Dear flyby:

I don’t know the details of what happened with your mother and your father, but if your father is part of the problem (certainly doesn’t seem like he has been a part of the solution)- it may very well be self sabotaging to try and open communication with him!

As far as dating again and not knowing how to be loved- good point. How would you identify being loved? Is it like the other guy: you pushing him away and him coming back? That is not necessarily love that kept him coming back! Could be he felt safe expecting you pushing him away again. Something to examine in therapy: what is love? How do you know you are loved? Excellent topic to examine.

One way I know is if a person hears me, cares about what I said, cares enough to remember and to pay attention to over time. If I care about something, and over time he remembers it… and if he cares about my mental well being. Through honest, ongoing communication. No abuse. ..?

anita