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Becoming the Person You Want to Find

“Pursue compassion and self-awareness. Then, one day, love will tap you lightly on the shoulder and say ‘I’m here.’” ~Unknown.

The other day, I met a boy. With one glance, I was spell-bound, overtaken with that “This is the One” type feeling, the sensation they say you will have when you “just know.”

I’ve only had this feeling once before in my 25 years, and since he ended up marrying someone else, I knew this strong intuition was not always an indication of reciprocity or even truth. When I gush about a man I am “in love with,” my friend always replies: “Wow, that’s great! Does he feel the same way?”

And I’m so enraptured that I don’t really bother to consider that this love could be one-sided. Indeed, when I confronted the situation, I was crushed to find out that the giddiness I was feeling was not returned.

This moment was an invitation for me to look deeply at my tendencies to fall for others, idealize them, and give them power that belongs to my own dreams instead of theirs.

For years, I have relied on my intimate partners to be my biggest fans, believing in me when I wouldn’t or couldn’t believe in myself. But this time, I received the wake-up call that unless I have confidence in my own path, and am settled in my own truth, no one else who is whole will be attracted to my plea for them to fill in my gaps.

It is time for me to look at those missing pieces, wonder why they are there, and love them until they overflow.

Noticing my patterns of feeling strong, then suddenly needy and dependent on external reassurance, I started to examine where my self-worth really comes from. So far, it seems to be fed from the outside in.

For example, I keep a sticky note on my laptop with a list of “nice things” people say for an extra boost when I’m feeling low. A positive comment will send me soaring with confidence, while even a suspicion of a negative opinion or remark will send me spiraling into self-doubt.

It is clear that now is the time to notice these tendencies, and begin first and foremost by loving and accepting them. Since “what you resist persists,” denying or rejecting these unhealthy habits would be a sure-fire way to keep them thriving.

On the other hand, a wise friend suggested that if I go curiously into my darkness, with the intention solely to explore and learn, then transformation is more likely to occur as a symptom or side-effect of that inquiry. So I began to simply witness my thoughts without judgment.

It turns out that for days and weeks after meeting him, I couldn’t get this man out of my head. The rejection I felt was akin to what I experience after a breakup.  In those cases, it is easy to confuse the complaints of my bruised ego with an indelible attraction to this person.

In reality, often I want not the person themselves, but mostly just the feeling of being wanted. Having that affection withheld only causes me to crave it even more.

I slowly became aware of the counter productivity of this type of parallel relationship, and of the vicious circle this ego-game creates.

In addition, this man whom I fell fast for mentioned that part of his reason for not taking me seriously was that he was under the impression that I wasn’t taking myself or the idea of a life-long partnership seriously to begin with. And he may be right.

Though I felt that he was the sort of man I would marry, I still felt a nagging itch of insatiable curiosity that lingered—a little voice belonging to a seeker who is more in love with the search than with the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. There was a residual sense that my journey of love and my explorations of partnerships was not quite ready to be over.

This experience also made me realize that perhaps it is unwise to bring another person into the mix until I can be satisfied, fulfilled, and settled within my own path.

For years, I have dated a cornucopia of different men with different belief systems—a stubborn Atheist, a staunch born-again Christian, an indifferent agnostic, a Shaman-in-training, an aspiring Buddhist, a cultural Jew, and a barely-practicing Muslim. Each man came to our relationship with a different set of “truths” and spiritual philosophies while I floundered about in the mystery, learning from them as I tried to establish my own practice and moral code and beliefs.

Love with a man, however transient, however imperfect, has led me to step back and take a long hard look at unconditional platonic love. It has softly nudged me towards taking the time to build my own roots instead of perching on someone else’s branches.

My aim is now to fill myself up through connection with a deeper love that swells from some universal and unquenchable source.

