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Alessa

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 115 total)
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  • #445209
    Alessa
    Participant

    Oh I forgot to include how to identify people who are comfortable with sharing deep emotions. I drop little nuggets of emotional stuff and see how they respond to it. If they respond well, I share a little more. It is a good way to understand people’s individual tolerance for sharing emotions.

    #445208
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Omyk

    I would imagine because you are so busy, it would be difficult to develop new relationships?

    Working two jobs and raising a child on your own is not easy. Where is room for following your own desires?

    I learned to identify people who are comfortable with sharing more intense feelings. There are also social conventions in regards to sharing feelings. When forming new relationships it is generally preferred to slowly share more as you get to know someone.

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re dealing with a lot of rejection from your child at the moment. Sadly, it is a phase they go through as they establish their independence.

    I’m sorry to hear that you lost your parents, as well as your wife. That is a lot of loss in a relatively short period. Have you ever seen a grief counsellor? You are welcome to talk as much as you would like to about your grief here.

    It seems like you have lost most of the people you were close to? Now, the relationship with your child is changing. It is not an easy thing you are going through at all.

    I don’t think you are unpleasant or narcissistic at all. You are actually a really lovely person who is going through a tough time. ❤️

    Please feel free to email if you would like to chat. 😊

    tbthrowaway64@gmail.com

    As for making friends… because of the time limitations. I would recommend patience when meeting new people. A hobby group might be better if you are looking for new friends. It would cast a wider net being around multiple people at once. Personally, I find it much nicer to meet people organically as opposed to dating apps.

    It takes time to develop strong relationships with people and no doubt they will have busy lives too.

    #445163
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Yana

    Don’t get me wrong, it is hard work, but rewarding. My son is a delight, mostly. 😂

    It is not always easy…

    I think a lot of people are afraid of being judged or told that they are doing things wrong.

    Yes, I agree it is very important to put everything into practice.

    Very true, I find there is more opportunity with a baby teaching language. It would be something to see a dog talk back. 😂

    #445162
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Yana

    I hope your mother recovers well after the surgery. It isn’t an easy process I hear. ❤️

    It is beautiful that you have found ways to talk to each other openly.

    I can believe that she does love you all very much. The situation for you all was not easy when you were younger. It is good that you can see how much she cares. Not many people get that level of insight without first having children of their own. You have a lot of empathy for others. People make mistakes and there is a saying that a lot of parents often have. By the time you finish raising children, you have learned how to raise a child.

    Not very easy for that experience to come as the situation is ending instead of at the beginning.

    #445160
    Alessa
    Participant

    Oh I forgot to add. You are definitely not an IT or a thing. You are a special person and I’m happy that you are recognising that.

    I appreciate being able to support each other too. If you would like to talk by email sometime, please feel free to write to me.

    tbthrowaway64@gmail.com

    No pressure!

    #445159
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Thank you so much as well! ❤️

    Yes, spot on about loneliness. I wonder what helps you to accept and value yourself?

    To be honest, I don’t have much in the way of an identity. I’m a creature of circumstance.

    In a way, having a child has been a gift. I went through similar difficulties no doubt to what my biological mother experienced and I didn’t lose myself in it like she did. I can see now, how different I am from her in the way that I’m raising my son. I am very lucky in that I have had a lot of help over the years, during the newborn stage and even the toddler stage. Without it, I might not have been so lucky.

    Wow, that is a shame. I’m sorry to hear that she hated herself to that level. Does your face bear any resemblance to your mother’s face at all? I’m sorry if this is a painful question. You don’t need to answer it.

    I’m so sorry that your mother wasn’t able to give you the love that every child deserves from their parents. Instead, she took out her demons on you… a very painful thing to grow up with, for she had many to do the things that she did.

    I feel like the love a parent offers can be offered by others and it can be just as valid. It took me a long time to come to this conclusion. It was healing for me, to be able to acknowledge that and allow myself to feel loved by others.

    Would it be okay if I say a prayer for your Mother?

    I’m glad that expressing expressed and repressed feelings is helping you.

    I was wondering, if there are any things that you enjoy or even don’t enjoy in communication with others?

    I like to learn about others preferences and try to accommodate them. I would like to accommodate your needs and respect your wishes. ❤️

    I know that some of the things I say can be interpreted differently from my intent and sometimes it can even be painful for people. I would not wish to cause you pain, and if I ever do. I hope that you communicate it, so I can apologise. I am trying to be more mindful of how I communicate, because I know that I can be too straightforward sometimes and it can be painful.

    #445135
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I’m glad to hear about your freedom from enmeshment. Good luck with the shadow work as well! Not that you need it. 😊

    You are seen and loved. ❤️

    I feel like loneliness can have a focus on others, but can originate within us sometimes. Does that make sense at all? What do you think?

    I grew up with enmeshment too. It was something that was purposefully done and actively cultivated. She told me over and over again that I was just like her when she was younger. She wanted me to be her mini-me. Up until recently I was terrified of becoming like her.

    Our mothers were truly the epitome of the following saying.

    If you can’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else?

    #445134
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Jana

    Not to worry, I’m okay. 😊

    I think you’re onto something with the expressing of positive emotion and treating yourself as a best friend.

