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How to ROCK Your Rock Bottom and Reinvent Yourself

Pushing Giant Boulder

“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown

I wasn’t always the ridiculously attractive (and humble) Jason you see before you. No, from a very young age I was overweight. I am an only child raised by a single, very hard-working mom. Her crazy work schedule meant that cooking meals was rarely a feasible option. This meant we ate at restaurants or had fast food quite often.

Couple that with my extreme TV watching habits and only going outside when forced, and it’s easy to see how my unhealthy lifestyle led me to 250 pounds by the age of 15! You know, the age where kids are super compassionate and never cruel toward those who look different (insert sarcastic grunt here).

Sad Kid to Sadder Adult 

My adult life wasn’t any easier. Those patterns of poor eating and never exercising created a 330-pound 30-year-old.

I had now made the transition from a chubby kid to a morbidly obese adult.

You would think the high probability of various health problems and the very real concern of a premature death would wake me up, but sadly, it did not.

For me, it wasn’t about health. It was about feeling like I never really fit in (literally and figuratively). From seat belts on planes to school desks, “fitting in” was a frustrating endeavor.

I leveraged the only thing I thought I was good at, making others laugh, to create relationships since I thought I had nothing else to offer.

I was always in the “friend zone” with girls (which was hell for a hopeless romantic like me), was made fun by the “cool kids,” and never felt comfortable in my own skin. My appearance, and the perception that everyone was constantly judging me, consumed my thinking on a daily basis.

I was so sad, stressed, and depressed all because of my waistline and what I believed it meant about my self-worth.

Sure, I became “successful” as an adult; prestigious job with a big salary, a condo in a ritzy-ish part of town, and a pimp ride, but that stuff was all a front!

I couldn’t seem to decide what to do to alter the course I was on. And I was so hopeless sometimes that I don’t know if I would have taken the action even if I knew what to do!

Then the Bank Got Involved 

I remember like it was yesterday. I was at my highest weight, the Director of a technology firm, stomping across the lobby of our office building, angrily phoning the bank because my debit card was declined when I tried to make a purchase online.

Fat JG was kind of a jerk sometimes—short on patience and quick to lose my temper whenever I felt like it. I was still the same loving, caring, and giving JG that I am now, but when I had a tantrum, it was like a vortex of schmuck that would suck everyone in! 

I was giving the bank rep “the business.”

“I know I have money in the account. Why is my damn card being declined? This is bullsh*t!”

To which she replied, “I’m sorry for the inconvenience,” (you know the script) “but we have closed your card due to suspicious activity.”

“Suspicious activity?” I inquired, “What are you talking about?!?!”

“Well,” she continued, “yesterday there were four transactions at various fast food locations all across Orlando. It seemed suspicious that so many transactions would occur in a single day at different fast food establishments, so we shut down the card to ensure it hadn’t been stolen.” 

The phone went silent. I was speechless. The charges were not fraudulent. They were mine. I had eaten at four different fast food restaurants in one day.

I knew it was unhealthy, but it was just the norm for me. A multi-billion dollar corporation, however, knew something wasn’t right. My bank had essentially just told me I was an out-of-control fat ass and they were worried about me. Shame.

I had truly hit rock bottom. 

Let Your Future Pain Motivate You Now

I had experienced my own rock bottom at the hands of the customer service rep at the bank, and it was now time for me to really reflect on what I was doing with my life.

I was so lucky to have my wife Alicia to talk this through. (I could not have done this alone!) We talked about what I already missed out on and how this default life of mine was not going to get any better (it would actually get worse) unless I took bold action to change the trajectory of my health and life.

I visualized the pain I was causing for my loved ones, not just myself. I saw a future where my wife became a widow because I had a heart attack. Where my mother would bury me, something a parent should never have to do.

I pictured that my unborn children wouldn’t have their father at their high school graduation or wedding.

Why was I being so selfish, taking away this joy from myself and from all of them?

These are the questions that “rock bottom” hurls at your head and you owe it to yourself, and everyone you love, to answer them!

Time for Some Action 

Drastic times called for drastic measures. After researching for a year and going through every test, physical and psychological, they could throw at me, I decided to have weight loss surgery.  This was a huge decision that would require 100 percent commitment to healthy living if I were to be successful.

