Getting to Know Yourself, What You Like, and What You Want in Life


“Be yourself; everyone is already taken” ~Oscar Wilde

In some ways, it may seem counterintuitive to have to learn to know yourself. Surely that should be a given, right? Not necessarily.

While our experiences clearly helped shape us into the people we are today, this does not mean that we necessarily know who we really are—what we are passionate about and what we want from life.

Since we were tiny, we’ve developed beliefs and values, some good and some not so good, as a result of our environment and the pressure from society to conform. 

When I was younger, I associated academic achievement and fitting into a group with my self-worth.

Having an older sister who was academically superior to me made me feel worthless and led to issues with low self-esteem.

I was so paranoid about being liked that I would often force myself to attend school even when I was incredibly ill, in case friends decided they no longer wanted me in their group.

In retrospect, this all sounds incredibly irrational, but at the time it made perfect sense. Despite the emotional turmoil I constantly experienced, school became a symbol of familiarity.

I thought that if I worked hard and got into a good university, everything would finally fall into place.

So I worked extremely hard, achieved good grades, and got an offer to study at Cambridge University. I had proven to everyone else that I was intelligent, but this “proof” seemed strangely hollow.

Despite thinking that all these achievements would make me feel better, I felt numb. This was what I had wanted, and yet I still wasn’t happy. I started thinking there was something wrong with me.

Fast forward to my first and only month at Cambridge. Thrust into a completely different environment, I experienced huge bouts of self-doubt and hatred, and suffered what can only be described as a complete nervous breakdown.

I had spent so much of my life working toward what I thought were my important life goals only to find out that they meant nothing. Instead of feeling a sense of pride and self-worth, I spent my month at Cambridge feeling like a fraud and an outsider.

At my worst, I felt as though I did not truly exist. Without a group to neatly ‘fit’ into, I lost all sense of my identity.

Who am I? What am I working toward? I had no answers to these questions; I had nothing but negative thoughts for my identity to attach itself to.

On leaving university, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. That year, I underwent a course of cognitive behavioral therapy, and while it works for many, it did not work for me.

Almost feeling guilty for the fact that it was not aiding me to recovery, I would lie and pretend to my therapist that it was working. I was still aiming to please others by being what I thought they wanted me to be, even after all this time.

The only thing that really helped me was taking time out to really understand and learn about myself. Through my struggles, I identified that I was always working toward goals I thought other people wanted for me.

My self-esteem was so low that I didn’t know what I really wanted or indeed, who I even was.

My journey to discover my identity is ongoing. Being so sensitive, I know I am often influenced by other people’s goals and desires, so I consciously make an effort to find out what it is I really want by taking the time to listen to myself.

Here are some thoughts to consider that continue to help me in this journey and hopefully might be helpful to you:

1. Realize that you do not have to justify your worth.

I used to think: “If I do X, then I am worthy of Y.” This thought is entirely wrong and destructive, as it presumes some hierarchy of people’s worth exists. The truth is that everyone is worthy of love, respect, and kindness.

2. Take time to try different things to figure out what you enjoy.

What struck me after leaving Cambridge was that I had no idea what I actually enjoyed doing. If someone had asked me this when I was at school, I would have spouted stuff that would make me sound like a model student, like being part of the debate team or public speaking.

Of course, you can like doing these things, but in my case I was merely saying what I thought people wanted to hear.

Since realizing this, I’ve tried art classes, different forms of exercise, cooking, a film club, volunteering abroad, creative writing, and I’m still trying new things out. This has provided me with a greater insight into what the real Jade actually enjoys, and I’ve had a lot of fun along the way.

3. Let go of expectations.

This was probably one of the most important things I did. It was hard to let go of the idealized image of what university and my life were going to be like, which had been instilled in my head for years. But once I was able to, it was easier to accept things for what they were, without feeling like my whole world was crumbling before me.

4. Look after yourself.

When you’re finding things tough and questioning who you are and where you’re going, it’s important to take some time out to practice a bit of self-care. For me, this usually means getting lost in a great novel, having a warm shower, and getting at least eight hours of sleep.

After this, my thoughts become less erratic and I feel a lot calmer and more ready to face any challenges ahead.

5. Know that fitting in is overrated.

I have learned that you are very lucky if you have a few close friends.

