Dear flyby:

Figuring out what motivates people: first thing is to examine what we assume motivates a person in our lives and remove that assumption, think about other possibilities. We jump to conclusions, assuming we know. In the first ever good therapy I attended five years ago, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with lots of Mindfulness skills taught, I learned to evaluate thoughts for the truth or lack of. I found out that we, people, assume so much that is not true. CBT is a scientific approach to understanding what is really going on.

Also in therapy I learned the value of asking people questions and evaluating the answers. Figuring out reality is something else. Are you familiar with CBT?

You wrote above that you gave up trying to figure him out. Then you wrote that you are trying to figure out what was making him keep you within arms reach. Do you want to try to figure the latter out here?

anita