7 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough

“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~Lori Deschene

Sometimes I am really terrible to myself and relentlessly compare myself to other people, no matter how many times I read or hear about how good enough or lovable I am.

On an almost daily basis, I meticulously look for evidence that I am a nobody, that I don’t deserve to be loved, or that I’m not living up to my full potential.

There is generally a lot of pressure to “stack up” in our culture. We feel as if there is something wrong with us if, for example, we’re still single by a certain age, don’t make a certain amount of income, don’t have a large social circle, or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. The list could truly go on forever.

Sometimes in the midst of all the pressure, I seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about myself.

I get stuck in my head and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch daytime television, and sleep.

The other day, while I was beating myself up over something I can’t even recall at the moment, I read a comment from one of my blog readers telling me that one of my posts literally got them through the night. Literally. And if that one simple word was used in the intended context, this person was basically telling me that one of my posts saved their life.

I get comments like these on a pretty regular basis, and they always open my eyes to just how much I matter, regardless of my inner critic’s vehement objections.

Such comments also open my eyes to all the things we beat ourselves up over that don’t matter—like whether or not we look like a Victoria’s Secret model in our bathing suit, or whether or not we should stop smiling if we’re not whitening our teeth, or whether or not the hole in our lucky shirt is worth bursting into tears over.

Lately I’ve been trying harder to catch myself when I feel a non-serving, self-depreciating thought coming on. And I may let these thoughts slip at times, but that’s okay because I’m only human.

While my self-love journey is on-going, here are a few things I try to remember when I’m tempted to be mean to myself:

1. The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too.

We all compare ourselves to other people, and I can assure you that the people who seem to have it all do not.

When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings. They are beautifully imperfect human beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through.   

2. Your mind can be a very convincing liar.

I saw a quote once that said, “Don’t believe everything you think.” That quote completely altered the way I react when a cruel or discouraging thought goes through my mind. Thoughts are just thoughts, and it’s unhealthy and exhausting to give so much power to the negative ones.     

3. There is more right with you than wrong with you.

This powerful reminder is inspired by one of my favorite quotes from Jon Kabat-Zinn: “Until you stop breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you.”

As someone who sometimes tends to zoom in on all my perceived flaws, it helps to remember that there are lots of things I like about myself too—like the fact that I’m alive and breathing and able to pave new paths whenever I choose.

4. You need love the most when you feel you deserve it the least.

This was a recent epiphany of mine, although I’m sure it’s been said many times before.

I find that it is most difficult to accept love and understanding from others when I’m in a state of anger, shame, anxiety, or depression. But adopting the above truth really shifted my perspective and made me realize that love is actually the greatest gift I can receive during such times.  

5. You have to fully accept and make peace with the “now” before you can reach and feel satisfied with the “later.”

One thing I’ve learned about making changes and reaching for the next rung on the ladder is that you cannot fully feel satisfied with where you’re going until you can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where you are.

Embrace and make peace with where you are, and your journey toward something new will feel much more peaceful, rewarding, and satisfying.

6. Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than on how far you have left to go.

One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is the hell-bent need to “get it right.” We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel less than and worthless. What we don’t seem to realize is that working toward our goals and being willing to put ourselves out there are accomplishments within themselves, regardless of how many times we fail.

Instead of berating yourself for messing up and stumbling backward, give yourself a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have.     

7. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.

Telling yourself what a failure you are won’t make you any more successful. Telling yourself you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you reach a higher potential. Telling yourself you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable.

I know it sounds almost annoyingly simple, but the only way to achieve self-love is to love yourself—regardless of who you are and where you stand and even if you know you want to change.

You are enough just as you are. And self-love will be a little bit easier every time you remind yourself of that.

Photo by KelseyyBarbara

About Madison Sonnier

Madison is a writer of feelings and lover of animals, music, nature and creativity. You can follow her blog at and buy her first eBook through Amazon. She loves making new friends, so be sure to say hi if you like what you see!

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  • Rae

    Thank you Madison, what an excellent article. You’ve succinctly captured all of the demons I battle on a daily basis and detailed how they can be overcome.

  • Tan

    I’m always comparing myself to other people and beat myself up if I don’t feel good enough 🙁 its so horrible. Thank you so much for your advice, I will definitely be referring to this when I’m in need. Thank you!

  • Jenny Hanson

    wow i LOVE this post. thank you.

  • Madison Sonnier

    Thanks for reading! I’m glad you love it.

  • Madison Sonnier

    I’m so glad it helped!

  • Madison Sonnier

    You made my day! 🙂 Thanks for reading.

  • Patty Johnson Dobrowski

    I am so glad I took the time to read this. Number 2 really struck a chord with me. All the others hit the bull’s eye too, but Number 2 is my favorite. I am going to print this and read it as often as I need. Thank-you!

  • Jen

    Very good Madison. I’m a Naturopath and work a lot in Mind/Body healing and often times compare myself to others. Your article was good timing for me and well said. Empaths seem to follow this pattern of comparing themselves to others and feel like they struggle with their worth. It’s all the journey to healing 🙂

  • Literary Chick

    Thank you, Madison! I needed this reminder and badly! Have also shared the link to your article on my blog, in the hopes of helping my friends who are also going through similar situations! <3 Love and light to you!

  • JakebArturio

    thanks I love this and will be useful for me to remember when I do these things <3

  • the_leaky_pen

    Ditto! Almost word for word, a lot of the battles I have on a daily basis are described above. Thank you, Madison.

  • Ansh Mishra

    This is gonna solve many problems I face on daily basis…Thanks Madison 😀

  • Ellen

    I have this bad habit of always being hard on myself and comparing myself to others. My friends from college are either married and have kids or have fabulous jobs. I’m almost 30 – a milestone in my life – and I haven’t really achieved any of these things and it makes me feel depressed. But the article really helped me. I don’t need to be so hard on myself and need to remember that my time will come and the best is yet to be.

  • Julie T

    Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful post. I am going through a viscous cycle right now, where don’t feel like I am living up to my full potential and no matter what I do I can’t seem to get ahead. I am ready for the changes in my life, but everything is at a halt. For instance, I can’t predict when I am going to land a more challenging job with better pay, or when I am going to meet my soul mate. I wish I could have all these things RIGHT NOW but unfortunately, that’s not what the universe is choosing for me this instant. The rule is to be patient and know it’ going to happen with time.

  • Sherrie

    wow I cannot believe the timeliness of this article! Just a little earlier today, I had a small breakdown (pity party) with crying and everything in front of my husband asking him why doesn’t anyone like me?? I am so embarrassed to even admit that…especially because I am a grown woman who just turned 50 on January 18th. I told my husband that I still feel like that 13 year old little girl I used to be who hated herself. I know I sound pathetic. The things that brought me to this meltdown today are things that I would typically let slide off my back, but I know they are things that still linger deep inside everyday because I often feel like I am not good enough….mean, selfish, you name it. I just cannot believe that I am 50 and still feel as though I have not grown up. So I told my husband I have no idea why or how he even loves me and that the only reason my 13 year old daughter loves me is because I am her mom. Whew! talk about a pity party for myself, lol. Feeling a little better at the moment but this article most definitely has helped to bring me back to reality! Thank you sooo much!

  • annie

    Madison– This is *exactly* what I needed to see/hear/listen to today. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing this. <3

  • angela

    Thank you x

  • Angela

    Hi Madison, this article deals with a lot of things that I can relate to. I always try to beat my own records, striving for the best. But that’s just not how it goes. I recently started photographing kids. I want to be great at that right now but I know I’ll have to learn it step by step. It can be demotivating to look at other photos, but when I feel good it motivates me. Thanks for the article, it really helps!

  • Madison Sonnier

    Thanks for reading! I also like #2. That realization was inspired by another article I read on TB. I think it was this one:

  • Madison Sonnier

    Aww, thank you for reading! I’m glad it helped.

  • Madison Sonnier

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I have meltdowns like that on the INSIDE all the time. It’s certainly not healthy to question why people love me…and I only do it when I have a hard time loving myself. I just try to take care of myself the way my loved ones would. If someone I love wouldn’t say the things that I am saying to myself, I try not to say them.

    It’s easier said than done, but can be achieved with practice. I’m glad you’re feeling better today!

  • Madison Sonnier

    I struggle with comparisons too. It helps to remind myself that life isn’t a race and that we’re all on our own journey. 🙂

  • Madison Sonnier

    Thank you for reading. I’m actually reading a book right now that might be a great resource for you if you feel like everything is at a halt. It’s called 20 Something, 20 Everything by Christine Hassler. It’s been like therapy for me to go through the exercises in that book. It really explores several different aspects in a young adult’s life such as love, career, finances, etc.

    But yes, patience is everything. We’re all on our own journey. 🙂

  • Madison Sonnier

    Thank you! Love & light to you as well.

  • Madison Sonnier

    I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading.

  • Talya Price

    This was an inspiring read. I will write these down, because everything that you said int his article is helpful. Thank you for this. Self-love is the only love!

  • helen

    I really enjoyed this article. I have struggled massively with my self esteem over the years. I’m 34 now and only yesterday I found myself worrying about a party I am going to at the weekend. I had a huge feeling of anxiety because “no one will want to talk to me at the party. No body really wants me to go because no one likes me. Maybe I shouldn’t go.” I realised that this was an old pattern. An echo from the past and I had to sit with this feeling for a long time and work on trying to release this belief as it was not true and I did not need it any more. This article came at a perfect time for me and I especially liked the part about not hating yourself into loving yourself. Its comforting to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with these issues. Thank you so much for sharing your experience x

  • scilla

    This helped me put into to words what i have been feeling all day.. take a step back and enjoy. What is tomorrow, if I can’t enjoy today? This article is just what I needed to read today. Thank you for sharing your thoughts because I now share them with you!!

  • Emma

    Thank you. I needed this. 6 & 7 is me to a T. I also feel not good enough a lot. I need to to stop my self critic and try and realise that I am good enough.

  • Hannah

    Thanks, I needed to hear this.

    I developed very good self-esteem in college, and then I graduated, lost a great job because the company had some financial problems and couldn’t hire me any more, moved home with my parents where I have to share a room with my younger sister and don’t have any super close friends in town, etc. Those, amongst other things, got me really down and depressed and I lost a lot of that confidence. I’m out of the lowest part of the depression and I’m mentally in a much better place, but there are still days when I’m doubtful and scared that I’m not good enough because I’m still living at home, still can’t find a good job, etc. I know I just have to keep going and eventually I’ll be able to move on outwardly, but until then it’s hard for me to keep feeling happy inwardly and articles like this really help me stay focused on what I’m trying to do.

    I’d like to add something that I try to remind myself all the time: Never compare yourself to anyone except who you were yesterday. If you do even one small thing better than yesterday then you’ve improved.

  • Leah

    I too war with my self critic in my head every day. And the last tip, #7 you can’t hate your way into loving yourself really hits home. I journal and write all my negative things down and try to figure out how I can learn to love myself but one thing that never came to mind is Just Stop being so mean to yourself. It’s a hard thing to do, and I’m really not sure how to get there but your advice makes a lot of sense.

  • Elisha

    Thank you for your words of wisdom! The world is such a difficult place to live in and it’s never easy. I have had an awful past and now at 21, I suffer from anxiety and depression, which makes it hard to know which feelings are real and which arent. I struggle on a daily basis but it’s people like you who give me hope. Depression is apparently going to become one of the most common illnesses, so stay strong everyone!

  • Robyne

    Thank you Madison. You saved my sanity. I thought I was a lost cause. 🙁 But after reading this I don’t feel that way any more. There is hope for me yet. 🙂 Once again THANK YOU.

  • Donna Phillips

    For someone who catches herself every minute of every day tying her self worth to the failures (but never the successes) in her life, thank you for writing this. I dedicate what some would consider and obsessive amount of time through out my day nitpicking and tearing myself down, literally afraid to celebrate what I have achieved because I’m not worth it. 3,4, and 6 really hit home.

  • heatherms2k

    Thank you for the great article!! I have been working on self-love and facing my “crazy brain” thoughts for about the past 6 months. You sound just like me and I can relate to everything you have said, also thank you for giving me even more ways to love myself. You have opened my eyes to even more. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  • Ju

    Agreed Madison. That is what can go on in my head on a daily basis. I attack myself. I say I don’t look like her, I don’t wear tons of make up and take pouty selfies showing my boobs. But maybe that is jealousy and maybe I need to see these people Im directing it towards as humans. Or maybe forget and stop focusing on them all together and focus on moi. Thanks for letting me know Im not nuts!

  • Tiffany


  • elenahin

    it is amazing for me to read your comment. I feel EXACTLY like this almost all of the time. my husband and I actually ended up in counseling not long ago partially because my own -loathing was damaging our 17 year relationship.I know it’s all prosperspective, it can just be reeeally difficult to make yourself focus on the positive, or at least not focus so much on the negative. anywho, thanks for posting and sharing.

  • Erin

    Thank you for the article. It is very encouraging to hear that someone as wise as you struggles with self-esteem and self-love too. We will always be no more and no less than a work-in-progress.

  • Jess

    Wow what a great article. I can relate to all of them, but mostly #5. I’m 27 and have been struggling with a chronic genetic illness for 10 years, and will have it for the rest of my life. It’s interrupted my life so many times (university, family, job, etc), but the worst of it all has been trying to accept that this is my new normal for my body. It’s hard to accept that I won’t ever be “cured”. I feel like mentally I’m stuck mourning my old life and the loss of a healthy future. I don’t know how to accept that no matter how much my brain and heart wants something, my body wont be able to do it. I really don’t know how to accept it, but I do know that’s what’s holding me back from life. Will be keeping this article on hand for inspiration.

  • Jose

    Muchas gracias por este maravilloso artículo

  • Zoe

    “You can’t hate your way into loving yourself”. Excellent! Sums it up perfectly.

  • alicia

    You are courageous and awesome for sharing this and thank you for giving ways of fighting the good fight.

  • Ashley

    I wish I saw this yesterday when I really needed it >.< great post though! One critique I have though is with 3, but that's because as a chronically ill person it's hard to believe 3 when 2 is so spot on. -.-

  • Syum Jon

    really amazing and very interesting article.u

  • Vinnie

    Madison I have been having a very hard time as of late and this article was so in my head I wanted to say thank you for making me not feel so alone in my feelings.

    This will give you a hint if you have time.

  • MadBrooke


  • Jen

    This is awesome and made me smile. Thank you for writing it.

  • parrotenchantress

    I understand. I have a wonderful life changing book for you to read. It’s called “The Untethered Soul” The author teaches us how to let drama move through us so we neither cling to it or stuff it down and try to avoid it. When we look at our drama through the eyes of consciousness, nothing can hurt. We will still have drama, but we won’t hold it or stuff it or protect it.

  • melaniable

    Thanks for sharing this. I’ve been feeling pretty down for the past few days and you are absolutely right. If we don’t value ourselves then how can we expect anyone else to? Definitely a good reminder.

  • Jamie

    Thank you!!! I absolutely love this article!!! I woke up in such a funk this morning but now that I’ve read this I’m ready to take on the day with a positive mind set! Or at least I’ll try my best! lol 🙂

  • Nick

    ♥♥♥ Thanks Madi!

  • Gina

    Thank you. This is just what I need now 🙂

  • disqus_UCsAtOSjED

    Beautiful post. You give me motivation to power through the day and develop ways to reach my goals with out concentrating on the what-ifs. Thank you.

  • Elle

    Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this today. Keep writing! 🙂

  • LC

    I needed to read this more than I could have ever known today. Thank you from my soul!

  • puffy

    Are you suppose to accept different parts of your body or if you can fix it so you’ll be satisfied and happier with it’s appearance. Can that be a part of loving yourself more if it can be fixed?

  • Drew

    Thank you.

  • Manuela Isaza

    Hi I would like to traslate to spanish some parts of this wonderful article in order to do use of it for a blog I ama planning at the moment, but firts I would like to have your consent.

    Thank you Manuela

  • Allie Katz

    Madison, My husband turned me on to Tiny Buddha and I am so glad he did. This particular article popped up on Facebook at a great time and was exactly what I needed. I am going through a particularly tough time and your article had a wonderful effect on my demons. You are especially right about number 5. I am still trying to deal with a mistake I made and when I begin to beat myself up about it all over again that is where I usually end up taking huge steps back and forget that I have made HUGE Strides, since I made that mistake. Thank you so much!

  • Charlie

    “I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch daytime television, and sleep” – First world problems

  • Fiona

    This is such a powerful article that really speaks to my ongoing struggles (and judging by the comments, clearly I’m far from alone in this). I will continue to take strength and comfort from your words. Thank you so much.

  • Kelz

    Amazing, Amazing, Amazing article. I never comment on anything….like, ever. But this one was worth it. I actually got up out of my seat in the middle of reading this, and thanked the Universe for my life. Great job girl!

  • lindsay

    You will be fine because I’ve been there. I’m the only one that’s still single amongst my close niche of female friends. All of them are either in a long term relationship, engaged, settled, married, or starting a family. The last girls night out I literally sat alone in my room the night before finding a reason why I had better thaings to do and not go. I felt I wasn’t “ready”, I had nothing to offer, I didn’t want to be there if I was going to be invisible. However, I reached out to one of my single girlfriends who’s older and expressed to her how I felt. I am so glad I did because she explained to me the importance of why I needed to go. I went to dinner the next night and had such a great time. I didn’t want to go because I wasn’t happy with myself. I compared myself to them how come I’m not where they are at? When you feel the way you feel of being unwanted , tell someone about it or write it out. When you find the reason “why” you will have a stronger “reason” to attend. For me I acknowledged and accepted that it’s okay to be in different part of life, it’s okay to be single when everyone else is in a relationship because the most important thing is me and what makes me happy and how I plan to get it. Our thoughts can be tuff to overcome and poisoned because we are much harder on ourselves than anyone else on us. I found my “what is it” and “reasons” to overcome it and hopefully you will find yours too.

