7 Realizations to Help You Deal with Feeling Judged

“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” ~Sri Chinmoy

Are you judgmental? Not many people would be aware if they were, let alone admit to being so, but it’s so easy to form an opinion about a person or situation without knowing all the facts.

What if the conclusions people spring to could really hurt someone? I like to think there are very few people who would actively want to upset others. Has someone passed judgment on you? What can you do if you feel misunderstood?

I want to share with you an unpleasant situation I was in recently, which has had a great impact upon my personal growth.

A few years ago in my thirties, I was in a car accident that caused me some spinal damage and exacerbated a pre-existing pelvic condition, subsequently leaving me initially in a wheelchair.

Currently, I am at a stage where I can now stand unaided and potter around a bit, but I still rely on a wheelchair or crutches for more than short periods of standing or walking.

One evening my partner surprised me with theatre tickets. I hadn’t been getting out much—outings now need to be meticulously planned—so I was really excited.

We were lucky enough to be able to park in the disabled bays right outside the venue (I am registered disabled and have a badge). We sat in the car and discussed whether I should take my crutches inside, as I was quite anxious about blocking the aisles. We decided that with his support I would manage the few steps inside without them.

The first upset of the evening was getting out of the car. A man queuing for a space behind wound down his car window and shouted that we should be ashamed of ourselves for parking there. We clearly didn’t “look” disabled and we literally “made him sick.” Hmmm.

This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. I have a hidden disability, and unless I am in a wheelchair or using an aid, I look perfectly “normal” and am (relatively) young.

I tried to concentrate on the show for the first half, but the evening had been ruined for me by then. In the interval I needed the bathroom. The female bathrooms are down two flights of stairs (no elevator), which I couldn’t manage, so I went into the disabled bathroom on the ground floor.

When I came out, there was a queue of old ladies.

The first lady in the queue took one look at me and declared to her friend in a loud voice “young people are so lazy nowadays.” She looked at me and said “there’s nothing wrong with your legs,” and rapped me across my ankles with her walking stick! I went home in tears.

This evening affected me emotionally for weeks.

Although I shouldn’t need to justify myself to others, I would have been happy to answer genuine questions about my health instead of being met with accusations and aggression, but after much reflection I realized that forgiveness was the only way to move forward.

The points below really helped me to come to terms with how judgmental people can be.

1. The only person who can know the absolute truth about you is you.

People can and will have opinions, but never start to doubt yourself. Have absolute faith in who you are and don’t let another’s “idea” of you become your reality.

2. Ultimately, the opinion that really matters is yours. 

If somebody doesn’t agree with what you are doing or how you are behaving, don’t feel pressured into changing. Have the courage of your convictions, even when others disagree or don’t understand.

3. People can’t “make” you feel anything.

I felt ashamed after being judged so harshly. I felt my body had failed me, putting me in that situation, and shame soon spiraled into self-loathing. I recognize now that these are feelings I had underlying anyway, and the situation just bought them to the surface. I know now we can choose how we want to feel and I choose to be happy.

4. Someone else’s judgment will be far more important to you.

It is so easy to dwell on things, but putting negative energy into running a scenario over and over in your mind is detrimental to your health. Although I found their remarks about me hurtful for weeks afterward, I doubt if the old lady or the man above ever gave me a second thought. Focus your energy on the positive things.

5. We don’t need to try to read people’s minds.

If we do not have complete trust in our actions, it can be easy to sense disapproval from others that may not even be there and then unnecessarily alter our actions accordingly. If you want an honest opinion, ask. Clear communication is far easier than second-guessing.

6. Forgiveness sets you free.

I am an honest person, and having my integrity brought into question momentarily resulted in anger and bitterness. Harboring this would ultimately have had absolutely no effect on anybody else but me. By forgiving, I have freed myself from this situation. Learn to accept an apology even if, especially if, it’s not actually offered.

7. Compassion changes everything.

People with limited vision and steadfast opinions will have a harder life than me. I send them love. Everyone deserves kindness. Always.

I hope you never find yourself being unfairly judged, or indeed forming an opinion of your own without all the facts, but if you do I hope my story can help you.

