Hi James

Nice to see you around again. 🩵

Interestingly, I’ve been researching this recently because I am not entirely sold on suffering being a matter of perspective. To a point, sure. But there is a point where suffering is suffering and one person can only take so much.

I found it interesting seeing suffering from a physical perspective. Basic human needs not being met causes physical suffering. Do some people learn to train their minds to overcome this. Sure. Brain damage and the physiological responses to chronic stress aren’t mind over matter. All we can really do is try to be gentle with ourselves and others, and not make things worse. Just my perspective. 🩵

Hi Starlight

I think when it comes to abuse, forgiveness is more of a journey than something we just do.

It took me about 7 years of trying to understand forgiveness to finally forgive my abusive biological mother. That was harder than forgiving myself. I worked on that first.

I agree, forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation. Even forgiving others is just about letting go of pain. And forgiving yourself, not punishing yourself because you have been through enough of that already. You don’t need to figure this out today, or tomorrow or even a year from now. There is no rush. Pain takes time to heal. 🩵

I wish you good luck with your art. Please be gentle with yourself and maybe seek inspiration to help get the juices flowing? Please feel free to share your art in the forum if you would like to. 🩵

If you have any questions about my journey of forgiving myself and others please don’t hesitate to ask. 🩵

Hi Peter

Thanks for sharing! That was beautiful and a lot of food for thought. 🩵

I had never really thought about it like that. I don’t really think about things that much. But I think I see where you’re coming from.

I think love is a journey that unfolds in time.

I guess this is where individuals decide their values.

I tend to be open minded and listen. For me, it helps me to learn. I try things out and try things out. Perhaps it might not work the first time. Maybe with repetition it will. I’ve found this approach helpful. Everyone has their own way though.

I guess, it depends how attached you become to the goal and the results. Holding it gently. Being curious, I don’t think is a bad thing. Persistence can be helpful, at the same time you need to know when to put something down.

In itself, judgement can be a good thing or a bad thing. Is it dangerous or not?

I guess that is the truth of conditional and unconditional love. One is seen as harmful. Only valuing a child that wins awards for example can cause pain. Loving a child whether they win awards or not. There are a million things that can cause harm.

Interestingly, moral dread, guilt and shame are viewed as positive qualities in Buddhism. Trying to do the right thing is important after all.

I think all we can really do is try our best. Nothing else. If we do that, the outcome is what it is. There is only so much we can do. We are not gods. Being gentle with ourselves is important.

Even this conversation is an elaborate way to define things. It is what the mind does. It brought a smile to my face and perhaps that is what counts. 😊

What if this is just what minds do?

Thinking of you Peter! How are you doing? 🩵

Hi Mark

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been experiencing anxiety and dealing with stress. Do you want to talk about it? 🩵

I don’t think there’s a quick fix. Most people have anxiety when things are stressful. That being said, there are things that you can do to make things easier.

Mindfulness, meditation, puzzles or something that engages the purely logical state of mind, calming music, socialise, talk to some you trust about your problems, weighted blankets, therapy, journalling, medication. I’m sure there are many more.

But yes, practicing the self-soothing muscle, focusing on being safe in the current moment. In time, that muscle gets stronger. Of course, what really matters is what you get on best with personally. What you have an interest in?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. 🩵

Hi Miss Duchess

How are you doing? Sorry I’ve been so busy lately. 🩵

I think social media makes things look better for people than they are. Everyone suffers in different ways.

Perhaps the painful questions you’re asking are why haven’t I got a boyfriend yet despite being a good person? And why do others who aren’t very nice have experiences you long for. 🩵

Birds of a feather flock together. Nasty people find nasty people.

Social anxiety has made your life hard. You will get there, you’ve proven that much to me with how hard you’ve worked on changing your life. 🩵

I know it’s painful waiting but I’m not afraid for you. I have faith that you’ll meet someone. You’re still young and have plenty of time. 🩵

Hi Tommy

Bless your soul! It’s nice to be missed. 🫂

Things have slowed down for me finally and gotten less stressful. It was wild for a bit there.

How are you and your family doing? 🩵

I understand what you mean with the forum. It is the nature of the website to push older items to the next page. I think in busier periods some messages have been missed because of that. 🩵

Hi Mimia

It sounds like you were in a very difficult position when you moved country, but you did the best you could to get out of that situation as fast as you could.

Sleeping with 6 people for money is not many. Ignoring stigma and other people’s judgments. How does it make you feel that you went through that?

Anyone with a good heart would give you grace.

It sounds like your boyfriend’s comment about not dating sex workers struck a bit of a nerve. But maybe he was thinking about someone who currently does that. Or someone who did it for much longer, more seriously. It sounds like it was a very temporary emergency situation for you.

I’m so glad to hear you’ve been going to therapy and you choose people who treat you well. You deserve it! Very well done on creating a wonderful life for yourself. 🩵

It’s up to you if you tell him. Do you worry that if you told him he wouldn’t accept you? 🩵

Please feel free to share your thoughts! 🙏

Hi Tee

Thanks! 😁 Always lovely to talk with you. 🙏

I’m sorry for the late reply. It has been so busy.

I think I will reply to a message you sent on one of my threads, if that’s ok? I was thinking about it for a while and I didn’t want to disturb you after because you said you were working on a project. I don’t want to disturb Serenewolf’s thread.

I’m sorry to hear your mum was like that. It’s not fair for kids to not be allowed to be kids. Everyone deserves to enjoy their childhood. 🩵

It’s okay, I understand what you mean. It’s a complicated topic. You’re right, kids do respond to how the people around them act. 🩵

I think socioeconomic status, gender, communication skills and emotional regulation skills are all factors too.

When I was in primary school all of the boys were fighting in poor areas. Some of them grew out of it by High school some took a bit longer. The girls definitely fought much less. It’s just not seen as socially acceptable for girls to act in these ways, whereas boys are expected to do these things with a boys will be boys attitude. Which causes really big problems if they continue behaviours into adulthood.

For younger kids who don’t have the level of language to support communication. Hitting, biting and such are still fairly common. But it’s only really the biting that hurts. A toddler doesn’t really hit with force. Of course, being tired, teething and hungry are all factors too.

For sure, I agree it’s important to handle these things with love. 😊

My son feels bad when he feels like he’s being told off for something and gets upset even when I’m reassuring him and giving him a hug. It is difficult with toddlers because they are always trying to get into mischief. Sometimes they just don’t want to be told no.

He saw a friend give a dog a light slap because she was sitting in her seat and went around hitting things for days.

Yes, definitely. I agree with you about signs of healthy or unhealthy behaviour. I like to people watch because I feel like if people behave a certain way to others they will behave that way with me. I’m not a fan of drama.

For sure, I think for a long time I’ve struggled with standing up for myself and tolerated things that I’m not comfortable with because they are common behaviours. But being a mum, it’s really important to stand up for your kid. Somehow it’s easier to do that than for myself.

Yes, that’s true. And the other pattern where people apologise and keep repeating the behaviour and never change it. It’s important that people actually try, instead of just talking about it.

Thanks for the enlightening conversation! 🩵