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September 13, 2025 at 1:24 pm #449737
AlessaParticipantHi Lucidity
It was brave of you to share about the difficulties you have overcome. ❤️
I had similar difficulties as a result of my trauma. The way I think about it is that to survive as children we identify with our abusers and internalise their narratives. To be honest, I think most people do. Very few people communicate in a truly healthy way during conflict. It is just not something that is actively taught in society. ❤️
I have learned to view any kind of negativity in my mind with suspicion that this kind of narrative might be active.
Who does it sound like? Who does it remind me of is a question I ask myself to step back from identifying with negative thoughts and see them for what they are.
When is the earliest time I remember feeling this way? Is another good question to ask myself when I’m emotional to unpick traumatic memories from the present.
What are the facts that I know about someone’s character? To help me see someone as they are.
To manage the intensity of my emotions, I realise that they are faulty because of my neurodivergence and PTSD. Misfiring, so I can’t make decisions based on the intensity. I try to consider the reality of situations. What is the severity of them? Is anyone physically hurt or in physical danger? Most often, not. I try to rate from 1-10 the realistic severity of the situation and try to self-soothe to match emotional intensity of the number. If that makes sense? ❤️
September 13, 2025 at 1:06 pm #449735AlessaParticipantHi Yana
You are a very caring person! ❤️
I don’t know if this helps any, it depends on how old the children are? By the time a child is 12 they have already spent 75% of the time they will ever spend with their parents.
The older a child gets, the less time they spend with their parents. Shortly they will build lives of their own.
Roberta gave you some excellent advice already. I agree with her. All you can do is be there when you are needed. ❤️
Having a kind and supportive person in their lives is worth its weight in gold. ❤️
September 13, 2025 at 12:51 pm #449732AlessaParticipantHi Miss Duchess
I’m glad to hear that processing your feelings about the past is helping you. It was a good idea to talk to your friend about them. I’m glad they were supportive and shared their own experiences with you. ❤️
I’m glad you are learning that you are safe as an adult. Childhood is very unruly. At the age you are is when people tend to be more responsible and develop some maturity. Good luck with your quest to meet new people! ❤️
September 12, 2025 at 11:58 pm #449716AlessaParticipantHi Peter
Apologies I was distracted by the conflict. I have not forgotten about you though! ❤️
Not at all, I am the one who gets easily confused. It isn’t you. But thank you for caring. ❤️
I’m glad that you liked the ideas. I always like the ideas in whatever you share. ❤️
Well in the past you have shared that you have a preponderance towards acceptance and sitting with things, not fixing them. Noting that a desire to fix can be a problem for you sometimes.
Whereas, I feel like change is a constant for me and fixing things is inevitable because I’m constantly learning, growing and changing as a person. Acceptance is important too, don’t get me wrong. But I also accept the desire for change.
Even a desire not to fix things could be seen as a desire to fix the problem with fixing things.
I was watching a video yesterday that reminded me of you and your seeking quest.
It turns out that seeking is human nature and linked to our survival as a species. What we seek differs from person to person. We are not designed to be content all of the time or we would never get anything done. We are designed to work hard for very little in the way of a reward. It was comforting to realise that we are just human. ❤️
September 12, 2025 at 2:19 pm #449710AlessaParticipantIt is just the truth.
Caring is a good thing. It won’t lead you astray.
Thank you. ❤️
September 12, 2025 at 1:25 pm #449707AlessaParticipantIt is okay. Please don’t worry. I don’t mean to hurt you.
I just wanted you to know that the things that hurt most are simply just PTSD triggers for me. My old therapist would always ask me whenever I had strong emotions. When was the first time you ever remember feeling this way?
It helps to unpick the past from the present. It is not your fault that I have PTSD. ❤️
September 12, 2025 at 1:08 pm #449705AlessaParticipantIt was actually a ptsd trigger. I appreciate you trying to understand.
September 12, 2025 at 12:52 pm #449703AlessaParticipantHi Peter
Welcome back! You were missed and I have been thinking about you. 😊
Thank you for sharing yet another beautiful poem! I’m becoming a bit of fan. 😉
I have asthma, laryngospasms and allergies. It really gives you a perspective on breathing when you struggle to breathe. It is a miracle that is easy to take for granted. The value only truly appreciated when it is taken away.
Breath can bring such relief. Anxiety and breathing difficulties are a vicious cycle perpetuating each other. A very urgent issue struggling to breathe.
Ironically, staying calm when struggling to breathe is the most helpful thing for me. It’s quite terrifying trying to stay calm whilst your throat closes. The sensations of the body and the anxiety themselves become a trigger.