Photo by Arry_B

About Louise Jensen

Louise Jensen is an award winning holistic therapist. A regular writer, Louise has overcome living with a disability and has 12 years of experience helping others to heal. Louise recently co-created The Happy Starfish, an online community dedicated to celebrating health, happiness and peaceful living.

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  • Jamey

    Reading this was such a nice start to my day! I ,too dwell on negative interactions for weeks at a time and there’s absolutely no point in it. I can only have control over myself and my reaction to the situation. It’s such a sad thing to contribute to that negative energy with more negativity. It is best to nurture yourself and others with love ,and leave aside the anger and bitterness that consumes this planet.

  • Sher

    I know that all to well. I have multiple sclerosis. And though I am not in a chair I do have days I can’t walk good. I get so tired if hearing “but you don’t look sick” Not to sure what sick looks like.

  • Roger

    Thanks for this, it’s SO helpful to me. I really needed this today!

  • Mimi

    I was shocked to read how you were treated. Glad to see you chose to rise above it. They know not what they do. Best regards.

  • Padmini

    I am so glad you chose not to dwell on it any longer. As an Anthropologist we say, “no one can ever have the perfect information in this world” and that all forms of knowledge is just an interpretation informed by the limited knowledge one has and the world view one holds. This however cannot ever stop any human being from forming an opinion, however flawed it be. With more information that opinion may or may not change depending on our how strong our prejudices are and how compelling the information is. We will invariably judge and be judged, often wrongly. We can either choose to try and provide more information to change or in most cases just ignore it (because frankly it is not worth the effort!) But in any case, like you said, it need not be a reflection of us, nor ever become our reality. Nice post:)

  • Li-ling

    Gosh what an experience! Sadly we are all usually too quick to judge but it’s wonderful to see how you’ve taken all those negatives and turned them around. Thank you for bravely sharing your story.

  • Jeet

    e-Hugs for Louise (in case you’re reading this)!

  • Excellent Louise! This is so true “Although I found their remarks about me hurtful for weeks afterward, I doubt if the old lady or the man above ever gave me a second thought.” Thanks for this piece.

  • lv2terp

    Thank you for sharing your story, being vulnerable, and sharing the tips you have learned to let go, and be happy 🙂 I really am grateful for these types of reminders, it is easy to fall into the trap of forgetting other people’s stories/facts, and jump to conclusions. Wonderful post! 🙂

  • al

    this is inspiring. that is exactly what im dealing with, speaking to my body, to every part of this beloved being that i am, in order to let it know constantly that i care about it, i love myself, we can interact w/ourselves with no judgment, just by asking how do you feel. im learning how -to stay- in every feeling, without naming it nor thinking about it. just being present in my present allows me to develop compassion towards myself. a sudden twist in my stomach can tell me more than anything else if i will be patient enough to listen. we were beloved even before we were born. we all deserve to be happy. we are responsible to take that happiness, always being respectful to life and grateful for everything we are, we feel, we can do.
    thanks for your words. really, u made my day.

  • Tracy

    I needed this at exactly this moment and I can’t thank you enough for your wisdom. If I hadn’t read this today, I would have been exceedingly bitter, for a long, long time. Thank you. Love & hugs.

  • Caspar Thomas

    Hi Louise. I’m really sorry to hear that you had this experience, but also happy that you found a way to get over it and learn from it. Personally I am plagued by the feeling of being judged by others and find it very hard to deal with. I have also thought a lot about it, but don’t find your 7 points to work for me. I’ll explain:

    1) What if you don’t like who you are? What if somebody judges you harshly, and they are right to do so?
    2) Other people’s opinions DO matter. If you are convinced you are Napoleon and everyone around you is telling you you aren’t, then perhaps they have a point.
    3) People CAN make you feel all sorts of things. If people judge you harshly consistently, you will begin to lose confidence and self-esteem and be made to feel lowly, angry and frustrated.
    4) I wasn’t too sure what you meant by “Someone else’s judgment will be far more important to you.”
    5) I once asked a girl if she would be my girlfriend, because I thought that being straight might avoid a lot of potential misunderstandings. She laughed at me and I have since discovered that everything has to be unspoken and it is all about chemistry etc. So clear communication was completely inappropriate in this situation.
    6) How can you possibly accept an apology if it is not offered?! And if someone has judged you harshly, for example you are rejected by a potential partner or employer, they have no reason to apologise. They made a judgement that you weren’t good enough for them. That hurts and forgiveness isn’t even relevant in that scenario.
    7) You may be right on that one, but it is very hard to be compassionate towards people who have caused you upset.