At school particularly, it can sometimes seem that belonging to a group is the most important thing, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that true friends won’t leave you on a whim. And they should love you for your amazing unique qualities rather than your “role” to the group.

Be yourself and you’ll attract authentic friendships into your life.

6. Remember that your life is not set in stone.

I could berate myself for leaving Cambridge and the great opportunity it presented to me. However, I’ve come to realize that life is full of opportunities. Any time spent regretting missed ones allows less time to enjoy the opportunities that are presenting themselves right now!

Photo by slalit

About Jade Yap

Jade Yap is a simple soul who lives and works in London, England. She loves writing, aspiring to write and publish a novel in the not-too-distant future. If you want, you can read some of her writer ramblings at In addition, she enjoys life’s little things such as drinking tea and her tiny white dog.

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  • So true on so many levels. It’s hard to get to know your self, when ur always being pressured to be someone else.

  • Gin

    Loved this post! thank you for sharing really, it is really hard to get to know yourself, truly.

  • guess who

    you write well

  • Kate

    Great post! It hits very close to home. Thank you for sharing!

  • Louise

    Thanks so much for this post! I’m in my 30s and have only just realised how little I know myself. I had thought was ridiculous so it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one this has happened too. Thanks again!

  • Jade Yap

    Thanks so much for reading this and your lovely comment. I definitely think we’re not the only ones out there and we should enjoy the process of learning more about ourselves 🙂 Xx

  • Jade Yap

    Thanks so much for reading! Xx

  • Jade Yap

    Thank you – it is hard but definitely something worth doing Xx

  • Jade Yap

    We are bombarded with constant pressures and it can be difficult to embrace our true selves but this is what we need to do to be fulfilled in life! Thanks so much for your comment Xx

  • IK

    Amazing. Beautifully written and pinpoints so many emotions. People can forget what the most important things in life are. This reminds us that being happy with who we are and not what people expect us to be is the most important thing. Thank you!!!

  • Jade Yap

    Thank you so much IK ;), I have to consistently remind myself to stop attaching myself to things/ people/ ideas of a version of myself that I feel I should be because attachments lead to expectations, and expectations lead to disappointments. We should just embrace who we are XXXXX

  • Phil Bennett

    Thanks Jade, I’m also trying to find what I want in life, at times I think I try too hard and get frustrated and that’s when I need to remind myself as you said to let go of expectations not only for what I imagined my life would be but to let go of expectations of finding results in a certain time frame.

  • Jade Yap

    Hi Phil, thanks for your comment and I definitely relate to your feelings of trying too hard and feeling frustrated. I have to consciously remind myself that it is more than OK to be yourself. It’s good to strive towards goals but not at the expense of your passions and true self. Xx

  • spicytofu

    Along with letting go of expectations, I think people tend to judge themselves too harshly. If you stop judging others, you will be nicer to yourself. Learning how not to judge is the most important thing you can do for yourself.

  • Wonderful post, Jade. I especially appreciate tips #1 and #3.

    Once we learn to stop explaining ourselves and become decisive–we open the doors to confidence, self-assuredness and a lot more mental energy. One of my favorite stories comes from a friend who was living with her boyfriend during college. She was in her late 20s and her b/f was established and financially set. One of her 19 y/o classmates couldn’t believe that she didn’t have to work while in school. Her response was, “He has money, and I don’t.”

    It’s so difficult to live w/out expectations, but so very essential. Idealism nearly always leads to disappointment, and sometimes this is due to a sense of entitlement.

    There’s something to be said for remaining non-attached to external rewards 🙂

  • Lyss

    This is so much easier said than done. I’m scared beyond belief to make huge decisions right now because I have huge regrets from some decisions I have made in the past. Ugh

  • Jeff

    Jade. Thank you for sharing this. You hit incredibly close to home to me on this one and put into words so eloquently what I’ve spent a great deal of time processing as a melange of thoughts and feelings.

  • mm72

    Hi Jade, a really great post. I completely identify with the going along with what you think others expect you to be, or of what is meant to be ‘good’. I am now 41 years old and look back to a life which never felt right for the ‘real’ me. It is painful to take stock and realise how much I have lost by doing things that made me so deeply unhappy. However, I suspect that many people live like this, and a few fortunate ones get to stand still and become their genuine selves. Thank you.