I now intend to be a force of powerful faith and beauty that may wiggle or waver in the process of standing on its feet, but who is gentle with herself for every rise and fall, loving the self that is singular and at the same time, expansive…

It is tempting to look for someone else to complete us, but it is important to remember that we can nourish the dark places and flourish into the person that we have been seeking outside of ourselves. In this state of self-fulfillment, love arises first from within, and we are then open and ready for it to tap us on the shoulder when we least expect it.

Photo by camerakarrie

About Jeanine Cerundolo

Jeanine is a workshop facilitator, personal development coach, writer/poet, and Kripalu yoga instructor who lives in New York City. With former experience in social work and education, she  believes that much lasting change in our world begins from the inside out. She blogs at ZestforTheQuest.com. Learn more at www.jeaninecerundolo.com.

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  • SL

    I read and can sympathize with “A positive comment will send me soaring with confidence, while even a suspicion of a negative opinion or remark will send me spiraling into self-doubt.”. I’m curious though, do people think this is a normal thing or a sign of being bi-polar? I’ve always assumed I’m bi-polar but haven’t cared enough to get checked (a diagnosis is not going to prevent me from doing anything). I do remember growing up my parents always complained everything was always black or white with me, my teachers hated or loved me, I hated or loved a subject, the same with sports, the same with friends.

    As I said, I’m curious if others go from the highs of a compliment to the lows of suspected negative opinions.

  • It a real challenge to not seek validation from others or seek labels to attach to. Working busily on the self awareness to not need either

    http://www.barefootcourier.com

  • Nillybeez

    Awesome post. This really helped me, thank you.

  • Jensoir

    I feel like this was written by me! Brilliant post 🙂 It has reconfirmed my aims whilst reminding me of the reasons behind them. Thank you. Love and Light xxx

  • Jensoir

    In my opinion, these highs and lows experienced through the opinions and comments of others is very common. It does not necessarily mean you are bi-polar. Bi-polar disorder is a very complex and debilitating illness where sufferers may experience months of extremely low moods where they can barely get out of bed, followed by months of extremely high moods where they may act in very unusual ways and show risk taking behaviours. It is much more than just having mood swings.

    I have experienced the lows of a negative comment and used to rely on compliments in order to feel good. I am now working on feeling good without the need for external gratification and regardless of what other might think or say.

    Much Love xx

  • megalinds

    Thank you for this! It is exactly what I needed to hear this morning.

  • Teresaevangeline

    I can relate so much to this. Very timely. And it answers a question that was nagging at me this morning about how to respond to an email. Thank you.

  • Kathrynjennex

    It seems you were writing about me! I too am on the same journey. I want to fall in love with myself.

  • Otterspace2001

    the saying in the recovery neighborhood is, “What other people think of me is none of my business”.   

  • Angele

     A Beautiful Truth

  • linnaeab

    “It is tempting to look for someone else to complete us, but it is important to remember that we can nourish the dark places and flourish into the person that we have been seeking outside of ourselves. In this state of self-fulfillment, love arises first from within, and we are then open and ready for it to tap us on the shoulder when we least expect it.”

    When (unconditional) love (for the human being who is you) has risen from within and can be tenderly nurtured so that is is the glowing ember supporting your life …. you have already been “tapped on the shoulder” by love. Whenever that unconditional love is present, love is all around …it is no longer something coming from another person of any gender. Love is all around.
    There are moments when I sense this presence that has no words to describe. It is not dependent on any other, not even nature. It is complete, and needs no other to complete it.

    It seems like life force itself. In those moments love is everywhere. And those moments end, and life is normal. Even after being in that warm bath of compassion, sometimes life is difficult. Sometimes I lose heart. And sometimes that glowing ember gets stronger and love is again ever-present.

    In my experience is is completely different from the love that is shared between two people (which usually, to put it bluntly, is conditional and temporary), It vastly different from the love that is projected onto someone we believe may be a partner. There isn’t the intensity … it is more like gentle sunshine on a calm, quiet, warm day, when, without thought, you lift your face to the sun.

