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Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken – Interview and Book Giveaway

Note – The winners for this giveaway have been chosen. They are:

  • Jennifer Moore Hardesty
  • Margie Lynn
  • Dr. Mac
  • Ryan
  • RB
  • Justme
  • Rogério Cardoso
  • Fernanda Garza
  • Benjamin E. Nichols
  • Terri Cross

When you’re dealing with heartbreak, it can feel like the pain will never go away.

You may know, intellectually, that everything heals with time, but in that moment, when you’re suffering, it’s hard to hold onto hope.

Like all humans, I’ve experienced my fair share of loss, and I’ve felt scared, depressed, alone, betrayed, rejected, regretful, and angry—with other people, with myself, and with the world.

Losing someone or something that has become a part of your identity can feel like losing a limb, and how do you go on when you’ve lost a part of yourself?

I’ve learned that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to that question. There’s no magic solution that helps us grow, let go, and move on. There are, however, lots of things we can do to help ourselves when struggling with the many nuanced emotions that come up when we’re grieving a painful loss.

Tiny Buddha contributor Lodro Rinzler has tackled these varied challenges in his new book, Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken. 

This “short and compact first-aid kit for a broken heart” offers simple, practical wisdom to help you take good care of yourself and work through your pain. 

With chapters that offer advice based on what you’re feeling, Love Hurts may just what you need to get through your hardest days and find a light at the end of the tunnel.

I’m grateful that Lodro took the time to answer some questions about his book, and also that he’s provided ten free copies for Tiny Buddha readers.

The Giveaway

To enter to win one of ten free copies of Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken:

  • Leave a comment below (you don’t need to write anything specific—“count me in” is sufficient)
  • For an extra entry, share this interview on one of your social media pages and post a second comment with the link

You can enter until midnight PST on Sunday, March 19th.

The Interview 

1. Tell us a little bit about yourself and what inspired you to write this book.

I’m a meditation teacher and author. I grew up in the Shambhala Buddhist tradition, started meditating at the age of six, and have been teaching meditation for the last sixteen years under the guidance of my teacher, Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche. I’ve written six books on the topic and co-founded the network of meditation studios known as MNDFL.

On an outer level, I wrote this book because I work with a lot of people who are suffering from heartbreak and I wanted to talk to them directly, knowing that I couldn’t sit down and have tea with everyone.

On an inner level, for a man in his thirties I have known a lot of heartbreak. Yes, the romantic kind, but also from too many people who have died, many around my age, and from every day reading the news and my heart breaking anew, seeing how many people are perpetuating horror and terror on others due to discrimination.

On a secret level I wrote this because I needed to understand how heartbreak works, and writing is how I process information. That’s why I birthed this book.

2. Your book isn’t just for people who are healing from a breakup or divorce; you define heartbreak in much broader terms. Who is this book for?

It’s for humans. We all experience heartbreak. It might be personal, such as a breakup, sure, but it might also stem from job loss, the death of a loved one, or just not feeling like we’re living up to our potential. It might also be more societal, in reaction to hatred playing across the news.

It’s odd because in some sense, I’m constantly rooting against my own book; I don’t want people to need a book on heartbreak—I want them to feel happy—but so many of us are experiencing heartbreak right now so I’m glad it’s available as a resource.

3. I love how you sectioned the book based on what readers may be feeling or experiencing. What made you decide to write the book this way?

When you’re heartbroken, you can’t sit down and read a ten-step plan for healing; heartbreak is messier than that.

It’s this simple term that encapsulates so many strong emotions, including anger, despair, frustration, loneliness, and more. The underlying emotions of heartbreak—despite what caused it—are all too similar, so I knew I could address those, even though I could never dream of all the scenarios that might spark heartbreak.

In that sense it’s a bit like a choose-your-own adventure book, where you can read about whatever you’re dealing with on that particular day.

4. The section heading that most jumped out at me reads “If you feel like you have no right to be heartbroken.” Why do you think some of us feel this way, and why is this not true?

So many of us feel ashamed of our heartbreak. When I would meet with people to hear their heartbreak stories, people were so shy at first. They would come in and think they would be talking to me about their last big relationship.

I would ask the question, “What is your experience of heartbreak” and the flood gates would open. They would then start talking about their dead cat, or their high school sweetheart from decades before, and at some point note that they felt totally confused as to why they were heartbroken about this thing that was ages ago or, based on societal standards, “not a big deal” but it was their honest experience.

Whatever breaks your heart, breaks your heart. It’s quite simple. The last thing we need to do when we feel heartbroken is judge ourselves for feeling that way.

5. What, in your experience, are the most important things we can do to take care of ourselves when dealing with heartbreak?