  • Maureen

    Thank you so much for writing this article I struggle with this every single day and it really helped me to read this today. I need to remember to be me not try to be what I think other people want me to be. I used to really like myself and I am trying to do that again. Thank you so very much 🙂

  • Al

    It’s so amazing when something so simple and obvious can strike you in a completely new way. I’ve been exceptionally hard on myself the past few weeks and this meant so much to hear it coming from another. Those awful thoughts we tend to think about ourselves often make us feel very lonely. It’s comforting to know others have been there and are looking up and more positive than ever.

  • Amanda

    This is something I’ve been struggling with for years. Feelings of not being good enough, being unlovable/undeserving of love, and worthlessness are things that I battle each day, and some days, I wonder why I even bothered getting out of bed. It’s really hard to remember the good in life when it feels like everything is going wrong. This is an article I will likely save, print and post on my wall as a daily reminder that I AM WORTHY of loving myself. Thank you.

  • Shellea

    This is absolutely perfect for right now. Thank you!

  • Nasser Al-Naama

    I had a terribly intense depressive episode not even 24 hours ago. Haven’t had one of those in a long time. I almost blanked out. My friend posted your article which showed up on my timeline and your thoughts reassure me of what I felt was true. Thank you Madison…there’s a reason everything happens when it does 🙂

  • Jenijo

    Thank you for the beautiful truth you speak of in this article. Don’t we all battle these inner damaging voices inside that wreck our self image. I am sure that we have the ability to harm ourselves from the inside more than any other person in life. This was best thing to read after a few days of stress and self doubt. Just remember.. this world is full of tortured souls like yourself.. although you should be cautious.. I hope each of you find another person that will understand your perfectly, unique souls. Please remember that each of you add a precious spark to the universe.

  • G

    Thank you for this article! This is awesome. I rarely leave comments, but this resonated to me. One point you mentioned that sticks out for me is “Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than on how far you have left to go.” You mentioned that putting ourselves out there is an accomplishment within itself. I didn’t think about it as much as I am now. And giving yourself a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have? I learned I wasn’t as aware of doing this, and I think I’m willing to do that more deliberately and more often during my day. So again, thank you. Cheers!

  • Whitney

    Reading this… oh my word, thank you so much. I was quite literally just sitting here feeling absolutely pathetic and allowing my mind to wander onto my relationship and how the man I just celebrated our third year anniversary with two days ago could ever love me. I still feel as if I’m the 12 year old girl who lost someone close to her and felt her entire world fall apart and that no one could ever love me. He has been my rock, and dealt with my demons so gracefully and I never quite feel as if I deserve such a partner and what’s worse is that I’ve TOLD him that (more than once)! He always feels so hurt when I tell him that I don’t deserve him or his love, but he always tells me that because I feel this way that I need it more than anything. And I can’t even finish typing this up without crying because this article touched me so deeply. Thank you for this.

  • Your article came at the right time (well, at least the Tiny Buddha Newsletter came at the right time). It was around bed time and I didn’t feel good about myself. I didn’t feel worthy of love and all…. and your article came via my inbox! Sometimes all this self-hatred is just in the mind…. and we have to constantly remind ourselves that we’re doing OK. We have to love ourselves. Thank you, thank you…for this article! 🙂

  • Dillon

    Thank You! 🙂

    I never felt happier about myself. This article will always remind me of what good I need to see in myself.

  • loveiswhatigot

    I came across this article just when I needed it most. After a bad break up I started feeling really down on myself. But your words helped me gain perspective. Thank you! You’re awesome!

  • Lhiadan

    This is a wonderful post! I am an opera singer who is constantly facing rejection after putting so much effort into improving my craft. It’s so easy to believe that I’m the problem after I’ve had a bad audition. I’m getting much better at it, but it is a constant struggle. You’re so right! Positive reinforcement is the way to go. Negativity is like a disease that can consume us if we let it. Feel the love!

  • KB

    Great article! Especially point four. I struggle with “not good enough” thoughts on a daily basis. I am (slowly) coming to to the belief that we are worthy of love and are full of value simply because we exist. Period. In action, or inaction. Progress, or no progress. Nothing can detract from our value, worth, or “enough-ness” because it is inherently tied in with our soul’s existence. I am on the journey of letting that truth sink into my mind, heart and body. Thank you for your nourishing article!

  • Jim

    Madison, you have written exactly what I have worked years in therapy to achieve … ways to counter the voice inside that tells me I’m not worthy of love. I still struggle with it (I’m in a new work environment the past two weeks and I came home convinced yesterday that I’m a miserable failure and ready to call my therapist). I have lived 49 of my 54 years hating myself and refusing to believe I was worthy of love or positive feedback. Your article brings me back to the lessons I need to review to avoid a repeat. Thank you for sharing.

  • Michael D. Rich

    Great ‘FEEL GOOD’ article! Thanks for sharing the wealth. I have shared with my community. These are 7 powerful strategies to BE HAPPY!

  • dtx1

    I needed to read this today more than you will ever know. I had spent the entire day beating myself up over something and then stumbled across this THANK YOU

  • Launna

    This is a great post Madison,very insightful. I’m very well aware of my worth, yet I beat myself up from time to time. There’s never a good reason either, as hard as it is for me, I continually have to be grateful for how far I have come… All those challenges have brought me where I am today…

  • Madison Sonnier

    Thank you for reading, Hannah. I relate to a lot of what you expressed, and I’m glad my post helped shift your focus.

    Good luck on your journey! Depression is the worst, but it does get better (as cliche and annoying as that may sound).

  • Madison Sonnier

    Wow, I absolutely relate. We really do need love the most when we feel like we don’t deserve it (as stated in the post). Our loved ones (especially loving romantic partners) can teach us how to treat ourselves if we remain self-aware.

    I try to remember to treat myself with the patience and compassion that a loved one would.

    Thank you for reading!

  • Madison Sonnier

    Beautiful. Thank you for sharing!

  • Madison Sonnier

    You are wonderful. Thank you!

  • Madison Sonnier

    Sure, go ahead! Thanks for reading. 🙂

  • Madison Sonnier

    Thank you so much for all the wonderful feedback, everyone! My heart is so full of love and gratitude for each of you. <3

  • fellowcanuck

    Thank you. Exactly what I needed today.

  • samantha bessey

    This article was profound. But even more so, reading all these comments. To know there are so many strangers going through similar struggles, to be reminded that these are normal, albeit unhealthy, feelings. I’m a college freshman and have had anxiety/depression issues since middle school and have only in recent months been actually dealing with my issues and getting the help I need, and have actually made a lot of positive strides. I recently came to the decision to get a tattoo of the words “Love Yourself”. Its so simple, yet so hard; it almost takes a constant reminder. I want it on my lower hip, for multiple, personal reasons.

  • david

    Wow you cant imagine how much I needed to read this. Thank you. Very well said and quite helpful.

  • Guest

    And when these things to remember aren’t enough to make you believe?

  • dhare

    And when these things to remember aren’t enough to make you believe? :/

  • Justin

    #7 used to be a huge problem for me. I was the biggest bully that I had to face every day. And I don’t think just hearing it is enough. I found myself thinking that it didn’t really apply to me because I was that unlovable. It took someone putting the steps in front of me and helping me to stop those self-destructive behaviors by asking me to say positive things to myself in the mirror.

    And at first, that was impossible. But just stopping myself from saying negative things in the mirror was the beginning of a rebuilding process. It is so good (and healthy) to read this, reflect on where I used to be, and walk into the bathroom to look in the mirror and tell myself all the things I like (and love!) about myself, which includes my imperfections.

    Thanks for writing on topics like this. I would love to hear some of the specific steps and actions you took and continue to take to remain in a healthy place 🙂

  • Dobby

    Thinking about going back into teaching. This was one more push in that direction. Thank you.

  • April

    Madison, I don’t have enough words of appreciation for the article. I don’t have enough words to tell you how incredibly perfect the timing is. I don’t have enough words to tell you thanks for pouring your heart and soul into this particular post cause some of us needed it just in the moment we read it. I wish you reciprocity of the blessings you have bestowed to the readers of this blog.

  • Greg Hodges

    Good stuff, not often I read something like this and as a male can relate to it. Well done mam.

  • Dan

    Oh boy. I’m hanging this up in my classroom. Excellent!!!!

  • John

    “The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too.”

    We can’t know that for sure.

  • John

    “Thoughts are just thoughts,”
    But we are taught to trust our gut/intuition.

  • John

    #6 is one of those sentiments designed to placate. Not unlike the rich telling everyone that “money isn’t everything”.

  • yonnie

    Great post. Number 7 resonated with me the most. I have to remind myself, “wallowing in despair does not defeat the enemy.”

  • Demetrius McClendon

    This was! Thank you for that encouragement! It’s comforting to know that I am not alone with my thoughts.

    As a dancer, I fight a downhill battle (or uphill, depending on how much optimism I can muster up that particular day) everyday, as I never feel good enough or close enough to the great dancer I want and know I can be. I’ve struggled with low self-esteem for years, and, despite my best efforts, my lack of confidence in myself and my abilities continues to take over (and, eventually, take away) my happiness for the one thing that makes me truly happy–Dance! I use to hide this from others, as I was afraid–ashamed, even– to admit any of this. But, over the last two years, I learned how liberating and empowering it feels to be open and honest about my insecurities. I also learned I was not alone with my struggle, as many other dancers (and “normal” people) are clearly fighting the same battle, as you mentioned. Thank you for sharing your story! Stay Blessed! 🙂

  • Bleep Bloop

    First world problems are problems, too…I mean, a lot of us live in the first world.

    Unless you were just making a joke, in which case, oh ho, very funny.

  • Duncan Bray

    the other thing in play here … depression has a chemical element … food can play a factor, for instance .. if depression is a constant issue … are you drinking coffee? for instance… sugar? how much? … getting excersise? (this one can be a real bitch with the ‘gumption’ … just going for a WALK is excersise too, eh? :^)) … ) // … ‘counselling’ can help .. however, it can also make things WORSE .. a LOT of ‘counsellors’ are SICK people … (not some lame opinion .. I used to be in the business ) … it’s very important to get some solid referrals…

  • Nicole

    I love this article! Thank you so much 🙂

  • Ashley

    Thank you for this! Needed it.

  • Karen

    I would like to know if you believe in God, I Loved your article. Thanks

  • Karen

    Hi Sherrie, don’t feel bad, I know just how you feel. I have been married for 26 years I am 46 all the kids are gone. I have been partners in business with my husband for over 20 years and I feel like I am 18 and all alone. God is my blessing and I know he is what gets me through the days. I really don’t know what happen to make me feel so small!!!

  • T Harrell

    Some use this process to avoid actually looking at and accepting real problems; aka Denial. People often think things like, “I couldn’t be an alcoholic, I’m a great boss, father, etc…”

  • Just another military dude

    I think the subject i can relate most to is : “Your mind can be a very convincing liar. ”

    So true in so many senses, yet so volatile. I’ve got a habit of feeling extreme emotions, completely opposites and not surprisingly the past year i’ve had almost zero confidence. Being a man in the military, filled with ego-headed and confident dudes, it’s tough. But trying to love and accept myself once again as i used to, but couldn’t exactly find a reason to.

    Your article explains alot of the emotions i feel that i do not have the courage to talk to with my peers, thank you.

  • What if, hypothetically, she doesn’t? You’re going to discredit everything she said here?

  • Roxy

    I really needed this. The past month has been a rough one, and I’ve been struggling to stay positive. It’s a constant internal battle, and lately I am just tired. This post is very supportive and assuring that what I’m feeling is not abnormal. Thank You!

  • Ari Rosenthal


  • Kirsty Bartholomew

    Loved this post, resonated so much with me. My goal for this year is to love and believe in myself more.

  • Iris

    ..I couldn’t read this at a better time than today. Because I really needed to be reminded about that.. Thank you so so much for writing this, thank you… This one’s for me, you, and everyone out there who has ever felt like this even just once in their life.. Thank you so much =)


  • Liz M

    You make some good points. Being overly critical of yourself doesn’t help you improve anymore than others being critical of you does. Good article. 🙂

  • FH

    very encouraging thoughts! In a way such people are stronger than anyone…they know how to fight and survive….all with themselves which somewhere feel very comforting….at least that happens to me sometimes!

  • Guest

    You have no idea how much I needed to read this article! I am going to copy it into my diary and read it when ever I feel the negative thoughts clouding me in. Thank you Madi!

  • Cheryl Craig-Cousley

    You have no idea how much I needed to read this article! I am going to copy it into my diary and read it when ever I feel the negative thoughts clouding me in. Thank you Madi!

  • Javier Garza

    i loved your ladder analogy. it rings so true to me. You cannot climb onto the next step until your feet are firmly planted on this one.

  • Michele

    Wow. I need to print this out and post it somewhere I can read all of the time. Thank you.

  • Corrine

    Thanks so much Madison. This is exactly what I needed. I was in such a cycle of self loathing and was searching online for something to help me change that feeling. Today, it was your brilliant piece. A thousand thank yous!

  • Very good post! Thank You. I wish they would teach this to kids in school right from a young age….world would be much more beautiful than what it is now.

  • Tovena Dan

    So many things wrong with these platitudes, I don’t know where to begin:

    1) The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too.

    Indeed they do, but that statement is a deflection from the reality that often the
    people we compare ourselves to are more successful, have an abundance of love
    whether they deserve it or not), are more attractive and have a plethora of other
    benefits and opportunities granted to them. A comparison is after all a comparison.
    Some people have more and some have less.

    2. Your mind can be a very convincing liar.

    While thoughts can convince us that we are less than, they can also convince
    us we are more than. They are, after all just thoughts. But thoughts also
    contain elements of intuition, which is compressed knowledge. If our thoughts
    are rooted in evidence, such as a hypothesis that is proven, then thoughts
    are an accurate tool for determining truth. If our thoughts are predicated upon
    emotion, I’m better and good because……, then we are delusional. It goes
    both ways.

    3. There is more right with you than wrong with you.

    First you have to delineate what “right” and “wrong” exactly means before
    making a blanket statement. Then you would have to weight them, because
    one wrong could outweigh all the right and vice versa. Regardless, there
    are people who have more “wrong” with them than right, so please do not
    belittle those that are truly struggling with their challenges by making such
    a patently false statement.

    4. You need to love the most when you feel you deserve it the least.

    What kind of love and who do you project it upon? What if you
    don’t have someone to pour your “love” into? This is perhaps the biggest
    lie on the list. Perhaps you’ve just been dumped by the love of your life
    who you want to marry. You are devastated and feel worthless. Moreover,
    the person who dumped you is now suing you, because they want to
    exploit you, for sexual harassment. To go out an “love,” even self love, at this
    point is not possible. To “love” someone else would be unhealthy. You’re
    a basket case and need professional help, not “love!”

    5. You have to fully accept and make peace with the “now” before you can reach and feel satisfied with the “later.”

    Actually, the converse is true. When the pain of staying exceeds the fear of leaving
    only then can change occur. Otherwise, it is our human nature to truck along down
    the same path. Sure there are outliers, but in general accepting peace with “now”
    never leads to meaningful change. Being pro-active about the present acrimonious
    situation by NOT accepting it does. It’s like an oyster that changes sand into a pearl.
    It requires an irritation to create something satisfying later.

    6. Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than on how far you have left to go.

    We should always focus on the goal, NOT be diverted by the progress of the journey or analyzing how far we’ve come. If we focus solely on the “progress” we aimlessly meander and loose focus and purpose. Moreover, we may never arrive. Regardless, some people can’t make “progress,” are are stuck in quick sand. The harder they try to get out, the more they sink. Those people should never focus on how far they’ve come, because their progress has lead them to a hopeless situation. They only should focus on getting help to get out.

    7. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.
    Perhaps the most nonsensical statement of all. People who hate themselves don’t expect to love themselves. They are reinforcing all the toxic negativity that has been thwarted at them. Our opinions of ourselves are shaped through the eyes of others, not ourselves. If we are fed a diet of worthlessness we become that. It often happens at an early age by parents who simply don’t parent. The negativity is calcified in the brain and many people end up truly hating themselves. Moreover, it is indeed annoying simple to tell someone who hates themselves to love themselves. It’s like saying, the way to win the lottery is to stop buying loosing tickets. It is far more complex than the nonsense the author is perpetuating on the gullible reader.

    The spurious platitudes perpetuated by Madison Sonnier may make people feel good temporarily, but they are not real. They are painted with broad brush strokes and are not applicable for all people. Ultimately, Sonnier’s K-mart philosophy engenders more harm. What is important to realize, no matter how painful, is reality. We are simply not enough just as we are. Or to put it another way, some people are more “enough” than others. We can’t possibly live up to expectations and resultantly loose out on love, jobs and money. Because this phenomenon is real, marketers exploit us by selling beauty aids, phony educational credentials and get rich quick schemes. It’s capitalism working on our “not enough” psyche. But let’s suppose we were enough for just a moment. Everyone would be with the person they loved, have the perfect job and have financial security. It’s not possible, because there will always be competition for scarce resources. Those who are enough will get them and those who are not will loose out. If we buy into the “I’m enough” worldview, we are attaching to a delusion that will cause great mental harm. The sad truth is, many people are not enough and never will be.