  • Anne Z

    I totally connected with all of this today and what stood out the most is needing to belong to a group. Ostracizing from a group especially family members is hard to deal with but what shines out of these kind of experiences is that having a huge group of social circle is not really important to living a happy, joyous and peaceful life. Only having those few meaningful relationships, no matter how many in number and size, make up the best part of our lives and that is what truly matters. Thank you for this reminder!

  • Sares

    Me too. 34 and in a similar situation. Nice post.

  • karisa

    I really connected with this post. I realized that I have been letting others perceptions shape my life and influence my decisions, when really what makes me happy is all that matters at the end of the day!! If anyone likes reading others experiences as a way to relate to their own life, I’ve started a blog:

    hopefully it can help someone else!

  • Lori

    I loved this piece and related to it very much. I, too, have struggled with self- doubt and find that I compare myself to others. What I’ve slowly come to realize (and this is a day-to-day process) is that I have much to offer this world just using my talents and abilities. Everyone is unique. Thank you for sharing your story!

  • Graham Fraser

    After almost 16 months of working on myself I would answer the three questions suggested by your title thusly:

    1). I’ve never looked to see who I am. The “real” me, most accurately manifested would have been as a child – if what I read here and elsewhere is accurate – who had less of the errors in thinking to pollute his “purity”. That guy was ridiculed, shamed, humiliated, and out-right tortured. Why the hell would I want more of that?

    2). What do I like? Whatever will keep me from feeling the above…. even if I don’t like it.

    3) What do I want in life? An accounting: if God or my soul or something else “chose” to put me here I want the chance to kill it and erase it’s every effect and memory of effects from whatever fabric reality is made from.
    Having trouble getting past this.

  • Summer

    I too am trying to figure out what makes me really happy and so far it’s the simple things – like drinking a cup of tea in a cafe and reading my Kindle; shopping for food in a certain store… trying to enjoy each day as it comes…

  • Laiz

    Thanks for this article! <3

  • KG

    The trick is to quietly go about one’s business. People will usually just assume you are “normal”. Let them. Do not disillusion them. If and when you do get crap, recognise it comes from their own insecurities. They are afraid of being found out to be just as weird. Those of us who are noticably different are just scapegoats for the insecurities of the less blatantly different ones. But everyone’s weird, trust me. Observe “normal” people closely. You will see how god damn weird they actually are. Everyone talks about “self confidence” when what it really means is “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me”. Realising eveyone else is just as weird is a good start. Best wishes.

  • rulu

    hi jade, what did you do when you found CBT wasn’t working? I just had three sessions through CBT and found it not enough. It feels a bit too much on the surface and I was told things that I already knew

  • Jade Yap

    Thanks so much for your lovely comment Jeff, you’re definitely not alone. Xx

  • Jolly

    Thank you for this! I feel this is a complete reflection of me! I am trying to figure myself out. I am currently recovering from my own anxiety and self-esteem issues. To everyone facing the same, things will get better even if you feel at your worst. The pain doesn’t last forever. I started focusing on me and what I want for the first time in a long time and I feel although I have a long way to go, I am genuinely happy with myself. It’s a feeling I haven’t had in so long. It was when I finally let go of what people thought of me and began to focus on what I want and my opinion of myself that I realize my own self-worth.

  • lily

    I can relate to your article. I have no idea who I am and what I like. I have been trying to be what other people want me to be for a long time. It has made me unhappy and angry. Thank you for pointing me in a new direction. #1 “everyone is worthy of love” if I can just truly believe that…

  • Jade Yap

    Thanks for reading this! Please don’t regret the things you’ve done in the past as although you may feel that you have ‘lost’ much, it is never too late to start knowing your true self. Some people never do and I’m sure you’ve learnt a lot about what you don’t want from life now. I wish you good luck in everything you do! Xx

  • Graham Fraser

    Thanks for your reply. My problem isn’t with those who ridicule…. It’s with being deserving of ridicule. I already couldn’t give a crap what you or anyone else thinks.

    It’s not so much that I think others are all “normal” and I’m some rare freak… it’s that I’m not as good at faking “normal.” I am finding it very difficult to want – or even believe – that my “true self,” soul, core, or whatever you want to call it is even real, let alone something worth befriending…

    If my “soul,” or even some Biblical God, chose to birth me into this world – regardless of how much events from that point on are my fault (not one, if cause&effect is a real phenomena – free will is an illusion) if I was put here to learn or evolve or some other “for my own good” b.s…… Let’s just say I am NOT amused.