Even the simplest of self-care acts make a big difference when we’re struck down by heartbreak. I recommend:

  • getting more sleep than you think you need
  • eating well, or at least eating (we often forget to when we’re depressed)
  • meditating
  • exercising in whatever way makes sense to you

6. How does meditation help us cope with our losses and heal?

There are many types of meditation out there. To get going, I often recommend mindfulness, where we are bringing our full mind to one thing such as the breath.

There have been a lot of studies done in recent years about this form of meditation. It’s proven what the Buddhists have known for 2600 years: Doing it for even short periods every day increases focus and resilience and leads to a better memory and reduced stress.

While I appreciate science backing up the practicality of meditation, here’s what it has done for me:

It has helped me show up fully for every aspect of my life.

It has helped me wake up to where I get stuck and shut down my heart.

It has helped me be more present with simple activity in my daily schedule.

It has helped me get to know, befriend, and ultimately love myself.

Having established that foundation of love inwardly, I have been able to be kinder, more compassionate, and loving toward others. When I am with friends or on a date with my spouse, I am there, fully. When I am in a painful situation, going through a break up or holding my father’s hand as he died, I am there, fully. It has allowed me to be present with the wide variety of pleasures and pains that life brings.

Meditation has been an incredible gift to me, particularly when it comes to showing up for my own and others’ heartbreak.

I’ve discovered that the main way to move through heartbreak is to look directly at it and not flinch. To stay with our discomfort is the best way to move through our discomfort. For me, the best way to learn to stay with all the difficult emotions that come up around heartbreak is meditation.

7. What do you think is the biggest mistakes most of us make when healing from heartbreak?

Whenever I would meet with people about this topic, I would ask them how they take care of themselves in the midst of heartbreak. Indubitably, every single person would answer by saying, “Well, the thing I do that I know I shouldn’t is…” and then they would fill in the blank. “I over-eat sweet foods.” “I reach for a bottle of alcohol.” “I go online and find someone to hook up with.”

When strong emotions come up, we don’t necessarily want to look at them; we want to run away from them and act out in a similarly harmful and habitual way. When you feel like that I recommend taking a breath, coming back into your body, and seeing if you can stay with the energy of the emotion itself, as opposed to the storylines around it.

8. What has helped you let go of anger and forgive after being hurt or rejected?

In my own experience, one thing that helps me when I am suffering is simply to be heard, to be witnessed. When we sit one-on-one in the presence of each other we experience one another in a very human and honest way.

Sometimes the best way to see ourselves through our heartbreak is to be with our heartbreak, and being with other people who can hold the space for that really helps.

9. What is the main message you hope people take from this book?

That you will heal. It may take more time than you would want it to take—and that’s the nature of heartbreak—but even the seemingly devastating emotions that come with this experience are impermanent and that is extremely good news. Because when you do heal, you will love again.

You can learn more about Love Hurts: Buddhist Advice for the Heartbroken on Amazon here.

FTC Disclosure: I receive complimentary books for reviews and interviews on tinybuddha.com, but I am not compensated for writing or obligated to write anything specific. I am an Amazon affiliate, meaning I earn a percentage of all books purchased through the links I provide on this site. 

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha and Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. Her latest bookTiny Buddha's Gratitude Journal is available for pre-order now. For daily wisdom, follow Tiny Buddha on Twitter, Facebook & Instagram..

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    Wow, when I read, “It has helped me get to know, befriend, and ultimately love myself.

    Having established that foundation of love inwardly, I have been able to be kinder, more compassionate, and loving toward others. When I am with friends or on a date with my spouse, I am there, fully. When I am in a painful situation, going through a break up or holding my father’s hand as he died, I am there, fully. It has allowed me to be present with the wide variety of pleasures and pains that life brings.”

    I felt a rush of heaviness in the sense you are reenforcing I want, but am afraid to do at times. Thank you for your encouragement and wisdom.

    Jen

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    Read this book. Really good.

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    thank you for positivity in what might be regarded as a hopeless solution.

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    sorry situation not solution

  • Samskara Jiva
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    Thank you

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  • Fernanda Garza
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    Yes please

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    Yes, please

  • sun

    I would love to heal the scar left behind by Love Which Hurts So Much

  • Ryan

    I’d love a copy of the book to reflect on my personal heartbreak journey but to also help those around me dealing with their grief from love and its loss.

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    I not only would love a copy of this, I think I need it

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    Please count me in. Thank you.

  • Heidi__K

    Appreciate the broader view of the term heartbreak!

  • Debralydia@yahoo.com

    Thanks for writing this book, I would like to recieve a free copy. I need it, I am broken hearted from a 75 yr old man!

  • Kat J (KT)

    I would love a copy!

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    Thank you!

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    I could really do with some first aid for a broken heart. Please count me in. Thank you 🙂

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    I would love a copy please!

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    Please.

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    This book would be so helpful

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    Thank you…please kindly count me in.

