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Hopeless. Being held back

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #111391
    Jus
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m new here. I really enjoy reading the blog posts on Tinybuddha. I’ve found them really insightful and almost nourishing for my soul. I’ll go straight into it. I’m 18 and my hair is thinning. I feel like its holding me back from being the person I want to become. I’m so self conscious about it. It so hard seeing all the guys at University with great hair. I know it might not seem like the biggest problem, but it’s really debilitating for my mental health and confidence. I feel like its holding me back so much. I just know that if it wasn’t thinning, I’d be a lot at peace, happier and free. I know, life would still be hard, but I feel so strongly that it’s holding me back. I’m anxious to socialise or talk to strangers like I used too. My confidence is low. I don’t even know why I’m posting here. I don’t know, I’m so lost. Everything in my life is okay, it has its issues but I try handle it, it’s all we can do. However with this, I can’t. I don’t want to go bald.

    #111417
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    I started going bald when I just hit 18. I’m 31 now and while it has slowed down significantly around 25 I am still quite bald lol. Honestly, I know exactly how you feel because I’ve felt the same way. It does mess with your confidence… Until you just accept it. I stated giving myself buzz cuts when the hair thinned out too much. It’s been 6 years now and I honestly wish I was just born bald lol. I love it. I don’t even have the right shape of the head for a buzz cut but I don’t care. It feels so nice. It makes getting ready in mornings a breeze. It feels great in the summer. It makes beards look awesome! And believe it or not a lot of women think it’s super attractive and sexy. I think what they like more than the cut itself is a man with confidence and little hair because frankly everyone knows it’s a really painful thing to overcome. But it gives your character a bit of stoicism. Oh and how can I forget hats… Hats are your friends. Start wearing them. I’m not talking about baseball caps. It’s a great fashion statement. So… Don’t sweat it. It happens to a lot of men. Start accepting it just like you would a breakup or the loss of a loved one. Once you do it’s pretty liberating!

    #111421
    anita
    Participant

    Dear justglable:

    If you want to look into your distress further, will you share about how your mental health has been before you noticed your hair thinning, before your hair became an issue for you?

    anita

    #112510
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello . Sorry to hear this , have you seen a doctor about this ? There may be a reason for the thinning . I can relate to this ( I have frizzy hair though ). You can also look into supplements for hair thinning /loss. Vitamin b /biotin is worth looking into .

    #114239
    Nathan
    Participant

    Jus,

    I think you are already onto the answer. You wrote it in your post. What made you happy was sharing in the posts on tiny buddha. You said it was “nourishing for your soul.” If you head in that direction in your personal life, seeking what is nourishing for your soul as you relate to others, I think you will find the answers, and kind of people, connections, and confidence you are looking for

    I am older than you (and you have many years in which to have new experiences and learn what works for you), but even so, I went through a period of time of about 5 years where I was not dating despite wanting to. I was convinced the reason was that I was ugly. In fact, that I was partially balding, and I would never have a pretty girlfriend (despite having dated many pretty women in the past). I even considered hair transplant. And it did make me more self conscious socially.

    Then guess what happened? I moved and met a pretty girl who wanted to date me. AND it didn’t work out (for other reasons). AND after that I just stopped worrying about how I looked. It is like the experience cancelled out that concern in my mind. Despite how she and I looked, we didn’t really connect.

    What changed? How I looked? No. How I felt. My looks didn’t change very much at all.

    As time went on I focused more on just saying more clearly what really expressed my thoughts, and a lot more people wanted to connect with me.

    A LOT of people worry about how they look. In fact, Super Models worry about how they look (you can even hear one talk about it on TED Talks). I’ve met women in their 70s worried about how they look, and beautiful women in their 20s, 30s and 40s.

    When you get poor reception on your cell phone, what do you do? Blame the phone? Blame the cell tower? No. You walk around until you find a place with better reception.

    So, if you walk around and put out a signal that is you, and eventually you find a place (or person) where there is a good reception, you too will eventually stop feeling badly about how you look, because you will be connected to people, and that will change how you feel, and as you change how you feel, so will the image you have of yourself. The issue is so often how people “feel” about how they look, not about how they look objectively.

    You can feel good about yourself one day, and bad about yourself another. But what is changing is not reality, it’s the software inside that creates your “idea” of you. No one sees themselves, rather we all take information we have from (pictures, videos and mirrors) and we link that together with how we feel. Then we produce a self image.

    I know the experience is a tough one to shake, but consider that what you see with your eyes is an illusion. See with your heart instead.

    #114864

    you are amazing BEAUTIFUL DUDE YOU ARE NOT ALONE. The fact you are positive life is good and younfocus as much as u can on what is goin good tells me you havent lost hope, tthe beauty is getting over the insecurity or embracing it. Youre still a beautiful person no one is judging you, if thry are they are being shaklow someones hair doesnt define their beauty, dude your soul your beautifulness cannot even be comprehended its just too much amazingness and i knoe you are focused on your hair thinning but in reality if people care about that qnd not you should you be hanging with tjem anyways, are they good for your life? naw man Naw, you arent alone, its not silly ehat you feel just know youll get through it, focus on putting on a hat, eat healthy as you c an exercise focus on what u can control, you cant control your hair but dorsmt mean it has to stop u from livimg your amazing gift of life, small steps at a time, when you focus on the hair or feel bad..write a list of stuff u love about you, get your pals tontell you what they feel on your appearwnce and know youre beautiful the way you are, someone is gonna love you their whole lives,,isnt that incredible ? Keep doin your best to take it a step at a time thinkibg positive focus on what u like about you just frick it yolo and do what u want talkin to ppl anyways . Its just a illusioj reality is we all sometimes have stuff we focus on insecurities of ourselves no one judging you and if u think so know they arent perfect. We all human beings, keep spreasing your light keep helping people being beautiful you too and enjoy man enjoy your amazint llife. One day itll be easier to let go of the hair probkem ornyou can choose today. Takes time but worth it, keep movimg youll end up loving your hair or accepting or changing it eventually hon higs! Love Leni ♡Livelovelifeleni Positivity&Motivation ♡

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