Hi Nea

You’re too kind! 😊

For sure, protecting your peace is really important because newborn care is hard work. 🩵

How are you finding being a mother? How is baby Maya settling in? 🩵

Hi Figuringitout

I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your family members and best friend. 🫂 🩵

I’m glad you got yourself checked out and are treating your health. You matter!

It’s understandable to go on antidepressants to help you cope with the grief.

As strange as it might sound, I think you’re doing a good job handling everything. It would be very strange to be unaffected by the loss of loved ones. You’re doing a good job not letting it consume you.

I think the ones we love live on through us. What do you think?

It’s beautiful that you’re honouring your best friend. 🩵

It’s strange growing up and that illusion of being indestructible shattering. I notice things now that I didn’t used to.

My friend’s son has a heart condition. One of my neighbours has a severely autistic son. Another a young child who can’t walk. A friend with an autistic child who can’t talk. A friend with cancer. Another friend who is dying. An older lady across from me is losing her ability to walk. A neighbour lost his wife due to medical negligence. A head of social work with a toddler diagnosed with cancer so late they only gave her 4 weeks to live.

It is sad the suffering, but I think it also can make us appreciate what we have even more and clarify what we want. We only have one life and we don’t choose the circumstances. We just have to try and make the best of it or what is the point? What do you think? 🩵

Hi Anita

It seems like you’re reading a lot into what Tommy said. A simple poor choice of metaphor comparing to paradise. But I don’t believe he had any bad intentions.

It seems like you’ve been critical of other members posts recently. That’s strange considering you don’t like people to criticise your own posts. 🤍

Hi Everyone

I forgot to add the importance of planning and support.

For example, I was terrified of giving birth and having a baby. A third of births are traumatic and I already have trauma. I was looking to minimise the fallout.

Planning can help to manage fear. I learned about various medical procedures performed to understand which ones I’d be comfortable with.

I considered my needs and the various options. Pain killers, mental health support, couples counselling, labour vs c-section, breastfeeding vs formula. Advocating for myself through a complaints department. A go bag. A birth playlist. Arranging a sitter for my pets. I got all of the products needed for when the baby came. It all helps.

Using the mind to plan creates a sense of agency over fear and creates a sense of safety. It helps for compartmentalising too. 🩵

I was still scared, I still had difficulties. But it overall was a good outcome which for someone with my background is very rare.

I guess… I just see everything as a journey.

Hi Nea

Sorry for the delay in replying. It’s been really busy at home with a toddler, studying and stomach flu. 🩵

How are you doing? Are you all set for your birth plan? 🩵

That’s so great to hear that you are very close to going back home and have a back up option in the meantime.

For sure, mixed emotions are understandable it’s a massive life change that you’re navigating. 🩵

I think you’ve done a great job thinking everything through.

I agree with you about not needing to apologise first. The living situation is not ideal without the stress. It’s unfortunate that things haven’t worked out, but it’s not you or your husband’s fault.

I forgot to answer your question before if having a child changed my relationship with my parents. Not really, but I do find myself thinking of my child when making decisions. How much do I want them to be around certain people? Bearing in mind especially that I feel like constant contact is beneficial for children. It can be confusing for children with complicated families, to occasionally see family members especially when you live nearby. But I guess it depends on how much drama is communicated with the child.

My relationship with my mother had been strained for a while before the baby. I gave her another chance because I didn’t want to deny her a grandchild. She didn’t really take an interest because I refused her looking after my child alone, since there were safety concerns (she has refused to take kids to the hospital when needed before). In the end, I decided to let her lack of interest end the relationship. She just stopped texting back.

It is a shame, but I’m okay with it because I feel like no contact is easier for a child than infrequent contact. I wouldn’t want him feeling like she didn’t care about him.

Hi Peter

Sorry it’s been a while. It’s just been so busy.
How are you doing? 🩵

Not to worry I always struggle with metaphors. It’s nice to see that we were on the same page. 🩵

I’m a bit too literal sometimes. 😂

Interesting! I tend to think of ego in a different way. I don’t really see it as entirely to do with language.

Plenty of actions are based in ego. Even walking. I didn’t really notice until I had a child. There is a huge amount of training that people go through as they grow up. A young child doesn’t walk in a straight line from a to b. They wander.

My understanding of ego is it a natural function of memory which facilitates survival in a culture with a lot of abstract concepts. Co-operation is our biggest strength as a species. It’s my impression that our culture largely dictates a huge amount of our responses.

I feel like the stories are only the tip of the iceberg.

I find it interesting that your perspective of the third arrow is causing more harm than the original event.

I guess it depends on the situation. Personally, I think whilst the third arrow can waste your time and cause pain. When it comes to trauma I find it’s still the original situation that was more painful.

I also think that to some extent stories are part of our lives and identities.

I became a mother and my whole identity and life changed. It happens. It takes some adjusting to but it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

It was really interesting actually at the time because I felt like I had lost everything that I liked about myself because my life changed. So I had to dig deep into what I liked about myself despite circumstances. Which just leaves character. I don’t really know where I’m going with this. 😊

I guess… I never really thought of you as having a closed heart. Maybe it is because here you often show a side of you with an open heart. But I think that is just who you are and even if you don’t feel it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. Just we play different roles at different times in life. 🩵

Maybe you just have a very specific expectation of yourself that you don’t meet? But Peter is pretty awesome as is.

I really like you sharing your thoughts. So whilst I see things differently, I still appreciate you. Your conversations are always thought provoking. 🩵 🙏

Hi Tommy

How are you and the family? 🩵

Sorry I’ve been quiet, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. Nothing bad persay, just trying to catch up on studying because of exams. Not sleeping enough and then I got a tummy bug from the kiddo, starting to feel better now. But no more studying until October! It’s really nice. And that’s me finished the second year of my bachelor’s.

So you’ve got the essentials! That’s all you really need. 😊

I noticed that the songs you have recommended are very specific. It’s always interesting learning about what other people like. 🩵

I did listen to the Norwegian forest song. I didn’t enjoy it as much as the others. I don’t really remember it. I might have been in a hurry and only listened to it once. I think I listened to the others a few times. The one that says spoony gets stuck in my head because that word made me giggle. The song was genuinely good though.

Funnily enough I think teaching language has helped me a lot when learning other languages.
There tends to be a specific sentence structure for each language. Once you know the structure I think that makes things a bit easier.

That makes sense. How did you first come across the Zen stories? 🩵

A Star Wars forum that was really into philosophy. That got me into eastern philosophy. Psychology is basically a rip off of Buddhism as well. And then I met my husband who is Buddhist. I resisted it for ages. And I got to a point with psychology where it couldn’t really help me too much anymore. So I thought I’d go to the source and see if that would help. And I guess it did. 😊