  • Daniela

    I have battled this for years. Any chance others that have this same recurring nightmare have been abused as children (verbally and/or physically)?

  • Daniela

    I wish we could have a support group -I could have written your post…(((hugs))))

  • Daniela

    (((hugs)))…i can so relate and i’m very sorry you have suffered

  • Arrow

    Thank you 🙂

  • Lynn

    Wow Madison, this is exactly how I often feel and think. It’s very tiring for myself, but also for the people around me (I imagine) who I go to when I need love and comfort (cause usually that means I’m crying). Especially the sentence ‘you can’t hate your way into loving yourself’ is very accurate. I have bookmarked this article and will contemplate about it more!

  • Cassie

    Thank you for writing this. I really needed to read this tonight. 🙂

  • Jaku Keh

    thanks, i needed that.

  • Amber

    Thank you. A friend once said it’s not what words are said but how they are said.

    You said it beautifully. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  • CJ

    Thank you Madison. It’s funny how these articles pop up when you need them the most. I’ve been struggling with self esteem issues for as long as I’ve known and It’s so difficult to feel happy for my friends who are progressing so well when my future is so uncertain. This post really made me feel so much better today.

  • Carolls

    Don’t believe everything you think. Those 5 words never occurred to me. I thought my inner voice was THE voice of truth. The very mean – but truthful – things about me that I try so hard to keep hidden from the world. Everyday I venture out into the world presenting myself as the person I want to be …kind, fun, hard working, while in my mind lurks the real me. A flawed idiot just stumbling thru life with a million examples to prove just why you are better off not getting to know me. My makeup is a thin veil for the real me, and I’ve got my trusty inner voice to remind me and keep me in check.

    My inner bully keeps me from forgiving myself. It hauls out my past mistakes when -and especially if I’ve done something I feel good about – just in case I start to get too big for my boots. Doesn’t matter how old the misdeed, there’s no expiration date. I wouldn’t dream of treating someone this way. I always believed in 2nd or even 3rd chances, just not for myself tho. Wow…

  • Gina

    I’m in high school and I have to tell you that this helped alot. There is so much stress to be perfect for college abs to get perfect test scores that it really lowers your self esteem. I was nearly depressed, But reading this gave me hope. Thank you so much for the confidence.

  • Jaclyn

    This is truly inspiring. I like the last one “You cant hate your way into loving yourself” Sometimes I feel like I want to be anybody but myself. I cut myself down, feel unworthy and not good enough which tends to back fire on me because you really are what you think. Remaining positive for me is a life long struggle but I can say that you changed my outlook today…Thank you 🙂

  • SelfLoathing

    Number seven is sort of baffling. I mean if I wanted to love myself, I wouldn’t hate myself in the first place. No, I hate myself into a form that I can hate myself even more.

  • Dave

    Beautiful, wise and true words. My hope is that the author will never feel unworthy again, having committed the loving act of writing them and sharing them with the world.

  • Rita

    Enjoyed this great article.

  • “When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings. They are beautifully imperfect human beings” – Wow! This is the most helpful line I have read about see people for what they are. I have heard it often but had a hard time seeing people without judgement. This is a very honest article! Made me feel better instantly!

  • NeverNotSad

    I just want someone to love me. I know I’m not worth it, I’ve fucked up too many times in my life. I know I’m just too strange for people to want to be with day in and day out, but it hurts when nobody calls or texts back. I’m such a social creature, but I’m too short for women to want to be with me, (the entire internet has told me so, seriously, look up how many women have height requirements just to respond to their online dating posts), and every time I try to reach out to them, the next day I can almost feel how weirded out by me they are. I’m not ugly, I’m not stupid, I can make people laugh, but I’m so completely insecure and I can’t get past it. It’s hard to hold your chin up, when the collective internet doesn’t want to either talk to you, none-the-less date you, basically because I’m truthful and don’t lie about my situation or height. It’s like #4, the lonelier I am the less I hear from “Friends.” I used to be the center of social circles and now I’m the center of my own, and I just want to be able to talk to someone without feeling like they regretted inviting me, or that I have to pay them because it’s their job. I thought friends were supposed to help you grow, and get over your shit, instead I just feel like my friends would just rather I not contact them. I’m sure this isn’t how it truly is, but how do you get past overwhelming feeling. maybe I should just be locked up and put in therapy for the rest of my life, at least then I’d talk to people who were there to talk to me, instead of wishing I would, “just get over it.”

  • Steph

    What a truly wonderful article! Just before I came across this article I was, like Sherrie, having a little pity party. I felt like I a dim lightbulb amongst the brighter ones, being surrounded by so many talented people who are capable of doing so much more complicated tasks than myself. Comparing myself to others hurt, and this post has made me realize that I’ve been overthinking. Thank you for this post, Madison!

  • tin€

    Those wr d feelings i had for a over a year now..
    thank you for letting me overcum it.

  • Good post!
    “I’m not good enough”
    I really don’t care if others think it & that’s because I really don’t care what others think but when I think it,
    & I do often, it does get to me.

    I work in IT security

    ● I’m some what of a perfectionist.
    ● Logic is something very close to me.
    ● I have an overactive mind.
    ● I’m always trying to reach my full potential.

    “I’m not good enough” comes into play mostly with work & not being good enough is a fear that I have.

    When I feel this way, I do try to tell myself
    my favorite quotes from sci-fi that’s very close to me.

    This one is from the Dune book.
    “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

    The other is from Star Trek a Vulcan saying
    “I’m in control my emotions, my emotions do not control me, only through logic will I prevail”
    I may have F-ed up a bit on the ending of this one. don’t remember how its go’s at the end.

    I will try some of the things in your post a try to see if they help me.

  • Lauren Robertson

    This is beautiful and inspiring Madison – thank you. xx

  • regina gore

    Thank you so much for writing this article. All my life i suffer criticizing and comparing myself to others, in every aspect of my life i find faults and flaws. All the happy moments, compliments and blessings i receive is like temporary in my mind because my negative thoughts overcome. I want to change but i cant. I knew to myself that i had a problem and need to seek a better listener… That could give me advice. I always think that im no good even if people compliments me in my apperance i just dont know how to trust myself. Pls help.. I want to be friend with you rae

  • gr8fulls

    I don’t know if I will ever feel like I’m good enough, but it helps to read this.

  • Anonymous

    As I’ve been feeling down and sad and just basically thinking crazy thoughts reading this article put a smile on my face and I want to thank you for writing this

  • sherine

    This article is just so perfectly helpful, it made me feel so much better and things are simpler than I thought, you seem to always know what you’re talking about not just an immature writer who writes things we all know or out of topic. Totally grateful thank you ♡♡♥♥♥

  • Mighty Hawk

    you’ve helped me so much by simply writing this. Thank you so much madison. You are very wise.

  • Bravo Ogbe

    I want to use this opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a pleasurable one today. This great man Dr AB who brought my husband back to me, i had 2 lovely kids for my husband, about 3 years ago i and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows an Ad pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case and that i shouldn’t worry about it at all so i asked her what was the solution to my problems and she gave me this great man phone number and his email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them all, he told me to wait for just two day and that my husband will come crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what this great man asked me to do and for sure after two days i heard a knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are happy.that’s why i want to say a big thank you to Dr ABU This great man made me to understand that theirs no problem on earth that has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to this great man. you can email himABUSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM

  • Robert

    Hello, my name is Roberto and im from Argentina (almost champions, we´ll see that on sunday XD) And I feel depressed…and lame…and a lil bit sleeply cause its 1 am right here lol but I found this blog and i just love what you have write here. Im going to traslate it into spanish, even though im not fully into english i will try and share it with the people i know. (I promise not use google translator…well…..ok i promise) Thank you and greetings from Buenos Aires Argentina!

  • Miriam

    Great article with a lot of good advice. I’ve struggled with intense self loathing and feelings of inferiority ever since I can remember. I don’t even usually post in discussions like these, for exactly that reason–I don’t feel like everyone else has more important things to say. But I was upset about one part of your article and want to put it out there.

    This is an article trying to give some support to people who don’t love themselves. You tell an anecdote about someone’s life you saved even though you thought you weren’t important. Message: Now you know you’re important after all because someone’s life was saved because of you. What happens if no one’s life gets saved because of me, or even touched? What happens if I don’t have an anecdote to prove that my life means something because I’ve impacted someone in a positive way? To me, your anecdote, while wonderful for the person who was saved by your article, was actually discouraging.

  • Ben


  • Kt

    I’m currently sitting in a cafe waiting for an interview. My negative thoughts are running rampant, so I typed into Google – what to do when you don’t feel good enough. This blog showed up and I’m so glad it did. Your words help me to centre and remind myself why I’m good enough. Thankyou for sharing – it’s such a gift

  • Zaniest

    thank you

  • SAT59

    Thank you for posting this, it really helps with the things that are impossible to talk about.

  • Rob

    Thank you for this. This is the first time on your blog. I’ve been feeling so down lately because of my own thoughts. I just can’t seem to be happy with anything around me. The only time I’m truly happy is when I am listening to music or watching a film. I’d always had it in my head that I’d be a musician or actor. Growing up poor in a small rural town made me focus on other types of skill, and I never got the chance to nurture my interests in making the art that I love and gets me by. Now all I can feel is that its too late, and that the only thing that makes me feel satisfied is something I truly have no talent in. I am talented in many other areas and I’ve held many jobs, but the thought is always nagging at the back of my mind. I know I need to think positively and take the initiative to try and follow through on my dreams, but I’m a 23 year old still living with my mother and no job and it makes me feel like my priorities once again should be elsewhere. It’s hard for me day to day, so once again i want to thank you for this article. It’s going to get me through today.

  • Babychiq

    Hi….. I came about your blog because some annoying friend of mine used some part of this article as his status post on facebook whithout giving credits to you and i was so annoyed! I just don’t like plagiarism. But I commend you, very good points! Good job!

  • No need to say that your article is wonderful, but I still can’t get over what I am experiencing right now. All the things and talks seem meaningless and worthless to me. I am in sever depression kind of thing and do want anyone to be around

  • Tracy Curtis

    Loving your work. check out Richard Wilkins at The ministry of inspiration. He talks about the inner critic and explains that it is not you. It is just your script. YOU wouldn’t choose to think that way so who’s choosing? You are amazing and you don’t need fixing. You simply need to recognise when you are in your script. His partner Liz Ivory explains it better in her book ” It’s not your fault because you’re not choosing”. Lots of clips from Richard on you tube too. Their course “Broadband Consciousness saved my life”. Awesome. Xxx

  • fantomas

    i want to die, nothing of this words are true to me, i see love i found hate, i hate they hate me more, i appologies they throw me away, i love them i change for me, to grow, to trully change and constantly they (everyone) reminds me youre nothing, even church, religions, tolerant people, every fkn one!! and the one who told love me just let me die in their arms.

    but anyways the only one that can defeat me is myself.

  • Alex Morales

    It’s 2:30 am. I’ve been depressed lately for not having many friends and feeling like I’m not good enough for my parents, I don’t reach my full potential by playing any sports, and beat myself up for my flaws. This post changed all of that. Thank you for this.

  • cindy

    I feel completelywrtorthless and not needed sometimes just don’t want to leave the house because I’ve gained some weight , today my husband called me fat. I’m a stay at home mom and I just don’t know what to do I do t want to be seen I feel as tnough I am a waste os spa e or life and have nothing to look forward too , and it hurts badly.

  • Sofiya

    Thank you, Madison. You seem to be a beautiful person.

  • bullseye

    This helped a lot. Thank you so much 🙂

  • rose

    This makes me feel better then before I read this. I struggle horriably with antelophobia.

  • ellebelle

    ‘Being willing to put ourselves out there is an accomplishment within itself, regardless of how many times we fail.’ – loved that sentence, it’s so true! Sometimes we can put ourselves down if things don’t always go to plan or according to the picture we have in our heads of how it should have been. Or maybe even that someone did it better. I have a real problem with comparing myself to others, it totally saps my joy and makes me feel as though I’m not enough and I think it’s something we all struggle with at some point and the idea of being ‘enough’, – Sometimes I don’t enough know what ‘enough’ is, only that I’ll never be it.

    But we can only be who we are- and it also comforts me to think that others don’t see it the way that we see it in our head and appreciate our good qualities- probably more than we do ourselves!

    One of my favourite quotes is ‘all we are is all we are’ which in a way speaks for itself, we are who we are and life’s experiences shape us and add to that person.

    We can make choices that make us happy & sometimes we do have to push ourselves to remind us of the lovely, great things we have about ourselves that are unique and make us different and I’m learning to accept that different is a good thing!

    Thank you for your lovely blog, it made my negative thinking positive this evening 🙂 XO

  • ellebelle

    that book sounds awesome!

  • Collin

    Just got fired and was having a really tough day. I literally googled “what do you do when you feel like you’re not good enough at life” and yours was the first to pop up. I needed to be reminded that this is a progression and that I need to love myself even harder right now rather than beat myself up. If you see this, thank you. None of my friends answered their phones.

  • justine

    I wanted to say thanks for posting this article. I’ve recently got a job after five years of being in isolation dealing with advanced cancer and a long recovery so the learning curve of this new job has been intense in many ways. After my illness and all the changes in my life, my self-confidence has been shot in terms of my skills and abilities and yesterday after being a month in the job I got told I wasn’t performing well enough and my trainer was sometimes frustrated by this. It really upset me but I kept it together until I finally got home and started beating myself up in a horrid way by how hopeless I was and how I was going to be good enough. But upon reflection I know that if I don’t pull this job off at the 3 month probationary period, it isn’t the end of the world. I’ve ultimately gone through worse in my life plus I know I’ve made definite progress in the job I just need more time to do it better and faster. Your Point 6 was great. It spoke volumes to me and you’ve also made me realise that putting myself out there after five years is an accomplishment in and of itself. Thanks for bringing that to my attention.

  • Tamir

    Wow Madison! That was the most beautiful blog I’ve ever read. Probably because this blog is exactly what I needed. Thank you! Now I will put on my boxing gloves and begin to combat this thing we call life! Madison Sonnier

  • Becca Bankston

    Hey everybody, at least you guys have husbands/family. I am 50 and probably will never be married. I have no children, no siblings, no job, and few friends to speak of (they probably get tired of my Pollyanna personality). Even Hitler had a girlfriend, but maybe she just wanted him for his money. Thank god for tv, movies, cats and books.

  • Vranak

    Great post Madison!

  • Chris w Harrison

    Dear Madison, such a great article and exactly how I feel a lot. Today was a rough day but I AM STILL HERE AND GOING TO KEEP GOING AND KICK BUTT. I AM !

  • Ich bin sehr glücklich, ich möchte meine Zeugnisse mit der Öffentlichkeit über das, was dieser Mann namens Dr. AWIASE hat gerade für mich getan zu teilen, dieser Mann hat einfach wieder meine verlorene Ex Ehemann mit seiner großen Zauber zu mir gebracht, ich war verheiratet, dies zu Mann namens Steven waren wir zusammen für eine lange Zeit, und wir haben unseren Selbstbau, aber wenn ich nicht in der Lage, ein Kind er für 2 Jahre zu geben war er mir gelassen und sagte mir, er kann nicht mehr weiter dann war ich nun auf der Suche nach Möglichkeiten, um ihn zu bekommen zurück, bis ein Freund von mir erzählte mir von diesem Mann und gab seine Kontaktdaten per E-Mail (LANDOFOGUN@OUTLOOK.COM), dann werden Sie nicht glauben, als ich diesen Mann kontaktiert auf meine Probleme bereitete er diesen Zauberspruch und bringen meine verlorene Mann zurück, und nach einem Monat habe ich vermisse meine Monat und gehen Sie für einen Test und der ausgewiesene Ergebnis bin schwanger bin heute glücklich bin eine Mutter von einem Baby, ich danke Ihnen noch einmal die große Dr. AWAISE für das, was Sie für mich getan haben, wenn Sie unterwegs sind gibt, die durch diese gleiche Art von Problemen, kann er sich auf seinem Mail in Kontakt treten heute (LANDOFOUTLOOK.COM), und er wird Ihnen auch helfen, so gut Sie können ihn über 2347032286452 anrufen und Sie können mich auch anrufen über +1 (709) 3830327 Uhr aus Kanada

  • Joe5523

    Fantastic article, well said Mrs Sonnier. It sounds conceited, but I’m one of those people who you mentioned in the article, the kind of person that looks like they have it all. ( I say this in a completely humble way). And you’re right. Those people don’t have it all. Actually, that’s not true. They may have all the ‘human gifts’ i.e. good looks, intelligence, kindness, and they may have all the ‘material possessions’, but that doesn’t mean that they are completely happy. I am weekly, daily during this holiday period, consumed by the exact same emotions that you describe in the article. I go on to my computer to relax, and end up scrolling through endless Wiki pages of people my age who genuinely seem to be living everyone’s dream, and I think ‘Why them, and not me?’. I’m just glad to know other people feel the same way.

  • Of Poets & Heartbreakers Blog

    I loved this! I especially like “Don’t believe everything you think.” I’ve never heard it before and I think it’s brilliant! Thanks for sharing!

  • Paulos K

    I REALLY want to do all the things you mentioned above but the truth is will i be able to do them? or someone will “brake” my goal again…. i REALLY want to be like those care-free guys i watch on TV or even in real life but i dont know if i really can….
    i care about others opinion more than mine,i am bored saying to me hey thats it you have to do it.. but then i stop.. do nothing just freezing and thinking negativly, and then staying with my family (alone) and thinking what would happen if i didnt stoped.

