Hi Dave

You hit the nail on the head Dave! You are both two different people with different ways of doing things. This is normal in a relationship and criticising someone who is genuinely trying their best isn’t healthy.

It seems like you both were in a cycle of blaming each other. Her blaming you, and you blaming her for blaming you. It happens when life is hard, but both parties need to work hard to break the cycle. It is a shame that she couldn’t let go of her side of things. 💔

I hear you, it takes compromise and work on both sides. That is the way that things should be, not just her way. If you felt she had tried to compromise and treat you more kindly, things might have been different.

No one deserves to feel less than. You’re special in your own unique way Dave. There is nothing wrong with being different. You cannot say that you didn’t try. You tried so hard and I see your pain – the pain of being rejected. ❤️

I’m glad to hear that moving into your old place has given you a new lease on life. You deserve it! I daresay you do got this. You have been raising three amazing kids. One of the hardest jobs there is. If you can do that, you can do anything. 😊

Hi Anita

I understand the loneliness and desperation of not having a loving and caring parent that you deserve. ❤️

I feel like the person you have been waiting for all along is yourself. You have all of the qualities you wish for in a mother. You can give that love to yourself. That is the secret of how to feel whole and recover from the abuse of a failed parent. ❤️

I hope you don’t mind me sharing? It was part of my trauma therapy to indulge my inner child. Whatever she wanted to do, I was supposed to do. It was mostly focused on fun initially.

Nowadays, I tend to check in with little Alessa and say, is there anything you need? Anything I can do for you? Sometimes little Alessa will ask for things before I even ask. It might just be communicating hunger, thirst. Picking what to have. These things seem to be important because I was starved growing up. I also talk to her and tell her that I love her, that she’s a good girl. Perhaps you could find your own way of indulging and taking care of little or adult Anita. If it interests you? ❤️

I was taught by my therapist and I’m sure that you can find this information online too. That sexual abuse is not about sex. It is a form of violence and it is about control and re-enacting abuse from a more powerful position, that of an abuser.

To explain, she might have hit you as she was hit.

I think of sexual abuse as the ultimate way to strip someone of their autonomy. As you said, it was not your choice.

You are very right in that none of this was your fault. ❤️ But your mother was wrong, she could not see you for the special person you are. You were never a nobody. You were a sweet little person who grew up into a loving, caring and trusting adult, despite the atrocities you experienced at her hands. She could never erase your nature. ❤️

Hi Anita

I think it’s understandable to not be focused after a memory like that. Please be gentle with yourself. ❤️

That’s very kind of you to add trigger warnings. I really appreciate it. I just mean that it is not easy for me to talk about. I try to avoid more serious triggers and not engage with them frequently these days.

I hope you sleep well too! 😊

But yes, I’m really sorry that your mother did those things to you. It’s heartbreaking and no one deserves to be treat like that ever. ❤️

Hi Anita

I’d like to listen to you too! Thanks for your messages yesterday. You already made me feel more comfortable. ❤️

My hope is that we can build a relationship based on mutual trust. I know that has been difficult in the past because of conflict and PTSD. What do you think? ❤️

How are you doing?

I’m sick again. That’s young kids for you at this time of year. 😊

Take care ❤️

Hi Anita

Well, I’m glad to hear there’s nothing wrong. ❤️

I didn’t specifically mean the last message. I meant in general on this thread.

No, I’m not bothered about whether you say hi or dear.

I’m probably just overthinking things. I’ve been trying to reconnect with you and make conversation, that’s all. I’ve been trying my best and it feels like it’s been a bit of a struggle. ❤️

What do you think? 🤔

Hi Peter

An apt observation. ❤️

Considering how birds fly, how can it escape? Birds primarily fly using updrafts. Sure, they can do takeoffs, but silos are massive compared to the tiny sparrow. How could it ever escape unless a kind soul came along and gave it a helping hand? It is not the birds fault that is how physics works. ❤️