Hi Miss Dutchess

I can understand the difficulty with your recent diagnosis. It is emotional coming to terms with these things and wondering what if. It is perfectly okay to feel this way. I’m sorry to hear about the bullying too. ❤️

I feel like an early diagnosis may have helped more socially than anything else. And of course, emotional coping strategies. Because if you ask me, therapists are important and help with these kinds of things.

It is not so helpful that your family just expected for friends to magically happen to you. I don’t think that is true. It’s important to have common interests if you ask me. I guess that is just how I’ve done it.

I don’t know if having a specialist would have helped much with maths. My maths has always been shocking, but I did learn more effective ways of dealing with it as I got older. I tend to use formula calculators online. It really helps me a lot to understand how things work. They have diagrams and can explain the working. It is something that just wasn’t available when I grew up.

Also, I have experience dealing with learning anxiety now because I went back to university more recently after dropping out because of being assaulted. Being a language tutor helped me to understand learning anxiety as well. Once you get over the anxiety, it takes away some of the stress of doing something that you’re not comfortable with. Being a tutor really teaches you that it’s okay to make mistakes, it is just the process of learning. Also just learning how to study effectively helps. It’s wild that it isn’t really taught in schools. I had to learn from someone who was really good at testing.

It’s good to hear that you have some friends. And well done on putting yourself out there and talking to that person in the book store. ❤️

I guess for me, I moved a lot. So I was bullied a lot and I didn’t make many close friends, one or two per school was enough for me. By the way, most kids get bullied. It isn’t just you. So you are not alone.

I just went to the library, chess club and computer gaming clubs. There were nice kids there. Kids like me who didn’t want hassle or to be bothered by anyone else.

I didn’t really understand other kids because I was being abused at home so kid conversations seemed a bit meaningless at the time. The autism didn’t help either.

It was probably when I became a teenager that I started to make more friends because I went to parties.

Unfortunately, I was sexually assaulted by a friend in college. So I became a shut in for a while.

It took some time for me to learn to be around people again. I find what helped was being around a friend who was extroverted. They were always talking to everyone. They carried on most of the conversations. I didn’t have to say much if I didn’t want to. It was a bit alien to me at first. But I just got used to it and started to chime in more with conversations when I felt like it. Working with the people as a tutor and in a phone store helped talk to people too. Somehow I find it less stressful when you are in a position where people are expected to be kind and listen, because they want help from you. It is generally very polite and I like that style of communication.

Small talk might not seem important initially. It is deceptive, because you learn a lot about people through small talk. What they care about, their interests, their feelings and worries. It’s also really helpful because socially it tends to be that you build trust through small talk and then you have deeper conversations once you know each other.

I tend to find that most of my friends are also neurodivergent. It just seems to be easier for me to connect with them.

I’m guessing that you don’t have a sibling? I feel like pranks are something that you understand more if you have a sibling. It’s kind of a reciprocal thing. You’re supposed to take turns pranking each other. It’s a stupid silly game where you tease each other a bit. Supposed to be funny, like a physical form of joke.

My son just did his first prank today. Put dog kibble in his father’s shoe.

Take care and good luck with everything! ❤️

Oh and I forgot in all of the madness with my son being ill! Lovely to see you around again Roberta. Your voice is always missed.

Yana is interested in emailing with you. I hope that it okay for me to say? ❤️

How are you and your father doing? ❤️

Hi Everyone

I feel like you’re both getting to the core of the issue. How do we honour ourselves whilst honouring others, whilst our needs remain unmet?

I guess the only solution is to meet our needs ourselves or with others. That pain is valid. It isn’t “making it about you”. We are all feeling, deeply caring individuals and it hurts being ignored, when someone rejects a genuine desire to connect.

I would add that for me it is complicated trying to navigate conflict in social groups. It feels like trying to take care of everyone, no one wins and we are all left feeling pretty rubbish.

I don’t even know how Tee is feeling after all of this and I am holding back comforting her too much, because it might make others uncomfortable. I have faith in Tee that she can see that I care, because she has a good heart. I’m trying my best not to make the situation worse. ❤️

I have even been trying to comfort Anita, knowing that it could hurt Tee to see that. But I have a lot of faith in Tee. That she can see me and what is in my heart. ❤️

Hi Chau

You did well to stand up for yourself while you were being treat badly!

Oh that makes things a lot easier since she no longer works with you. It is just a matter of how much contact you are comfortable with. Its perfectly okay for you to cut contact, if you wanted. Happens all the time in dating. I understand that you have a soft spot for her though.

Have you thought about what you would like?

I’m glad that your friends were there to support you. It sounds like you have some good ones. It was a great idea to look to them and I don’t think they will steer you wrong. ❤️

I don’t like that she disrespected you and your home with this craving for wealth either. It makes zero sense to rent elsewhere when you have a property of your own. If you said the same thing to her, that you expect a partner to dote on you with gifts, it would be crickets. Very one sided! Well done on dodging that bullet!

It is a shame because she even revealed that she has no intentions with a long term relationship, because she wants to marry a man. At least she is being honest and not wasting your time further. It is still pretty painful to hear and it sounds like she doesn’t see that. ❤️

Hi Tommy

I’m glad that things turned out well for your daughter! I think you both did a brilliant job of supporting her. Not everyone would do that much. You literally put her needs above your own. That is love right there! I’m sure she will have a good future. You worked hard to make sure that she will have the best chance in life. ❤️

I know that my son will grow up and be able to manage his condition regardless of what happens. But for the best outcome he does need help. I’m glad that I’m in a position where I can help him. 😊

His fever is better now. Finally!

Please don’t worry about Anita not replying. She is having a hard time at the moment and not talking to many people. It is nothing personal. ❤️