    Thanks again for your piece. I hope this doesn’t come across as negative, just an immediate response from someone who is completely sick of being judged and has found no practical way to deal with it that rings true.

  • Rampal

    I dont know how this is happening, but this is 3rd time I had some issue, I would stop by here and guess what there’s solution to my problem 🙂
    only I need to do is to revive all these thoughts which seems bit hard

    Anyways thank you so much !!

  • Thank you so much for writing this, I have a severe back injury and also have a wheelchair and crutches, and like you, can walk very short distances without any aids, but, I feel that if I go out in public,without any aids people are judging me, by thinking that I am not that bad. I am quite young too,, and live on a small island where people gossip. Thanks, this has helped. xx

  • I really like this article and can truly relate to it. I, too, don’t appear disabled, but when someone finds out, I get met with varying degrees of wacky judgements. Thankfully, I was raised around REALLY strong women who knew how to put people in their place and I’ve no hesitation in doing so…gently and respectfully. I look people in the eyes and tell them point blank what is the truth, but I rarely do it with anger or malice. You have no idea how disarming this can be, most of the time.
    So, yes forgiveness is essential. But, so is courage and wisdom. We will always encounter others who honestly have no clue what they’re saying or doing. The focus, for me, is how am I to navigate through all of this ignorance as best I can.
    Peace and thank you for an important article. 🙂

  • Thank you Jamey. It’s absolutely true we can only have control over ourselves, took me a while to accept this though.

  • Thank you Roger. Hope you day has been ok.

  • Yes Sher. I look “normal” apparently. Never sure if that’s a compliment or not!

  • Thanks David. I have found your comment really inspiring,

  • Thanks Julie. I have been through the stage when I felt guilty for going out without them, now I am proud I can 🙂

  • Fate! 🙂

  • Angela

    I’m embarrassed for the people who treated you so cruelly. And it reminds me I need to work on that, myself.

  • Hi Caspar, thanks for the feedback. 1-3, I think when you get to a place of accepting yourself and loving yourself exactly as you are these fall in to place. 4) that was not my subheading but was changed in editing, but the essence is people make throw away comments and never think of them again. If we choose to replay these over and over in our heads we are only hurting ourselves. Again self-love is needed. 5) that is a really hurtful reaction but at least you know where you stand with her. 6) I found historically that if I was not offered an apology when I felt “wronged” I couldn’t let go the way I could if I received a sorry. In this situation now I send love and forgiveness as if I had an apology and move on. 7) I think once I stopped taking things personally and recognised people like this don’t know me, it’s just their reality of me it became easier.

    I hope this makes sense?

  • Right back at you 🙂

  • Awesome Al.

  • Thanks so much.

  • Thank you David.

  • Of course. Hugging you back 🙂

  • Thank you 🙂

  • Wow. Love that take. Thank you.

  • Thanks Mimi.

  • Caspar Thomas

    To some extent. It seems to me that the crux of what you are saying is that if you love yourself, it doesn’t matter what others say or do because YOU know you’re OK. I just think that that is a pretty major prerequisite.

  • Louise, thank you for writing such an inspired article! Being an African-American man, I’ve had to deal with people judging me without knowing me my entire life. My grandmother once told me to not only forgive the ignorance of others, but also strive to be excellent in everything I did. I agree with you that only we know the entire truth about ourselves – and that is the only opinion that really matters.

  • Susan Penn

    Hi Louise, First, thank you for writing this article. This is something all humans experience on both sides of the equation. I am grateful for your wisdom in seeing this, and, it is inspiring to me how you opened yourself to self compassion through awareness of the residue: shame and judgement. Thank you!

