Hi Nea

Sorry for the delay in replying. It’s been really busy at home with a toddler, studying and stomach flu. 🩵

How are you doing? Are you all set for your birth plan? 🩵

That’s so great to hear that you are very close to going back home and have a back up option in the meantime.

For sure, mixed emotions are understandable it’s a massive life change that you’re navigating. 🩵

I think you’ve done a great job thinking everything through.

I agree with you about not needing to apologise first. The living situation is not ideal without the stress. It’s unfortunate that things haven’t worked out, but it’s not you or your husband’s fault.

I forgot to answer your question before if having a child changed my relationship with my parents. Not really, but I do find myself thinking of my child when making decisions. How much do I want them to be around certain people? Bearing in mind especially that I feel like constant contact is beneficial for children. It can be confusing for children with complicated families, to occasionally see family members especially when you live nearby. But I guess it depends on how much drama is communicated with the child.

My relationship with my mother had been strained for a while before the baby. I gave her another chance because I didn’t want to deny her a grandchild. She didn’t really take an interest because I refused her looking after my child alone, since there were safety concerns (she has refused to take kids to the hospital when needed before). In the end, I decided to let her lack of interest end the relationship. She just stopped texting back.

It is a shame, but I’m okay with it because I feel like no contact is easier for a child than infrequent contact. I wouldn’t want him feeling like she didn’t care about him.

Hi Peter

Sorry it’s been a while. It’s just been so busy.
How are you doing? 🩵

Not to worry I always struggle with metaphors. It’s nice to see that we were on the same page. 🩵

I’m a bit too literal sometimes. 😂

Interesting! I tend to think of ego in a different way. I don’t really see it as entirely to do with language.

Plenty of actions are based in ego. Even walking. I didn’t really notice until I had a child. There is a huge amount of training that people go through as they grow up. A young child doesn’t walk in a straight line from a to b. They wander.

My understanding of ego is it a natural function of memory which facilitates survival in a culture with a lot of abstract concepts. Co-operation is our biggest strength as a species. It’s my impression that our culture largely dictates a huge amount of our responses.

I feel like the stories are only the tip of the iceberg.

I find it interesting that your perspective of the third arrow is causing more harm than the original event.

I guess it depends on the situation. Personally, I think whilst the third arrow can waste your time and cause pain. When it comes to trauma I find it’s still the original situation that was more painful.

I also think that to some extent stories are part of our lives and identities.

I became a mother and my whole identity and life changed. It happens. It takes some adjusting to but it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

It was really interesting actually at the time because I felt like I had lost everything that I liked about myself because my life changed. So I had to dig deep into what I liked about myself despite circumstances. Which just leaves character. I don’t really know where I’m going with this. 😊

I guess… I never really thought of you as having a closed heart. Maybe it is because here you often show a side of you with an open heart. But I think that is just who you are and even if you don’t feel it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Just we play different roles at different times in life. 🩵

Maybe you just have a very specific expectation of yourself that you don’t meet? But Peter is pretty awesome as is.

I really like you sharing your thoughts. So whilst I see things differently, I still appreciate you. Your conversations are always thought provoking. 🩵 🙏

Hi Tommy

How are you and the family? 🩵

Sorry I’ve been quiet, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Nothing bad persay, just trying to catch up on studying because of exams. Not sleeping enough and then I got a tummy bug from the kiddo, starting to feel better now. But no more studying until October! It’s really nice. And that’s me finished the second year of my bachelor’s.

So you’ve got the essentials! That’s all you really need. 😊

I noticed that the songs you have recommended are very specific. It’s always interesting learning about what other people like. 🩵

I did listen to the Norwegian forest song. I didn’t enjoy it as much as the others. I don’t really remember it. I might have been in a hurry and only listened to it once. I think I listened to the others a few times. The one that says spoony gets stuck in my head because that word made me giggle. The song was genuinely good though.

Funnily enough I think teaching language has helped me a lot when learning other languages.
There tends to be a specific sentence structure for each language. Once you know the structure I think that makes things a bit easier.

That makes sense. How did you first come across the Zen stories? 🩵

A Star Wars forum that was really into philosophy. That got me into eastern philosophy. Psychology is basically a rip off of Buddhism as well. And then I met my husband who is Buddhist. I resisted it for ages. And I got to a point with psychology where it couldn’t really help me too much anymore. So I thought I’d go to the source and see if that would help. And I guess it did. 😊

Hi Girlja

Thinking about you and your mum. 🙏 I hope you get some good news! I read that you said she was having a scan. 🩵

Sorry I haven’t replied yet, just really busy at the moment. 🩵

Hi Girija

The health concerns make sense after seeing your mother struggle with her health. 🩵

I don’t know your history, but you mentioned that your family was dysfunctional and experienced some bullying at school? When people experience difficulties like this as children they often develop a baseline level of anxiety. It takes a lot of intentional work to reduce the level of anxiety.

Fear is a high arousal state so the easiest way to shift it is to go to excitement because it is on the same part of the nervous system. Doing something physical and fun, like dancing to music. Or whatever it is you like. From there it is easier to calm down with gentle self-care and breathwork.

Worrying, you have to prove to yourself it is not worth your time and energy. Over and over again. Until it sinks in. You can plan without anxiety. And then you put it down because there is only what you can control. It all takes a lot of time and practice. 🩵

As for a sign from God, I feel like the complexity of life is the sign. What are the chances of all of this? Even having a phone or computer is a miracle.

Food used to be local and cyclic. You’d have milk in summer. Now we can have it all of the time and from different countries too. Vaccines, antibiotics and medical care prevent so many deaths. A child being born is a miracle. And if you go outside you see so many beautiful things. 🩵

Hi Peter

Thank you for sharing! You have a lot of interesting thoughts. 🩵

I’m happy that I made you smile. 😊

This is the video of training the octopus –
y outube.com/watch?v=PcWnQ7fYzwI&pp=ygUZdGVhY2hpbmcgYW4gb2N0b3B1cyBwaWFubw%3D%3D&ra=m

I don’t mean negative as in inherently bad or offensive in some way. I think I just picked up on your perspective on these things, but I guess my point is that everyone has a different relationship with words, feelings and experiences.

I feel like this is one way of many. For some, trauma is so strong it can’t be removed. So you have to learn to live with the past and the present co-existing. I’m happy you have found what works for you. 🙏

I think also, one thing that can be realized by some is how important memory and even ego are. It’s very much key to how we form relationships. I’ve come to realize that the trick is to be flexible and work with what life gives you.

You are right though. We all have to realise and really feel our inherent worth, and the inherent worth of others without having to perform. And there is a lot of freedom in just being. 🩵

Hi Tommy

Such a beautiful story you and your wife have! Thank you for sharing. 🙏

Thanks so much for the song recommendations! I love them. I think there’s something to be said for songs in a different language. Just feeling the melodies. I used to watch a lot of anime, I think that’s what got me into it. 🩵

I’ve always wanted to learn Mandarin. I started with my son when he was born, but it started interfering with his English. We’ll try again when he’s a bit older. 😊

That right here waiting for you song was really good as well. Now that I think about it, there aren’t that many songs for long distance relationships.

In the spirit of Buddhism, I love the music by this nun – y outube.com/watch?v=xVueLvn0WYE&pp=ygUSYW5pIGNob3lpbmcgZHJvbG1h&ra=m