  • Rebeca Argos

    I totally agree. The the best line!

  • Becky Astin Mays

    Thank you so much. I needed this?

  • aya


  • Anonymous

    Thanks you for those words Madison!

  • mike

    I looked over your list now I’ve tried all those steps but I have to think logically what ever I chase I can never catch I’ve loved people but they never loved me back if they. Did they wouldn’t have did the things there done when I was younger people always said u have so much potential I’m 31 and the only thing I consistently manage to do is lose no matter what I sacrifice I have nothing left to give and people still don’t stop asking me for help but when I needed them they just watched me lose everything I’m tired all I wanna do is be successful and be happy but I don’t think that will ever happen next shit is about to get worse I can see it like being steps ahead at. Chess game night I know I’m bout to get check mated in 4 moves not I can’t stop it

  • ella

    Thanks. I needed this!

  • Bobbi

    Is there anyone out there to talk to?

  • Bobbi

    Just like everything else, no one there…

  • Dillon James Weidner

    Danke Shon! After a seriously deppressing week your article is pretty hopeful and sympathetic. Most days I hate being human, but were all in this together right! thanks, love

  • Eliza

    Thank you so much. I’ve been in a dark place for awhile now and I’m so glad I found this. A great resource for healing, and hits close to home. Thank you, really.

  • Paeka

    I wish this text could help me like it does all the other wonderful people here in the comment section, but not one of these things seems applicable for me… 20 years old since Friday, haven’t reached a single thing, even not knowing what I want, which might just be the most frustrating one, had a possibly great relationship ahead but broke it down because of bounding fear and a lack of time to deal with it now… the only thing I reached in life is learning how to put myself aside… I have got myself out of an depression in my younger years (didn’t realize back then how deep I actually was and the reason I got out is actually horrible, so this is not even a thing to be a little proud of…) done some things to change my mind, positive mind and all the other stuff, but they just seem to be deceiving, like I keep falling in these moments that I first called down moments, everyone has those I guess, but now they just seem to be my realistic moments, it’s like I’m deceiving myself with all these tricks but nothing really changes a thing, It’s just shoveled up for a little time, until I put the facts down and realize I haven’t changed a bit..

  • Ria

    Just found this post n wanna say, Thanks ALOT Hanna! You dont know how your post really made my day. Since college, i developing a low self-esteem issue. Like the one you mention above. I always feel like im not good enough, not attractive enough, not friendly enough, an introvert so on while my friends have things that i dont have like tall, breathtaking pretty face, great sex appeal, outgoing, drinker, queen party so on. I have hard time dealing with all these thought. It just eating my heart and soul slowly. So everytime i met new people or guy, my mind will always whispering ,’you r not good enough, they will just ask you some basic question n then move to your pretty friend for a conversation and contact exchange.’ That’s it! And when i thought i was the only one who got this silly issue, here you are, with your post (just found it after months) and your exact same experience like me. Somehow i feel stronger now, that my mind just a whispering liar sometimes and that i am not the only one with this issue. :)))))

  • Sescudero

    Hi Madison, many thanks for the article!!! Exactly what I need at this point. Very helpful .

  • Hammer

    This seems to work for some people but has nothing to do with me not knowing how to tell if I have any self worth. Where is that article?

  • Anonymous

    I’ve hated myself, my life, and everything and everyone around me since I was 12. Its been 6 years…and nothing has been able to change my thoughts. ‘Supportive’ articles like yours, very little support in real life…nothing has helped. And life only gets worse with age, that’s the only thing I’ve learned all this while…aside from the fact that suicide IS the only way out. I’ve attempted it before, *almost* died (the method was slightly lacking) and tbh it feels like suicide is the ONLY thing in life worth trying again and again, until you succeed.

  • Billy

    Intellectually I get it, I really know these things but knowing them doesn’t make the shitty feelings go away. I can’t usually even hear the thoughts, it’s just this general heavy feeling and sluggishness that comes over me. Two thought I do hear all the time is”I can’t be bothered” and “what’s the point”. These two thoughts play over and over in my head. Im guessing these two thoughts may be masking other thoughts as they are kind of like responses.

  • Liping

    you’ve caught a virus that’s been circulating in the world. breathe, watch how it’s circulating in your mind, heart and body. keep watching until it leaves. Many Blessings <3, L.

  • Liping

    do you realize that your illness and the whole “worst” period has strengthened you?

  • Liping

    (Y)! awesome comment!

  • Liping

    (Y)! Try Eckhart Tolle, facebook or his website. google 🙂

  • Liping

    great comment!

  • Fabián De León

    I wish I could understand this : /

  • Tiaan Charl Venter

    Thank you Madison. Your article can inspire me to just be myself. “What we don’t seem to realize is that striving for success and being willing to put ourselves out there is an accomplishment within itself, regardless of how many times we fail.” And If at first you don’t succeed, try again.

  • Janet

    I never realised how much I needed this before… Thank you for helping me and so many others :”)

  • Andrew


  • jt

    I’m a nobody I feel the same way like I’m not good enough for anything and anybody, I’m never going to make it to my goals in life I just won’t

  • Damendra Singh

    I Googled “I am not good at anything what should I do” and I landed on this page. I was devastated with what I have been facing for last two days. I failed two of my very important exams for public sector job. Moreover, I am out of practice on drums for like more than a month, my band isn’t doing good, and what I earn is just enough to cater my basic needs.

    But finally, your article gave me a new hope and a reason to be happy again. I really dont know where my life is headed but after reading your article, I must say I am not gonna worry about it anymore. Thanks to you for writing this article and thanks to Google too for placing it on top of search results.

  • picklepower

    I accually get that feeling a lot and I feel like this new girl at my school has more than I do even though I have been there since pre-k and it really stinks knowing that you know ppl better than the new person but ur ‘best friends’ choose the new person instead of u cuz they have more than u:'(

  • June

    I am nearing the end. I am 57 years old. I can no longer cope with the overwhelming load of all of my failure. I have been let go for the 11th time from a profession that I have spent 20 years working in. I only have an Associates degree in the science, and no Engineering degree. I am lesbian and single and have been for quite some time.

    I lived in Michigan, she in Tennessee. I moved to TN2 years after we started to see one another. My job had sent me there, and had terminated my employment a number of months later. My partner died in 2008, and the “partnership” was filled with drugs, alcohol and distrust for the most part. For as much as I tried, I was too lazy to get out of the relationship in time. She was a good person, but was controlled by alcohol and drugs. I too used drugs for a time, but quit before I finally left her. She was diagnosed with cancer 7 months later. So no, it was not a real love relationship to begin with.

    Truly, I no longer have the strength to continue.

    I have the means, and have no intention of leaving a note, because that would be stupid. As a type 1 diabetic, my finish would be seen as a sad accident that often happens in the type 1 diabetic community.

    My dog is old, and would either be taken by a friend of mine, my mother or simply be given to an animal shelter. All that I really need to do is write my banking and house to my younger borther’s ss #. That may be too much for me. Some of us just need to go.

  • Sunny

    I was on the brink of piercing my skin, letting the blood flow from my veins until I read this. Thank you so much for existing and sharing your endless wisdom 🙂

  • A sad soul

    I stammer frequently, i was once a great speaker. Any amount of your advice cannot help me overcome the fear which grips me when i know i am about to falter, so trust me these advices are nothing more than belch of a filled stomach.

  • Hayhay

    Thank you for writing this 🙂

  • Unknown

    Thankyou:) I’ve really been worrying about this for a while now, thinking I’m not good enough but since I’ve read this Ive realised that I’m me and it can’t change:) you’ve really opened up my eyes to see what is right with me rather than what’s wrong. Thank you so much!

  • jennifer

    Thank you for saving my life. You’re my hero.

  • Di

    This makes me feel slightly less like crap about myself. Thank you.

  • Justine

    Thank you…

  • mayse

    thanks you helped me out I always felt like I am a nobody and now that I read what you wrote I finally can say that I feel like I could let all my negative thought go and let all that when away thank you so much

  • Matthew Allen

    Every night I hope I don’t wake up in the morning and hate myself even more for not having the balls to end my exsistance I’m just a joke to everyone have been constantly bullied mainly verbal all my life no one has any respect for me the people I do speak to just pretend there my friends but really they just enjoy laughing at me and talking down to me like I’m a piece of crap because of the constant abuse I don’t like people any social events don’t even want to go to funeral service I’m a hermit . I did have a good thing in my life once but it’s hard to believe in a love you can’t have now it’s ruined for good mainly because 1 of the things I have been bullied for is Penis size I’ve been called stump now for more than half my life and it’s mainly this that I’m paranoid about I no size matters and why would a women love a laughing stock with small cock I could go on all night about my shit life I just feel like I’m either going to flip and kill someone end up in the nuthouse or killing myself if I told the doctor about this I’d already be locked up cause this is only the tip of the iceberg

  • Becca Bankston

    Matthew some women don’t want a large cock or even a medium cock. Sometimes after a woman has had cervix or uterus surgery, her vagina becomes very short and or small and sex can hurt and she would rather just only have the tip of a penis inside of her because anything else can be too uncomfortable. So don’t despair about that and most women would rather get oral sex than regular since its mostly about clitoral stimulation. Yes, guys might make fun of you, but if you are a straight guy, who cares what guys think? you should just care what a woman thinks. To hell with other guys.

    It sounds to me like you also are suffering from depression and that can be the result of a genetic vitamin and mineral imbalance and deficiency. I would recommend to start taking Trace Minerals Research “Mega Mag” Ionic Liquid Magnesium Chloride (1/2 dropperfull to start, slowly working up to 2 dropperfulls in Am and 2 dropperfulls in pm over the course of a couple weeks or so) Magnesium Chloride is the best absorbed form of magnesium and magnesium will help you not be as depressed or anxious about your situation. I would also recommend taking Vitamin C with rose hips or bioflavanoids capsules and eating an orange and an avocado every day. Oranges are great for the vitamin C and Folate and the avocado is great for the glutathione. Also steamed potatoes are great. And for sure get the Trace Minerals Research “mega Mag” Ionic Liquid Magnesium Chloride.

    Take care and to hell with the bullies/haters. As Justin Bieber said, “there’s gonna be haters” and he should know, he has many more haters than you do 🙂

  • Dharma

    thank you for this. I recently lost my long time career due to a work related injury and soon will become homeless until my workers comp case settles. My finance left me shortly after due to my situation (I know she wasn’t worth thinking about). When she left, she told me “how can you take care of someone else when you can’t even take care of yourself”. As a result, my inner critic keeps kicking me to the ground daily. thank you for this post.

  • Dharma

    Please don’t take your life. You are so young and do not know what tomorrow might bring.

  • Estela

    This post was beyond beautiful

  • Tiara

    Thank you. This helped me a lot and it was right on time too. Thank you.

  • valeria

    thank you for this article. the ”Don’t believe everything you think” was enough to stop my tears. There was a time when I used to be good [if not great], when my brain was so hungry that I used to have great marks and all… now, I’m just SHIT. every college year I fear failing it…I have 2 exams tomorrow, couldn’t focus at all, google recommended me this article. Thank you 🙂

  • Weierstrass

    I don’t read blogs or anything much, but I want you to know that I am bookmarking this. Thank you.

  • Fabian

    I enjoyed reading that post. I believe that positive thinking can transcend from one to reach millions. Like a conduit. Stay positive, just wanted to encourage you in your endeavors. Bless

  • Fabian
  • Patricio

    Hola Madison!

    I read this article some months ago, and every time Im feeling mehh about myself.. I read it again! load and clear!…

    I have a wonderful life, I’m super happy, I quit my job to be full time artist, I traveled 7 years to europe, asia pacific, middle east, etc; I study, worked, learned, etc…

    After the movement, in 33 years of life, I came out as a bisexual guy.. but haha Im afraid of relationships, I don’t like to have sexual relations or making out, if I don’t have feelings for them.

    So I fall in loved n love of this guy , who was the first guy I ever been with… I know im good looking, smart and funny.. but above all , good.. but I always .. always feel less worthy.. I compare myself with this guy .. who is attractive, but super player.. After some years of pain and always “showing the other cheek” .. now we are good friends..

    But he don’t love me.. and everyday this make me think I’m not enough… IT IS STUPID REALLY.. I know I have so much.. but my feelings make me go down down down down.. so basically I live like a priest.. I don’t go out , I just go with my family and friends.. no relationships, etc. I volunteer, I play rugby or hiking.. but In the end of the day .. I just wonder WHY IM NOT ENOUGH!!.

    I’m better now and your article give me peace and makes the storm to fade before starting…

    I just hope to be able to love me more.. Im the mean while!! is my mantra haha and I glad you wrote it.. helps a lot .. je t’embrasse!!

  • Sheryll Ann Trinidad

    I want to tell you also that your article helped me in such a big way.
    I’ve been very mean to myself recently, and I just can’t feel love. I felt that I’m not as important as others are.

    But your article made me realize that maybe, I’m just being mean to myself. And nothing good will happen to me if I continue that. So I’ll keep in mind these 7 things, when I think I’m not good enough. 🙂

  • lovelife

    Thank You very much Madison. I dunno how to say it but i feel much better after reading this article.

  • Jess

    Thank you for this article. Many people struggle with self worth and this was really helpful.

  • max

    About to go back yo default depression, until i read this. Thanks. A lot.

  • Sister Braswell

    I think this is so true. This article is exactly what almost evey girl goes though. The media puts out this image of what “pefect” is, and everyone feels like they have to look like that. I have had a hard time with compaing myself with the world and I think what helped me the most is to remember how much God loves me and that we are beautiful in His eyes.

  • Thank you so much Madison for your beautiful and honest words. I’m on my own self-love journey. My favorite points are 6 and 7. I’ve come across the concept progress vs. perfection about 5 times in the last 2 weeks so I’m going to take it as a sign : ) Number 7 makes me giggle because it’s so true. Cheryl Richardson has a great quote which goes something like … if beating yourself up worked you’d be rich, thin and happy, try loving yourself instead. I’ve also been learning a lot from researcher Kristin Neff. She works specifically with self-compassion. You may want to check her out. Blessings on your wonderful journey!

  • Kaelin

    Thank you so much for this! It helps me a lot with a lot of misfortunes I come across in my daily life.

  • Mslaugh

    I was debating choosing the 20 things to make you feel better over the 7. But these are simple and perfect. In a bout of depression reading these words really help. Thank you so much, what a great article

  • Ettercap

    I really don’t know how to cope with anxiety I will literally sit in the stall of a bathroom during work break to avoid being seen or having any uncomfortable interactions. I have been through so many lows in my life I’ve pretended to have friends, and this is embarrassing to say but I have texted myself to seem like someone is texting me and faked incoming phone calls even had fake phone contacts. I can’t sit alone in public it gives me terrible anxiety it just seems like so many people fit in somewhere or can adapt to situations and although I’ve tried I get nervous beyond the ability to speak. Friends that I have made in the past used me for money or expected or even demanded I do certain things for them or we couldn’t be friends, I just want a natural relationship/friendship that isn’t dependant only on what I can sacrifice. I got to a point where I thought isolation would be safer for me and that maybe I could be okay just going about life by myself but its such a large burden to only spectate. I feel like i have to keep it a secret that I don’t have friends its humiliating and I fear if someone knows I don’t have any friends they will assume there is something wrong with me, it really does seem like you need friends to make friends… I’m such a loyal person and will go out of my way to help a friend I have no other agendas I just want friendship I can be there at a moments notice and when I had friends i would devote time to making plans with them yet I never received the same back from them, only when they had a favor to ask for.

  • That one guy

    I’ve recently moved far from any family to start my career in a scary place. For the last year I’ve battled my inner thoughts and today crumbled over me. This post saved me. I’ve never been good at telling myself that I’m “all good” but this really helped me

  • cyunkown

    I can only see 3 solutions in my head with these problems that am also facing(among many others):
    -either i start killing people that in my point of view don’t deserve to live which is not in my nature to be violent but sometimes i really want to
    -put a bullet in my head to end this so called “life is precious”crap many people say
    -or something in between,start taking powerful pills to ease the pain…

  • matthew

    Thank you

  • Muhlenrad

    I already know all of this but I still hate myself. I can’t logic my way out of hating myself – and knowing that I have no logical reason to hate myself makes me feel even worse.

  • BlueSky7

    Thank you for bringing me back to Earth.

  • Vikas Kumar

    Nobody likes me in the hostel because I don’t follow their ways…They use to drink, smoke, use abusive words which I don’t like. What to do? I’m very depressed.

  • Kath

    Thank you for this article. I’ve read it a few times. Right now I am really struggling because I have always seen myself as a hippy, a free spirit, and an artist, but all I want right now is a semi-stable job and a home. I really wish I was capable of surviving with zero security, but I just give myself crying all the time and unable to sleep, or pursue any of my passions because I so want these things and I feel like a bad person for wanting them. My life feels really out of control and I feel like I should like it that way but I don’t.

  • catmonroy3

    Hi Madison,
    Today I went to a meeting for the high school newspaper, because my friend and I wrote some articles. When we get there, the head of the club starts praising my best friend for her writing, saying stuff like her writing has flair and a great sense of humor, while I’m just sitting there. Then he turns to me and says “you’re a good writer, but her writing is more polished”. I really don’t know why this comment hurt me so much. Maybe because writing is my only passion, and I want to pursue journalism as a career. So after hearing that comment, I felt like I couldn’t make it as a writer. If my writing isn’t “polished”, how will I succeed as a journalist? How will my writing stand out from the rest? All day, I’ve been asking myself these questions, and going over what happened in my mind. I felt so down, so I was wondering if you had any advice?? I just need to know if it’s all in my mind, of I really should rethink my career choices.