  • Johanna_Galt

    Hi Caspar. I can relate with what you’re saying and I sympathize. It’s hard not to be impacted by other people’s judgments when you don’t think too highly of yourself to begin with. You CAN change how you feel about yourself though, and I strongly encourage you to try. Letting other people determine how you feel about yourself is like giving away your power. The thing is, you could ask ten different people what they think about you and get 10 different answers. One thing I’m beginning to realize is that others’ judgments say a lot more about THEM than it actually does about ME. Another thing that I realized recently is that no matter what I do, there are going to be people who are going to be cruel and judgmental. Just look at celebrities — even people I think are beautiful and talented and flawless get attacked and slandered all the time. One one hand it’s sad, but on the other it’s really freeing, because it makes me realize that it really ISN’T about me at all. I’ll never be able to please everyone, so I might as well stop trying. I hope some of this makes sense — I could just relate to your first comment a lot, and this is something I’ve been working a lot on lately with (some) success, so I wanted to offer you some encouragement. Take your power back! 🙂

  • Johanna_Galt

    Thanks for sharing this Louise. People really can be SO cruel. It’s heartbreaking. I’m glad you were able to rise above the pettiness though and use it to help others like myself. It really does come down to self love. As long as we’re looking to other people to tell us we’re “okay,” we’ll be slaves our whole lives. I’ve been working on this a lot lately and still have a ways to go before I can honestly say I don’t care what others think, but I at least am not undone by someone looking at me the “wrong” way or saying a thoughtless comment anymore. Your article gives me ammunition to keep working 🙂

  • One quote that popped out in my mind was:
    “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
    – Eleanor Roosevelt

    This so true! For me I firmly believe that even how hard you try to please everybody, some of them will find it wrong. Even how hard you tried explaining to them what was exactly happen, some of them will still finds way to make it ridiculous; those people don’t deserve your existence. Just live the life you always wanted 🙂

    NICE BLOG! Have a great day.

  • Thanks Claude, you too 🙂

  • Hi Johanna. I have just posted a blog you may be interested in called I’m not ok (and thats ok).

  • Thank you Susan.

  • Hi Terez, your grandmother sounds a wise woman 🙂

  • Hi Angela. It’s sooo easy to make split second judgements and I think we are all guilty of this from time to time. Be kind to yourself 🙂

  • Absolutely but it took me 40 years to get to this place so I know it’s not easy for everyone but it can be done. Do you meditate at all Caspar?

  • Fantastic reply 🙂

  • Jennifer

    The other side of this issue, though, is to not judge the people who judged you. That’s harder.

    Many of us suffer from an invisible disability, and perhaps it’s our challenge to just let things go. For instance, the likely reason the man in the car gave you a hard time is the unfortunate fact that many perfectly able-bodied people do, in fact, use the disabled parking spot. This wasn’t the case with you, but hey, I could see where he was coming from, though I’d agree he had little right to speak his mind out loud. There was little you could do to set him straight – but that wasn’t the case with the women in-line for the washroom. I recall attending a fitness class for “older” women when I was just in my 30s; I overheard some of the women making derogatory comments, so I simply went over and politely set them straight. I explained that I was recovering from a serious illness and had spoken with the instructor about attending. It isn’t always necessary to simply “turn the other cheek” – and sometimes it’s not even the best thing to do if doing so doesn’t sit right with you.

    Thanks for considering.

  • Hi Jennifer, you are absolutely right. If I was in the same place then that I am now my reaction would probably be very different.

  • Eliza

    Thank you! I really needed this today 🙂

  • Thanks Eliza.

  • Thanks for penning down your experiences and conclusions. Reading them will help me whenever I start doubting myself.

  • You’re very welcome.

  • elizabethhalford

    This post is so perfect for me right now. I have a profoundly disabled daughter, but because she’s only 4, her wheelchair looks more like a stroller. We get stares all the time and people try to prevent us from using her “stroller” in places. it’s really tiring to have to keep explaining that she can’t walk. So thank you for this!

  • Julián

    Thank you, I actually needed to read this. I have a very good friend, but I just feel he criticizes everything everyone do, sometimes it just becomes pretty annoying. Why can’t he let things just be? Oh well…

  • Angie

    I so needed this today. I was feeling discouraged about being judged at church (of all places) just because I can’t be there every time the doors are open. The judgers don’t take the time to realize there are a million reasons why people may not be able to come… good reasons, fair reasons, painful reasons…

    I try my best to never judge others, after all we don’t know their circumstances or the pain they are hiding.

    Now I’m forgiving…. thank you!