Some people think this is an overnight fix, but it is far from it. Since surgery, I live a very healthy lifestyle including regular cardio and strength training, a vegetarian diet, and lots of thought about everything that goes into my pie hole. (I still splurge sometimes; there is no need to deprive ourselves of indulgence once in a while.)

Prepping for, having and recovering from surgery was a six-month process, followed by another year of hard work to lose the rest of the weight. And now, almost three years later, I have lost 130lbs, kept it off and feel like 100 grand (the currency, not the candy bar)!

My entire outlook on life has changed. I now know that if I was able to take action to reduce (or eliminate) issues in one area of my life, that doing the same for anything else I am, or will be challenged by in the future, is possible!

Gravel or Boulder; The Choice is Yours

Here is the beauty of rock bottom; it can have multiple interpretations.

To me, the rock signifies heaviness, stillness, being centered. It is an opportunity, weighed down by this tremendous structure, to dig deep and decide in that moment what to do next, as if nothing else matters. Because in that moment, nothing else does.

You can choose to be crushed by the rock. You can become gravel that outside circumstances push deeper into the earth, with no control over its own destiny. You can make excuses and pretend that this is your only option.

But you would be wrong.

There is another option. You can become the rock! You can use it as an example to become a boulder that is strong, unshakeable, and can steamroll anything in its path given the right direction and momentum.

You can use the rock as a stepping stone (pun intended) to reach heights of re-invention that may have otherwise felt impossible.

Remember, once you hit rock bottom, there is no place else to go but up!

You Don’t Have to Wait for Rock Bottom to Rock It!

Rock bottom did the trick for me, but the smarter way to conquer life’s difficulties is to anticipate when rock bottom may be a few feet away and to take action!

What challenges are you facing that need action?

Think of one, write it at the top of a sheet of paper, and then truthfully answer the following questions:

1. What am I missing out on (personally, relationships, joy, professionally) if I don’t do something to change it?

2. What do I stand to gain (personally, relationships, joy, professionally) if I take bold action to overcome it?

3. Who are three people I can reach out to this week, to get guidance, direction or ideas on how to handle it?

4. What is the smallest step I can take right now that will lead me in the direction of overcoming it?

If you are reading this, it means you are the type of person that is committed to living on purpose and are fully capable of overcoming any challenges you may encounter. Rock on my friends, rock on!

Photo by Hansueli Krapf

About Jason Goldberg

Jason “JG” Goldberg, (Founder of MEometry) doesn’t have a template job description.  For anyone committed to (not just interested in) Re-Inventing themselves to create an EPIC life, he shows up fully and serves exactly how and when they need him in a life-changing (YES I said LIFE-CHANGING) way!

See a typo, an inaccuracy, or something offensive? Please contact us so we can fix it!
  • all of 3rd world

    this is so not hitting rock bottom.
    1. You had enough money to over eat
    2. You had enough money to get a fat reduction surgery.
    3. You were a director of a technology firm

    basically you just PAID your way into obesity and then PAID your way out of it.

    This just comes across as an article where your definition of hitting rock bottom is so out of touch with reality, may be you are born in a first world country so you may not realize what hitting rock bottom means. People get stuck in far worse situations (rock bottom!) without money/wife/family/job/friends and they still come out of it.

    Did not expect this out of tiny buddha

  • Thank you for sharing your story JG. ‘It’s Different’ and the fact that a bank can help in positive change & awakening is wonderful. Your story confirms that life knows best how to get the message across to us.

    Even I am thinking of becoming a vegetarian. Vegetarian is good they say.

    Another great takeaway from this post is “the rock signifies heaviness, stillness, being centered. It is an opportunity, weighed down by this tremendous structure, to dig deep and decide in that moment what to do next, as if nothing else matters. Because in that moment, nothing else does.”

    Thanks JG for this motivating post & also for being the spark that will light up other lives.

  • Jason Goldberg

    Thank you so much for your kind words Neil, I really appreciate it! I am so happy that you enjoyed reading it and I love your takeaway! Thank you again 🙂

  • JG, thank you for sharing this. We all have our own personal rock bottoms, and so often we go through life feeling alone with it, not realizing that everyone around us experiences that pain in one way or another.