  • Doris Blackwell

    The best thing you can do at this point, is go to a writers group meeting or take a course. Of course it hurt, but it could have been said in a better “critiqueing manner”. But look at it as a good lesson! If you sewed a dress and it didn’t fit properly, you wouldn’t throw it in the garbage, you would rip out some seams and re-do them till it fit. Maybe you should read some of her work and try to find the ”’polish. Or let a teacher tell you how to polish your own work Good Luck. Go for your dream!

  • Doris Blackwell


  • Doris Blackwell

    Make a list of all the “hate” reasons. Then look at each one carefully, and see what you can or WHY you can’t change yourself! Do just one positive thing. Start with the easiest and work yourself up to the hardest.

  • Doris Blackwell

    -Why do you think killing other people is going to cure your problem?? Go out and smash rocks with a hammer, instead! Feel better?
    -A bullet in your head? Ow, that would hurt.
    -Powerful pills – that will make things worse.
    You want to kill people, sounds like you need to join the Army and use some of that anger to help protect our country, That would be POSITIVE!

  • Doris Blackwell

    You are so anxious to have friends, it probably is obvious. Do you walk with your eyes down? Try looking up and at people and say “Hi” to as many people you can. Don’t forget to smile, too. Just one response means you made a Big Step.

    Next, do not let people use you to gain their friendship. They are users not friends!

  • Doris Blackwell

    What does that accomplish? Don’t buy ice cream, unplug the TV, turn on some music – sing along. Read a book – something funny or interesting! Start a hobby that you use to do or something new.! Get up and start moving.

  • Doris Blackwell

    A super person that is climbing out of their funk and depression.

  • Doris Blackwell

    I really agree with you. Depression is a chemical imbalance. Get a medical Check Up, be honest about depressipn. Watch taking too many medications. Go natuaral – Vitamins! Exercise, indoor is good but Outdoors is best. soooooon it will be spring. take a walk and warch the birds – they are so playful and sing, too. Live for yourself.

  • Doris Blackwell

    I agree 100%.

  • Doris Blackwell

    How short are you? You said your insecurity you need to bury in a tin can, If can make people laugh,et. You stated in #4 – the lonelier I am the less I hear from my “Friends”. Why, it is very boring to talk to people when they aren’t even trying to better yourself. You need totell your self your breaking out of this FUNK!

  • Doris Blackwell

    Please go talk to someone or go to a Grief Meeting. There are so many that feel like you. One of the strongest people I know, said she didn’t need it but her family insisted she go. It was two months before she could introuduce herself and get involved in the discussion. She had a lot to get over, her husband, her granddaughter committing suscide, a year after her boyfried had committed sucide. How cruel, they left an 8 month little boy to be raised by his grandfather (her son). She helps out a lot and the other grandmother, too. There are more deaths in the family… but by going to the Grief Meetings, she found out how much better off she was then most everone there. So are you going to do the same thing to your brother, Mother and your dog??? Please go to one Grief Meeting, please.

  • catmonroy3

    Thank you for this reply, Doris. It means a lot. After thinking about and reading this advice, I won’t let it get to me. I’ll use this situation to fuel my writing, and give my writing some purpose, so thank you again!

  • momo-ak

    This really helped me get through the day… Though I still feel a bit down, it definitely helped me. Thank you. <3

  • Nausea

    No, I can’t hate myself into self-love. I can’t “just like yourself” my way their, either.

  • Nausea

    If I could “just” like myself then I wouldn’t be here.

  • Neeraj Verma

    thanks madison…..very inspiring article….I will also try the suggestions you mentioned…

  • Terra

    I love your post. I’m glad you learned to overcome the negativity on yourself. At least your good at stuff though…your great at writing!! and other things I’m sure, but there are people out there who are literally not good at anything. That’s me. I’m probably the only one in the world who is not good at anything at all. No talents…nothing. I’ve tried painting because I like to paint. I think it’s amazing what can be done with paint. I try acrylic abstract painting, but I always seem to screw it up. My fiance doesn’t even like my paintings. I’ve seen much better paintings…i try to be just as good….i try to use my own imagination. ..i try to be original….it never works out. There was a time in my life when I was a kid and teenager that I felt smart and talented. Not anymore. … Someone is always better then me or is catching on just a little bit faster than me. I want to be better than someone just one time. I wanna not screw up..i wanna be great at something. I don’t feel great at all. I want an interesting life…adventurous life. Can’t though…i don’t have the brains to get a high paying job to do anything I wanna do. It really sucks. Be glad yall are not like me!!!

  • Kevin

    Madison, I just happen to come across this article, and it really hit home with me, especially point #5. I’ve struggling trying to make changes in both my personal and professional life, This is a great article, and it made me a take a breather so to speak and just relax and not overthink things.

  • BillandAmber Gilbert

    I’m glad I found this article. Is anyone else truly stuggling like I am. – amber

  • BillandAmber Gilbert

    I mean I am currently struggling for years now with my worries with how my invisible disability shows up in all social situations I’m to embarresed to tell anyone but since they don’t know they must be getting the wrong impression of me, this keeps happening with every new person I meet.

  • Thank you for the post, Madison. I particularly love #7 “You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.” Through my years of life I have discovered that through acceptance and cultivating heartfelt understanding of why you do what you do, profound breakthroughs will begin to emerge in your life.

  • Antonia

    Sherrie, I just wanted to let you know, that I feel the exact same way as you do. I am 47 yrs old, and I don’t think I ever really had friends, except for 4 that passed away, and they were all men. I always enjoyed being with the opposite sex, because they were not cats, like most woman. Id care if no one agrees with me, and maybe that’s what my problem is because I am too damn honest. I say it the way it is and Id care if someone agrees with me or not. I just wanted to let you know, that, sometimes the best of us, are the ones who hurt the most. I mean, deep down inside, I try not to show the pain, but meanwhile, its killing me! Also, my family and my siblings hate me, because they can’t be like me. “Open”, with my feelings and opinions about everything. My own sisters hate me. That is the worst feeling that anyone can endure. Now, I’ve had it. At what point does things change? Or do I have to just disappear into thin air, but than they would win. I wish I had just a few friends, I have my husband, but eventually after 20 yrs, he will get sick of me. Good Luck Sherrie, and Good Luck to myself. I hope and wish the best for you and you will be alright. Remember this. You have a daughter, and she definitely loves her mom, whether or not you feel it, you will feel her love when she gets older. Your husband seems like a good man, because you can communicate with him, and that is a blessing. I wish you all the best, Seriously, God Bless Sherrie. Namaste-

  • Denise Kastner

    I was a perfectionist for most of my life. I set the bar so high that it was impossible to achieve and one day I just broke. I entered the Mental Health system then. After my first attempt. I struggle for years trying to find the right balance so I didn’t hate myself so much. I finally found a psychologist that really connected with and helped me. I am on the right drug cocktail. I still have mood swings but my last severe depression was in 2012. I am doing so much better. That said, every day is a struggle and I think about suicide often but I really don’t believe I will ever attempt again. Self worth is everything. Even with bipolarII I can like myself now.

  • E

    This was really wonderful and just the encouragement I was looking for. Thank you, I fee so much more better now…

  • Ray Forrest

    One of the most wonderous things about the internet is the capability of reaching anyone and everyone. Today was one of the worse days, and you just pulled me inside and closed my window. Thank you.
    Self demeaning presents itself as a vicious cycle, and every little bit of advise in breaking it is priceless. While excessive pride is bad, lack of confidence and self esteem can be ten fold worse, as it can go unnoticed fairly easy, and even if it doesn’t, we try our hardest to not bother others with it, because “we aren’t good enough” to deserve other people’s atention and concern.
    And the worse part is when you allow yourself to dwell too long in those thoughts, aswell as when you allow them to constantly dictate your posture on life.
    I’m 5’11, 160lb, athletic, moderately good looking. I havent allowed myself a relationship for over 3 years, and (although its hard to admit) I am the one who refuses dates or simply foils them for the purpose of it being no follow-up date. I stoped hanging with even my oldest friends, I barely talk to my family. All this, mainly because I lived my life too much trying to meet someone elses expectations, or simply trying to be who people think I am or should be.
    Even when posting this comment, my mouse soared over the button for too long, while I dwelled in the thought “why am I posting this, doesn’t even matter, as if anyone is going to read it, as if it is going to make a difference”.
    This is a trully felt “thank you”, as you helped me in ongoing recovery from a deep depression, in ammounts you may find difficut to believe.
    This is also a shout-out of strength for everyone in similar situations; everyday is a struggle, the path isn’t easy, and it doesn’t simply get easier. But thinking that you or your problems are too insignificant for your loved ones to be concerned is just an insult to them.
    Again, thank you Miss Madison, for keeping me from the “easy” way out. Some days are just harder then others, and I had the good fortune of reading this today.
    Wishes of happiness for eveyone

  • raychil

    I just want to say that im a girl and size doesn’t matter to me. There are tons girls who think the same, as there are tons boys im sure who think the same. Do u care about the size of a girl?

  • Tony Dunsworth

    Thank you. At a time when my own demons have almost cost me more than I’d ever be willing to pay, this comes along for me to have some open and frank discussions on what I should do to keep things important to me in my life.

  • Kimm

    I have been thru alot in the past and everytime something goes right I find a reason to still be on guard because I cannot believe of a happy moment without a risk of being disappointed. Thankyou for reminding me I’m not alone in this struggle and we all face it.

  • Szarianne Khan

    Thank you so much

  • Bessie

    Actually you can hate yourself so much that there is no hate left anymore and you’re just numb and cold

  • Maxine Jones

    Such beautiful words. I struggle daily with self-hate, despite the fact I’ve achieved some of my goals and need to be reminded! Peace to you Madison and I hope you are well xx

  • simon

    Thank you for your article. I’ve been depressed and kind of suicidal recently. People in my life tell me things but your article put more things in perspective. Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone and with enough hope, I wish I can be truly happy with myself one day.

  • Chloe

    So glad I came by this, just what I needed to read. Thanks so much, you’re a wonderful person

  • Daphne

    Thank you all for posting. I’m 67 and lately have been flooded with memories of times I did or said the wrong thing, and I get so mad at myself. They come for no reason that I can figure out. I feel better knowing that others suffer the same thing and and can get through it. Now I’m going to say ‘There is more right with me than wrong with me’ when the demons come.

  • Brenda

    At my age (85 years old) you think you know everything, you get down, you get hurt and you doubt and hate yourself, then suddenly a door opens and you read something like this, and you realise there is light somewhere and you have just been shown it. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
    God bless you and thank you Madison xoxo .

  • JoAnna Condeni

    Awesome Post, so uplifting for me on my personal Journey through Life.
    I will keep this and refer to it often as I progress over the Bumps & Rocks
    On my personal path back to our God.
    Thank you for sharing part of your special self with us.
    Leaving you with a little thought {{{ In the Spirit of Conectiveness, We are ALL connected, whatever happens with one of us, happens with ALL of us}}}
    Simply, JoAnna Condeni ◆♡ Namaste’ my Friend’s.

  • “You are enough just as you are. And self-love will be a little bit easier every time you remind yourself of that.” I literally burst into tears when i got to this line! I found you through the PDAN facebook page, clicked the you’re article and made the past 3 days of hell i’ve been through just go *pOoF*

  • Becky

    Thanks for this, it’s made me feel a load better about myself. If ever I feel like this again, like I’m not good enough, I’ll remember this, and hopefully I will overcome it some day. X

  • Jason

    Perfectly described how I feel at the moment. This gave me the motivation I needed.

  • Hassan

    This post was very interesting and helpful 🙂 thanks Medison love you 🙂

  • Shin Datuin

    This is a lifesaving article. Thanks madison

  • Antoinette

    Thank you sooooo much. You said what I needed to read and hear. Continue to spread the love.

  • Brennen Berkley

    Thank you. I’m a musician, but I always feel inadequate when I practice for hours and feel no improvement, or listen to a beautiful song and think I will never be able to create that. This article really helped, and I will try to recognize the talent within myself that everyone around me keeps telling me I have.

  • David McCoubrey

    This girl told me I was the rebound today, what sucks is that I genuinely enjoyed my time with her, and it seemed likewise. Things just don’t work out and I always end up being just the rebound. Anyways, I read your blog just when I needed it. Right when I felt like I wasn’t good enough. So thank you Madison. I enjoyed the uplifting read. You are awesome.

  • Matt

    Thanks for making me cry you jerk! Really though, right through my heart with that one. Nice to know I’m not alone.

  • Broken

    I think I’m in a weird place. I don’t struggle with comparing myself to others. I’m me. I can’t be anyone else and I accepted who I am, the good and bad, a long time ago. I’m just lonely. I’m a pretty girl. It’s funny how people assume pretty girls with great figures aren’t rejected. I’m auromatically rejected because of it. Women shut me out and look down on me. Men assume I’m loose. I don’t dress provocative at all. I’m probably too conservative really. Either way, I’m alone. I’m rejected from the get go. I get asked out a lot but it never gets past a first date when they realize I’m not going to sleep with them, because they always tell me that’s what they want. It sucks being nothing more than a sex object. I’m nothing more than a pretty face to people. I’m ok being single but at times like today the loneliness sets in and I ache to just be held, just once. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be loved. I’ve never been loved before. I’m 36 and I’ve never been loved. How’s that’s for pathetic? I guess I’m writing this because I hide well behind my smile and sometimes I just wish I could say how I feel. Sometimes I need to cry but I’m not allowed that. I’m the strong one.

  • Aya gutta

    THANK YOU. it’s nit the first time that I read this and it won’t be the last time. I’m only 19 and yes I’m young and have a whole life to go through to even think negative, and you’ve helped me, changed my way of thinking of myself and I’m thankful that I got to read this and at a young age and to understand every word of it and use it.

  • jojo

    You are truly gifted Madison, thank you, I just love this article, so well written and so inspirational. It would put anyone back on a straight path when feeling down, and certainly helped me a lot!! xxxx

  • Mira

    I am in school and many tests/projects are coming up. Also grades are coming out. In today’s society, we are convinced that we aren’t smart enough because our grades aren’t good enough. However, this is not true. Lately, I really I have been feeling that I am not smart enough and that I am going to fail all my tests. I know I am a hard worker. I don’t understand why I think so badly of myself. I always internally feel bad at school when grades are discussed.

  • Demitri Kent

    I will never be satisfied with myself. Because when you are satisfied with yourself, you don’t aspire to be BETTER.

  • skitzstatus

    I bing searched “I’m not a terrible person,but I feel like one,one day”.this article was the only one that had advice for me relevant to why I was searching this.thank you so much for writing it,I’ve read it many times since.It’s a really important article to every person on this planet, in my opinion.I feel the people who struggle with these kind of feelings on a daily basis,are the people who just truly want to be good people.Maybe not….but i do know that any person who knows they mean good,and is struggling with not feeling good enough can read this and it will bring them more then just assurance,but the confidence and courage every good person needs to, well…keep being good.thank you so much again.

  • Ann Smith

    Thank you so much for this article. I have been struggling with self-worth and this is what I needed.

  • Cocoglitter

    What if you know you’re not good enough because people are constantly telling or showing you so. Plus you’re in a bad situation that indicates such? Then you’d be right.

  • Lainey Marshall

    Love this. Thank you for writing it.

  • Eliza

    I’ve saved your article to read for the times when I feel down. thanks so much for it ♥

  • Cuddlemoose

    I don’t compare myself to anyone really, but I know I will never be that special person to anyone. I never really have been, (The ones that have tried, leave when they see the real me.). When I see people who are loved; couples, families, etc., it’s like looking at life on another planet. It has nothing to do with my world.

  • Chris

    “We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” It makes a lot of sense when I hear it, but I’m gonna have to chew on this one for awhile. I tell myself my work isn’t good enough to try to motivate me to do better, but mostly I just end up getting frustrated and then venting to the people around me. And then I don’t accept their consolation because I think they’re just trying to placate me while residing smugly and comfortably in their status of being better than me in work/life/what have you.

    The problem is, the mind loves to hate. Hate is delicious. It’s easy to swallow, and you can always have more if you want. Self-hatred protects you from the possibility of others’ hatred, and from the hard work necessary to actually accomplish becoming good at something. It’s like a drug: addictive and always able to take you away to your comfort zone.

    But it is also destroying you from the inside, and it will eventually destroy your connection to anyone and anything. Hate is not healthy.

    Thanks for writing the post. It’s given me some things to think about.

  • Dave

    Feeling lost …..I met new Love but she is separated from husband not knowing if she’s gonna let go of him….Its almost like a security blanket for her. Ready to give up on life itself

  • No Name

    It’s funny. I guess it may not be, but it’s better to start sad things with nice words. These things, these things you say. False. It’s impossible to accept love that isn’t there. Isolation is peace. I hate myself, but no one will ever know that. They’ll never know how I really feel. Either I hide it well or no one cares to look behind the smile. Either way, I’m sad and alone. I hate it, but over all, I feel that I deserve it, you know?

  • Sydney

    But how do we answer the nagging why? If I’m worth love then why did this happen to me? I can never answer that and fall back into hating myself each time, ultimately believing that I’m getting what I deserve because of who I am.

  • Trish Chasity

    The question is what is being good enough?

  • Trish Chasity

    You not crap!