    I have sensed it in other moments. .. when being in the presence of the Dalai Lama, Lama Zopa Rinpoche, Lhumbum Rinpoche, Gen  Lam Rimpa and other wonderful Tibetan lamas. Thoughts slow, and a warm sensation begins in the heart that unperceptably permeates one’s whole being. Eyes soften, the face melts, the body’s sensations almost disappear. It lasts for hours, sometimes days … just as the deep compassion that one has for oneself, can spread to unconditional love for everything.

    I have felt it around other people who are not famous cultivators of compassion. Simple people. Simpler than us. It doesn’t depend on witnessing another’s kind actions. It just is there in their presence.

    This is just the experience of a human (myself) who has sought the emotion and other side effects I believed were love, and prefers the gentler all pervasive presence of what seems to be love.

  • Honey_b_temple

    Love this! I’m in that situation now, starting to date someone who fills me with an incredible sense of hope and giddiness. Based on my past experience, I realize that I have a tendency to give over my self-identity to the man I’m dating, so this time I’m making a concerted effort to focus on my own life and dreams, the way he does. I think this is the first time I’ve used these tendencies (the tendencies to fall deeply in love and lose my self-identity) as a sign to forge MORE of my self-identity. This article describes me to a T! But we can learn from these lessons and move on to cultivate our own trees rather then using someone else’s for support. I love that tree metaphor, too. Thank you!

    http://www.joyattheheart.com

  • Thomas

    Thanks for the article.

  • Ky

    I swear every time I come to this site it seems the featured articles are written exactly for me, at exactly the right moment, on exactly the right day. And I walk away stronger and smarter. Everyone who contributes to this site is absolutely amazing!

  • Intelligent, beautiful and courageously honest. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. I’m bookmarking this post. Deep thanks.

  • Lila T.

    Such true words and feelings. I am also part of this club and have been searching that path to my inner lover. 

  • “In reality, often I want not the person themselves, but mostly just the feeling of being wanted. Having that affection withheld only causes me to crave it even more.”

    I quit Facebook over this.

    “This experience also made me realize that perhaps it is unwise to bring another person into the mix until I can be satisfied, fulfilled, and settled within my own path.”

    Am I the only one that believes this is a chicken v. egg problem?

    “Pursue compassion and self-awareness. Then, one day, love will tap you lightly on the shoulder and say ‘I’m here.’”

    Some people that I admire and have what I want have told me something along these lines. I’ll keep trekking along!

  • Chels

    see, the fact that after all this time i still haven’t found a guy i can be with makes me dislike myself even more. i get told countless times a day how pretty i am and how much people like me but since i can’t find the romantic love that i crave, i feel unworthy and unattractive. i’m so tired of being alone and i really don’t understand why i have to feel this way. i wish i could keep the positive mindset but it’s fickle. one day i’ll be great, and the next, like today, i feel like crap. i just want to crawl in bed and never leave. i’ve even convinced myself that i’ll never be in a relationship. and the fact that i can’t meet anyone just solidifies that belief. i wish i could get better but i feel like i never will.

  • Thomas

    Yes, you will. Live in the present, and trust your future. 🙂

  • Chels

    i really wish i could but i’ve been disappointed too many times. i honestly feel like the universe cares nothing about me.

  • Great post! I definitely agree… the root behind a successful love life is how you feel about YOURSELF.
    Relying on your external circumstances and other people to make you FEEL validated, love, worthy is only setting yourself up for MORE PAIN. Happiness comes from within…finding that self-love, confidence, esteem and the courage to LOVE EVERY ASPECT of yourself is what will attract love in your life:)

  • Michelle Crawley

    This was an AMAZING post that I related to 100%.

    One of my favorite quotes this year is: “Sometimes we have to go right into the fire in order to find our true healing.”
    ~Jack Kornfield

    I asked myself similar questions this year after my long-term (7
    YEARS!!) boyfriend left me. I was so tired of losing the battle in love
    and life no matter how much I chased for the positive outcomes. I
    realized I wasn’t being true to myself. Why was I so dependant on others and their love/approval/acceptance?