    My struggle was of a different nature, but bottoming out changed my life (probably saved it), too. Your advice is straightforward and practical. I hope that anyone reading this who feels like they’re at the bottom will give these suggestions a shot. It’s similar to what I did, and it works.

    Best wishes,

    Mani

  • Jason Goldberg

    Hey Mani! Thank YOU for reading it! Bravo to you for looking up from the bottom to see what was possible instead of hopelessly staring down at the ground! I am inspired by people like you!

    If you have any other suggestions for people that may help, especially from your specific situation, feel free to share them! We only get better as a community!

    Lots of love to you and thank you for sharing!

  • My particular situation revolved around a family crisis that required me to step away from my career. So on top of dealing with the intense emotions from the crisis, I found myself without a job and in a dire financial circumstance. Here are a few things that helped me:

    1. Setting a timer for short durations during which I was allowed to panic, cry, feel sorry for myself, or whatever. I know that might sound ridiculous, but it worked. The feelings needed to come up and out, but I had a tendency to get fixated and stuck in them, which led to paralysis, rather than taking steps towards changing what I could change. It acted as a sort of container, validating the feelings without allowing them to take over.

    2. Summoning up the courage to accept responsibility for my role in the situation. Was it all my fault? No. Was some of it entirely out of my control? Yes. But were there times I could have made better decisions that would have made the situation less dire? ABSOLUTELY. I didn’t do this to beat myself up or take myself on a guilt trip. I did it knowing that I wouldn’t be able to change what I wouldn’t admit.

    3. I brainstormed a list of every strength, talent, and passion I possess that could be utilized to change my situation. Then, just like you suggested, I figured out just one small step I could take in that moment to move myself in the right direction. One day at a time was too overwhelming. One minute, one choice, one breath at a time, I kept moving.

    Much love to you, too!

    Mani

  • lagirl

    Your rock bottom is having a good job and someone who loves you enough to marry you? wow. I guess I’m in hell then.

  • Tsuki

    JG, I appreciate your insight on hitting a rock bottom and making something good of it with renewed perspective. However, at the same time, i would like to point out that in life, some things are plainly unfortunate and we need to make greater efforts to be grateful about what we really have.

    Many face divorces, deaths, abuse and in those times, your approach is appreciated but it is a tad bit incomplete in my humble opinion. Its more like a band-aid over a gun-shot wound. I dont wish to sound judgmental in any way but in the end, despite your obesity issues, you did do well career-wise and found a loving partner. Many struggle with these issues and it would be interesting to see how your story would really help these people.

    Sentences like “Sure, I became “successful” as an adult; prestigious job with a big salary, a condo in a ritzy-ish part of town, and a pimp ride, but that stuff was all a front!” actually can alienate some who are seeing worse days. I realize that you mean that success doesnt solve internal perplexities necessarily but that message needs to be driven home in a different way. Perhaps you need to emphasize more on the power of choice, far-sightedness and awareness.

    Again, please do not take it personally. It was just a thought that crossed my mind when i read the first few paragraphs of your article.

  • Jason Goldberg

    Wow, this is REALLY powerful! Thank you so much for sharing in such detail and being so open! I feel like you boiled down the process to acceptance and forgiveness (of/for yourself and your feelings), choice and action! So awesome! You rock Mani!

  • Jason Goldberg

    Hey Tsuki, thank you so much for your reply and your perspective. I don’t take it personally at all and I really appreciate you sharing it. You are absolutely right and I’m sorry if I did not make it clear that I believe choice (as you said) and perspective play a huge role in this game called life.

    There is an entirely other story about the struggles I went through to get to the good career and loving partner, but I wasn’t allowed to write a trilogy 🙂

    It was when I decided to stop being a victim of my circumstances, stop believing that the world was out to get me, that I was destined to be unhappy, that I wasn’t good enough to find a loving partner or feel content regardless of the “stuff” I had accumulated, that the transformation took shape.

    This happened before any of the weight loss. Gratitude played a huge rule in that. In fact, every day now for over a year, I have kept (and continue to keep) a list on my phone of AT LEAST three things that went well that day. They could be huge (like this post going live on TB) or small (like that I was speeding a bit through a speed trap and I DIDN’T get pulled over).

