Marry Yourself: Creating Sacred Vows for Self-Love

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

I married myself at the age of 37 in a quiet ceremony of one near a waterfall in Big Sur, California.

I had prepared my “soul vows.” These vows were my deepest commitment to love, cherish, and deeply care for all parts of myself in sickness and in health, until my time on the planet comes to an end.

My soul vows became an ode to honoring my highest self always, and remembering that seeking love outside myself will never bring fulfillment unless I possess radical, unshakable love for myself.

With that knowing, these are some of my Soul Vows:

I vow to comfort myself during times of hopelessness, despair, depression, disillusionment, or any difficulty that arises.

I vow to be my Beloved always and in all ways.

I vow to never settle or abandon myself in romantic partnerships again.

I vow to live in the faith my life unfolds in mysterious divine perfection.

I vow to honor my spiritual path and create an amazing life whether I am ever legally married or not.

I vow to honor my calling and live my life as a work of art.

Some vows were tender and some fierce—some private, and some to be shared with the world.

All vows were an expression of my soul’s calling and a deep desire to love myself and care for myself at the deepest possible level in all areas of my life.

These vows were the gateway into a life that was deeper, richer, and more connected to my soul’s guidance.

Nearly nine months later, I have a birthed a new life. Many of the visions I had for a decade are starting to come true.

These visions include attracting a loving partner, spending time in my beloved Bali, and feeling a deeper sense of purpose and passion for my work.

I believe that this had everything to do with saying “I do” to giving myself the love and affection that I desired from a beloved.

The life that I now have is beyond my wildest dreams.

Here are four ways to say “I do” to you.

1. Write your soul vows.

You have a deeply cherished vision for your life, and your soul vows are a way to get it out of your soul and on paper. Mine were simple, but you could express them in any way that works for you. You could create a video, write a poem, use fancy writing, or maybe create a sacred altar for your words. Throw yourself a party. Register for gifts! Why not?

2. Create a vision board.

The soul speaks in images. Your soul vows may be magnificently revealed in a vision for your life. Carve out some time to craft a vision board from images that resonate with you. Allow yourself to be intuitively drawn to these images and don’t rely on your rational mind.

3. Sacred jewelry.

Procure a piece of jewelry that has heart and meaning for you. My object of art was literally a silver heart necklace inscribed: “You make the world a better place.”

My best friend actually created a sacred jewelry business after marrying herself. She’s finally found her path after years of meandering. That’s what is possible when you choose to marry yourself. I have also known men who marked this commitment with a sacred ring.

4. Be witnessed in your sacred vows.

I had a solo ceremony at a retreat center in Big Sur, but it was immediately followed by wine with friends. However, I’d recommend taking it to the next level—perhaps a ceremony with a few close friends? Find a way to have others acknowledge this transformation.

After my self-commitment ceremony, I realized that the real work was to start to love all the places that I had not fully loved myself. I needed to befriend the parts of me that were needy, scared, ashamed, or simply in need of my care instead of my criticism.

And while the marrying myself was a lovely starting place, it was really just the beginning. In the wise words of Rumi, “Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Photo by robwest

About Tarra Christoff

Tarra Christoff, MA is a sacred path career coach and the founder of The Marry Yourself Telesummit. She leads Marry Yourself retreats around the globe and has a background in depth psychology, creative arts, and Reiki energy healing.  Visit

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  • Mary

    This is so inspirational. I want to find a way to do this for me. Thank you.

  • Tarra

    Thank so much Marry! This is Tarra here and I hope you do find a way to do it. Please keep me posted and I’m also leading retreats where you can marry yourself in a circle of women.

  • Fatima Faye Ildefonso

    I was not aware that I have already married myself. I’ve been through a break-up and made a vow to love myself more so that I’d be ready for my next relationship. To remind me this,I bought myself a ring that I never stop using. Even in bed

  • Calvine

    Thanks Tarra for this beautiful message! This year I turned 40 and I promised to myself that I will love and honor myself even if it cost my marriage. I married at a very young age when I did not know who I was and I totally let my spouse do whatever he wanted to do with me. I had no boundaries and he had plenty…It took me more than 20 years to say stop and to start loving myself unconditionally. It cost my marriage but the cost of being totally fulfill by our own self, our own principles has no price. Thank you for sharing your story, your wisdom.

  • Sarai

    Lovely message! Thank you!!!!!!!!!! I so needed to hear that. Calvine, I’m going through the exact same issue right now…such a struggle and I will be 40 in two years….trying to jump off the cliff but…

  • Guest

    I love this! thank you for posting this. every woman should read this and write her own vows to herself.

  • … as should every man.

  • lv2terp

    What a wonderful post, vows, and commitment!! Thank you for sharing, this is fantastic!! 🙂

  • Miss

    How do you keep that vow to yourself?

  • Tarra

    To be honest, there have been a few times when I “cheated on myself,” but I just try and come back to my Soul Vows and my heart.

  • DannySCR

    I love this! Thank you so much. I’m in college and going through finals week so of course I’ve been doubting myself a little. I feel that my main flaw is not loving myself enough. Sometimes I have little bursts of confidence and happiness and they usually are short lived, but I feel that with every little burst I get stronger as a person. I’m learning to love myself and honestly just go with the flow that things will work out for me. Always the Best!, Danny

  • Kristin Carvalho

    This was so beautiful and touching. Thank you for sharing!

  • Tarra

    Thanks Bronson! I agree. Men can truly benefit from this.

  • Jim Harmon

    Why do the relationships for which we settle always turn out to be so unsettling?

  • Dan

    Humans need this

  • Dan

    Why women? How about a circle of human. I get so triggered by this new-age justified sexism. We can all heal together! Please no separation: that only exists in our minds. Women’s groups/Men’s groups…while I’m sure they have value I think the deepest work will be done with, and witnessed, by all. This time has come!!!

  • Kelsie

    Do you have to buy some sort of jewelry?

  • Robert

    Just when I thought the level of idiocy and narcissism in our culture couldn’t get any worse. Holy cow! You women don’t need a ceremony of self-commitment, you just need a psychiatrist.

  • Mikie Brandnewkindame Shaw

    It’s funny that I’m even reading this because I’m due to get married on July 7th to a man I have been with for 7 years. So why am I contimplating having a ceremony to marry myself? I know deep down inside that this is not a God ordained relationship. There are to many unanswered questions and I’m simply not happy nor satisfied. So I am going to pray for guidance, but it really looks like I will be marrying myself. Thanks for the post!

  • akm


  • gorgeous lemon

    I just celebrated myself and committed to loving and growing..wore a beautiful gown, sang, had a sacred vow that I wrote and meaningful flowers. I gave myself a Knot ring..a circle of love and life that experiences pauses and misunderstandings.. Champagne and special cake to top off my night…Jen

  • Shanda

    I was trying to find a way to marry myself and I came across your website. I have been through so much pain in a marriage to the point where I have promised myself I will make sure that I’m happy and not be unhappy in a marriage ever again while my spouse is walking on clouds and enjoying me being unhappy… I’m planning my self-love marriage now. I love nature, so my marriage to myself will be outside. I’m inviting a few family members and close friends. It is something that I believe everyone should do even before a marriage unity with another human being, that way you know your value and you will understand what it is to truly love yourself and will expect that and nothing less from the one you may chose to marry. I’m glad I’m doing this and very happy. My soul needed this a long time ago. Self-love is key in this world we live in. Blessings to you and everyone who visits this page 🙂

  • Katelyn Barker

    Wow, somebody doesn’t love their self