Dear John_1:

If you learned from that devastating experience, and you are indicating that you have learned, then you are on the right path. Learning is key.

As far as the definition of love, please note: intentionally hurting someone cannot, by definition, be a loving act, and while you are performing that unloving act, you are not loving the person you are harming.

If you intentionally hurt someone repeatedly but are kind in between the incidents of hurting, you do not love the person either because the kind acts do not “neutralize” the hurting or abusive acts.

In a loving relationship there should be no intentional hurting and no repeating hurting, intentional or not.

Please do update and post anytime.

anita