    The point is that cultivating an attitude of gratitude, an observance of the meaning that I give to the events that occur in my life (as I do not believe anything is inherently bad OR good until we assign a meaning to them) and doing my best to consistently grow myself and the people around me, has created a reality and possibilities that I thought only the “lucky” people got.

    Does it mean that I am rich and stress-free? No and Hell No! Does it mean that I have more days filled with meaning, fun, love, purpose and fulfillment? Absolutely!

    I thank you SO much for leaving such a thoughtful and well-laid out comment and I truly appreciate your perspective. I hope my responses clears some of it up, but feel free to reach out to me if I can do anything to help!

    JG

  • Jason Goldberg

    Hey lagirl,

    Thanks for the reply and I am really sorry if you got that impression. I am very sensitive to other’s circumstances and definitely would never try to trivialize or minimize anyone elses struggles. I can only talk about what was going on for me and I apologize if that came across in a way that was discouraging. I promise that was not my intention.

    To your point, I will say that at my “lowest” my perspective was WAAAY off! I thought all the little, meaningless things in my life were a huge deal. But they weren’t. The AIDS epidemic is a big deal, famine is a big deal, the crisis in the middle east is a big deal. None of my stuff fit in that category but I was too closed off and stubborn to realize it at the time. It was those narrow-minded and ego-centric thoughts that contributed tremendously to my unhappiness, my anxiety and my thoughts of suicide throughout my life.

    If you ever want to chat, I would be happy to talk to you. Feel free to reach out to me – jason at MEometry dot com.

    Lots of love and whether we speak or not, I wish you all the best and hope your situation gets better!

  • Tsuki

    Well, first of all i would like to say, welcome to Tiny Buddha 😀

    Also, thank you for clearing that up and taking the time to share your thoughts with me 🙂 You do have a very positive attitude to life and that inspires me. I really like the fact that you have the ability to see life as full of possibilities but at the same time, you arent going for the “quick fix” thing. Its more about creating meaning despite all the ups and downs, having fun and staying healthy. I wish you all the best for a wonderful, fulfilling life and good health!

  • Jason Goldberg

    Thanks Tsuki! I really appreciate the kind words and wish you all the same! All the best new friend 🙂

  • lv2terp

    I really enjoyed your humor, honesty, and rawness (if that’s a word…ha). GREAT questions to ask, and reflect upon in challenges and changes! Thank you!!!!!! 🙂 AWESOME!

  • Jason Goldberg

    You are awesome lv2terp! Thanks for the reply! Rawness is TOTALLY a word (and if it isn’t, it should be 🙂

    Just curious (I really can’t help it, lol) are you facing any challenges right now that those questions could help you with?

    Thanks again!

    JG

  • lv2terp

    hahaha, love it!

    Cute! Well, mainly my personal journey, the conditioning that I am still trying to work through and make healthy changes to. How I work, think, communicate in different relationships, my fear habits, etc… 🙂

  • Jason Goldberg

    Thats beautiful and I can TOTALLY relate! That whole default response thing can be a huge pain in the a**! The cool thing about it is that, with practice, once you can see through the conditioning and decide to step in between the stimulus and response to create a new response, it becomes something that is hard to unsee!

    Byron Katie talks about walking in the forest and seeing a coiled up rattlesnake in your path. Your immediate response is to avoid it all costs. Who the hell wants to get bit by a poisonous snake!?

    But, when you decide instead to get a little closer, pushing through the conditioned fight-or-flight fear-based response, you realize it was never a snake but a coiled up piece of rope.

    Once you SEE what is REALLY there (the rope) you can never go back to seeing the BS belief (the rattlesnake).

    I really appreciate you sharing your current sitch with us! Let me know if I can do anything to help 🙂

  • lv2terp

    Well said Jason!!! All great points and great analogy/example to hit that home!! I have been practicing to find the space between the stimulus and response, and oh boy can it be tough!!!!! Thanks again!!!

  • Chris

    AGREED

  • Boulder or gravel? Definitely boulder, and you don’t get a chance to become the boulder unless you hit rock bottom (would be great if we could all foresee rock bottom a few feet away but that rarely happens!). In retrospect, hitting rock bottom can be the one thing that changes your life …for the better – just got to keep reminding ourselves of that while we’re still in it, that there’s a lesson in there somewhere

  • Jason Goldberg

    Hey Winnie! Thanks for leaving a comment! You nailed it, there is ALWAYS a lesson somewhere if we search for it. Instead of saying “Why is this happening TO me?”, ask “How is this happening FOR me?”