    One day, I cried. Not just any cry. It was the cry I had been afraid to
    cry my entire life while looking for acceptance from others and being
    rejected/abandoned/used/etc…I cried for my loss of love, loss of family, my indecisions, my fears, my hopes, my uncertainties, for those that i cared mostly about that were in pain, for those I allowed to walk freely in and out of my life regularly without explanation. for all my regrets, for everything I wish I would have said but never did. It was INTENSE to say the least. It was a terrifying experience to cry like that. It took me TWO days to snap out of that experience! lol. I was afraid of what it meant and what might happen to me after.

    But you know what, the only thing that happened was a feeling of relief
    like I never felt before. The  feeling of the heaviest burden being
    lifted off of my shoulders. I was given an opportunity to really face
    all that was bringing me down and keeping me from what I really wanted
    in life and I accepted the challenge.

    Needless to say I have been on a personal-development binge this year!
    lol. I still have a few tough days, I still miss and wonder “what could
    have been” or “why can’t that be me?”, but now, I am able to take more
    comfort in knowing that as long as I trust and have faith myself and my
    decisions, things will never be as bad or unfortunate as they were in
    the past and I will naturally move towards a sense of peace and destiny that only I
    was meant to enjoy 🙂

    (sorry for the long post!)

  • Cholden67

    I am going through this right now. I am finally addressing a problem that I’ve had for years. Thank you for your insight and experience.

  • Greg Robson

    At this time of year I tend to reflect a lot on the past year, and a lot of it seems relevant to my story.

  • sha

    I totally agree with your view that until you feel whole, love and respect yourself the way you would want a partner to… you aren’t going to attract that type of partner. However, I also believe that the journey to love oneself unconditionally in this way, takes a life time. For most people, it isn’t something you can work on and achieve in a relatively short period of time. Personally, this is when I sometimes lose hope… because I don’t know when I will achieve this. Although I have become self-aware of my issues for some time now, and constantly try and practice self-love– I don’t find myself in complete acceptance of where I am at this moment. I do believe this is what keeps me from finding the man I would love to be with. But if this journey may take a lifetime, will it also take a life time to be in a great relationship? Not to be a Debbie downer here, but that is depressing!!! : (

  • this is lovely!! 🙂

  • Anonymous

    This is written so perfectly!

  • Anonymous

    Hello Nina,

    This is my first visit to this site and also a first for reading one of your posts. It’s my intention to add some positive and helpful thoughts here. I hope I can.

    You wrote that twice in your life you met a man that made you feel like he was “The One” and that you just “knew it.” What kind of feeling was it? Was it a feeling of power charged elation, as in infatuation? Or was it a feeling of calm, safety and freedom; a state of mind and heart where you could express all your fears and insecurities and ‘know” your partner would accept the real you? Within this kind of connection, people feel as if they have known each other “before” and that they are “picking up where they left off.” It’s a psychic connection. You know the intentions of your partner. You don’t have to ask.

    You wrote, “…this man…mentioned…he was under the impression that I wasn’t
    taking myself or the idea of a life-long partnership seriously to begin
    with. And he may be right.”

    Seems your intentions were in conflict. You wrote: “There was a residual sense that my journey of love and my explorations of partnerships was not quite ready to be over.”

    For reasons known to you and not me, your doubts manifested the breakdown of the relationship. You weren’t secure in that path, and so you didn’t take it. It doesn’t matter who pulled away first. You got what your core intentions asked for: a continued search for love someplace else. You don’t have to feel bad about it.

    Regarding building self confidence and love-of-self from within…well, it’s a lofty goal, and I’m certainly pursuing it myself, but everyone needs validation every now and then and I don’t think it’s practical to strive for a life without outside affirmations. I think a realistic target might be, say, 65 to 70% of your assurances come from within. The rest is generated by positive feedback about you and your creations. If you have a partner who is totally devoted to you, you may not need additional support from anyone else.