Take a sip of water. It will be alright if you stay calm. You have to stop coughing and trying to clear your throat. Remember that being afraid only makes it worse. Try and relax.
I never used to acknowledge the impact of anxiety on my breathing issues. It helps to realise how much worse it makes these things. ❤️
September 12, 2025 at 12:25 pm #449702AlessaParticipantHi Anita
Unfortunately, I still don’t feel heard. It is the nature of my role in this conflict. I am a person with feelings too and I hurt, despite my ability to communicate calmly.
Thank you for trying your best. ❤️
Why do you think it unsettled me? Because I only said that it did and didn’t explain why.
Stopping because Lori told you too was very hurtful for me. It felt like my boundaries didn’t matter. It is nice to hear that changed. Thank you for sharing that.
I understand your desire to talk to Tee directly.
I imagine that there might be multiple things going on as well?
Perhaps it might have been hard to keep track of all of the voices and reply during a disagreement? I thought that having a separate conversation would help you to remember to reply to my messages. Or perhaps you felt that replying to some in the middle of a conflict was too unsafe?
It seemed like you also might have wanted to shut down some of the criticism because you were feeling overwhelmed by it? I can understand that. It has been a long and difficult conflict. ❤️
September 11, 2025 at 2:01 pm #449670AlessaParticipantHi Roberta
That is unfortunate, bless their souls! Thanks, I’m definitely a bit obsessed with him. 😄
He’s okay with sharing food because I often share mine with him. I taught him to wait and take turns for things like soup.
He has started doing 1 on 1 play dates recently and goes to the park (he’s fine at the park). My friend just found a longer toddler group. An hour and a half. It was a lot of kids in his age group which was good because they understood the social rules. He had a good time.
Fortunately, he didn’t do the slapping again today. He tried briefly waving his arm in the air and I said no hitting, took him away briefly, gave the toy he was interested in away. He changed his mind about that strategy and stopped.
I think just being consistent in you are not going to be allowed to do that with other kids and it will end your fun seems to be helping. I’m relieved. I did tell him that all of the toys are for sharing as well!
He’s been going through a phase of trying not to listen to me. Pretending that he didn’t hear me when I ask him to do something because whatever he is doing or wants to do is more fun and he sees me as a bit of a soft touch. I’m trying to teach him that just because someone is kind doesn’t mean that they are weak. And it hurts people’s feelings when you ignore them.
Fortunately, he doesn’t really kick and the hitting doesn’t hurt. It is just the principle of it. The biting on the other hand… gives me bruises through clothes. He only really does that with me. 🫣
You were right about the poop rage! Both of the days he was doing the slapping, a poop happened shortly after. Who knew?! 😂
Yes, that is true! Sensation is helpful. I feel like people perceive sensation very differently. Perhaps they do in general, for most senses? Thank you again for all of the tips. Excellent advice, as always! ❤️
September 10, 2025 at 7:18 am #449615AlessaParticipantDang it!
* Your idea reminded me of the song Getting to know you, sung by Julie Andrews. 🎶
September 10, 2025 at 7:16 am #449614AlessaParticipantHi Yana
Count me in! ❤️
Your idea reminded me of the song Bon Appétit, Your Majesty Getting to know you, sung by Julie Andrews. 🎶
I have been watching an anime called Sakamoto Days recently. It is about an ex-hitman who builds a life with family and friends.
Also, the new season of Wednesday was pretty good.
My guilty pleasure show at the moment is Bon Appetit, Your Majesty. It’s a Korean drama. There is a 3 michelin star chef who travels back in time and cooks for the king introducing him to modern dishes. ❤️
Looking forward to getting to know everyone! ❤️
September 10, 2025 at 3:26 am #449605AlessaParticipantHi Yana
Well, we had differences in opinion. He felt like he could gossip to me and criticise my loved ones unfairly. That is a boundary for me. I expressed that I wasn’t going to accept that or indulge in it. He decided he didn’t want to speak to me anymore.
He still has issues, I hope he heals in his own time and way. ❤️
What do I do with the pain of losing a friend? Empathise with his struggles. Empathise with my own pain and live my life. ❤️
September 10, 2025 at 2:24 am #449601AlessaParticipantMy understanding was by reflecting the nature of the situation. ❤️
September 10, 2025 at 2:13 am #449599AlessaParticipantI had some good advice from a friend today. I often feel my heart and my reason conflict. He suggested that in matters of heart, follow your heart. In matters of reason, follow reason. I thought that was excellent advice. ❤️
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