  • tinky winky

    This is an amazing article, I broke into tears from reading it and it was really what I needed to hear. I’ve been crying everyday for the past 3-4 months because I feel so inadequate. I’m a senior in highschool — I’m homeschooled, and I always feel the need to compare myself to models and actors or even porn stars and end up feeling down for almost the whole day. I do forget to count my blessings a lot, I am loved and I should be happy that I am healthy. Sometimes it’s hard to just slow down and realize that a lot of these things don’t matter and I am good enough as who I am. Thank you so much for writing this, though it’s from awhile ago. It helped me feel okay about myself for the first time in awhile.

  • Jenny

    I read this and it hit every point I am currently going through!! I’m attempting to let go of a hope I’ve hung onto for the past 10 years with the help of an ex; hoping to let go of it now so I can love myself and have my next relationship. Mind you the ex was wonderful while we dated, it’s everything that’s happened since then that’s the issue. Not so surprisingly i’ve realized I have convinced myself of all my demons over the years. So now I’m battling them to overcome them and allow myself to be loved…. having since convinced myself I’m not worthy of love or not being able to understand how someone could love me whole-heartedly. And at the same time being afraid of loving the person back. (Because somehow that would be wrong in my mind due to things with my ex.) So thank you for hitting all of the points I needed to hear/read today!!!!! They are things I’m slowly working on implementing and I realize it will be a daily effort. I think by the time I’m done with my teaching contract here in China I will love myself enough to be open to a relationship I deserve! (With any luck before that but everything in it’s appropriate time.) — ironically I’m a very happy and positive person, I just don’t love myself enough as I should and don’t trust myself with certain things. 😛

  • latebloomer

    This picked me up today!

  • Sean1998

    Just reading this makes me feel better
    I’ve Failed often in life..
    sometimes I say I’m no good at anything but that isn’t true! Everything you said above was just fantastic!People bring down often too i take things very personally but I got to let go of their critics to make it further in life and pass them later on then I’ll be looking down at them!
    God Bless you!
    you open my eyes and my heart

  • Mike P.

    Easy for you to say, you’re fucking beautiful.

  • suhillah

    i just want to thank you with these great tips i will make it through and i’ll be fine as long as i believe in myself ,Thank you . where can i contact you ?

  • late night/early morning guest

    Thank you so much for this article. I’m having a tough night but reading this made me feel so much better.

  • Sheryl Wallace

    Becca, I have 4 siblings and never talk to any of them. My 2 ex-husbands were abusive and I am on disability because of the breakdown I had after my first divorce. My kids can be very disrespectful. And I thank God i have my 2 cats!

  • hkm83

    I don’t usually comment on things of this nature because of my unpopular
    way of seeing things, but I too had a friend share this with me because
    of my struggling lately. I have intense anxiety and suffer from severe
    depression, have since I was a teenager.

    While I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, it isn’t that simple. If the me a week ago was reading this, I’d agree, but the me reading it now is in the throws of a
    depression that hit me like a ton of bricks. If only it were so simple,
    to just change one’s way of thinking, many of us wouldn’t suffer so
    much and to the extent that we do or wouldn’t need to seek outside help
    to manage. It’s a horrible thing, to experience self loathing and to put
    those you love through the turmoil of your anxiety and depression. I
    mean, who does that to their loved ones? Who projects their own personal
    demons and their emotional suffering onto others? Not any persons who
    could make it all better by simply changing their way of thinking.

    I understand that what you’re saying is not the implication that doing
    this will change you over night, but as someone who has suffered from
    depression for many years, who’s sought medical attention and
    medications, who’s attempted meditation, who’s read article after
    article and self help books, who’s tried to reason with myself and do
    the very thing you write about, and that’s change my way of
    thinking…it really ISN’T that simple. When you’re in the moment, and
    struggling, it isn’t that simple…

  • Lexy

    Gosh this really helped. I was feeling like shit and felt like all my boyfriends exes were better than me. Even though he absolutely adores me. Thank you for lifting a weight off my shoulders with such a great article

  • Tia

    Much appreciated. I needed to hear this today.

  • Rinda Shimozono

    Appreciated very much on this article .
    It is exactly how I felt most of the time . As if I am just living in a shadow that people hardly know me .
    Or I am not wanted around them . Thinking to myself that because I can’t be part of them.
    Reading Litlle Buddha helps me to clear a bit of my negative thoughts. But it seems that my subconscious is still around my head. Making me feel unwanted again.
    I just can’t understand how to deal with my thought. Even sometimes, I am telling myself and family that I need a doctor.
    I hope you can give me an answer . I don’t expect miracles but I guess I need someone to share of what inside my mind.
    Thanks for reading .
    Please call me Rinda

  • Gina

    Thank you 🙂

  • Mushin

    Matthew. That’s a debilitating thought process you have going on there. I’m really not surprised. I’m 5 foot 8 inches. When I was growing up I used to be regarded the short-end of average height. Not any more. I had someone confirm this the other day by saying “Oh ‘such and such’ is a little guy like you”. I felt my emotions shift; defensive, shamed, bothered… Basically the feedback/comment didn’t match the image in my own head. And the worst of it was, there is not a god-damn thing I could do to change the opinion of the other person.
    So where to from here?
    1) Stop competing in areas you cannot control. The definition of insanity; trying the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. The best you can be? If there is any competition then it is with yourself. Be as fit as you can be, learn to sit 10 mins each morning without moving, look up zazen – practice watching your thoughts. Watch the self-esteem issues rise, when they do (and they will) watch them, acknowledge them and allow the thought to move. If you have a habit of stopping thoughts or pushing them away by using anger or resentment to arise then long term you’ll develop another issue all together. I think that’s where you are now. By hating yourself you’re giving life to the idea that these other guys are the pinnacle of manhood, and that you simply don’t measure up to them. Without getting too ‘zen’ I’d suggest that the mountain is not the river, the river not the mountain, but both are part of the great earth. The same for us. Not one and not two. Be part of the whole but realise that trying to be/compare yourself to something else is going to create pain.
    Take a look at your ambitious nature, realise that you are entering a competition whereby you cannot win unless you can change your DNA. If you need time to see this, then you may need time. If you practice allowing these thoughts to arise then let them go then in time your ambitious nature may shift into your career or something else, or it may subside all together. Just don’t put pressure on yourself. Give it time, breath deep, feel it in your body let it go.
    We all love you, not for your ideal but for who you really are – Your contribution to being real and your eventual unfolding of your real self.
    May you life go well!

  • Anna

    while reading this post, i thought of a great idea: whatever we hate ourselves for, make a list. beat yourself up over forgetting what you came into a room for? write it down. beat yourself up for thinking of a stupid idea? write it down. make a list and constantly revise it and see the stupid reasons that don’t matter. continue improving yourself for fun to prove those stupid reasons wrong.

  • you heard

    i needed to hear this. today is one of those day where i just frankly dont really like myself, i find myself comparing my life to others and their accomplishments, i feel like a lazy failure, i also wonder why it appears that others seem to get stuff done easier than me such as, getting a job, getting their drivers liscence, loosing weight and so forth. i know ‘appears’ is the key word because everyones going through their own battles and all that glitters is not gold.. however despite being aware of this i cant shake this feeling, ive tried to positive and be patient but todays just of those day. *sighh*

  • you heard

    and then i feel disapointed for feeling this way because i know better, but i know this shall pass so..

  • Jessica

    I have been feeling this way today. I submitted my pictures to get featured on The Daily Dot but they didn’t choose any of them. I now feel like my pictures weren’t good enough and that I’m not good enough! I have having photography be rejected! I’m not good at anything!

  • Jessica

    Hate having**

  • Chocolate Lasagna

    Great Article <3

  • Alexa Parritt

    Thank you. You do a very worthy job. Thanks for your kindness

  • Cal

    Thank you for writing this.

  • cl. h.

    1. So?

    2. I already know that I only feel this way because I’m delusional and my thoughts are faulty and flawed cognitive distoritions. That doesn’t help. next.

    3. You don’t know me. Oooohhhh!!!!! I’m breathing!!!! Wowwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nah, that doesn’t make up for anything.

    4. I also need a billion dollars.

    5. Everyone’s ready to tell you that you should “fully and radically accept” your current situation, but no-one ever tells you how to actually do that.

    6. I’m not trying to be perfect, I’m just trying to make any progress at all whatsoever. That doesn’t make me feel any better.

    7. I can’t clap my hands and chant “I do believe in fairies!” my way into loving myself either, though. I mean, Jesus. “The only way to love yourself is to just love yourself!” If I could do that then I wouldn’t have this problem!!! If that’s the best anyone has to offer then I might as well kill myself and get it over with. Fuck.

  • Tiffany

    Thank you! This article really lifted my spirits. It helped me have a lot of epiphanies that I’ve actually been searching for. And to have someone speak so truly to what I’m feeling, it helps to know I have someone out there I can relate to on such a deep level even though no one may never read this. It matters to me and that’s all that matters.

  • Rue

    I feel as if I am my own worst enemy. I constantly put myself down looking at things in the most negative way possible. I think I’m not worthy of anything. Day in and day out I try my best whether it’s in school or work place, but I feel as if no one really sees potential in me…hence never really getting an opportunity so I can progress further. I’m kind as can be and I make sure everyone feels loved and get people to smile because no one ever deserves to feel horrible ever….it’s a tiring stressful feeling that eats away at you. When I can make a difference in other’s lives that makes me happy. Yet I’m not sure why a lot of bad things happen…they happen so frequently causing road blocks in my life when I finally reach something good and then the good disappears. I think to myself maybe I don’t get opportunities because I don’t try hard enough (although I feel like I do), is it my fault? Is my good not good enough? I used to love school, since I’ve entered college I push through it and go through the motions without really feeling joy. Don’t get me wrong there’s some days I’ll be happy, but within the same day I’ll be sad again. I’ve cried every single weekend for the last 3 years of my life and I’m getting tired. Tired of feeling like I’m nothing, tired of feeling I’m getting left behind, tired of feeling as if I will be stuck here forever. More than anything I feel as if it’s my fault…maybe I don’t try hard enough. I want to quit everything and run away, but really where would I go and what would I even do? I can’t even pick a major and I’m a senior in college now. I compare myself a lot to my friends. I’m happy for them that they are getting opportunities and doing stuff even if some of that stuff just happens by chance, but I feel bad for myself and think why can’t I be more like them maybe I’d be good at something. I don’t want to get left behind I want to be someone as well. But I’m so confused I don’t even know where to begin…what do I want? What do I need? I want to feel like I accomplished something, but nothing I do makes me feel like that. I think when a friend says oh no you’ve done this and that accomplishment, but I feel like they say it so I won’t be sad. I want to get away from it all from people who make me feel bad, my negative thoughts, everything. There’s a lot of pressure in my head and I’m tired of it. Do things change? Sorry for the long message I just want advice on how I can help myself…nothing has worked so far I just end up in a depressive state once again. I feel very incomplete. Thank you for this blog it makes a difference to a lot of people.

  • Dee

    Thank you for this article. Been having a rough time at my new job. People think I didn’t deserve the position most have been coveting for the longest time. I have been subject of people’s envy, belittling, scrutiny. Been backstabbed and being seen as a joke.

    Reading through other’s stories in a way helped me, to know that I am not the only one experiencing these feelings. Thank you to everyone in this page as you all give me hope to continue fighting the negative talks and false beliefs I have. Thank you, Madison, for providing a platform for us to exchange our thoughts and experiences.

  • Treshon

    thank you for sharing this I really needed it going through rough times.

  • Frandalf

    I just want to sincerely thank you for writing this article. I have struggled with depression for many years and despite being trained as a counsellor, not many writings have made an impact on me personally. This article did. It spoke sense to me in a way others hadn’t. I know that if it did this for me, that there are many more people you have touched with your kind words.

  • Neer NFar

    husbands are crap, you do NOT want one. trust me, they just put you down until you want to die.

  • Neer NFar

    i am sorry people make fun of you. you are a great person if you ask me. bullies are horrible. i live with one and it sucks. i always thought that there is some flicker of worth in everyone. my husband treats me like i have no value. and today, i feel like i have no value. but i know other people do.

  • Neer NFar

    too funny because i am 5’9″ and a woman and i have the same problem, too tall.

  • Neer NFar

    i forgot about this but……the river/mountain comment you made, Mushin, just reminded me of “the map is not the territory.” thank you for that 😀

  • you need to get out of the marriage and away somehow. Life is too short to live like that. I guess no husband is better than a lousy one. You should check out to find a room somewhere with other people for cheaper rent if you can and get out. Don’t even bother to wait for a divorce to become final.

    I wrote what I did because I was sad about some guy I liked, well I finally got off my delusional cloud and realized that the good looking charming guy I liked was also a manipulative narcissist big time loser, and I am lucky he didn’t like me, because I probably would have married him and then in been in the same boat you are. Sometimes its lucky to not get what we want, because we might want a Trojan Horse.

  • Hey thanks Sheryl and Neer for giving another perspective on the issue. I must be thankful for what I have.

    To clarify though, I was wishing for a good husband, not a loser 🙂

    Sheryl, as far as your kids go, they must have inherited some bad genes from their father. Bad genes like MTHFR mutations can make some people behave badly.

    Please see MTHFRsupport dot com or read the online article in Psychology Today called “A Genetic Mutation That Can Affect Mental & Physical Health

    MTHFR mutations are linked to depression, ADHD, migraines, miscarriage & more. (irritability, bad moods etc)

  • When you go to a party, ask people questions about themselves or their hobbies or what they like to do to have fun. People like talking about themselves and things that they think are fun. This way you won’t have to think about anything to talk about and you end up getting to talk to a person who is happy that you are interested in them.

  • Ass

    I like how every single one of these “uplifting” articles are made by some overly attractive person. They don’t a single thing about being depressed. If an attractive person is depressed they need to learn to shut the fuck up and stop filling ugly people’s heads with absolute nonsense.

  • Ass

    I like how every single one of these “uplifting” articles are made by some overly attractive person. They don’t know a single thing about being depressed and never achieving anything. If an attractive person is depressed they need to learn to shut the fuck up and stop filling ugly people’s heads with absolute nonsense.

  • SockPuppet

    I don’t measure myself based on what I think, I measure myself based on other’s assessments and perceptions of my skill. If they say I’m not good enough, and it’s not an isolated statement, then surely there is truth to it. The same with relationships. If I’m so loved, then why not choose me to be with you the rest of your life? i.e not good enough. No amount of inner reflection or thinking my mind is lying to me would take away these external factors that confirm, that yes indeed, I am not good enough.

  • Krista

    Sometimes I feel like I should hate myself or that I should WANT to hate myself. Why?

  • vaishali

    If I compare myself to others, and those people compare themselves to others I start at the bottom no one compares them self to me bc I’m not good enough to be compared to. I cant even think of anything right about me, I’m useless to this world in everyway. At school people look at me like I have 2 heads bc I’m not perfect. I have looked at the bright side but feel so bad every night. While writing this comment my brother came to my room to say hi and he is older, I had to wipe my tears and calm down my shaking voice. I knew my face was red, and my eyes but he didn’t realize a thing. We talked and he was oblivious of the way I feel. Then my dad came to my room again just to say hi and I freaked out bc I thought he would see through my smile. I couldn’t of been more wrong. I wish someone could see how I feel and not have to be so fake around my friends. I was about 12 when this started and have the same friends I’m only 13, I thought my friends at least could see how I feel but not a single friend asks hey are you ok you look strange today. I would of course reply with a response like well thanks for that complement and be sarcastic but no one has ever said anything EVER. Not ever my bff whose known me since 2nd grade sees anything. I’m really sorry if u actually read this and wasted your time.

  • Ester

    I deal with this everyday . it hurts so much everyday waking up feeling like you’re useless. I day dream all day thinking about looking a certain way or having a better personality.. Thinking it will make me happier .. “If only ” but when I come back to reality it makes me more depressed because I know I will never be like that . Especially because everyone my age is getting married and I feel like am going to be alone forever . Am talking to this guy right now I really like him but I feel like he deserves someone better than me .

  • Jeff

    I felt led today to get my mind in the right place. There are some things I felt like I needed to express and get off my chest. Ive had an incredible issue with social interaction, affection, compliments, and love. To me its SO complicated and I don’t know how any of it works. Ive never loved myself ever, but Ive masked so much of it by achieving incredible success, working out a lot, sleeping around a lot, and fishing for compliments.

    Over the years things have considerably gotten worse and I’ve gained so much of my weight back that I had initially lost. Currently I feel disgusting. I do not feel worthy of anything or anyone. When people tell me, “my god you’re so handsome” I just want to punch them in the face. I hate it when I am complimented because I feel like its a taunt. I measure it with the fact that Ive never had a relationship or never had the ability to have someone “stay”.

    When I tell people that they always go “oh my god! why not!! you’re so hot!” then I want to punch them even more. Over the years of constant rejection I have found myself gaining weight, not working out, and becoming a recluse. I work for myself and communicate with clients via phone,text, and email. I no longer take appointments in person. I have begun to remove myself from things because I can’t seem to handle in my head the requirements of what I need to be before I am allowed to have happiness.

    I really don’t know what to do, and it now has me considering ending it all, which I know in my head I don’t think I want to do, but the sadness is overwhelming, and the fact that I cringe at the fact that someone finds me attractive because of the constant rejection has caused me to just want to end it. I don’t know how anything works, or how relationships happen. I have NO idea how to quench the anxiety, or not have it at all. I tried dating literally weeks ago and it was a TRAIN wreck. I am really at my wits end here about what I should be doing. I can’t find the motivation for the gym, and I can’t seem to discover how people “do it”. Im also viewed so many times as crazy if I bring up my anxiety to people I’m dating. As you can see, nothing is actually formulated and all these thoughts are ALL over.