    And yes, your’re right about not striving to fill an internal vacuum with the affection of others. You can’t be needy about love. But that doesn’t mean you have to be totally self sufficient either. I don’t think that’s natural. Being a child of love is a spiritual ideal which we can all come close to from time to time. But we can’t stay in that space 24/7. Remaining in bliss doesn’t set up life’s lessons. We need confrontations and conflicts to evolve. It’s one of those meanings of life.

    For me, when I was clear about commitment, when I was ready for living the rest of my life with one special woman, that “special woman” came to me. That was 36 years ago, and we are more in love now than ever before.

    Irv

  • Anonymous

    Hi Nina, I guess there are more people like me out there!  hahahaha. I also used to find myself craving for reafirmation outside myself, … and the boundarie between love and ego was not clear at all, now I can recognize more easily when I really like someone and when     I´m just holding in a feeling or in some thoughts because of my ego and needs…
    I felt completely identified with you, I´m doing the same thing that you are, finding and loving myself first… 🙂 Thank you for sharing!!
    big hug from Colombia!

  • Grdn360

    Trusting in ones self leaves no place for courage to have any relevance. In this state of being becoming is an exhibition of the portrayers own honesty, consciously, and subconsciously free from guilt.

    To me it is as simple as setting out to paint a portrait that is acceptable to myself. I let my walls down to my own nature, and I find with nothing to hide that courage is no longer necessary, and fear is not factored into expectations unfulfilled.
    If I am good enough for myself then I am good enough for anyone I could love.

    Impress yourself, for yourself, and let others think as they will.

  • Izela

    A great article! Thank you for writing it, the only trouble is that I had realized this a year ago but the confidence and self-love isn’t a constant feature yet! How long will it take…?

  • TT

    Couldn’t have said it better myself!

  • Jensoir

    I agree with Thomas, stay present and trust the future. I felt a very similar way to you not so long ago. I hit rock bottom, but that drove me to a path of spiritual self discovery. I truly believe that I needed to feel what I felt in order to be where I am today. And now I know I can create the future I want for myself.
    I highly recommend reading “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne. Buy yourself a Christmas present, you deserve it 🙂
    xx

  • Tobias Michel

    Very well written and said. Thank you.

  • Jtreadwa

    Thank you for capturing my journey over the last 4 years with such powerful words of eloquence and intention.  This post made my heart and soul happy and I am so so grateful to say that through  diligent efforts and divine grace, at 26 I’ve been able to fully embrace the journey toward self-reflection and wholeness.   My life, spirit, soul and perspective have been so beautifully transformed and what a blessing that I can say for certain, in so many wonderful ways, that I have arrived to this place of completeness and inexhaustible joy.  It even comes with a perma-smile 😀

    We must choose to remember, in spite of the darkest times that:  Life is beautiful.  God is good. You are worth it.

    – Jazmin
    http://jazzy26.xanga.com/ (also if you’re interested, here’s my blog 🙂

    THANKS AGAIN…AMAZING!!!

  • Jtreadwa

    I love what you said and just how you said it. Thank you for your comment, I’m right there with you. Happy Travels and God Bless 🙂

  • Jtreadwa

    This is beautiful…Thank you so much for commenting. God Bless 🙂

  • Jazmin

    I believe that you can be in a great relationship with yourself and another person only once you are able to love, value and accept yourself as a child of the Creator of the Universe.  You are beautiful and so is your journey but you must not be so afraid to move forward that you can not see the slow and steady progress you are making toward becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be.  There is wonder in expectation but what also arises in this faithful pursuit of ourselves is a deep understanding and appreciation of the present. There is a change in our ability to fully engage and participate in our lives and moments without longing for the past or sitting stagnated in anxious anticipation of the future.  Franz Kafka once said

