Dear Ravi:

As to your first paragraph above, will power has proven to be not enough to control the powerful rage within you. This is why other methods have to be applied: tools to manage anger as well as insight into the … birth of that rage in you (in home life) as well as taking charge of your life every single day, in every opportunity.

As to your second paragraph: you wondered why you felt so insecure (threatened) seeing Jerry bond with her brother. I am thinking it is a result of the teaching as you described, the teaching by your grandmother and mother that closeness with others, friends, is wrong, a bad thing, a threatening thing. Your grandmother in particular is threatened by you forming bonds with others as if it takes away from your bond with her. She herself is very possessive and jealous. Both these women kept you isolated so to possess you. As if you getting close to others is a bad thing. You were taught, and taught well, that to love is to possess and that to be loved is to be possessed. No sharing, no tolerance of other intimacies, not even with (Jerry’s) brother.

What do you think?

anita