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    Count me in….. my relationship is going through a bad patch and our hearts are broken

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    Count me in.

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    Count me in please. Ice cream isn’t working.

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    COUNT ME IN

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    Count me in. Thank you.

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    Would be so grateful to have this book.

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    Count me in!

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    This would definitely be helpful for me. Very appreciative to be considered.

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    Yes please

  • Lycra

    Count me in, too!

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    Count me in,tiny buddha !

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    I need this book for a friend,because she is in a relationship since 5 years and she can’t get out of there…she is not happy .. and she thinks of marrying the same guy ! Shee needs peace and happiness right now !

  • Lj

    Moving forward from the pain takes a lot of strength. This is especially true when you are still in love with the other person but know you must move forward without them.

  • Debbie Kelly

    “Loves inflammatory presence scorches all it leaves in its wake”

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    Count me in please. Thank you.

  • Jampatn P

    Heartbreak can come from societal issues

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    Count me in

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    Count me in please

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    Count me in

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    I fell so sad for the selfishness of our western society… we are so fools that we believe we will survive by ourselves; without other people, without nature… is heartbreaking…

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    Count me in. Would very much like to read this book and pass it in to a few friends, who I’m sure would appreciate too.

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    Count me in please.

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    Count me in.. this is a book I need in my life.

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    Have already forwarded this article once anx would love to read and share the book.

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    I am going to order this from Amazon! Very excited to read and gain enlightenment! Thank you, thank you.

  • Debbie Bergman
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    Going through a nasty divorce with an alcoholic, abusive narcissistic and I’m sure your book will help me heal.

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    Very nice, believing I can heal is important.

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    Hope to win!

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    I can’t even find the words to speak, even if I dreamt of speaking them … there are none!

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    Yes please and thank you 🙂

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    You have been the light at the end of my tunnel on many occasions. Thank you!

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    Mindfulness is epoxy for the broken heart
    Book sounds amazing!

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    Could really use this!

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    I am also one of the heartbroken, the hoping, loving, faithful, but heartbroken … please count me in.

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    Thank you

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    I would love this

  • Lisa Kelly

    I’ve been avoiding the process of facing the emotions of a marriage break-up, but lately have been thinking maybe that is not such a good idea. I feel encouraged to face them head-on and just let them come,so I can move through to the other side. I think it’s a necessary process. Thanks for the great interview!

  • Kristina Pesch

    I’m glad the article mentioned more than relationship or death heartbreak. I’m intrigued, and would like to read the book.

  • Kat Kiwak-Miller

    My big brother, mentor, and lifelong best friend recently died unexpectedly. I’m trying, but I honestly do not know how to continue living without him.

  • AggieMom98

    I feel that way

  • gilda friedman

    I so need this book as does my son.

  • Todd Sheally

    I need this

  • Amy Lee

    This book sounds really helpful 🙂

  • Liz

    I connect with the premise that heartbreak is not only to do with the loss of an intimate relationship. I want to know more about healing through meditation. This book looks to be exactly what will assist and guide me towards my goals.

  • Serendipity Madavi

    This book sounds really interesting, would love to read it, count me in!

  • Elizabeth

    I need to read this book. I am experiencing a lot of Hurt at this time due to my recent break up.

  • Silver Wattle

    count me in plz

  • RkathrynM

    Count me in

  • Laura Schetter

    Count me in!

  • Ana

    Count me in!

  • Morgan

    Count me in!

  • Xara

    Count me in!

  • Lisa Popik

    count me in!

  • Helen Thornley

    Oh my, do I ever need this book right now!!

  • Laxmi Narasimhan

    Count me in!!!

  • Kit

    I find myself in an abyss of sadness. I think this could help.

  • Michelle

    Count me in!

  • Ann Suwanjindar

    Count me in!

  • Priscilla Cammisa

    I would love to win a copy. Anything that could possibly help would be a miracle

  • reptile10

    I have experience a lot of heartbreak via a personal relationhip in the past year. I dont need the book now, but just want to say, we are all in this together. We must all help each other. Keep your eyes and hearts open for those who are suffering.

  • Suzanne

    Going through heartbreak at this very moment, so yes! Count me in, please!

  • Lori MacBeth

    Yep – heart broken big time. Please count me in too!

  • e

    currently in the midst of this… so, please, count me in!

  • Abhisek Datta

    Please comment me in this giveaway, I want that superb book, thanks

  • Christine

    count me in! brand new single mama here, needing all the help I can get!

  • Mimi

    I’m not sure if this is to late to count me in. Thank you

  • Sharon

    Count me in

  • Benjamin E. Nichols

    Going thru a rough patch. Quit my job so I could do better for my family and go back to college. She left me high and dry once the money stopped coming in like it use to. I’m going to keep my head up tho and see this thru. Can only make me a stronger better person in the end.

