Hi Everyone

Thank you both for exploring such a thoughtful topic.

I’m trying to gather my thoughts because there are many.

To confront intense emotions, in my experience takes a level of practice and developing a feeling of safety in understanding that these things pass.

The difficulty for me was getting lost in it. Consumed by it. I learned that I needed to take a step back and develop control.

I still have difficulties, just as anyone else. But I see that I’m a simple creature and science has figured out plenty of ways to help. There is a drive to learn and to overcome.

I would have to say that both things exist in a balance. Emotions are not the whole, there is a lot more to a person. Perhaps the desire to fix isn’t a flaw. It is just a part of the natural balance. It just is. Much as the same as emotion. Sometimes it can help, sometimes it can hurt. As with anything.

Emotion, in itself not the problem. The thoughts, the feelings the expectations attached to it.

It is true, there is no fix. There is just balance. Acceptance, learning to live. The sense of wholeness, not being just one element (emotion) is nice.

I’ve learned that expectations are a problem for me. I am naive and hopeful. I don’t expect for things to change and am surprised when they do. I blame myself when I don’t understand the cause, which is just the way the world works. Lack of understanding. The antidote is learning.

Hi Confused

I’m sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend broke up. I hear that you still love and care about him. ❤️

It seems that the difficulty is that he just doesn’t have the time and energy for a partner right now. He wasn’t able to show up for the relationship and it took a toll. It is especially hard when both parties have difficulties talking about these things.

To me, it sounds like you did the right thing by taking a break. As for getting back together, I don’t expect things to change until his situation improves. If you want to deal with that stress and support him in this difficult period, that is up to you. It sounds like you tried and it hurt you though. Perhaps you could keep in touch and see if his situation improves and give things a shot then if you’re both still interested?

Hi Steve

Oh yeah, Reddit is a dumpster fire. 🔥 😂

You are more than welcome here. 😄

You are welcome to spoil the secret to koans.

I really enjoy eastern philosophy and religion. I’ve learned about many of these things over the years. I’m not familiar with Hinduism though, I do hear the cosmology is shared with Buddhism. Since they both originated in India, it isn’t a huge surprise.

I enjoy religion in general because I feel like it was psychology before psychology was a thing.

I love reading Confucianism and Daoism, whilst seeing some of the Masters appear in each other’s texts. It makes me wonder if they actually met, or if they were just paying their respects by including each other in their books.

I’m particularly fond of Daoism, but in my country there aren’t many people practicing it. Buddhism on the other hand is popular. I’ve settled into learning more about that. There really is so much to learn!

I guess, the same as other religions. Immigration, war, people share. It’s what we do.

It is fascinating how popular cultivation was for royalty, monks, scholars and holy men. It is nice that things are opening up more to other people. Although, to some extent a level of exclusivity still persists today.

Keen to hear your perspective. Please feel free to share your thoughts! ❤️

Hi Anita

Thank you for your kindness. I really appreciate you! ❤️

I’m sorry to hear that you live in an area with no public transport. That is a real pain in the butt!

My apologies, I didn’t want to assume. I know some people who just don’t like public transport. Or sometimes it is too difficult for them to get to.

I really like cycling. I can’t drive because of my dyspraxia. I feel like it is much easier to get around with a bicycle, as opposed to walking.

I’m glad that you have a special person helping you with ordering things online. ❤️Perhaps they will be able to help you with the clothing conundrum? A lot of countries have different websites. I’m not sure what would be the popular ones for clothing in America.

I’m sorry to hear that people took her side and didn’t stand up for you. It’s a horrible thing to experience growing up around people who validated her abuse and gave no thought to the suffering you endured.

Since you say that you have more difficulty communicating in person and find it easier to communicate here, it must be hard for you that so many people you have cared about have moved on from this website. I do get the sense that you care about each and every person.

That you often find yourself in a caregiver role, supporting people freely with no expectations is another layer too.

It is difficult because conflict is natural to occur in any relationship and a lot of people are particularly sensitive here. I don’t mean that in a bad way, it is just less likely to overcome normal difficulties with relationships than usual, sadly. I know that our difficulties sucked, but I’m glad that we hung in there, figured things out and learned to trust each other. ❤️

Hi Steve

Welcome! I’m glad to see you created a thread of your own. Thank you for sharing! I enjoyed reading what you have to say about the 10 realms. ❤️

I hadn’t thought of linking the realms to a mudra. Interesting.

I’m a simple and practical person. I enjoy koans, but I don’t think I’m the target audience. My answer is just silence. 😊

I tend to think of the realms in the sense of reincarnation. I do just take things at face value though.

Thinking of the realms and mudra in the way that you explained it is a nice idea. On one hand the causes of suffering, the other is the path to freedom from it.

One hand washes the other. And the mudra forming a whole. For what is one hand without the other? Surely, we would not be living?

I hope to hear from you again soon! ❤️

Hi Anita

Not to worry, I used to teach digital literacy. You might not realise this, but you are doing quite well with technology. A lot of people can’t do anything at all. So even though it is tricky and takes time to learn because of your difficulties, I have faith that you will get there in time. Just be gentle and patient with yourself while you’re getting used to it. ❤️

I always used to say, that if you aren’t working in technology not to worry if there are things that you can’t do, as long as you can do the things that you want and need to do, that is the main thing. That’s why other people work in IT to help everyone else out with the harder stuff. 😊

That’s honestly fair, a lot of people don’t like driving long distances. It does sound like a long way to walk though. Are there any public transport options?

Online shopping might be a good idea to try, if you have a good mail service. The main thing is not to go onto websites that aren’t well known because it is not safe to give out card details freely.

http://www.amazon.com is very well known and safe to use. It has a very good return policy.

You would have to go through various stages.

Registering or creating an account.

Searching for items and adding them to your “basket”

Adding card and address details

Placing the order or checking out

If you take it in stages, and practice bit by bit I’m sure you’ll get there in the end. What people tend to get stuck on is creating passwords. If you have any questions about anything I’d be happy to help.

Thank you, it’s very kind of you to say!

I have never heard anything so ridiculous as you supposedly being hateful. It sounds like she projected herself onto you a lot. She was the hateful one, which is why she couldn’t see your inherent goodness. But her cruelty couldn’t stamp out your love and kindness. It only grows, day by day. I’m sorry that you grew up with a hateful mother, a very painful experience indeed and despite the pain, you loved her anyway. I’m glad that you were strong enough to hold onto your kindness and she didn’t manage to take that from you. I wouldn’t have been lucky enough to meet you if she had. ❤️

* more