    Having a child has really helped with positive self talk because of the amount of positive expression that I am practicing on a daily basis. Practice makes perfect, as they say.

    Knowledge isn’t everything. I feel like you have a natural intuition and wisdom on your side. I think this is a really important and valuable perspective. ❤️

    I’m glad that you aren’t lonely. It is a shame that there aren’t more people you are compatible with in your home country. My favourite thing to do is walk the dogs. 🐩 🐕 🐕‍🦺 ☀️ 🌳 🏞️ I would love to learn how to identify mushrooms. 🍄 🍄‍🟫

    #445130
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Rosa

    Lovely to hear from you! I look forward to reading more from you. If something seems interesting, feel free to jump right in. ❤️

    #445129
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Peter

    I really appreciate your thoughts! ❤️

    I used to as well, as a child. 😊 Now, I tend to read to solve problems.

    I read that it is important to label your feelings and theirs, as well as to link to a cause. I guess it teaches them to understand and express emotions.

    Was it complicated growing up, since your parents didn’t express their emotions? Did you have to learn how to manage emotions by yourself?

    That is a lovely way to look at things. Thank you! 🙏

    Haha well it’s good that the not knowing instinct is finally coming in handy. 😂

    #445128
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Roberta

    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful memory. Much love to you and your father! ❤️

    #445127
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Yana

    I love the purple flowers around the rocks. Our countryside looks very similar. There are a lot of streams and ponds near me though. There is so much wild garlic at the moment! It smells lovely. I can’t wait to pick some. We have to get to it before the restaurants do. They try and take everything.

    You are a good one taking care of your girl. ❤️

    I don’t know if our pup will be allergic to the collar yet. We decided to wait until she’s a little older and bigger before trying it. They are very good though.

    Hmm good question… I like the woods and the beach in different ways. It is probably because of where I have lived. Walking the dogs on the beach is my safe place, I lived near there for ages.

    Now, I live near the woods. I like when it starts raining and the raindrops patter on the leaves. This combined with sitting next to the stream is really relaxing. I do miss the beach. I won’t really get to go until my son is a bit more mobile. Can’t really bring a stroller on the sand.

    I’m glad to hear that you’re not allergic to bees. 🐝 Sorry to hear that you got stung though.

    I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties with the veins in your legs. I hope the herbal medicine helps. It sounds like you are doing your best to take care of yourself well.

    It is true what you say about genetics. My biological mother had knee issues in her 30s. Now, I’m having it too.

    ❤️

    #445109
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Lais

    I just read your article. It’s beautiful that you shared your story and what helped you navigate those difficulties. I think you did a great job of covering most things already.

    You raise a lot of interesting questions.

    Sure, I feel like when challenges in life occur are when things become a bit unstable for me. Often it is required to come up with entirely new strategies for managing each unique situation. It is not so surprising that things are challenging when unsure of how to deal with them. I find that research and asking for help are useful. In this day and age, someone usually has an answer for most difficulties. I have learned to trust that specialists who dedicate their careers to helping in their respective fields are able to give some excellent advise.

    I started off thinking that I hadn’t doubted. Upon reflection, I have. Sometimes difficulties are unexpected, scary and we judge ourselves. It was not my path that I doubted. Over the years I have doubted a lot of different things about myself, others or the world around me. It takes a lot to deal with that kind of doubt or lack of trust. Growing as a person and challenging myself until I felt more confident. Disproving unhealthy beliefs. Trying to understand why things happen. Being kind to myself.

    How do I deal with others? It depends on the situation. When someone is having difficulties that I don’t know how to navigate, I believe it is better to let someone else who does feel confident step in or at least wait until I do know what to say. At other times, when people are sharing their emotions and experiences, I prefer not to share my own. At other times, what some people need is to not feel alone with these things and I do share.

    Holding space during conflict is the most difficult thing for me. It comes from a fear of vulnerability and rejection. What happens if you put all of yourself out there and you are rejected anyway? I’m going to have to have a think and come back to you on this one.

    Hmm what has helped to reclaim wholeness? Getting to know myself. Talking over things can be helpful. As someone who focuses more on others, I was surprisingly unaware of myself and have a tendency to ignore my own needs. There is a saying of talking to yourself as if you were a friend. For me, it works better if I think of myself as a daughter. Finally, I found that recognising that a judgement on wholeness in itself is the problem to be helpful.

    Good luck on writing your article! Not that you will need it. 😊

    #444996
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Your poem is truly beautiful! It is wonderful to see you explore and express your love for your mother in a safe way. ❤️

    #444976
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    It is not easy, realising that a parent will die and you are castrated from them.

    I don’t know if it is true or not, or even if this is something that you might be interested in. I don’t know if this might bring you a measure of comfort? In the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying there is a practice. Basically, it says that when someone dies, that a) they need people to pray for them. b) for 3 days after death the soul sticks around and they hear everyone’s thoughts about them.

    I know it might feel like your love was fruitless. From my perspective, whilst your mother rejected your love, that love you have for her you also share with others. That is a very precious and beautiful thing.

    It is lovely to see you reflect on love and trust. 😊

    I think that love is an inherent part of all of us. The way I see it is that there are barriers or blocks hiding that love at times. Fear and anger for example.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 115 total)