    Thanks again!

    JG

  • Jason Goldberg

    Hey Chris, sorry you feel that way as well. I would say the same thing to you that I offered to lagirl.

    If you ever want to chat, I would be happy to talk to you about any challenges you are facing.

    Feel free to reach out to me – jason at MEometry dot com.

    All the best,

    JG

  • The problem with hitting rock bottom, is that that bottom is different for each of us. I hit rock bottom when my hubby and I both lost our jobs, ended up losing our home, our kids had to quit their expensive colleges and get jobs, losing our entire lifestyle, and I literally lost my health, ending up in wheelchair. It was tough. But when I hear a neighbor describing her “rock bottom” as losing her Mercedes and having to buy a beater car to get around in, I don’t compare. For her, this is huge, and it’s an opportunity for her to begin to re-assess her life in a new way. Today, my life is entirely different, we live very frugally, but I am following my passion for writing and living a life of gratitude and compassion.

  • Jason Goldberg

    Wow, that is a huge transformation story in itself! Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so happy to hear that as a part of your re-invention you are following your passion and cultivating proper self-care to be grateful and compassionate.

    Your message about not comparing is well received and very important to recognize. Thank you for that as well!

    If you don’t mind me asking (and of course you don’t have to answer) what do you think helped you to bounce back from such a rocky time in your personal and professional life?

    Thanks again Peg!

    JG

  • Vincent

    I can’t say anything but that it’s seriously appalling…Having a job, a condo and a car is rock bottom for you? WOW! I wish I’d had these things I DON’T HAVE!

    And, let me tell you about MY rock bottom (just so you put things in perspective with your golden boy’s life).

    I’ve been UNEMPLOYED for 1 YEAR AND A HALF a few years back, I had to write 450 JOB APPLICATIONS (Yes, you read it right). Recruiters are now, to me, the most useless, the nastiest and the most exterminable species before rats and cockroaches.
    I’m also a divorced father of two and I had to still pay for my kids, pay for the apartment I own, pay for the food. It’s true that YOUR rock bottom is harder than the hell I had to go through.

    And, the only thing I’ve discovered is that when you hit rock bottom, you’ll always find people to bury you even deeper.

    And you DARE lecturing me about rock bottom with your ultra-brite smile and you 3000$ suit telling me about rock bottom. You haven’t met it YET. The day you will hit rock bottom, your smile will disappear. And, I’ll be there to ask you about it: “So, how’s REAL rock bottom? How do you find it so far?”

  • Tsuki

    Hey there Vincent,

    I am sorry you’ve had such a rough time 🙁

    I know you’re upset but do consider the basic idea of his words “Make the best of your situation, no matter how bad it gets”. I am not here to compare problems but to find some strength through the storm.

    Many people may have seen worse days than even you. In the end though, we are all trying to get out and make some sense of it or just find the will to bear the situation. Your anger is understandable nonetheless.

    However, dont take every word at face value. It was just an example and not a lecture. The basic thoughts are what you need to take from this. Everyone’s story is different. Do take it in the right spirit and i hope your situation improves.

    Good luck!

  • Jason Goldberg

    Hello Vincent. You have definitely had it rough, no two ways about it. I can’t even imagine the amount of stress, pain and despair you have gone through over the past couple of years.

    Things CAN (and do) get better. Though my story didn’t exactly resonate with you, and I completely understand why, the fact is there ARE people out there (like me) who care about people living lives where they find happiness and fulfillment. It may seem like there is no way to turn things around from where you are now and it may seem like no one cares or that everyone is trying to bury you deeper but you know what…I CARE!

    No, I don’t know you beyond what you posted here, but you are my brother in this world. I care about you, I want you to be ok, I want you to live the life that makes you happy.

    If you can disregard the ultra-brite smile (which must be the lighting in the pic because they aren’t that pearly in person) and the $3000 suit (which was actually $200 on-sale at a wholesale suit store), I would be happy to help you in any way I can. Feel free to reach out if you ever want to talk. Jason [at] MEometry [dot] com.

    I hope you get all that you desire.

