As is often the case with marriages in trouble abs affairs…you have two separate issues you need to address (well, three actually).

1. Most pressing…are you happy and do you want to continue your marriage? If this is the case you need to stop the affair and concentrate on repairing the damage in your relationship. This will also require your husband to be honest and open. And you as well. I do not feel you need to “confess” your affair, however you do need to discuss all the feelings that led to it and deal with them. If you do not wish to do this or believe it will not work you need to leave your marriage. And I do not say that lightly.

2. Decide if the “other man” is someone you truly want to be in a relationship with or if he’s simply filling a void that your husband isn’t right now. Is he someone you’d pick if your emotional needs were met? Don’t leave your marriage and jump right into a new relationship based on neediness.

3. Most important…work on your internal “abandonment issues” and learn how to be happy with yourself and by yourself. If you never do this you’ll find yourself in positions where you’re begging another human to stay with you. This is never a good thing and rarely works out for anyone involved. There are great articles in this website to help you get started.