    “You need not do anything.
    Remain sitting at your table and listen.
    You need not even listen, just wait.
    You need not even wait,
    Just learn to be quiet, still and solitary
    And the world will freely offer itself to you unmasked.
    It has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet”

    Jon Burroughs:
    ” The lesson which life repeats and constantly enforces is ‘look under foot.’
    You are always nearer to the divine and the true sources of your power than you think.
    The lure of the distant and difficult is deceptive.
    The great opportunity is where you are.
    Do not despise you own place and hour.
    Every place is under the stars,
    Every place is the center of the world.

    I wish you nothing joy, wisdom and faith in your journey and I have no doubt that if you keep your heart in the right place, your actions honest, your values close, your love pure and God in your prayers..that you will find your way to the wonderful relationships you seek.

    Jeremiah 29:11-14, God Bless and Merry Christmas!

  • Miss Nicole,

    Your line, “It has softly nudged me towards taking the time to build my own roots instead of perching on someone else’s branches.” is brilliant!  Wisdom far beyond your years.  Thank you for sharing.

    If a reader is interested in a deeper dive into self-actualization and discovery, I recommend the works of Erich Fromm.  “Man for Himself: An Inquiry into the Psychology of Ethics” is an excellent place to begin.

    Allowing our own roots unfold allows the tree of our spiritual being to connect into the deeper worlds that not only stabilize our self against life’s storms but also nourishes our growth and allows our lives to be fruitful.

    Thank you for sharing this gem of a post!

    Best Regards,

    Andy Dix,
    Author
    “Life Matches: Fire Up Your Life!”
    http://www.lifematchesbook.wordpress.com

  • Kari

    How beautifully written and it couldn’t have come at a better time for me. Like you Nina, I have also been looking for love in the wrong places and am finally realizing, it has been in me all along. I jyst have to nurture it so it can grow.

    Thanks for this reminder!

  • Pixiponk

    Thanx that was a great post. As useful as the article itself. Good luck. I 2 am trying to learn to love myself

  • Lv2terp

    I lOVE this blog post, so incredibly wise and inspiring!

  • Sha

     Thank you so much for this!!! I really love both quotes. They really do bring me back to the place I need to be- in heart, mind and soul. I will read them often, to keep me on track and hopeful. I wish you the best on journey as well. And again, thanks for your insight! Many blessings and lots of love!! and a Merry Christmas to you too!!! : )

  • Hi TinyBuddha-ers! Thank you so much for all the beautiful, thoughtful, and inspiring comments. You have each given me new things to think about, and I overwhelmingly appreciate your kind words and insights. Today is my birthday, and I am focusing more than ever on self-love today. I agree that we live in a social world and of course our interactions are fundamentally important, but I’m finding that it’s just that much easier to share joy and love, when it starts from within. Wishing you all those beautiful moments of grace, when love taps you lightly on the shoulder, and is invited in. Thanks again for the support. Love, Nina

  • Hi Izela, Thanks for your comment. Just so you know- confidence and self-love are by no means a constant feature in my life yet either! I believe it is a matter less of “arriving” to that day where you’ve “made it”, and more a choice and even a struggle moment to moment each and every day. It is watching with non-judgemental observance all the thoughts that sprout up like weeds in a garden, and plucking them lovingly each time they arise. I think in that way we clean our mental space and intentionally fill it with love, grace, and confidence instead of fear, worry, and doubt. Personally, I have begun meditating 10 min each morning and I find this definitely helps re-route my train of mind. Hope that helps! 🙂

  • Hi Irv, 

    Thanks for such a reflective post. Many wise words here. First off, I agree that the “love” and attachment I described in my article was a combination of infatuation mixed with a longing that comes out of a space and feeling that “something is missing.”  I also agree that we don’t exist in a vacuum and don’t intend to suggest that man is an island who should go it alone. However, as you mention, tipping the percentages a bit to incorporate a healthy dose of self-love is definitely imperative!