  • Terri Cliff

    I am always making an effort to be supportive, kind and caring for others. I found that it is the best way to get unnoticed. No one seems to like good people. It scares them off. I’m an easy going person because I choose not to hang onto the angry people of my past because that’s their crap not mine and for that I feel that its not ‘good enough’ for anyone to befriend. I have just become to realise that most people I have befriended and it all became unfriended have used me for their gain. Those at the bottom of the barrel I have never judged. I treat them fairly as anyone else. As soon as the spotlight is on me and then I become bottom of the barrel it is like they use me as a step up to get away and they join the jerks while they all make my life miserable. Because I am not like that I don’t really retaliate and just move on. Its mere impossible to find compatible others. It is better being on my own. Independent and doing things for myself. Zero trust for all.

  • charlotte dawson

    This made me feel a lot better, thank you. You made me feel like I am worth something despite my mind constantly telling me otherwise.

  • scootee

    Just read this article – it’s delightful! I truly appreciate your attempt to place our lives in perspective. Very well observed, and very well put!
    It’s probably true that, to some extent, we do all have an inner critic; except, perhaps for the Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths amongst us – though THEY are altogether another matter, for their lack of inner critic comes with an unhealthy side-helping of NO compassion, NO empathy and NO true feelings! The rest of us have times when we are perfectly capable of berating and belittling ourselves, and need no outside help to do so.
    You’re right to suggest that this is in all likelihood a consequence of the society in which we grow up. Nowadays, there is far too much pressure – from the media, from celebrities, from adverts, from our employers, sometimes even from family and so-called friends – to be “perfect”. We are told by magazines that we fall short if we do not look like “Supermodels”. Adverts constantly bombard us, pestering us to buy products that will somehow miraculously improve our lives; a perfume that will make us “irresistible to men”, a flash car that acts as a “status symbol”, a new fad diet that will make our body “amazing”! Really? And… if the pressure from such sources as there were not enough, then we may also find that people around us constantly ask for the proverbial Earth from us. Bosses expecting us to work late for little reward; relatives demanding time from us and visits when they are not convenient; friends who are not really true friends, but expect us to listen to all their woes with little in return.
    Many of us internalize the negative messages that these people give us. We hear the mother-in-law moan about the fact that we “never visit”; we bow down to pressure from the boss to take on more overtime. Often, we do this without really questioning the truth of the situation. If we looked closer, we might see that we are being manipulated; for instance, the mother-in-law we “never visit” speaks to us almost daily on the ‘phone, and had a visit from us only last week; the boss who is pressuring us to do overtime never seems to do it himself, indeed, because he runs the business he keeps odd hours, often turning up late and leaving early! Yet for some reason, we take on board the belief that WE are at fault; that WE somehow don’t measure up, and are letting others down.
    This habit can sometimes be traced back to our very early childhood. All people go through a “socialization process” as infants during which they learn about the world, and about themselves and their place in the world. What they learn depends hugely upon their parents – whether what their parents tell them is positive, or negative. Children who learn positive things, and who are told positive things about themselves, tend to grow up with a positive view of the world, and with a lot of self-confidence. They are less likely as a result to be self-critical. By contrast, those children whose parents tell them negative things about the world, and who hear negative things about themselves, are likely to internalize these things, and come to believe them to be true. Such people often lack self-confidence and can be very self-critical.
    Put simply, the way it works is this… The more one hears negative things about oneself the more one comes to believe them. So, a child who is constantly told “you stupid thing”, or hears “you aren’t very pretty”, may grow up believing these statements. The adult becomes self-critical because he or she has internalized the negative beliefs that he/she is stupid or ugly. As a consequence, the adult may unfairly criticize him- or herself, and compare his or her perceived level of attractiveness, or cleverness, to that of others. Alas, because the initial belief was negatively skewed, the person will almost always compare him- or herself unfavourably – the result is that he/she will never accept that he/she is clever or pretty, and will only see him- or herself as less attractive or intelligent than others.
    If you are a person brought up by parents who give you predominantly negative beliefs about yourself, then it is highly possible that in later life you will become self-critical. To a lesser extent, ALL people are self-critical; or, rather, ALL people compare themselves to others. I would argue this is only natural, because we cannot avoid seeing things that other people have, and, if we like these things, wanting them for ourselves. Comparison of ourselves to others is, in its own right, nothing negative. It is what we do once we have made the comparison that is the problem…
    IF we look at another person, and see that person as aspirational; as someone to motivate us to make our own lives better; then this is no bad thing. IF we accept that to achieve something we desire, we have to work towards it ourselves, then there is nothing wrong in comparing ourselves to others in order to use the aspects of other people’s lives that we envy as something to motivate our own self-improvement. For example, a child who is doing badly in class may be motivated to improve his/her grades initially through envy of the highest achiever. IF the child then befriends the high achiever, and agrees to study alongside him/her, the child is actively doing something positive to improve his/her own life, with no detriment to the figure of inspiration.
    However, IF we compare our lives to those of others, and then either a) criticise ourselves as a result, or b) criticise the person we are envious of in order to make ourselves feel better at their expense, this is clearly a problem. We should beware the mistaken assumption that we can know everything about another person’s life just by looking and comparing ours with theirs. The truth is that we DO NOT know what goes on in other people’s lives all the time; most people tend only to show us what they want to show us. Thus, it may actually be very foolish to envy a person, and to become self-critical as a consequence. It is even worse to envy a person, and to criticize THEM as a result of our envy. For example, two colleagues work at the same office; however one is envious of the other, and feels threatened by his/her superior qualifications and knowledge. IF the envious colleague either a) attacks his/her own self-confidence, telling him- or herself that the job is too good for them, or b) attacks the high-achieving colleague, maybe by spreading malicious rumours that the colleague is a “show off” or “after the boss’s job”, then this is wrong. Firstly, it is pointless to undermine one’s own confidence because of negative comparison to someone else. Secondly, the truth is not known about the high-achieving colleague’s life. Yes, you may be envious of their qualifications and achievement, but the reality is that they maybe had to work VERY hard to get there. Maybe they had to sacrifice family time, or even starting a family, to get good qualifications? Maybe they had to sacrifice some of their income, or savings, to get themselves through college? You do not know what route that person took to success, and what sacrifices they made along the way.
    When we start putting ourselves down, and acting self-critically, maybe we should all come back to your article. It makes a LOT of sense.

  • Madison Schultz

    I’m 10 years old and I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I feel like I’m not good enough for my mom and I was good all day today and I say to myself god what am I doing wrong is there something else wrong with me and I cry in my bed and say god please help me have a happy life and good life because I just want what’s best for me.

  • Madison Schultz

    hey you guys want to hear a joke

  • Ruth Blackburn

    Thank you for sharing your experiences. It makes a world of difference, allows a different perspective on things and creates the right environment for a mindshift. Thank you x

  • Anais

    I’m going to save this and print it out to keep by my side. I have been feeling really bad about myself ever since I quit my job to start working independently and also allow myself time to set up an online store. It has been two years and I have yet to set up my store because I just don’t feel good enough. I have made so many things with the intention to sell, but simply no courage to do it. It’s such an irony that when I decided to quit my job, I was completely convinced I could make it work. But as the months and now years have gone by, I simply cannot move forward. I feel stupid and worthless especially seeing how other people do it almost effortlessly. I’m so afraid I would regret as more months go by but yet I can’t seem to extract myself from this situation. I used to believe that I’m a very positive person but in these two years, I have become slightly depressed. I no longer look forward to anything. It will take some time to convince myself that everyone has their own timing. Every time I’m down, I hope by re-reading this article, it will help a little.

  • Neer NFar

    Thank you for your reply 😀 I feel good knowing that I am not the only one in the world that has this problem. And you did ok, so will i.. thank you!

  • Neer NFar

    I read your reply again. I still think you are right on. being a tall woman (5,9 isn’t that tall but try shopping for clothes. nothing ever fits right), i think that your ideas will help me. i don’t look in on this email address often but i am glad i did this morning. thank you, and thank Becca too, for making a difference for me. 😀

  • Neer NFar

    what is difficult is that when you try “not” to do something, you have to think of the thing that you are trying not to do. i think Mushin’s advice is a better thing, acknowledge the thought and then let it go…instead of thinking about it and why you don’t like that thought, if we can let it go, that will help. i find it funny that when i go to work, i am relatively fine. i don’t really have any negative thoughts. it’s when i am home that this all happens. wait, not when i am home, it’s when i am home and the spousal unit is as well, therein lies the problem. for the longest time my daughter said it was just me making things up, but now that she lives here again, she sees the nonsense he seems to provide in abundance.

  • Neer NFar

    being under a thumb can make you feel like that. i need to put my own life back together and take it back. i got a decent job finally, it might last only a year because it is contract work but i am paying down as many of my bills as possible and putting aside as much money as i can so i can blow this damn clambake 😀

  • Neer NFar

    it does sound awesome. i am going to be 53 this year. the last of my family to go to college too. i graduated in 2012. it was hard, to say the least but i did it only to find that, well, everyone and their mother has a degree so now i am back at square one. i have a decent job for the moment and i am using that money to pay up the bills i have…i hope to take my life back soon!

  • Neer NFar

    truth 😀 people love to talk about themselves. once you find out what their likes are, its a piece of cake 😀

  • I am 5’9″ too. Just like Cameron Diaz. A good clothing line is Long Tall Sally, and Alloy has up to 37″ inseams on pants and J. Crew sells clothes for tall women online. Basically when you are a tall woman, you have to wear skirts and tops and pants and tops because dresses have too high waists if they are not made for a tall woman. I like dresses, but I never wear a dress because of this, because they don’t fit right. I wear a skirt and a blouse.

    Another thing you could do is fly to Amsterdam and stock up on clothes since all the Dutch women are tall. I had a friend who lived in the country and I bought a round trip air fare for $470 and went to all the thrift stores in Amsterdam and got a ton of great clothes for cheap and they were all long and tall. In that light H&M clothes also tend to be cut longer because they are a Dutch company.

  • Ellie

    Madison I’m sure you get this all the time (because you should!) but your post about 7 things to remember when you think you’re not good enough seriously made my day. I beat myself up constantly, about everything, and some of it is perfectionism and some of it stems from things people have said to me in the past. some of the quotes you listed in this piece will become art on my walls soon as a reminder that things are good and that I’m doing ok. Thank you!

  • Mary

    Madison you put every thought I have into words. For so long I’ve felt so alone in my feelings and battle with the thought someone my age “48”, I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Now to work towards overcoming them.

  • utkarsha

    One of my close friend always make fun of me. Because I can’t speak English fluently or I don’t have good grades he always make fun of me infront of everyone now slowly I am feeling depressed and feared going any social places

  • Jenna

    Hi! This is my first time on this “chat or website” or whatever you want to call it. I don’t really think there’s much anyone can say or do about this but, I really just need to say this because nobody knows.I’m a 13 year old girl and there’s a bully at my school (a boy). A while back we ran into each other at the pool and he was bossing me around to get him a ball. I knew he just wanted me to get me out of the pool so him and his pervert friends could watch me walk in my swimsuit. So I said no because I’m not some piece of crap that boys can just look at and no woman is. Then he started being mean, threatening me. So I started to walk away when he grabbed me, he wouldn’t let go , I thought he was just messing around to impress his friends or whatever. Then he started trying to get into my swimsuit bottom. I tried to knee him and hit him and squirm away but he grabbed my hair so I couldn’t. I tried to scream but I was paralyzed with fear and shock that no sound would come out. After a few seconds, I seriously had to “purple nurple” him just to get away. I did report him to the life guard but I didn’t mention the part where he put his hand down my swim suit because I was embarrassed. Now, I have to put up with him at school. As far as I know the only ones that know what truly happened is him, me, and whoever reads this. The worst part is I’ve seen him hurt other girls too, and I honestly believe he would’ve raped me if I hadn’t done something. I just had to say something and get this off my chest. Thank you if you read this entire thing…

  • Thanks so much

  • Ivan Schneider

    Loving yourself is for faggots. Belittling yourself makes you humble.

  • Sarath

    Thank You Madison. I have thus far had a wonderful life and have been fortunate not to have battled many demons. It is only recently that I have been struggling with depression, anxiety and doubt. It has been and unfortunately continues to be a novel and unpleasant experience. Your article has really helped. Keep writing. Thanks again.

  • George Kilgore

    I would like some insight and direction from those of you who understand. I am engaged to and in love with a lady that I believe to be perfect in every way. She is simply stated amazing! She has a great personality, very brilliant, intoxicatingly gorgeous, very kind, and has a wonderful sense of humor. Sounds perfect, right? The problem that I have is not her, as I have said she is incredible! The problem is me. I possess none of the attributes that I admire so much about her. We are polar opposites. I am very plain, comely, the truth is quite unattractive. I am not very smart, kinda slow, have a dry sense of humor, very vacant personality, and am quite boring. I have always said to her that she could have anyone, and deserves better than to waste her life on me. She knows this too, as it is obvious, but she is too sweet to address it. I have always knew that when people saw us together that they would wonder why would this perfect, special lady waste her life with someone like myself. We work together, and just recently our boss who has knowledge of our romantic relationship pointed out how wrong I am for her, and that she could do so much better, while I have known this for our entire relationship, it really got my attention. Please give me honest feedback and your opinion.

    Loser in love with an angel

  • Liam

    Thank you!

  • Summer

    Thank you for this post. I am such a perfectionist that I often don’t sleep at night because I sit up and review and relive all of my failures. I don’t know where it comes from but reading posts like yours really help me remember my accomplishments and know that I am good enough. I truly appreciate your for taking the time to create this wonderful uplifting post. And if you ever feel down about yourself again just know that I greatly appreciate you and what you have been able to contribute to myself and the world. Thank you again. I wish you nothing but happiness and success in the future.

  • Luan De Wit

    “What we don’t seem to realize is that striving for success and being willing to put ourselves out there is an accomplishment within itself, regardless of how many times we fail.”

    This really stood out for me, I really just want to thank you Madison for who you are, you completely changed the way I think and how I react on things, how I compare myself to others and thinking I’m worthyless. I got so stuck up with the things I did in the past and how I compared my self to the “old me” that I forgot later on who I really am, and then I came on this topic/bloc and it really shocked me, like I understand how things work now, I would ussually overthink things too much that I started humbling around my thoughs daily that my mindset started to collaps and I got a lack of personality . I could’nt take the tought of how I can be a man if I did certain things in the past and you just changed that.

    What I realised in Live is that you should stop trying to be perfect, and that you can’t change what ever you did in the past or who you might have been, but you can turn the page in your book to a new open clear page and just start all over, doesn’t matter who complains about you, you’ll always get haters, and that is actually suppose to make yourself a stronger person.

    Thank You for helping people lost in a Maze

    Kind Regards


  • Sachin

    Thanks Madison, I go through the same repeatedly and I’m just terrible at handling things like this. I end up ruining everything I have when I feel anxious. 🙁

  • Pranav

    Madison.. thank you for “righting” this…

    We don’t know each other but still I feel to express my innerself with you…

    I am struggling through a tough time at my Software work place, and I know I am wrong here, I am technically not upto the mark to my leaders and authorities expectations being in team for 4 yrs.. but at the other end I am struggling to accept that I am technically weak and keep on challenging myself getting into to tough deliveries.. ending up into failure… Which is making thr condition more worse.. now they want me out of team by exposing me… I tried connecting emotionally to them which ended up nowhere…

    I know it would just an advice from you, but could you help me, Whether I give up my Technical profile and switch to something else or do something else… Your reply may help me… Hope to see your reply…

  • The Very Real Truth

    The way how women have Changed today unfortunately which is why many of us Good men are still Single now.

  • NAME

    how is any of this even slightly resembling anything negativ on behalf of suicide … i mean if u kill urself u dont see, hear, feel or do anything actually, its gonna become exactly the same as before u were born, non existent. And i got 1 question for u, had any trouble not existing?

  • Joey

    I googled – how to feel enough. Because right now I don’t feel enough. Thanks for writing this. It’s an enlightening article.

  • B

    Wow I see the comments are from 3years ago but in hoping to still recieve some advice on this subject. I have lost one of my really close friends, not actually lose just I can’t really communicate with her at the moment, with that I that I became very lonely and thought I wasn’t worthy of anything. I became friends with someone else and while I told myself over and over that I shouldn’t expect anything from them, because they were younger then me, I still did. I thought they cared about me and I cared about me but I proven wrong yet again that no one truly cares what happens to me. I feel so hurt and alone, and as much I tell myself that people care about me I’m proven wrong every single time. Why I am so unworthy and so unlovable?

  • P

    Half of these make me feel even more worthless

  • Breanna Williams

    Thank you for saying this. I’ve struggled for a long time with my self esteem and it’s hard to overcome because I truly hate myself. I hate the way I look, my weight, everything. And I guess I’ve just been wanting someone to appreciate me as I am, but I don’t even appreciate myself.

  • ineqinieq

    This all just made me more depressed

  • Jay Gatsby

    Thank you so much for this. After being dumped, getting my work slated, losing sports matches I absolutely beat myself into the ground. This taught me how to stop and realise that whatever is going on, I’m trying and that is the biggest achievement.

  • Anonymous

    Thankyou for writing this

  • fabian

    This is a constant struggle for me. I’ve caught myself thinking all of this, sometimes I realize it too late, just after butchering myself. After these episodes, I don’t even have the energy to do anything else. I just lay there, blankly. There are some episodes when I feel so frustrated, I start punching walls(literally) until my knuckles bleed, hands keep shaking. Must be awful to watch. But, why? That’s what I ask myself everytime. Why do I hate myself so much, why do I feel so insecure, why am I in this void? I don’t even want to be with my family, I feel that I don’t deserve their attention, their love. I even wonder if they really love me or not. I am a mess right now. I am making efforts to catch these vicious/poisonous thoughts that come and go.