    What would be the point of leaving perfection (source) to explore this gong-show? To learn? What isn’t already known? If something wasn’t known, then it can’t have been perfect. To be better, or more? We are told here and elsewhere our “core” can’t be changed. When I went to school, “can’t be changed” = eternal = unable to be effected…..

    They are simple questions: so why do they make me feel so stupid?

  • Jade Yap

    Thanks Linda! It is indeed very hard to live without expectations as you say but once you are free of them, things become so much easier and you can embrace your true self fully. Best, Jade xx

  • Mal

    This is such a great article. I have been having issues with for as long as I know. My insecurities started when I realized that I was just not as smart as the other kids in our community, where I was a B student they were A++ students. All I could do was be the funny one in the group and I would sacrifice my comfort to make other people laugh. And that’s how it’s been, my biggest fear is not being liked and I always compare myself to those that I think have everything that I want. This has become clear to me in the past few months where I just dont know what it is that I want. I’ve been trying to spend some time with just me lately to figure this out. Your post is very helpful. I agree with Louise I’m glad that I’m not the only person that feels this way. Thanks!

  • Jade Yap

    I really agree with this. I used to be very judgemental of others because I was deeply insecure myself. I’ve found that I am a lot more accepting and open-minded now I have got to know and accept my true self. Thanks for reading. Xx

  • Jade Yap

    Thank you – it can be easy to think that a large circle of people in your life is important but it is definitely quality, not quantity, that counts in this case. Sometimes it is important to remind ourselves of this fact when we question our friendships – thanks so much for your comment Xx

  • Jade Yap

    You’re welcome and thanks for reading! Xx

  • Jade Yap

    The simple things in life should definitely be underestimated 🙂 Thanks so much for reading this and I hope you enjoy learning more about all the little things you enjoy Xx

  • Jade Yap

    whoops I mean should definitely NOT be underestimated!

  • Jade Yap

    You’re welcome Lori and thanks so much for your lovely comment. Xx

  • Jade Yap

    Thank you Karisa and I will definitely check out your blog 🙂 Xx

  • Jade Yap

    Hi Mal, I think a lot of people fear not being liked and as a result, you become what you think you need to be to ‘fit in’. It can leave you feeling empty and unsure of your own identity but becoming conscious of this means you can begin the process of learning to know yourself. I’m so glad you’ve been spending some time by yourself to figure this out. It’s a long process but very worth it. Xx

  • Jade Yap

    Hi Lily, I know how you feel – a couple of years I felt exactly the same. Even the fact that you are becoming aware of how little you know about yourself is a positive step. You need to let go of trying to please others and spend some time with yourself. It’s a long journey which will involve trying a lot of new things out, some you won’t like and some you will, but in the end you’ll have a far better understanding of who you really are. And it is true – everyone really is worthy of love. I know it can be difficult to believe but we’re all far more similar than we believe and we all deserve to be loved. Best, Jade Xx

  • Jade Yap

    Hi Jolly, thanks so much for your lovely comment! I’m so glad you can relate to this and you have started focusing on yourself and what you want. I think it’s an ongoing process anyway but just keep reminding yourself of how far you’ve come. Good luck on your journey! Xx

  • Jade Yap

    Hi Lyss, it is so much easier said than done but it’s far from impossible. You can start by taking small steps in the right direction – it’s taken me years to start being confident in myself and my abilities. I used to focus on all the ‘bad’ decisions I had made in the past. This left me feeling awful and even more apathetic about the present and my future. You made your past decisions for a reason and they were maybe the right thing to do then but you can’t keep beating yourself up about them. If you do, you miss the opportunities today presents and there are so many – often, you just have to look harder for them. Good luck Xx

  • Jade Yap

    Hi Rulu, thanks for your comment. I had a full course of CBT because I wasn’t sure whether it was a good idea to stop after a few sessions as I thought my feelings towards it could simply be due to the fact that I hadn’t given it a chance. When I finished the course, I did find some things useful but I was still far from recovering. I tried psychotherapy and counselling and also spent a lot of time pursuing my passions such as writing which I found incredibly therapeutic. I read a lot of books on personal development, some useful and some less so, and I found that with time I was far better equipped to deal with my anxiety and depression. Hope this helps in some way Xx

  • Jade Yap

    I’m very sorry you feel that way. I am not very equipped to answer your questions but now I refuse to let other people make me feel stupid. By letting them, you are essentially giving them power over your feelings and emotions and this is something they do not deserve to have. What I aim for in life is just to be true to myself and not be swayed by others’ opinions.