  • Erica

    Count me in please

  • Arleen Rodriguez Declet

    count me in

  • Joy Jones

    Count me in.

  • Proactive Pro

    Me please.

  • Ultimasomething

    Would definitely like to read a book like that. Still healing from a current breakup and anything like this might be helpful.

  • Jennie Andreasen

    Definitely had me at “Choose Your Own Adventure” book! 😀

  • Jennie Andreasen
  • Jennie Andreasen
  • Teresa Sebastian

    Count me in! I’m needing guidance after a toxic 4 year emotionally/mentally abusive relationship and want to learn how to heal; hopefully with the help of your fabulous book.

  • claire

    Count me in, two years after a 8year relationship was so bad last year i almost took my own life am so glad i didnt but i still feel upsetlike am functioning on only 75% constantly tired can go from happy to sad in a split second and constantly over thinking everything, hoping this book can help where other things just haven’t got me there.

  • My major heartbreak was people dear to me dying … leaving the physical, and I had not learned to deal with this very well until recently, when my step daughter died – too young. I’m over it now – healed or at least on the way… so even though I comment, I’m not doing it to get a copy of the book.

  • Scott King

    Count me in.

  • Linds

    Count me in

  • Paul Owen

    Me too!

  • Jennifer Lynn

    I have been grieving a man, a relationship for over eight years. I am the scapegoat to a narcissist in my family of origin and in this “relationship”. The control is iron fisted. I get judged by all for staying. I never thought I’d become this woman who tolerates all and can’t tolerate losing the one I love so unconditionally deeply. I’ve treated this man so incredibly, always appreciating anything I can and always trying to model a healthy loving response. He leaves me every time he loses control and is abusive or when he can’t control me, when I don’t obey. I live my life longing to be with him. It is the joy in my life and the only thing that lessens the pain. The other part of my life I spend demoralized, rejected, abandoned and excruciatingly broken hearted. Would do anything to reach this man and help him heal which has damaged me to the point, I don’t know if I can heal.
    Count me in

  • Alison Hilaire

    I don’t know if I can enter the give away because I live in France :-/ But just in case you can count me in 🙂 When I see all the comments, it really makes me feel like even if we must feel EXTREMELY alone right now because we are heartbroken, somehow we are all in this together :-). Ironically today is my ex boyfriend’s birthday. We spent more than 10 years together, very complicated relationship, even more complicated breakup…It’s been 6 months already, but a part of me still can’t believe that this is my new reality. It kinda feel like death, probably because we no longer talk to each other and he was my best friend…

  • Bend

    Im in for the free book!

  • CharG

    I would love to have this book.

  • TMQ5

    I am taking a mindfulness class which is helping me tremendously but there are still very difficult emotional days. I think this book would be very helpful to me with all that’s gone on and is going on in my life.

  • TMQ5
  • Même 絵美

    Count me in

  • Debashis Dutta

    Wonderful concepts and well deserved by all interested. Hopefully this makes it on my bookshelf

  • Jayme

    Count me in, please

  • Karla Pippa

    count me in 🙂

  • Sarah Lynn

    count me in please

  • Adam

    Please count me in, the book sounds excellent

  • Bill Lutsch

    Broken hearts need lots of love to heal them.

  • Sue

    In search of a path to healing…thank you for the generous contribution. Please count me in for the book.

  • Tammy Costa Mallo

    Please count me in, thank you.

  • Grace T

    I would really appreciate the opportunity to own this book during this difficult time! Thanks. Also, hang in there everybody!

  • Heather L Hood

    Ending an 30+ marriage. Very difficult to move forward.
    Thank you

  • Wish-SA-Well

    Being new to Buddhism, I was just thinking about this very concept – and saw the link, and read about it. I would be very thankful to be included in this entry. Thank you ♥

  • MIKE AH LAHH Samson

    Will read! Can’t wait

  • Chalane

    Would love this book!

  • Annika Hoffmann

    Count me in please.

  • Thomas Sass

    I NEED this please

  • Terri Cross

    The messages in the book resonate so strongly to me and being the last day to leave a comment it is actually my 69th Birthday today 19th March 1948 how ironic is that and could it be fate, I truly hope so?

  • Sand

    This sounds like such a helpful book!

  • Tracy Bauman

    Count me in! Much needed.

  • Tertia Weilers

    Count me in please

  • Michelle Sorrell

    <3

  • Shenaz Jivanjee

    Count me in please

  • Cristina Miller

    Count me in 🙂

  • Lena M

    count me in

  • Felicity Wilder

    Count me in 🙂

  • Veronica

    So thankful to see this today!

  • Nikki Lopez

    Please count me in! 🙂

  • CiCi

    Please count me in. Just ended a relationship minutes ago , I really need this book to help me through that painful road of heartbreak.

  • De

    Count me in too

  • Janet Ginder

    Count me in please