Hi Sleipnir

I’m sorry to hear about everything you’ve been through, even one of those things is a lot. You’ve been through so much. 🩵

Yeah, I had a bad childhood and was sexually assaulted as a young adult. I also have autism. I forgave my mother who severely abused me and the guy who assaulted me. But that doesn’t mean I’m in touch with them. I just did it on my own because it’s safer that way. It took me a long time. About 15 years after the events. I think time is important.

I don’t think forgiving is the same as condoning and it doesn’t take away from the severity of the events. I still have PTSD.

I did some research on autism and trauma a while back to try and understand its effects. Autists are more likely to develop PTSD. There is a tendency to focus on negative memories. I think part of healing for autists is learning to focus on more positive things (gratitude journaling and meditation helped me with that). 🩵

I don’t know if forgiveness is the key to healing. I think there are a lot of things to it and it’s all part of one big journey. What forgiveness does do is relieve you of the resentment towards a person. If that makes sense?

I’d be happy to talk about that more if you’re still interested? Or anything you’re interested in talking about. 🩵

I read something from a monk who was tortured by soldiers. He said that if they hadn’t done what they did they would have been killed. That was his route to forgiveness.

My mother was very young and a single mother when she had my brother and I. She had untreat serious mental health issues (which she had tried to get treatment for and the doctor dismissed her) and was an alcoholic and had been abused herself growing up. For a while now, I have been making an effort to focus on more positive memories with her as opposed to just remembering the bad. It’s helped me to see her more as a whole person, not just the trauma.

Also, I had my own child and I experienced some mental health issues associated with childbirth. I was very lucky in that I had a lot of therapy before, so when I got therapy for the post partum OCD I bounced back quite quickly. I cannot imagine what the experience would be like for people who haven’t had access to quality therapy before having children if they’ve experienced a lot of trauma.

Hi Nea

Thanks for your kindness and understanding. Not to worry, I was just worried I’d put my foot in my mouth. Not my intention at all. 🩵

Oh that’s really good. I’m glad it is still going to be okay to visit. Hopefully things will feel a bit more normal for you both once you’ve had a bit of space. 🙏

That makes sense and I think it’s a good idea not to bring anything like that up with your dad while you are both staying there. 😊

I think it’s really difficult especially with two families because the family culture itself can be very different. What may be acceptable in one might not be in the other? And it’s hard because even when arguments happen, you can’t expect your partner to step away from their family before they are ready to. It’s a very personal decision.

Maybe it’s just I’ve had a volatile family but the argument doesn’t sound that bad to me?

Yeah, I totally agree with you about culture and respect for elders.

I’m sorry that your husband didn’t wish your dad happy birthday. It sucks that your father didn’t congratulate the birth of baby Maya either.

I think the difficulty with your father and your husband ignoring each other is this is an abusive behaviour in itself. It’s called stonewalling. It’s not a healthy behaviour. To ignore someone you live with for 20 days is a lot.

The thing is that it’s not even about age. The more reasonable person tends to make the move first. Because unreasonable people are set in their ways. The only way to “win” against an unreasonable person is to be unreasonable yourself. It’s not even about teaching a lesson or who wins. It’s a question of who your husband wants to be.

This is a depressing and stressful situation for you to deal with after having a baby. I’m so sorry. Hang in there. You’ll be in your own home again soon. 🩵

Sorry if that sounds a little confrontational. I’m genuinely asking. Like has anyone asked your father to apologize to your husband? Is any of this even culturally possible? 🩵

Hi Peter

I enjoyed the expansion of the story and don’t think you’re foolish. 😊

It sounds like it’s pointing towards something that you’ve mentioned before with judgement being an issue?

I never really understood it before, but I’m starting to notice it more in my own thoughts. I guess I just took things at face value. Nowadays, I’m trying not to as much.

Even judgement can contain some truth. But is it helpful, or compassionate? It raises a question about how we want to live our lives. Perhaps that’s the beauty of the story and potential multiple endings. We all get to choose. 🩵

Hi Peter

You have an interesting perspective. 🩵

You note a lot of benefits of the systems people have helped to create (I say that because AI is developing itself now). I do notice benefits too, for example vibe coding saves a lot of time. And using notebook llm saves a lot of time for studying. I have a less romantic view of the intention being to help. Facebook was created after all by horny guys to rate women. And oligarchs just want to win the AI race and sell the service that governments and businesses increasingly rely on.

