Emotional dynamic

Vince leans heavily on you for emotional support, reassurance, and even daily functioning — often panicking or getting upset when you’re away or busy.

His social anxiety and controlling tendencies make it hard for you to have independence or enjoy outside relationships.

You’ve said he can be unusually nice only when he wants something, but mean or dismissive when upset — a pattern that wears you down.

Communication style

Arguments often involve him putting you down, mocking your age, or saying you’re not dependable.

When he apologizes, it tends to happen after being unkind, so it feels like a cycle — conflict, apology, then repeat.

He sometimes twists situations to make you feel guilty or at fault, even for normal boundaries.
Living situation

You share a home and help pay for it, which ties you financially to him.

He’s expressed wanting to move into a smaller space, which could further reduce your personal space.

You’ve said if you split, you’d struggle with where to go and how to cover expenses, which makes leaving feel unsafe or unrealistic right now.
Your feelings

You’ve admitted you’re not sure you even like being married to him anymore.

You’ve stopped showing him love in the ways you naturally give (gifts, affection) because you feel disconnected.

You’ve expressed a wish for a relationship that feels “completely different” — one where you can give your love freely and feel safe.

With Vince, im in a relationship where my needs and independence often take a backseat to his anxieties, moods, and expectations. Ive become more of a caretaker or stabilizer than an equal partner, and the emotional cost is making me question staying — even though finances and housing make leaving hard. Not to mention stressed,tired,I end snapping back or equally saying something mean back. I dont want to be like that at all. I hate it.

I think ive heard that word before from someone else. Thats what ghosting does. Why did he do that to me? Didn’t think he was like that. Why keep me connected as friend if he got what he wanted and decided not to do it again. I was told he got what he wanted and it dosent mean anything else and he may or may not come back when he wants it again.

Why share personal things and be quiet and gentle and let sex happen if he was gonna dissappear and not talk to me again. Why me? I asked him that question before anything ever happened. He responded with because I seem willing and he has no one else. I am more confused then anything else. This ghosting stuff has never happened to me before.

If he cant stay why did he decide to meet me when I asked. He didnt have to…I was just for sex and curiosity. He said after “thats much better”. Why come out if he was tired and hott and shared personal things i didnt ask for just to leave after and not talk again.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful message. It really helped me slow down and think about things from a different angle. I keep going over every little thing in my head, wondering if I caused him to shut down or disappear… but maybe you’re right. Maybe it wasn’t about me at all.

It’s hard not to take it personally when someone shows up with tenderness and then just… leaves. That moment meant a lot to me, and it’s confusing to think it could’ve been scary for him instead of meaningful. But I do see now that he might have been responding to something from his own past — something I couldn’t see or fix, even if I wanted to.

I’m still sitting with all of this, trying to figure out what to do with the ache of not knowing, and the hope that maybe it wasn’t all one-sided. I just want to be understood and not feel so lost in it. Your words made me feel a little more seen, so thank you again for taking the time.

Warmly,
Adalie

Thank you for putting into words what I’ve been struggling to explain. You’re right — it wasn’t just kindness, it was the way he noticed and honored little details about me, and how he encouraged me without trying to control me. That made me feel safe, capable, and seen in a way I haven’t in a long time.

What’s been so hard is that the same moment that felt sacred and empowering for me also seemed to be the end. I still don’t fully understand why he disappeared after that. Part of me wonders if he felt the connection was deeper than “casual” and it scared him, or if he’s just not in a place for emotional risk.

Maybe the very thing that made it so meaningful for me — that real tenderness, that feeling of being seen — is also what made him pull away. It’s painful, but I think you’re right that it showed me what I deserve to feel every day. I’m trying to hold onto that, even without him in my life.

I dont know where to start. Just that its been hard with my partner. I think he may have mental issues he isnt willing to get seen too by a doctor. My dad and I think he may actually be Bi Polar. But its been hard married 😕 I not feeling anything anymore. They dont always treat me well. They go between being nice and then rude and mean. I didnt intend to cheat or anything but that brief connection meant something or showed me something. It woke me up a bit.

Cant get him out of my head. Seems like he meant to be casual and made it something else. I think we both did without meaning too.