    All the best,

    JG

  • Jason,
    I would have to say the most important first step in bouncing back was taking self-responsibility for my part in all that had happened. So often people blame the former boss, or the bank, or the economy, anyone but themselves. It took me a while, but I came to understand that my attitude about success, my fear of it, caused me to self-sabotage. I had done it all my life on a small scale, but the Universe came together at the point in which we lost it all to teach me, to point a very big finger at my inner conflicts. When I still wasn’t listening, my health failed, and I ended up in a bed or wheelchair — unable to do anything, I finally had to give up and listen…. And when I did, I realized that I was completely out of touch with the True Me. A huge part of my healing was spiritual, learning to live in balance physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

    Once I took responsibility for my part in all that happened, the blame stopped, the pity party stopped, and I began to fix it.

    I tried a few support groups, and quit them all. Sadly, too many of the people in them weren’t there looking for real healing; they were there to tell their victim story and share the energy of woundedness with each other… I gleaned what I could to help myself, offered what I could to help them, and when I realized they really didn’t want help, moved on. It was another example to me of how some people just don’t want to take responsibility for fixing their own problems.

    Please don’t misunderstand — I have so much love and compassion for all the sick and disabled people in the world. I lend a hand every chance I get, and pray like crazy for them. But I refuse to get stuck in being a victim. I’m still not able to live the way I did before this happened — I still have months when I’m too sick to leave the house — but it doesn’t control me. I can write when I’m stuck in bed. I can teach through my writing. So I can still be of service, and fulfill my life’s purpose and passion.

    Peg

  • stephanie mutek

    The comments below dissapoint me. It seems like many people dont realize that happiness is not found in a high paying job or having a loving wife. The internal struggle is just as devastating as the external struggles. And your story is just as relevant as someone who is “less fortunate”.

    Jason, i dont care if you have a 3,000 dollar suit or a potato sack you are human like any of us and your personal battles are no less than anyone else.

    I am coming to you as a woman with severe me ntal illness, an abusive childhood and teenage years, as someone who spent 5 years sleeping on concrete homeless in the city..as someone who survived a severe overdose just 3 short months ago.

    Our rock bottoms are different but… i think i can relate. Its the internal struggle that people dont seem to think is relevant. After spending years on the street…after being held down and choked out by an ex, after being jumped chased stalked and sexually abused, developing a heart condition at 22yrs still undiagnosed, after all of the other shit i can say this:

    That the absolute worst was NOT what i have been through or whatever my circumstances were at the time. The scariest, hardest, and most gut wretching thing to deal with was my mental illness.

    I appreciate your story. And the critique below mainly seems like misguided anger. Of course you can’t nessecarily speak to the lives of certain others..but that dosen’t mean you don’t also have a story to tell.

    Even with many traumatic life experiences, i dont know what its like to be blind o without speech or my legs. Dont know what its like to be a single mother or a victim of racism. But i have my own story and none of us should.be ashamed of that.

    Nor should you be ashamed for a title and. position you worked for

    So, THANK YOU Jason for your advice. There are some great ideas in here and thank you also for sharing your story.

  • Jason Goldberg

    I am really inspired by you Peg. Not only by what you wrote here but I also saw your book on Amazon and, based on the description and the reviews, seems like a tremendous read that I need to add to my wish list 🙂

    You said something very profound and often so nuanced when you referenced the role of responsibility. Of transforming from victim to owner – arguably the most important shift that any of us can make in our lives.

    I love the word responsibility because while most people associate it with an obligation or an expectation, I like to think of it our ability to respond, our response-ability! And when we CHOOSE to use the power we have that comes from our best, most powerful, owner-focused selves, that is when true change (whether reflected on the outside or not) occurs!

    Thank you again Peg, I really appreciate it!

    JG

  • Jason Goldberg

    This touches me at a very deep level Stephanie. How brave of you to share your story (albeit I’m sure a very summarized version) with us here and in at least partial defense of the message I shared.

    Meeting people like you who have been through so much and yet see that you are still blessed in so many ways and have focused on creating your happiness from the inside-out makes me proud to share the Earth with you.

    I have not and will not try to MAKE anyone else “see the light”. That is a futile effort, regardless of the intention of love and compassion that is behind it if the person you are trying to illuminate the path for, is closing their eyes as tightly as possible.