As for language, have you ever read an esoteric text and re-read it years later? Perhaps reading the same words with new understanding? There will still be some words we don’t understand yet too.

I feel like the main issue with language is lack of context and experience. Which is just human nature. That being said, I do think it is a blessing to have the privilege of accessing information that we don’t immediately understand.

Funnily enough, I feel that way about people because I have always had difficulty understanding them.

But we don’t have control over what we haven’t yet experienced. Going back to your theme meeting the moment as it is, is really all we can do to connect with it and each other.

I feel like life is too complicated for people these days. We are but simple creatures.

Despite the issues with the world, perhaps the things you hope for lie within people themselves. We are pulled every which way and told what to believe, think and feel by media. People could have been stubborn when given different languages and continued to build the tower. Perhaps they saw it not as a curse but a reminder? We can be foolish yes. With a reminder, I believe the majority of us also remember what is right. One positive is that for children the world is working on addressing some of the problems that have faced people for generations. In that, maybe there is some hope? 🩵

You’re not wrong for feeling the way you do. As you say, yes and…

Thanks again for sharing! 🙏

Hi Peter

Lovely to hear from you! 🩵

Interestingly, there are different ways to interpret the tower of Babylon story.

God commanded people to spread throughout the world. Instead they chose to congregate in one spot and build a great tower out of pride, choosing to forsake God’s commandment in favour of their own values and desires.

Different languages were bestowed upon the people to disrupt the building and encouraged them to spread throughout the world as God had previously instructed.

Why did God ask people to spread throughout the world? Some say to take care of the planet, encourage diversity and limit pride.

I guess, I don’t see social media as a pinnacle of human creation or a way to connect. I’m not a huge fan and tend to stay off it for many reasons.

Even speaking to others one on one can have its own unique difficulties. That’s why I think trying our best to listen and understand each other is important. 🩵

Thank you for sharing your thoughts as always! 🙏

Hi Tommy

Thinking about you and your kidney stones. How are you doing? 🙏

I’m a fan of Chinese and Korean fantasy or period dramas. 😊

I don’t envy you. Maths is my weakness. Especially calculus. There are formula calculators online that I found really helpful when I was studying maths the other year. It helps break it down step by step. Good luck with everything. I don’t think you seem stupid at all. Things just change, you’re a good dad learning it and trying to help her. 🩵

Yeah, they do grow so quickly. He’s starting his first day of nursery officially this week. It’s just a transition period, one hour a week. He gets longer hours in November. They just don’t want to shock him by being away too long initially. He’s never been alone with anyone else. He’s doing better with potty training now. His current record is going 3 times in one day. He’s also doing better with listening and walking outside. So he’s basically ready for nursery, or as ready as I could get him. He has an appointment for autism assessment coming up too. So hopefully that will all get sorted out for him. His speech is coming on a bit too. It’s just really putting things in place incase he starts having issues in nursery or school later on. The main thing he struggles with at home is aggressive behaviours when he’s upset. He’s learned to only do them with me and they’re not appropriate for other people. I hope that sticks and as he spends more time away from home it doesn’t start to creep in. Trying to work on replacement behaviours and time-ins for the behaviours with me too.

No, I didn’t install it yet. I was just trying to plan how much everything costs. We haven’t bought it yet. I did make some cat toys though and fix a door. Also, finished putting up decorations in my son’s room.

I love the zen story. Ego, insight and self-control. Sorry I don’t have a story. Just checking in with you. 🩵

Hi Nea

Sorry, I don’t know what you mean by it is being framed that your father and your husband are equally at fault? Personally, I don’t think that is true. 🩵

My point is that from my impression based on how you have described your father is that he’s not likely to be able to handle a conversation like your husband wants without snapping again. If he does that, it’s likely to make the situation even worse by further upsetting your husband.

But I don’t know your father. So that’s why I was asking what you thought might happen. 🩵