Hi Everyone

I have been having difficulties with PTSD recently. 🩵

I’ve always struggled with insecurity because of my childhood. Feeling like I’m going to be rejected by people.

I have been thinking about my biological mother too. I still find myself empathising with her difficulties as a parent.

I hated her pretty openly growing up. I didn’t say it. But it was still clear.

It must be really hard raising a kid who hates you. I know as a parent, I hope that my son won’t hate me when he grows up.

I also brought home random animals all the time because it made me feel better.

She might not have been a good mother. But she kept us alive. In itself, that is not always easy.

She made sure that we had the essentials (except for food). I don’t know how she managed considering the budget she was on.

She was a young alcoholic with severe mental health problems. The abuse was very traumatic. All in all she may have tried her best.

Lots of people say mean things when they are angry.

A third of people who experience trauma go on to become abusers themselves.

A fifth of autists are violent as part of their symptoms. And here beating your kids wasn’t even banned until 2020. They had to do it in stages over decades. Violence was a part of life for a lot of people.

She would sometimes buy us ice cream in summer. A cheap one at home. Or at the ice cream shop as a special treat. After getting teeth removed at the dentist we got sweets.

And sometimes we would go to cheap restaurants during the lunch special.

It is very complicated… The terror, pain and trauma I felt at her hands was real. It is enough to stay away forever.

In some way, some part of her must have cared though. In a twisted way. Not knowing how to care properly.

When I left, she tried to buy me back with stuff. I could get a computer or a saxophone. She stalked me for years.

I loved her as children do, all whilst hating her.

I am lucky that I got help and that the times are changing. That I can break the cycle. 🩵

Dear Anita

How are you doing? How is Bogart after his surgery? 🤍

I imagine he’s feeling a bit sorry for himself with his cone. My boy hated them. 🤍

That was very kind of the vet to clean his ears and trim his nails at the same time! 😊

Thanks so much! My boy is sick again. One of the other mums suggested that he might have asthma. Apparently that can be a reason why that they can get sick so frequently, especially during winter. Nothing too bad so far. His friend seems to have picked it up too and he was okay. So hopefully this is an easier one. 🤍

Dear Anita

Fascinating! Banana peels is a new one. Yes, it could be. It said that it was because they have a tendency to forage for food that they often have dodgy tummies. It was the same for my huskies.

I got some acidophilus pills (the human kind) and put one a day in their food. It helped so much because it was replacing the bad bacteria from whatever dodgy food they picked up outside with good bacteria. If yogurt doesn’t give him a dodgy tummy, that could be another option too. 🤍

Does he like the taste of banana? My old boy quite enjoyed it.

Haha you’re fighting a never ending battle trying to stop him from eating stuffing. 😂

Thanks, I love hearing about your journey as a dog mom and hearing about the antics Bogart gets up to! 🤍

I’m glad you like my sense of humour too! It’s an acquired taste. 😉 🤍

Dear Anita

Thank you for your kind words! 🤍

Yes, I’m getting a boy cat and they spray urine around the house marking it if they’re not neutered. So it’s important to get it done.

I’m glad to hear that you’re not taking things as personally. I feel like even when things seem difficult, people are usually just acting on their own trauma or whatever is going on in their own lives. Sometimes that understanding isn’t so helpful when people are taking out their difficulties on others.

I hope you have a good day! 🤍

Hi Tommy

I’m sorry to hear that you are having some financial difficulties too. It is not easy, especially when you have a family. 🩵

I hear that men feel a lot of pressure to provide for their families. There are many ways to provide. When finances are tight, I find that people rely on their skills and creativity to save money. I’m sure that your family are very proud of you for helping to take such good care of them. They are very lucky to have you, you are so kind as well. 🩵

The time will come when those tools pay for themselves many times over. You wouldn’t have bought them otherwise. 🩵

I have some tools as well. I’m getting a cat for mother’s day and I want to try making some shelves for it to climb on. I’ve always wanted to make cat furniture. I’ll let you know how it goes!