    The other day, walking downtown, a homeless man approached me, and told me he would rob me if I didn’t give him money, we talked a bit…long story short…I ended up buying him food. He even walked me to the bus station(hilarious!). In the meantime, this man told me that he wanted to die, he wanted to have someone shoot him and end his miserable life. He told me that not even his mother would get him food. His family hated him for who he was, for the things he had done. He also said some harsh things about his mother and family. Which made me rethink all the life choices I had/have made to be where I am now. And I thought, I am blessed. Not only I have access to food without threatening someone to get me some, but hey! I have a loving family! Again, I am in the process of getting myself out this vicious thoughts. It’s hard. Situations like this one, make me grow to be a better person with myself. To take care of myself, and the hardest part, to love me. Thanks for this post Madison. I will read your blog more often.

  • Toshika

    This is just what I needed! BIG THANKS

  • Joanna Cabingas

    this literally saved my life..hehe..thank you for this great article

  • Amey Sawant

    Thank you so much big sister, this post increased my confidence.

  • Barbara

    This Article speaks huge truth on a feeling that makes you feel you are being sneaky hiding your own negative feelings to yourself and suffer in silence in a sense. Power to Positive thinking im sure it’s going to be a challenge but worth the reward.

  • Kyle Davis


    Because of your words, I will resist the temptation to slip back into a state of self loathing. I will wake up tomorrow with a fresh look and believe that I am worth loving. “You need love the most when you think you deserve it the least”. That is what will allow me the courage to wake up tomorrow and be the best I can be because if I am worthy.

    Thank you, this article saved me tonight.


  • Anonymous

    All that matters is competence. Are you competent enough to be responsible?
    No one cares how ‘good’ you are. Stupidity and incompetence are all that matter.
    Perform or die.

  • Josefina

    Thank you! You just help me feel a little bit better 🙂

  • Bray

    Its really helpful. I criticize myself over little and stupid mistakes on a daily basis and its paralyzing. I googled “how to know if youre good enough” but I never expect to see this. I honestly never thought of the concept of self love.. How can you love yourself when youre not good enough.. when you know that you could have been better? I am so lost right now its depressing. I just quitted my internship because I cannot handle all the negativity and stress I give myself.

  • Consuelo Jackson

    That was truly helpful Thanks so much!!!

  • Robert Ted Elliott

    Wonderful article. I love the quotes. However, particularly hard to read is “You need love the most when you feel you deserve it the least” because in my universe that is the time when love seems to be severely rationed by myself, my family, and my tribe.

  • Lily

    I have always think that I am a kind girl, love charity and humble. However, one day I went to volunteer at an orphanage. I found myself disgusted with their dirty hands and refuse to hold them at first. I guess I am not that good and I am terrible. Can you say something to soothe me?

  • Adrian Ramirez

    whoaaa.. too real. i seriously needed to read this right now.. some how i found it and it was here.. for me to read.. right now.. Thank you!

  • Thank you for this enlightening article. So much relatable and practical stuff here.

  • Annie mortenson

    What can i do? I beat myself up every day and as if that wasn’t bad enough i am CONSTANTLY criticised by my partner and his mother. Why am i not good enough the way i am. No matter what i do or try to change, theres ALWAYS something else. I dont want to be perfect just accepted. I suffer ptsd depression and severe anxiety where i am so scared I don’t ever leave the house and don’t have a family anymore since i admitted my da abused me n no1 believed me. I moved for my partner to find work so now i am isolated from my friends although we talk everyday, i dont have a plan bI can’t stand this anymore.

  • A-man3712

    1. I do agree with you on your first point, so no critiques here! 🙂
    2. Oh boy. Oooooh boy. Now I have an issue with your second point. You see, I feel that this is a flawed statement because, although there are definitely countless cases of people believing negative thoughts that sent necessary true, but what if these negative thoughts are actually true? I don’t want to push aside negative thoughts without knowing whether or not they are true, and if they are, and I SHOULD believe it and use it to improve myself as a human being. I feel that not believing your thoughts can be extremely dangerous, expecially if an individual feels that they can JUSTIFY their negative actions by simply ignoring the thoughts that tell them “You need to stop! You are being a terrible person.”
    3. Your third point honestly makes no sense. No, not everyone has more positive than negative traits. There are people in the world who are rotten, cruel, ignorant, and downright evil, and yet you pretty much said they THEY’RE positive traits outweigh their negative traits?
    4. Telling yourself what a failure you are will help you realize that you need to stop loathing around and get to Pershing a better life. Telling yourself you’re not living up to your full potential will help give you the motivation to reach your full potential. Telling yourself you’re worthless and unlovable WILL help you look at yourself and help you see what needs to be improved about yourself. We can’t just be pushing aside the negative aspects about ourselves and just stick to being happy and care-free all the time. Without criticism and self-evaluation, we cannot improve ourselves as human beings because we keep ignoring our negative qualities and pushing them aside, which will only turn us into people dominated by negative emotions and beliefs.

  • A-man3712

    lol I post a comment critiquing this and it got deleted in a matter of seconds XD

  • Alex Galbo

    Never mind, I figured out the issue. Otherwise, this was a good read!

  • Alex Galbo

    I’m sorry, but this has just left me with more questions than answers.

  • Zoe Yu

    Thanks for the article… I am printing this out for myself to read every time I beat myself up into pieces.

  • Zoe

    You have no idea how much this post meant to me after reading it. Thank you! 🙂

  • Rushi Macwan

    Absolutely an amazing article that enlightened the uniqueness and goodness within me that I can now think over my negativities and concentrate on my positive side. Indeed, thanks very much for the awesome help.

  • layazyass

    Hey Madison. Usually I search thes kind of things and don’t read them properly. I just read the main bold texts. But it’s the first time that read each and every word. Your article is really good. Thanks for making me feel better. 🙂

  • Natmat

    I love this post. I battle with not feeling good enough on a daily basis. Some days I hate myself so much I almost become paralysed by self loathing. The wierdest thing is that no one would ever know it…I would like to think I appear as confident and bubbly when the reality is that I often go home and ruminate and obsess about what a failure I am. I have contemplated suicide through many dark hours but am assured to know that I would never have the guts. I think its more from the exhaustion of constantly not liking myself. And on bad days liking is too weak…its better described as hating or despising myself. That awful shame of who I am (or rather who Im not).
    Your article gave such great points I will try and practice. Its so good to know im not alone in this battle against the mind bullies….

  • Anna

    I wanted to kill myself. I want to do it a little less now. Thank you.

  • Smeu Viorel

    I’m reading this article after 3 days of living and giving power to these kind of thoughts, of not being good enough. For me it’s a relief to hear that others go through this as well (somehow my mind imaginates that i’m the only one who struggles with this) and reading this kind of articles helps me a lot.

    Thank you for writing it

  • Lê Minh Dũng

    I recently resign from a higher position i was offered and continue to work in the old job i had before. From time to time, i felt like as if i didn’t try my best and failed and gave up. Such thoughts torment me from time to time and just when i thought things can’t get better, i saw this article. Thanks for reminding me to love myself.

  • Chelsea

    great article, i’m going through these things right now

  • Pranamya

    i used to be the top in my school. An all-rounder. I was the head girl too but when I came to my new school I barely got any recognition when all my other friends were getting so many opportunities. I don’t know what has happened? But i feel really bad about myself……this article truly lifted my spirits!

  • Hoorain Imran

    I don’t know yet I feel as if I am not worthy of anything.. I am 17 and in the last few years there have been drastic changes in my life..i cant just accept my life anymore specially in this way.. my father lost his Job we shifted from Dubai to Pakistan.. and I just feel the same as before.. as I felt in UAE.. a total misfit… I don’t know. I have never felt wanted or loved and I always have this insecurity of never being enough m. like I am not that get with studies.. I am not tat pretty either.. I have no friends and the people I thought were my friends don’t even bother to talk to me anymore.. life’s been hard and all I have learnt is to hate my self more nd more each day.. there are days when I don’t even feel to talk to my family members… why am I so sad.. whenever I think of my self as a person all I find is hate for my self.. I m just 17 and I already hate my life and myself

  • Josh

    Great article Madison!

  • Hermes Anderson

    My name is Devon..and I feel I struggle with depression and just always hate on myself. I have always been short and for some reason it bothers me so much…Its the first thing people like to bring up you know it gets repetetive after a while. I always tell myself im not good enough and I honestly feel like it also..I tell myself things like “why would this girl be interested in me” or No way could I get her. I beat myself up constantly and I cant help it…on the outside I act confident like nothing bothers me but inside I feel like shit. Im 25 and I was in a 4 yearr relationship that I messed up and ended up being broken up with and left alone to sob in my apartment…I think that had alot to do with it. It has been Months but I feel like The wounds are still there. Now even though I have been with a few women since my last relationship idk what it is I just dont feel like anybody could love me again. I just chilled with this girl the other day and she was really nice and I liked her but I have barely heard from her since now I feel I fucked something up. I feel ugly even though I have been told I was handsome by plenty of women its like I just dont believe them. I just want to be happy and truly confident in myself…Its like my self esteem is just at an all time low. It has been this way for a while and I dont know what is wrong with me.

  • christina sharon

    Thank you so much , you just made my day a whole lot better. I totally agree about realising that other people compare themselves as well, you’ve just made me realise how beautifully simple it is to help myself: just love myself.

  • christina sharon

    I know this is 2 yrs late. I’m very sorry that you were bullied about your size. I know it feels to be worthless even if it is nothing compared to what you have been thru and as i continue to battle this i suddenly remembered this quote i heard the other day: Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. It helps me get thru tough times along with some exercise and the company of family. I find for me that even a little bit of exercise energises me and puts things back into perspective, maybe this will help you too. I sincerely hope you get better.

  • Larry Dickman

    Great stuff!

  • Aldred1992

    Thank You! I really needed this. :’)

  • This was really helpful for me, especially numbers 4, 5, 6 and 7. Thank you for sharing your own struggle with self esteem and how you combat it. It is so true that we are focusing on the negative and ignoring all the positive when we fall into the pit of self loathing and criticism. I have to remember to encourage myself the way I would someone else if they were being down on themselves. God has given me so much. I have to count my blessings and keep going!

  • rn

    I do feel a little less scared after reading this. Thanks a lot.

  • Wandering Axe

    This is a load of bull.

  • Nick

    Madison, you made my day, I thought I was the only one that was thinking of being a worthless thing in the world, but when I found your article, I was speechless about you saying the same things I say every time to myself. I can’t say though that this article gave me all the will to live but I can say that I started thinking about the things that I say to myself and how to change my attitude towards me. Thank you for at least being part of my life. Seeing you having the same problem with me is a great thing to me personally, even though I don’t know you in person, because it makes me feel like I am not the only one in the world that thinks all these things and also that I am not alone in this world. Thank you.

  • Phi Do

    wow, thank you!

  • GuestMusician

    Thank you Madison for this great article. It seems that it was written 4 years ago, but I’m just stumbling onto it now. I’m a musician, and I find myself falling into the comparison game. Mentally, I know it’s unhealthy, and I’m able to recognize when I start doing it, but emotionally, I fall into the trap of believing it. Fortunately, I’ve been meditating on and off for several months, and I’m always on the lookout for these types of self-help articles. You make a lot of great points here, there’s a lot to think about. I just wanted to acknowledge you for your work on this piece and let you know that it’s making a difference in my life. Thank you!

  • Trout Slayer

    Well I hate to rain on everybody’s parade….not everyone is capable of being this positive….sometimes life just sucks and is hard and then you do….there are no guarantees… And no matter how hard you try it may be too difficult to overcome childhood traumas and learned behaviors… Being labeled is also very hard to get over….I could go on and on….if you can follow this writers suggestions then more power to you…but once you are pushing 50 the only thing you can look forward to is death….

  • Ja-chan

    Thank you very much for writing this. I may cannot write the best comment or contribute support in post like you, but I will try my best to not compare myself to others. I really thankful that you wrote “Dont believe everything that you think” cause it just changed on how my mind is thinking too 🙂

    I need to practice to love myself and accepting who I am now… 😀

  • Buster Keaton

    You got me through the night too, I took number 6 to heart and made a list of things I have overcome and accomplished and it made all the difference in the world, from the depths of my heart thank you Madison <3

  • Alex

    It’s not that I don’t feel like im not good looking, or that I’m not a vertain body figure, I’m perfectly comfortable in my own skin, it’s just, everything I do turns out to be wrong, for example, I could try and help someone, but I end up doing it wrong, so why even attempt to help in the first place if it just messes it up, just to say I tried? NO that’s ridiculous, I honestly look at myself in the mirror, and completely tear myself apart, I was an “uh-oh” baby, and because of my birth my dad was killed, if it weren’t for me, he’d be alive and my grandparents wouldn’t have suffered the injustice of losing there son, if I wasn’t born, nobody would know me, nobody would care, and life would have just went on, my dad would be fine, my family wouldn’t be ruined, of course they never tell me i messed things up for them, but deep down, i feel like they believe what i do, like I’m just a burden, I truly believe there is nothing for me but failure, that’s all I have encountered in my life, I do good in school when I DO THE WORK, but I never really do the work, so my grades turn out horribly, or I’m always super far behind, FOR EXAMPLE AGAIN, I’m supposed to be at 200% complete with my 1st half of school by next week, guess what I am at, 98% 98%! that’s 50 assignments by next week, and I won’t even attempt to dent that monstrosity, I don’t want to kill myself, I want to BE killed, it would look like I didn’t give up, other than the alternative “oh he killed himself, that’s sad I wish i could have helped him/her” but if I were killed, it would be like there was no other outcome, and they couldn’t have really done anything about it, so that’s pretty much where i am at, sorry for the long essay here :/

  • TonyR

    Thanx! I hate myself when a girl who I like shows me that I’m not worthy. I’ve got normal fit body, not fat, not too slim. My face is not ugly either though a bit sad, because I feel so. They feel that I’m not grown up enough, because I believe in equality so always give ’em choise on where we are going. And this is not like “a real man” should do. I behave according to what they have told me about themselves and this is totally wrong: “I’m not a princess, I don’t like to be treated so” – and I treat her with respect but not overplaying like moving the chair behind her while she is about to sit… And it turns out she likes the other guy who is oveplaying… Then She hurts me then because she believes him and argues with me on the same topics.. And If I try to defend she denies my arguments…Well then they touch each other and I have to watch this… “She” is/was several girls I liked. Interesting, he (who’s better than me) does not love them. He tells me that after he receives sex and many other things, after several months may experience love if the relationship is still happening.
    Then I’d take this abuse and I start to hurt my heart so many times as much is enough to feel like I am nothing and I don’t exist. Then I become unable to look the people in the eyes because of below zero self esteem…

  • Lilia

    I was wondering if you could give me any personal advice;
    I’m a high school student taking honors classes. The majority of my friends are taking the exact same classes as me but they always get better grades and better scores in the tests and stuff. Everyone says that having one b and the rest a’s is really good but I feel like I could be doing better like my friends.

  • Christyna

    Thank you

  • Alexandra

    Thank you for this. I battle with awful thoughts in my head everyday, and this helps me not to stress out too much about my parents. (They have high standards for me) I know that if I replace my self-harming thoughts with these, I will do so much better. Thank you

  • Topper

    Needed this a ton right now. Numbers 5 & 7 really hit home. Thank you

  • Olgi Qendro

    Great write up Madison, very helpful post.

  • divine flores

    i actually feel same thing.. sometimes I feel sorry for myself. I felt that I am not good enough after I’ve done so much for someone. But it doesn’t mean that I am expecting too much from that person.

    Maybe the bad thing about what I am thinking is… I find validation of my worth from other people.

    I think we must not seek validation from other people because we know ourselves better. Sometimes we do great things, it’s just that sometimes we”re taken for granted by those people we care or love the most.

    We should value ourselves than anyone else.

    Now I’m starting to change my view in life. I am trying to improve myself not for the sake of other people but for my self.. loving myself more….

    And I’ll love more… without expecting more… because as they said, expectation hurts

  • Shaoni Gupta

    All my throughout my teen age years and even during childhood, my parents and so called friends kept telling me I am not good enough. Not a good enough student, not good enough as a friend and was constantly compared to others. Later when I turned 18 I stopped caring what they said and changed as a person for which I am really thankful for . But even today (I am 20 now) when ever I try to do something or talk to someone I can’t to do it freely because of all those years being told that I am not good enough. It’s starting to eat me up so much now. I have good friends but I can’t open up to them for that fear of being made fun of. My parents though love me a lot never got this. It’s had a huge impact on mind I feel. Like it always stay there all those comparisons and being bullied ,made fun of and always told I can’t be good enough not matter what, even if those people aren’t there anymore. It stayed back. And it’s killing me now.And I can’t do anything with confindenc and always so hard on myself.

  • Yosef Honda

    loving no.7 thank you!!

  • Louie St. Michael

    This really spoke to me, I’ve been through trauma recently and things trigger me into hating myself and feeling unloved but I reread this article to remember that there are loveable and unique qualities to myself. Thank you

  • thank you

  • disqus_jB3QMnzUB7

    How do you love yourself when you just *don’t*?

  • Cintia Chavez

    You probably get this a lot but I’ll say it anyway, your words really impacted me. It has seriously helped me through a day that had me believe life is meaningless. I dont know how or what to say only thank you so much. Thanks for the work you do.