    My hope is that sharing my story resonates with somebody, anybody, who may be able to relate to the underlying reliance I had on external circumstances to make me happy or sad and that instead, true happiness is created in the meaning we give to those circumstance and the choice we make as to what step to take next.

    I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your comment and for sharing your powerful story so candidly. If you ever want to connect, feel free to reach out to me, jason [at] MEometry [dot] com.

    Lots of love to you Stephanie, you are a force!

  • Guest

    Jason, I hope you get a chance to read my book! Thanks for considering it!

    Yes, personal responsibility has everything to do with our attitude towards the choices we make each day. I’m exploring that idea in my blog, “Shifting Perspectives”, which can be found on my web page.

    Of all the changes that have occurred in my life, I think the fact that I now seem to attract others to me who are also self-empowered and living a life of gratitude, rather than those who want to drain me energetically is one of the best! (Like you)….

    Peg

  • Thank you, Jason,

    Yes, personal responsibility has everything to do with attitudes and the choices we make each day. I’ve been exploring aspects of this in my blog, “Shifting Perspectives” which is on my web page.

    The best change that has occurred as a result of my own shifting perspective is that rather than attracting people into my life who are needy and only wish to drain me of my energy, I am finding so many others — like you, Jason, — who are self-empowered and looking for new ways of improving their lives. It is wondrous!

    Thanks for considering my book — I hope you enjoy it!

    Peg

  • Jason Goldberg

    This is awesome! Thanks again Peg!

  • Vincent

    Aaaaand there went the coach speech… there is even the catch phrase: ‘turn things around’. Tell me, from which self-help guru did you get that one? Covey? Robbins? Tracy? McKenna? Winget? Allen? All of them?

    I’ve read and re-read that too many times.

    Here is another question for you, if I ever get to pay you for learning how to ‘turn things around’. If your ‘precious’ advice does not work, do I get a refund? Or do I get to pay you even more, and clear my bank account in the process for absolutely no result? What good would it do me to be even more stranded than I already am?

    And, about helping me, here is my view about help: I taught maths to Junior High and High school kids for some time. And, it was pure volunteer work, the only payback I expected in return was their successes. THAT is helping.

    If I am to pay for your ‘help’, this is not help anymore, this is business.

  • Jason Goldberg

    I’m sorry you are hurting so badly Vincent. I won’t take your words or assumptions about my character and values personally because you don’t know me and its obvious that you are really struggling.

    It seems like maybe you were either taken advantage of or “duped” by a coach in the past and maybe that is why you feel the way you feel about there being some kind of smoke and mirrors.

    I don’t think I have ever mentioned or eluded in this article or my responses that I was looking to be hired for anything here. The secret about coaching is this…you don’t need a coach.

    You don’t need me or anyone else to “fix” you because you (and everyone else) are not broken. Whatever you are doing in your life now is PERFECT for the results you are receiving. If you are happy with yourself and your life right now than I would advise you not change a thing.

    And I’m sorry I did not respond earlier but this was my first chance to jump on line after 2 days straight 12 hour days of mentoring and coaching college students and young entrepreneurs for free and am off to do the same today…

    Oh and the offer still stands, if you want to talk out what you are feeling and maybe get to the bottom of where all of this anger and resentment comes from so you can move forward, I would be happy to do that FOR FREE, no dwelling on pain points so you will sign up, I LIVE TO SERVE and that even means for people who seem to have a strong dislike of me. Jason [at] MEometry [dot] com.

    Lots of love!

    JG

  • Vincent

    I’ve been extremely humbled.
    All my respect goes to you, Stephanie. You are one of the strongest persons on Earth.

  • Jess

    this was a fantastic article that really helped me and made me realize all the good I have and what I CAN do to make this better. My long term boyfriend ended our relationship with me recently and I feel a lot of guilt and regret, sadness and loneliness. I realize that I made a lot of mistakes (things such as being too critical or getting flustered with him easily) and I feel like the end of the relationship was my fault. I really did love him so much so it was devastating to hear what he thought about our relationship and me (when I thought everything was okay). In reality, we BOTH had our faults and he is the one not willing to work this out. Trying to let go of the guilt and realize that I am who I am, sure I could have been less critical or stressed out, but he could have communicated his feelings to me too. Its interesting to see how you got over your problems, I hope I can overcome this too