  • Jade Yap

    Thank you Sares Xx

  • Jade Yap

    Thank you Xx

  • Joey

    I understand what you’re saying completely. I left a great career because it wasn’t everything everyone else said it would be. I’m still looking for a career to fill the void in my life, but have made a compromise by doing what I love on the side while working at something I hate to pay the bills.

  • Jade Yap

    Hi Joey, I’m glad you’re able to spend time doing what you love. Good luck with everything you do, just try out new things and enjoy the process of learning what you like and don’t like without putting too much pressure on yourself. Xx

  • Graham Fraser

    You missed what I said, but thanks for trying.

  • It was quite a surreal experience reading your article Jade;
    it seems we were cast from the same mould. Like you, my early life (well into
    my twenties in fact) was a product of expectation and conformity, not of my own
    volition. My parents are academics and like you, I felt compelled to prove my
    worth through my academic ability. I read law at university, not through any
    deep interest in the subject, but because I felt the rigours of an LLB would
    cement the approval I craved. It backfired spectacularly of course; I am a
    fellow university drop out. 🙂

    The futility of CBT (but yet pretending it was working out
    of guilt); as well as not really knowing myself because I’d spent so many
    years trying to fit like a square peg into someone else’s round hole, are
    again, things that are excruciatingly close to home for me.

    But not are our experiences similar, my self-derived antidotes
    were much the same as yours: – The realisation that achievement and self-worth
    are separate entities, that there really is nothing to ‘prove’ or any need to
    be ‘approved’ of, that other people’s expectations are theirs and not yours, and
    that contentment is only achievable by following your own path, were all
    important in healing the damage and finding myself.

    Great post, I will mention it in my next one.

  • Jade Yap

    Gareth – thanks so much for sharing your personal experience. It seems we have indeed been through very similar things. I do believe I can look back at all the tough times at this stage and find that I am so much stronger. You are so right – too often, we use the terms ‘self-worth’ and ‘achievement’ interchangeably which is something we have to remind ourselves is entirely misleading. Regardless of ‘achievements’, however we define this, we are worthy of love and respect. Thanks again for your comment, it’s great to know there are people who have gone through similar experiences and come out the other end 🙂 Best, Jade Xx

  • hi Jade – I’ve found letting go of expectations to be a real life-changer. It’s hard because you not only have to deal with expectations from others, but all the expectations on yourself. Which causes a lot of stress and pressure. But if you step back and say you’re not going to demand something workout the way you want it to or you’re not going to control the situation, then you’ll be satisfied with whatever result comes and won’t be stressing yourself out in the process.

    Thank you for writing this article and sharing the lessons from your journey. Every kid and young person should be taught these lessons in life more than anything they’ll learn in formal education.

  • Jade Yap

    Hi Vishnu, thanks so much for your lovely comment. Letting go of expectations is such a hard one especially if these expectations have been instilled in you since young, whether this be through school, society in general, your parents, but it is key to being content with yourself and living a fulfilled life. Thanks again and all the best Xx

  • kispa


  • amanwithagoodheart

    i have been off work for 8 weeks. the time off has made me realize, that i can enjoy my own company without spending a small fortune on drink,women,and other diversions…. i have been going to the library, and getting books out, and losing myself in some great stories. i now look forward to going to bed with a nice hot cup of tea, and another new book.

  • Louise

    Just seen your comment. We’re the same age. Judging from how many people have commented here, it seems to happen a lot! Amazing how easy to convince ourselves that we’re the only people who go through this.

  • Louise

    Yes, definitely, you’re right x

  • James Jackson

    Jade – this is such a great article with a lot of wisdom packed into it

  • KG

    Sounds like your real question is “what is the meaning of my life?” In which case you are on the right track. Keep asking. Keep on observing what goes on inside you and outside of you. Read blogs, read books (Adyashanti?), try some religious teaching groups, try a meditation class, try painting, try anything and everything. If you really want the answer, it will come. But be warned it’s not what you expect. It won’t fix your problems. And to find it you will “die before you die”. Right now you despair of ever finding an answer. That’s perfect. Keep going.