    Second, I especially resonated with your comment: “You got what your core intentions asked for: a continued search for love someplace else.”  I never thought of it that way, so thanks for elucidating that truth!  I felt badly that I didn’t “get what I wanted” if you will, but in fact, I was unclear or conflicted in my intention. My true intention is first and foremost a path of self-discovery and fulfillment, and on this leg of the journey I am not actually looking for a partner to share this with indefinitely, -not yet at least. Thanks for making it obvious that I can deliberately own and CHOOSE to look for love someplace else (ie. within myself/the divine etc.)

  • I love “Jtreadwa”‘s response- those quotes are phenomenal! In regards to your question about whether or not it takes a lifetime, -yes! I think it does. But this is not so depressing as it is encouraging. I think we have the opportunity to unfold and grow each and every day and that the key is to be patient and loving with all our falterings as well as all our triumphs. I’m not sure where a partner fits into all this except to say that I imagine they will be someone who loves and accepts you as you are TOday, and who is also willing to share your journey of each tomorrow with you as well, as you both go along discovering and uncovering experiences in life that are both trying and beautiful. Best wishes on your path!! 

  • Tina

    Thanks for your sharing and beautifully written.  I felt like I have walked in your footsteps for a lifetime on this subject and have reached a point of desiring only to find “the contentment of loving me”. This is my greatest challenge and I look forward to the reward.
    Keep the faith.

  • After my husband died, many years ago now, I woke up one day to discover that I held beliefs that didn’t really belong to me.  They were his beliefs, not bad, just not mine.  That was the first time I ever asked myself the question…”What do I believe.”  And began to choose the beliefs I felt would serve me best.  Congratulations to you, it seems as though that’s just what you’ve done.

  • bp

    This IS exactly the mantra I have given to myself. It is nice to see this in words. Amen sistah!

  • chew

    “I cried for my loss of love, loss of family, my indecisions, my fears,
    my hopes, my uncertainties, for those that i cared mostly about that
    were in pain, for those I allowed to walk freely in and out of my life
    regularly without explanation. for all my regrets”

    I felt like I could identify with you on this, it must truly have been a scary experience to face all those, and I’m sure it felt liberating afterward! It’s great you are going on a personal-development binge now, cheers! 🙂

  • HI Nina, Your words are the exact representation of most girls I know. Somebody famous once said, “You have to kiss a thousand frogs to find the prince charming”. But you see we don’t have to, if only we accept men as what they are and not what we want them to be. This is exactly what we girls want so lets play equal with them and trust me things will turn out better.

  • Tinarose29

    OMG Nina I have been waiting for someone to agree that love comes to you when you least expect it, but only after you have discovered yourself. I am currently single and most of my friends keep saying I should go out a bit more so as to meet the one. I disagree as I dont think I will meet the one when I’m looking, ofcourse I’ll meet someone beacuse there are so many men out there, but will it be the one I want…I doubt it. So while I wait for ‘prince chanrming’ to come and tap me on my shoulder, I’m doing all I need to do to learn more about who I am and I think in the long run when and if I meet someone they will blend in with me and won’t have to complete me cos I will already be a fully baked cake. I’m keeping this article in my little box of treasures. AMAZING!!!!

  • Mhaarts

    This website…. I love it so so so much! Thanks you for writing this beautiful article.

  • Mhaarts

    It’s so true! I’m so glad I found this site. 

  • My experience is is completely different from the love that is shared
    between two people (which usually, to put it bluntly, is conditional and
    temporary), It vastly different from the love that is projected onto
    someone we believe may be a partner. 

  • My experience is is completely different from the love that is shared between two people (which usually, to put it bluntly, is conditional and temporary), It vastly different from the love that is projected onto someone we believe may be a partner. 

  • Becca

    I was just thinking the same thing. I’ll open the website expecting to have to go searching for an article that will suit the problems i’m having at that very time, and the article that is suited to me is always right there in front of me without me even searching anything. I’m so glad I found it.