  • very kind words Al. you seem very sincere. keep contributing. 🙂

  • Your story helped me a lot! Thank you very much. I have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, and have taken a big leap forward away from it through buddhist philosophy and stories like yours! I plan on reviewing those points regularly.

  • Meg Celis

    I have experienced the problem with others judging me…. over and over again to the point that I have become callous. And sometimes when someone has judged me wrongly, my response becomes pure unadulterated rage. I can’t even imagine a woman rapping me with a cane, she would have wished to God she didn’t (not physical assault, but a very well calculated verbal one). How do you get from being overly sensitive to thick shinned without crashing right into overly self-protective and mean as hell? I don’t know.

  • BloodElfMohawk

    I really needed this article today. This is the kind of thing I’ve been dealing with for most of my life, but recently even more so. I’m now in therapy because I’ve realized that a lot of my insecurities, usually brought on my other people’s opinions of me have been ingrained in my head since as far back as I can remember, and I’m almost 40! I’ve let these insecurities be the biggest factor in why I haven’t been able to focus in studies, work, or get into the career that I’ve always wanted to get into. Seems like this issue is now being brought to the surface in this period of time, so articles like this are a good reality check. Thanks and keep ’em comin’.

  • Mwani

    Thank you so much for this post, I really needed it. I had a hard time dealing with feeling judged in some critical situations, but I feel like this really helped me a lot. It’s hard when you feel like others are judging you especially in ways that you don’t feel are consistent with your true self. I suppose it’s important to let that go. Thank you.

  • Cynthia M Camacho

    Hi,im questionalable,isnt budda or buddism a form of a certain religion wich in cristianity(which im a cristian myself)has proved not to worship false idols!n continues to believe these are a cult organization. I do have a disabled brother,whose in a wheelchair,n im mentally diabled,i reply because this page was opened,n i refuse to allow my 19yr old daughter start believing,n finding comfort in buddism,not critiszising,strongly clarrifying,concerned mom,mrs.stranger

  • Hi there,

    I didn’t write this post but I run the site, so I thought I’d respond to your question. Although it’s called “Tiny Buddha,” it’s not a site about Buddhism. It’s a site about wisdom, with some Buddhist themes (including mindfulness, non-attachment, and compassion).

    There are readers from all different religious traditions in the community here, so you can rest assured your daughter won’t read anything that recommends she abandon her faith!


  • I dont get it

    Why did you let those people do those things to you? Just tell them that you have a disabillity they cant see. Im very sorry this had to happen to you and glad you found a way to cope.

  • Dash

    It feels so good to read this

  • emcgreevy

    This was great advice, but what if the person someone you were dating when said person passed judgement on me? It obviously affected him so deeply that he stopped dating me. But he never told me about it and then we became friends. Finally, he told me, but didn’t want to talk about it or let me explain or even apologize. And now, I find I can’t get past it. I can’t understand why someone who has judged me so harshly would still want to be friends with me. Maybe that person isn’t really being a friend and maybe that’s what bothers me. :/

  • Brandon Roberts

    a nice start i like nice people but it’s easy to make yourself sad or mad and i realize why caring too much about other peoples things

  • Gracy t

    Thank you so much, I was feeling judged by my mum for the the last few days and this really helped me, it’s true a lot of it’s in my head, it’s good to be reminded to have more courage in my convictions and to realise that no-one, even my own dear mum know what’s really going on within me.

  • M

    Helpful piece. Well written, too.

  • JOHN

    This was very helpful! I agree that it does start with loving yourself and being okay with yourself. For example, we may project our own doubts of ourselves onto others and than think in reality we are being judged (5). As Iyanla Vanzant suggests, we need to forgive our own thoughts feelings and judgements.

  • Cattrack

    Ignorant people who go around persecuting people out of their ignorance do not deserve your forgiveness and compassion, and that may only reinforce their stupid harmful behavior. The woman who “rapped” you across your leg with her cane is guilty of assault, and should have been dealt with on that basis. I know it’s not nice or peaceful to stick up for yourself and deal with these ignorant bullies, and adds to the stress that a person with a disability already has, but if we just keep turning the other cheek for the sake of ‘peace’ and ‘harmony’ you will just end up getting slapped on that cheek too, and these ignorant people will just keep doing what they are doing.