    In my life, I had to find it to literally stay alive. To me you sound in the same place. It’s a lonely place that most people never visit. But others have been there before you, before me. Some of them left clues, if you’re ready to see them. You’ll do it, if you want it badly enough.

  • Oyuntungalag Tserendavaa

    HI Jade it s very difficult for me to know yourself. I have no idea how to know what to do love, i wanna listen to my inner voice but how to. i am just trying to know who i am? pls advice thank u

  • Jenny

    Hello Mr Graham Fraser,

    I realise some time has passed since you commented on this post, so I am not sure if you will see this. I want reach out to you because you seem to be suffering a great deal. This may seem trite, I do not mean to be. I can relate to a great deal of what you say, and a lot of what Jade originally posted. I practice Nichiren Buddhism, I have found it enormously helpful in dealing with ‘life and everything in it’. Perhaps you might look it up, (an excellent introduction is ‘The Buddha in Daily life by Richard Causton or the lay organisation that supports it – SGI (exists in almost all countries) or our mentor Daisaku Ikeda. I wish you well.

  • Dreamsneednolabel

    I kind of always knew what I want but I always was (& still am) superficial about it. Despite all the excuses which I can put forward, the simple fact is I am not ‘diving deep’ enough or taking the risks which need to be taken.

  • J.

    In truth this story rings home with me, being the youngest kid in the family I was known as the over achiever in my mid to late teens… After being accepted to a prestigious university and travelling to study abroad I had the same breakdown you did. This was faced by a lot of resistance from my family and surprise from my old friends. But I realized that I needed to vibrate at my own frequency, and the façade that I held for so long shattered right in front of my eyes waking me up to something much more beautiful.

    Thank you for sharing (:

  • Evrythngoriginl

    I found this post most insightful. A lot of which I personally need to learn from of habit. I’ve spent many years serving others wishes to the point where I felt maybe what I enjoy the most is pleasing others but in actuality I’ve spent those years very unhappy. I have wonderful friends despite the fact I haven’t ever felt in my own skin enough to be myself around others. They are more so like the person I want to let out I guess you can say cause they enjoy things that have always caught my curiosity. Still, I’m at a point where there isn’t much I can say for myself though. I know things are wrong. Fortunately for you, you caught yourself early at age before college but I actually skipped college and joined the military just to make other people happy. It was fun of course with the partying and drinking your problems away every day thing they had going on. That’s where I met my 2 best friends actually. The only thing was that even my job I had when I joined was not really of my expertise. I was a welder even though as I grew up my only interests were drawings, video games, and writing music. I’m more so creative than handy so that didn’t work out as well except for my ability to estimate for materials being that I’m good with math. I actually wanted to be an architect to utilize what natural born gifts I have which I am going back to school now at the age of 27 to do. I guess you can’t win them all but what important is that we do come to that point in life that you’ve mentioned where you get the courage to live for yourself for a change. I hope that what path I’m choosing now isn’t too late but I’m sure it’s not cause 27 isn’t old even though it feels that way for me. Maybe its just the days out in Afghanistan that have worn me down a bit who knows but what matters is that I am still young enough to do something different. I know one thing though and that’s that I really should practice some of what you mentioned above with not looking for approval to justify my own actions, appreciating the fact that there is still time to change and also looking after myself more often. Those are really good points to look at. Thank you for writing this.

  • KC

    When I read this, I felt like I am reading my own story of life. Thank you Jade.

  • 4th point is really good. We should concentrate on our self. Look at yourself before blaming others. Because God is love and Love is God. We should spread love not ego or hate.

    Gagan Masoun
    Manager At

  • chrissy dolphin

    really good way of putting it !

  • chrissy dolphin

    any good books i could read or online things i could do to help me think and get to know myself better???

  • ForPostsSake

    Ideas that, when put on paper, make it much more simplistic 🙂

  • britt

    I needed to read this. Thank you.

  • prabha

    Can I find myself through meditation?

  • Perfection

    I found this by accident- I have never known who imam and still don’t. I am an only child and grew up trying to please people because my parents expected me to be perfect.

  • abhishek

    how to let go of expectations

  • Mr.Lover.

