Hi Anita

It’s okay. Please don’t worry, I read it after reading your trigger warning here. It is somehow easier to deal with when I know a trigger is coming. I can brace myself, so I’m not taken off guard, as opposed to when I don’t know if stuff like that is coming. ❤️

I just don’t know how much help I can be? As Tee suggested, there is a link between people being sexually abused a young age and then going on to perform the same behaviour themselves. Of course, not everyone does. But for some people who cannot accept their abuse seek to normalize it.

It doesn’t make it any less painful. But it is an explanation. Everyone is different. It helped me a little somehow reading about these things in a very sterile way. Anyway, I’m sorry for bringing that up if it didn’t help.

It is just hard for me to know what to say and stay present. Obviously, none of these things should EVER happen to a child. Let alone your own mother. People do not ever imagine that women could do such things…

I read that um thing you said about how your mother said you could never wash your hair right. Mine said the same.

The nudity, the same. I try not to remember things though. Some things are better left forgotten for me.

There are in general many similarities. That is why it is a trigger for me.

Lots of love and sorry for not being good at talking about this ❤️

Hi Anita

I can hear how hard trust has been for you. I understand how difficult it can be to trust. ❤️

I’m glad to hear that you are open to such a thing. It makes my heart happy. 😊

I know I’m not the most expressive of how I feel, but I do care. It is a cultural thing. British people can get embarrassed when complimented. ❤️

Yes, I saw. I’m sorry, I wish I could it is just a very triggering topic for me. I think the SA was more difficult for me than the other kinds of abuse. I don’t know if you agree?

Hi Anita

No worries, talk later. I know you need a break from the computer. 😉

Reconnecting sounds good! Take care ❤️

Hi Anita

I’m still getting the sense I’m intruding. Is there something bothering you that you want to talk about? ❤️

Hi Anita

Thanks! I don’t think you are a monster by the way. Not at all. ❤️

I think the word monster is dictated by the severity of what is done. Anger is not the same thing at all. You are a naturally kind and caring person. You would never have started writing here if you weren’t. Your mother is entirely different to you. ❤️

It is interesting to learn about how your mother came to be in an orphanage. I’m sorry that because of the things she had been through, you never had a mother capable of caring for you and loving you. Not because of you, but she is incapable of caring for another person. Not even capable of caring for herself. You dealt with horrible abuse at her hands and it wasn’t fair. No matter how much she tried to justify it.

It is understandable, for this to be imprinted in your mind. Severe abuse is very hard to shift, especially when it comes to parents. ❤️

Hi Miss Duchess

I understand feeling discouraged with the apps.
You are right, it is still worth giving it a try. ❤️

Even though it hurts at the moment, anyone you don’t click with is secretly a blessing because you don’t have to waste your time dealing with them. Does that make sense? ❤️

Hi Dave

I’m glad you’ve both found your answer and made peace with the situation. ❤️

Call me devil’s advocate, but what if the breakdown of the relationship is not about you.

It is easy to look at the people in the middle of a difficult situation and blame them. Not everyone is a psychologist or has had tons of therapy and can communicate their feelings perfectly.

You both have three children. Whether you want to admit it or not. The more children you have, the more likely your relationship is to fail. After one child, half of relationships fail. Relationship satisfaction only decreases after that and it lasts until kids move out.

Having kids is wonderful, but it is hard work and takes a toll on relationships. Is it the children’s fault? Not at all. But people get overwhelmed and tempers fray. When one partner prioritises self care and another partner runs themselves into the ground resentment breeds.

Women’s brains go through changes after having kids. It prioritises care of the children. There is no off switch.

What happened isn’t your fault. It isn’t your wife’s fault. In today’s culture, separation is the norm. In a different period, you would have stayed together. Sad to say but probably true. ❤️

I’m sorry you feel lonely, but being parents is lonely. There is not much time to connect. I understand the pain of feeling like you’re not loved. She wouldn’t have had three kids with you if she didn’t love you. She wouldn’t have tried again if she didn’t love you. Sometimes if you love someone you let them go and like you said hope that they find a way to be happy. ❤️

You mentioned that you felt that things weren’t working either. In what way did you feel that? Would you like to talk about it? ❤️

Hi Tee

Sorry it is always so busy. How are you doing? ❤️

I’m so glad to hear that you’re feeling better. 😊 I hope that the core exercises will continue to help. Core work is so interesting because it involves so much of our body. I remember when I was younger, I thought it was just my abs.

You’re a sweetheart! ❤️

The hopes are that he will be able to go to the nursery near our home. That way I’d be able to change him if needed. My preference is half days anyway, so we’ll see what can be done.

I don’t know, what causes the anxiety. It happens when I get very stressed. And in time it passes. I feel motivated to talk about things when I’m anxious and less so when I’m not. If that makes sense?

I kind of have a pattern like that for a lot of things though. I noticed when I was studying today that I totally lost interest when I finished the fun part. I was like ooooh leave the boring paperwork for later, let’s look for another fun part.

Take care, thinking of you! ❤️