  • Vince Vinnie O’mahoney

    I am rock bottom now. Bad marriage….meet the love of my life…..ex wife develops breast cancer so drags me back in to help her thru illness…………takes up a lot of my time which keeps me away from girlfriend…………girlfriend was a secret and kept her hidden away due to not wanting EX wife to stress out and get more sick……marriage breakdown was due to wife gambling over 200k in 4 years and treating me like i was unimportant……BUT being the caring guy i am i agreed to help out…..last march girlfriend gets diagnosed with MS………no big deal as symptoms were kind of non exhistent…………ex wife gets chemo which finished in october last year………..like i an idiot i fall for her lies about not being out of the woods yet…..also trying to pay off her gambling debts………….short version is girlfriend is now an ex girlfriend………..suffering with her MS due to break up we think…..break up due to mostly ex wife taking up my time and some lies and pictures on FB…….Ex girlfriend now doesnt trust me cant forgive me for lies even tho ex wife lied to me so in passing on information to girlfriend makes me out to be one big liar as pics on fb look like i am trying to get back with ex wife…………rubbish never happen…………so i get two women one with cancer then girlfriend with MS…………..now at that rock bottom stage thinking what the hell now……throw in a mild heart attack for myself……flat broke unable to work…………going back hopefully next couple of weeks……………ex girlfrined and I were on regular speaking terms and going out but of course being friends we ended up in huge arguments then get told dont love u anymore cant trust you never forgive u dont believe a word u say we are not rebuilding this relationship you made me ill with the way u treated me…….u did not make me feel emotionally safe u put your wife over me………..so here i am rock bottom smashed to pieces emotionally no money no future and all of this in 4 months………..5 months ago i had a moreor less perfect happy life planned. Ex wife ruined it ruined me and also found out ex wife borrowed 10k off my mother and gambled that…..14 year old daughter wants nothing to with me………….house in the legal process and I now scared and alone…..well living with my mother wondering how the hell did I allow this to happen………..future??? well right now its looking dire and lonely……..low self esteem no confidence no interest in just exhisting…………just started to work out at the gym again………….longing for old me from 18 years ago as I had the perfect life……..52 not interested in dating women of my own age 35/45 my age bracket and no chance of meeting anybody………….so here I am penthouse at the heartbreak hotel and rock bottom. Come get me grim reaper Im ready

  • Jayconrad

    This is not rock bottom I’m afraid

  • Jason Goldberg

    Perception is reality my friend. I hope you find what you are looking for.

  • Jason Goldberg

    Thank you so much for being so open to sharing this Vince. I can’t imagine what it feels like to go through all of that pain in such a short time.

    I know it seems dire and like there is no chance to change things, but I promise, there is. Shoot me an email if you’d like, I want to send you a physical book that really helped me change my life and it would be my pleasure to send it to you if you would be open to really reading it and taking it in.

    My email is jason [at] MEometry [dot] com

    Lots of love,

    JG

  • Jason Goldberg

    Thank you Jess! Sorry I’m just now seeing this and responding. Thank you for sharing your story and for being such an OWNER of your circumstances instead of being a victim to them.

    It is perfectly fine to feel that pain and to accept and appreciate what is, not wishing it was any different while also being optimistic and active in what you want to create next.

    That is such an empowering place to be – having new awareness (and more importantly being open to that new awareness) and then CHOOSING what you will do now, given that new knowledge and understanding.

    I would love to share an audio that my Coach Steve Chandler recorded about relationships that I think may really help, especially for future relationships.

    If you would like me to send it to you, just shoot me an email at jason [at] MEometry [dot] com.

    Lots of love!

    JG

  • Delyssandra

    This guy is pathetic. I stopped reading when he said “My wife helped me through this (I couldn’t have done this alone!).” Wow.

  • Delyssandra

    Peg,

    How is you becoming ill your fault? You ARE a victim of ill-health. It is a misfortune that happened to you. You didn’t “make it happen”.

    Sometimes people are powerless over what happens to them. Circumstances beyond their control, including one’s health, can have very detrimental effects on one’s life.

    I don’t think the attitude of pounding your chest and proclaiming you aren’t a victim and will take full responsibility for everything bad that has ever happened to you is helpful or supportive of anyone’s situation or individual “rock bottom”.