    Jade, you are FUCKING AWSOME! thank you so much for sharing these thoughts and reflections with the world. i myself am passing through some phase like yours.. you’ve given me great perspective and a great example. Thank You.

  • reena bhatiya

    the time when i am reading this article is the same when you were in Cambridge. i always had a competition to achieve the goals what others have achieved. i could never analyze what i want? i think knowing yourself and accepting yourself that way can make you as the real you who works not for others but for the cause of the work. the article brought me out of depression which had been making me cry everyday…….

  • Akshaya

    Its totally agreeable I’m quite strong after reading this

  • ana

    For answer 3: You can also choose to give, yourself and whoever created you, life.

  • Kristi Leigh

    I really enjoyed this article and identified with some of your struggles. Thanks for writing it!!

  • Nikolajs

    Really liked the article, felt loke you wrote down my insite. Thank you. Very nice to see someone else having similar thoughts.

  • Cheyann Nicole Hayes

    Wow, this was a great read

  • harshika

    I have a problem with myself can anyone help me

  • Jeska Renee

    I asked myself today…What do you want in life? Well I seemed to get the same answer I get for everything else. I don’t know. After reading this…it seems I need to get to know myself better. I am do for some self-care. Thank you so much.

  • Akari-Chan

    Okay, so the only reason why I felt like I need to know who I’m is because I need help choosing a career for myself!
    You see I’m 13 years old and I’m going into year 9 soon we will be doing GCSEs and A levels but before doing that, judging from my personality I can’t work unless I have a specific goal I need to work toward and my future career is very important to me! You see I have a very picky personality to do with myself! Not others k only me! Anyway (not bragging) but I’m quite smart, I get good levels, and I have good leadership skills and I love trying new things but when it comes to picking what I’m gonna spend my life doing in the future I get very picky…… You see I want a job that really pays well and I’m willing to work hard for it but I’m not interested in being a doctor or lawyer or anything like that! Nothing medical! On top of that I want a job that I enjoy…. Here….. I personally love to explore and see new and beautiful places so I thought about tourism but to me I don’t like moving/living in new places which I don’t know…… I prefer living quite nicely and moving around I don’t want to do that most of my life especially if I get married and then I won’t get much chance to explore or see my family!
    I’m very mature about things so I decided to go look at something’s in Google! And almost all the sites said about knowing who you are! I already know how I’m but I’m willing to spend more time on myself I definitely don’t mind…. I don’t bother with groups or being popular or being insecure about myself cuz of another….. I’m a very vain person if I say so myself quite bias….. I like being alone….. Not like I don’t have friends I have few very close friends who I have known since a young age and I’m very friendly to others and usually I’m able to figure things out quickly but I’ve been looking at different career choices since the age of 12 and I’m nearly 14! Yet I feel helplessly lost!
    Jade you are obviously older and reading this revelled to me you have learnt a lot in life from experience and I just felt like I needed someone to look at my problem and tell me what they think! And no I don’t mean a parent or teacher I mean someone whoses possible been in the same situation…… Sorry this end up being very long!!! But I want to know what you think about this! And sorry I don’t mean telling me what career to do just on how to get on the right path!
    Sorry again I no this has nothing to do with your site!!!
    Thanks and sorry for the huge message great site though!

  • mahesh takkalwad

    so true..totally applicable..for me..half battle is played in the mind..and the rest is easy..

  • Mahalia

    Sometimes I see life in a different way and I feel the biggest problem in today’s world is people no understanding themselves with makes it hard with other that wanna and try to be there you don’t know what you obsticles are and finding yourself will tell it all.

  • temi agoro

    it just hit me that I never knew myself and why I liked what I liked or why I do what I do. I’m trying to find myself and be myself but I don’t know how to do what I need to do, I don’t know how to realise I don’t have to justify my worth or how to let go of expectaions. I just feel really numb

  • srihari

    the experience you shared maches with mine i too felt the same feelings but the difference is that you could find a solution but i was unable to find it

  • very informative ………I think, now i’ll be able to stay calm…………..thanks

  • الكوخ الزمردي

    to stop bleaming and cretsizing is the most important isnt it ?

  • الكوخ الزمردي

    this is kake

  • shit


  • BM Ram

    This was a great breath of fresh air for me. Thank you for writing it!

  • Bethan Lucus

    so helpful! thank you. x