  • Marjolein

    Thank you, I am a young mother, 22 years old. My son is 2 months old now. I feel judged everyday. Mostly by my own thoughts, what I think what others think of me. But there are around me a few people who do judge me. They are other mothers, with older children. Maybe it is because of my age, that they think I’m still a child and need advice. But it hurts me when they demand me how to care for my baby. I do not see him as a toy, give him all the love and care he needs and have done a pedagogic education. I love him, know him the best and missed hours and hours of sleep to feed and comfort him 🙂
    Reading this article has opened my mind and though I find it hard to forgive them, I just have.
    It is hard to stand up for what you believe when you’re standing alone.
    Hard, but possible.

  • Stephanie

    Thank you for sharing your story. I was looking for info about feeling judged and forgiving myself for past hurt I caused. I thought I was ‘there’… Then one of my daughters mentioned how one of my other daughters hated me.
    ( I am in recovery from alcohol… Long story , ) Although we have reconciled and are together again, thankfully, I felt terrible hearing that, even though I knew it before. I realize I after reading your post that I havexallowed myself to become emotionally disabled regarding this issue . I am a caregiver for my husband , a stroke survivor, and have risen above all doubt from others. I see and live the blessings. Thank you for helping me see that I need to let go and see the real me. I hope you are going well too

  • shymoxie

    Thank you so much for your inspiring words. Just the other day I was forced to give away my older, sick foster dog. We had no idea he had these problems when we took and him and with our inability to take care of him he was getting sicker and sicker. After bringing him back though multiple volunteers had very harsh words for us. Saying we just didn’t care or try hard enough (which we really REALLY did) and that we were just making excuses because we didn’t really want him. I loved Cupid, he was the sweetest most loving dog, and he would be perfect for an experienced dog owner who knows how to pill, and these words hurt a lot. I cry all the time and I don’t know how to stop, it doesn’t make it any better that the day after they re-posted Cupid’s picture on their facebook and I was hit with another storm of hurtful words. They played down his many illnesses and when people asked questions they gave answers I know now to be untrue. I know it’s to get someone to adopt or foster him but if they say false things the person may end up being forced to return him like we had to. I tried to comment on the facebook post but was immediately blocked by the admin. I’m sorry if I’m ranting I just feel so disheartened by all this. I used to love fostering but now I don’t think I will foster or even go near ACCT Philly again 🙁

  • pharoboy

    wow, i started crying before i even got to the second point. thank you so much for sharing, this has greatly helped me. you are a beautiful person inside and out 🙂

  • Thank you for this. It is a very inspiring read. 🙂 I hope you write more.

  • Lati

    Thanks for this wonderful write up. I always feel i’m being judged. I start to get anxious which leads to sweating. This makes people stare even more. This also makes me wear a frown always. Hoping they will eventually look away. But it has only helped in making me very hard to approach. Because of this I don’t like going to public places like beach, mall, cinemas etc. Being n a queue at the bank or grocery store makes me so uncomfortable. I feel everyone at my back are staring and judging me. I know this is not normal but how do I stop this feeling? Please help its affecting my life and the way I interact with new and old friends. 🙁

  • Vicky

    This article was helpful. I have practiced much of this information but nevertheless, my situation is personally painful to me and has caused me much mental anguish. Embarrassing yourself in public is one of the most difficult things to overcome and I’ve learned the hard way that people are not so forgiving, particularly when the episode has been repeated several times. I’ve learned something very harsh and cruel about people that were so called friends and relatives – people will suddenly turn on you when they feel you’ve crossed the line of social politeness. They love to see you at your lowest and when you’re feeling helpless. Primitive behavior that surfaces in we humans when misfortune happens to another. Although I think it’s human nature to judge, we have evolved to know right from wrong and what can or may be hurtful or harmful to others. After having witnessed people’s reactions to certain situations, it seems they get a personal “high”, from making someone feel smaller then themselves. The trick is to focus on your own strengths and know that you are a good person – a strong person. I know that I will never be able to convince these people to be understanding to my personal problems and issues, and I shouldn’t even have to try. Either someone is willing to accept you for who you are and see the good in you, or they aren’t capable or willing to. I avoid such people. Life’s too short to win that kind of battle and they aren’t worth it anyway. Everyone faces or has to struggle with some sort of issue at one time or other in their life. I try to enjoy each day and appreciate the life that was given to me. Many people in this world are far more unfortunate then I could ever be. That’s sad that in this day and age, anyone should have to suffer for whatever reasons.