  • Travis James Holasek

    Thank you. I have come back to this post a couple of times. Usually it is when I have met someone new and needing a quick reminder of not losing myself in the “dream” of what might be. It is nice knowing that I met someone that for the first time in a LONG time isn’t there to “complete” me. We enjoy each others company, he makes me laugh in a way that I haven’t since I was a kid. I find myself lost in the moment when we are with each other. It is as if time slows. The best part is, I had thought that true old fashioned romance was lost among gay men. But I was SO wrong. I think that is what I am most grateful for…his genuine, honest, and unselfish care and love he showers me with. No expectations, no judgements, just the desire to be with each other and enjoy the journey, together. 

  • Travis James Holasek

    Thank you for putting into word the feelings I have had recently. “There isn’t the intensity … it is more like gentle sunshine on a calm, quiet, warm day, when, without thought, you lift your face to the sun.” This describes perfectly the feelings my lover has brought up in me since the first day we met. It is a love that I thought I had lost a long time ago. Thank you again for putting what I was feeling into such eloquent words. 

  • Punajohn1

    ♥Love is, above all, the gift of oneself♥

     

    Description

    ♥❤♥♡One day someone comes into your life & you find
    yourself wanting to love them in a different way…You find yourself wanting
    to give with no conditions; you find yourself forgiving quickly and easily
    when in the past you couldn’t let it go; You don’t demand that he or she
    behave a certain way to make you happy, but instead you feel a patient,
    gentle-nudge from deep within that you have never felt before, urging you to love for
    the sake of loving -choosing to see this person at their best & as the
    glorious person they are meant to become.♡♥❤♥

    * ♥˚✰˚★* ღThis may happen seemingly out of
    nowhere, from maturity, or you may even be on a spiritual journey or path of
    self-improvement -and suddenly you realize that something has changed within
    you… you now want to offer love from a place of purity, and you feel the
    gift that you are giving, as well as how it is somehow changing you.ღ* ♥˚✰˚★* 

    ────(♥)(♥)(♥)────(♥)(♥)(♥)

    ──(♥)██████(♥)(♥)██████(♥)

    ─(♥)████████(♥)████████(♥)

    ─(♥)██████████████████(♥)

    ──(♥)████████████████(♥)

    ────(♥)████████████(♥)

    ──────(♥)████████(♥)

    ────────(♥)████(♥)

    ─────────(♥)██(♥)

    ───────────(♥)

    “Intense
    love does not measure, it just gives.”

    – Mother
    Teresa

    “Only
    when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly
    know what love means.”

    -Leo
    Buscaglia 

    “The
    beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to
    twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of
    ourselves we find in them.”

    -Thomas
    Merton

    “Love
    has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get–only with what you are
    expecting to give–which is everything.”

    -Katherine
    Hepburn

    “Love
    is, above all, the gift of oneself.”

    -Jean
    Anouilh

    “Love,
    true love, is that which can give the most without asking or demanding
    anything in return.”

    -Mazie
    Hammond

    “Love…
    What is love? Love is to love someone for who they are, who they were, and
    who they will be.” -Chris Moore

     

  • Be_youtifull

    This site is absolutely amazing!

  • 11IR

    I AM THE PERSON I CHOOSE TO BECOME
    What I don’t get to choose is this RE assignment… urg!

  • JoJOe

    Wonderful tears of moving forward with self compassion. Not a long read, a good one.
    Hope all your days are full of light and love.

  • vatulelegirl

    THANK YOU SO MUCH. this is beautifully written, and inexpressibly comforting and wise and spot on. I feel stronger and happier already. Will share as much as possible. so much love and peace xxxx

  • Tryntwice!

    Well written article! Gives me some extra direction and helps me open up to be able to find some true happiness. I just want to say thank you for opening up and hope everything worked out for you!