology, environmental engineering fields.
There are also a lot of schools nowadays offering Adventure Leadership courses. You basically becomes a trained guide and take up clients on hikes and climbs. I know a guy who’s in this program now and it’s really the coolest thing ever.
Lots of things to experiment with here. Just do some research.December 24, 2016 at 7:47 pm #123524
30-years-old and nothing to show for it. Depressed, scared of relationships, mentally abusive and a Tinder cheater. This is a typical profile of an American millennial man-child. I’m very sorry that you’re going through this at the time when you’re supposed to be festive and happy. But it sounds to me like you dodged a bullet. You didn’t lose anything. In fact, you gained self-respect and a lesson to learn. You have yourself, your mom and the support of your friends. Yes, you will miss him and i don’t know why. This is the mystery of human nature. We tend to give our attention to those who wronged us the most. I know this time is very difficult, but if I could suggest anything it would be to try to enjoy the holidays and the time spent with your mom. As the last few days of the year tick away, it is a good time to turn to the next page and start your new year fresh.October 9, 2016 at 12:44 am #117584
If you’re choosing between several people just pick the last one. If you really loved the others before her you wouldn’t have met the last one.October 4, 2016 at 10:21 pm #117227
I don’t get it. So you’re going to find out your current girlfriend had slept with 10 other men before meeting you. And then what? What is that going to change? If this somehow bothers you than it’s probably time to see a counselor. When I enter a relationship I do so with the person I know I can trust wholeheartedly. I trust that she will share with me things that she finds important for me to know. Just as I would with her. Everything else is noise.September 9, 2016 at 10:43 am #114749
There is nothing wrong with you. Maintaining friendship with your ex post-breakup is 99.9% a bad idea. It causes anxiety to at least one person (usually the one who can’t come to terms with the loss) and has the potential to cause problems with the new partner. It’s just a bad thing no matter how you look at it. And yes, there is nothing wrong with you. The reason you feel the way you do is because you kept in touch. Had you let go you’d have been fine by now. You also need to realize that people change. Things that we believe in today don’t stick around for long. That’s just life. Who knows why he decided to have kids with this woman. There are 3 million things that could have caused him to change his mind. None of them imply that there is something wrong with you or that you’re unworthy. That’s total nonsense. Focus on yourself and start cutting out all contact with the past.August 24, 2016 at 8:53 pm #113209
My ex left me for a creep who went out with her once and stalked her from a different city for several years. She complained about him to her friends and told me about him when we started dating. Eventually, after years of ignoring, she started replying to his texts and emails, telling me how funny and innocent he is and this virtually ended up leading to her leaving to be with him. That’s not even the most f-cked up thing that’s happened to me. Yet, this story is so creepy and bizarre that I hesitate to share it with others.
This was almost 2 years ago and while this doesn’t bother me 98% of the time I still think about the great times we had together those remaining 2%. However, I can ultimately say that I do not care what she’s doing or where she is. It just kind of quit hurting one day. I remember it as it was yesterday. I was about 8 months in and doing great for a while but one night I felt like i was at ground zero. I broke down and felt like all this time and effort it took to heal was for nothing. I don’t know if this was my mind just letting out the last few plumes from the exhaust, but next day I didn’t feel a thing and haven’t ever since. It was just like a switch in my brain.
That’s all I can say. You’ll just get to the point where you mind will become numb to anything related to this person. For some folks it takes days. For others – months. But it will happen. Just keep carrying on, loving yourself and staying clear of negative thinking. I also suggested this earlier, but I’d see if it’s possible to find another job. You spend a lot of time at work and if it’s filled with personal drama like this it’s best to look for something else that will relieve you of constant stress. This is the time to learn and be a better you. Start making changes.August 20, 2016 at 8:14 pm #112921
Hey! I’m also an INFP! 🙂
I know i’m probably not contributing much at this point, but i think you were on the right path. I believe in the old adage that if you want to find the right person, be that person yourself. So taking something that matters to you a step further and discovering other people on meetup seems like a great plan. Just it again and this time be a little more open-minded.August 11, 2016 at 7:46 pm #112207
he doesn’t have much in his life apart from me, doesn’t have many friends, still lives at home etc. I feel so rubbish and part of me wants to just ring him and get back with him, and ignore my feelings and be with him just so he’s happy. I literally can’t bear the thought of him being so sad
He has his family. He has a few friends. And most importantly he has himself. Not a very pleasant thing to say about someone you say you care about. You’re clearly not looking past your own self. Have you done anything to encourage him to move out? Make more friends? These are the things you find out about someone in the first few weeks and you either know it’s not a deal breaker or it is. You accept and help or you don’t and move on.August 3, 2016 at 11:10 am #111437
What do you think will make you happy? Jumping from boyfriend to husband to boyfriend didn’t seem to help your self-worth. Doesn’t leaving your husband for a boyfriend continue the cycle? And the same thing will happen to the next “old man”? At the same time it almost reads like you cannot stand him anymore and that isn’t healthy either. The question is there something deeper that seems to be the problem?August 3, 2016 at 6:52 am #111417
I started going bald when I just hit 18. I’m 31 now and while it has slowed down significantly around 25 I am still quite bald lol. Honestly, I know exactly how you feel because I’ve felt the same way. It does mess with your confidence… Until you just accept it. I stated giving myself buzz cuts when the hair thinned out too much. It’s been 6 years now and I honestly wish I was just born bald lol. I love it. I don’t even have the right shape of the head for a buzz cut but I don’t care. It feels so nice. It makes getting ready in mornings a breeze. It feels great in the summer. It makes beards look awesome! And believe it or not a lot of women think it’s super attractive and sexy. I think what they like more than the cut itself is a man with confidence and little hair because frankly everyone knows it’s a really painful thing to overcome. But it gives your character a bit of stoicism. Oh and how can I forget hats… Hats are your friends. Start wearing them. I’m not talking about baseball caps. It’s a great fashion statement. So… Don’t sweat it. It happens to a lot of men. Start accepting it just like you would a breakup or the loss of a loved one. Once you do it’s pretty liberating!May 23, 2016 at 8:48 pm #105438
Often times when you’re left out of a relationship you wonder about your existence. Like, what am I without her/him? Especially if you put a lot of work, faith and hope in the relationship. I find that this is the perfect time to evaluate yourself. You’re feeling pain, vulnerability and weakness now. How can you improve on yourself to make these things have less control over you? How can you give yourself a little boost? This is a perfect time for change. You mentioned that you work at the same place. Have you thought about finding another job? It’s a little distraction that I think would be good for your mind. If not that, how about a vacation? Take a week off and run away for a little bit? Maybe do something you always wanted to do but never had the chance? Move to another place? You get the point. I always work on myself when I find myself in similar situation. Feeling like i’m improving myself, moving forward to something, accomplishing something is a way to battle this sense of worthlessness that you typically go through in a situation like this.