  • Izzyman

    My mother, my brother and myself all have MS. Today I called the cops on my younger brothers who were fighting and the officers laughed after the one I spoke to told the other that we were on disability. My younger brothers are violent idiots, and we are black and live in a not so nice area so the cops must assume we are cheating the system (which I understand because a ton of people do and not just blacks) but it still hurts to be judged and laughed at after someone paints you with a broad brush.

    Being gay, black and disabled sucks but I refuse to wear those things as a badge of victimhood, that is why I searched more positive ways to deal with judgement and I am happy to find this article (Thank you Louise). At the end of the day, they are just dust like the rest of us. We live die and disintegrate and our eventuality cares not one bit for status or race or even the able bodied. We all are headed to the same place so why be upset because of small-minded people? I choose to overcome the hurtful comments and cultivate love for myself.

    I don’t think the officers should be punished for being jerks, we are all guilty of being jerks from time to time, but I will say that mankind still has a long way to go with compassion and treating one another decently.

  • Arzu Santos

    I have bookmarked this post to reread on my low days. Thanks so much. You have no idea how much it really helped me.

  • Canadian_Republican

    Today I was judged on my appearance during a job interview.

    I dressed nicely talked to them for about 1.5 hours. Knew exactly what I needed to to get the position.

    But I was not a Cultural Fit for the position. I did not look like the rest of the people.

    Everyone at this company were hipsters who all looked similar to one another. Skinny n such.. All the guys had nicely trimmed beards. I am a little over weight, and certainly do not dress like them. When I spoke to my recruiter about it later she said the interviewer thought I was different than I sounded on the phone. My recruiter then suggested I should go to the gym.

    Since then I have been so angry, feeling like I’m being judged constantly. I want to be happy and understanding like you suggest but its really hard!

    I guess its easy to judge a person when they seem different to what you consider the norm! But its plain wrong.

  • sara a

    thankyou. sometimes i feel like im being judged by someone. she’s the friend of my crush. also, i feel so judged by my crush herself. thats why it never has worked out between us. i always felt insecure and unsafe around her and i always felt like just cant do anything around her, i cant express my feeling freely around her, and i cant be comfortable or confident around her. i end up being someone that im not, someone who’s shy and quiet and someone who avoids looking at her crush right in the eye because shes too afraid. that feeling of being judged..its…getting to me too hard. i always used to rub that feeling off whenever i felt like i was being judged by someone else, because i never found a reason to care so much and dwell so hard and hurt myself in the process. but then i developed these feelings for someone, and i started dwelling on how she sees me, and how i should act around her, especially since im a girl and i like her so its very..terrifying, for me. i never actually found a way to talk to her without having underlying feelings. i also remember a time when she wasnt even talking to me, she was talking to my friend next to me and i was SO nervous and uneasy around her and it was so obvious..
    im guessing, in another scenario, if i had a crush on some other girl and she didnt know, or if nobody actually knew, i would never feel so judged. but this time..the feelings were just way too intense which is why i was never able to hide it or anything like that.
    well i know this took too long but i just wanted to let it all out. thankyou for reading 🙂

  • Jessica

    Number 3 changed my life

  • Not Nik

    Yo! This “love yourself” is a black hole that is unquenchable. It’s what I call “word magic”. I met this girl recently that I’ve started dating to use as a practical example. She seems to subscribe to the “fake it till you make it” theory because she claims that she’s “happy all the time”.

    Not psychologically possible. Word magic. I don’t hold this against her too much.

    But your point number 2. Yes, totally true – OTHER PEOPLES’ OPINIONS DO MATTER.

    This is a FACT. I put fact in all caps there because us conscious beings are literally formed by our interactions with others. Without interactions, in a very real sense, we would not exist as a SELF. Thus self does not and cannot generate love of self apart from external conceptions OR.

    Much better than the fun and good-times theory “love yourself” / “accept yourself” – be less concerned with self and be externally focused on greater sources of value to attribute than EGO/Self.

    Like, in one sense, you could tell me to eff off and that my ideas are all retarded. I would 100% be willing to admit that my ideas are totally retarded but it would have zero effect on my esteem because my self is unaffected by being wrong. It’s not about me – it’s about honoring Truth and other higher goals outside my love of self.

    In short. Eff your self. Be a freaking loser. Who cares. Someone insults you? Do this: “Yeah, I could totally improve – it’s a life long struggle for sure. Thanks for the feedback. Cheers”


  • Kenneth

    I have recently been judged by others on what I do at this point in time is a joke to them. The sarcastic words based on their own opinions had left me upset for over a week. Although I didn’t argue or debate, or even getting in to the conversation, I don’t even know why I cared about what they said. But I would guess that I haven’t had enough confident in myself, especially when there is no mental support whatsoever around me these days. I kept everything that I felt and think in myself and often times I felt like I am the only one who feel this way. Nevertheless, thank you for what you have written and I will press on.

  • Jessica Chen Pei Ling

    Being falsely judged and misunderstood is the worst feeling.
    This article helped me feel less alone.

  • Much Complicate

    Actually, you can just say what your condition is. You could literally say “I have severe back trauma and technically shouldn’t even be walking” and most people will say “Oh I’m sorry”. I guess I don’t even feel the need to forgive people because I know that it’s simply out of ignorance.

    I also make sure to constantly remind myself that there are probably plenty of people who give me the benefit of the doubt like I would if someone were in a bad situation like that.

  • Sophie Paterson

    I have sprained my wrist and the doctors told me to wear a sling. But now basically everyone at school are judging me. What do I do

  • MANI S S

    Great. I understand and accept that knowing the Self and correcting the self is the only thing we need to ….do! But climbing the Himalayas looks easier than that.

    There is no better medicine than this to all!
    But how many of us are blessed to understand this down to earth fact?

  • monica sunga

    Wow. Thank you for this. I was really sad today because of other people’s judgments. Thank you for the enlightening article. It helped a lot.

  • Jess

    Exactly the same reason today I feel like I keep getting rejected in my hometown: a beachy tourist destination with a particular look in retail :/

  • Victor Ovidiu

    I find this post very good, I’ve had a similar situation. I was sitting at the table with some friends of my close friend and I was stoned and we made a BBQ and after a while when people stopped eating and started just discussing different stuff, I felt like I didn’t have anything to say in their discussion and I just proceded to grabbing another bite and one of them asks ” You still eating man ? ” and I was like, yeah why not. And the others said ” Of course he is gonna eat still, he is a stoner. ” I don’t know, it just feels like I’ve been judged for smoking weed, I would’ve grabbed a bite either way, stoned or not stoned, I’m the kinda guy that doesn’t stop eating until the table is empty, hahah. But yeah, thats the general rule when I’m stoned, I get judge … for minor stuff, like I would do some stuff if was sober or stuff. I don’t know, its wired how things can happen.

  • Amethyst

    You are too wonderful. Wasn’t her striking her stick on your ankles considered assault? Might she be elderly but how dare she!

    Though this will take steps and time to give me a peace of mind, thank you for sharing.

  • Lapis Kink

    This made me think different, I hope I can’t put those words in action, thank you so much

  • Alison Gross

    This article represents everything that is wrong with our society. We live in a world where it is not the fault of the person who hurt you but your fault for “allowing” yourself to be hurt. Natural feelings of hurt and sadness are viewed as psychologically or morally deficient. Every time something happens that hurts me not only do I have to deal with the hurt from the event itself, usually without support since people don’t feel the situation as deserving of support, but then I also have to deal with the guilt and shame for feeling the hurt in the first place since I know I’m not “supposed” to and that, if I was a “better” person I wouldn’t. In addition to the fact that we’re putting strong pressure on people to repress normal, natural feelings, I also think it’s morally wrong to just let it go and not care because that allows the hurtful person to walk away with zero consequence to their action, leaving them more likely to behave hurtfully in the future, as I think someone on here already mentioned. Even if you can’t confront the person directly, expressing your hurt about the situation to someone else after the fact could change their feelings about it or maybe a passerby could overhear and be affected. But if you stay silent, nothing will ever change, and we’ll be stuck in an endless cycle of victim blaming. Oh, right…only us weak lower creatures feel like victims so it’s probably good for us to keep getting dumped on. I hate this society.