Hi Ann

Honestly, I understand your anxiety around water. ❤️ I drowned in a river and had to be given mouth to mouth as a teenager. I was slight too and I knew how to swim, albeit I was not a good swimmer. Your fear is realistic and you can’t be too careful when swimming in open water. A pool is much safer. Did you communicate your concerns about the sea to the group?

I totally get it! That is modern dating for you. 🤷‍♀️ Most people have a bit of an addiction if they use their phones regularly, it seems. It’s natural to want a bit of attention from your partner. Do perhaps hold back from attending to these feelings until it frustrates you? What do you think?

Ahh, I understand. Uncertainty makes me feel anxious sometimes too. A lot of life is uncertain though. It can be hard.

I don’t think he meant anything bad by it though. Since you know that uncertainty is a trigger for you, when you feel anxious it might be helpful to check is this because of my uncertainty trigger? Triggers can make things seem bigger than they are. It can be helpful sometimes to practice self-soothing when you notice these kinds of triggers too make it regular sized. What kinds of things help your anxiety and make you feel calmer? ❤️

Only if you feel comfortable. Are there any significant times in your life where you have felt this deep anxiety over uncertainty? Where do you think it might come from? ❤️

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and feelings. Please feel free to share anything at all. ❤️

Hi James

What excellent timing. What you wrote reminds me of this video I watched by Carl Jung Teaches on YouTube. He was talking about God being part of us and a lot of us ignore it.

I had a really nice experience after the video where I felt a lot of love for myself arise. It felt effortless, the way I feel for my son. I’ve never had that happen before. ❤️

Thank you for sharing! ❤️

I got a nice herbal medicine tea which settled my nervous system. It was nice how empty my mind was without the overstimulation. Relaxing. It occurred to me that the worrying itself is an expression of nervous system activity. And if I keep up these overthinking habits it will likely add to the overstimulation.

Sorry for rambling! ❤️

Hi Tee

I’m sorry for getting back late to you again. Seems to be a theme at the moment and getting a little old. ❤️

I have just been thinking and I knew that you’ve had a lot on your plate with the disc issue. I’m glad to hear that your appointment went well and gave you some hope. It’s good that you are starting to feel a little better now too. You really do sound more positive about the situation. I think you did a fantastic job of handling everything. You knew what would work best for you. And I’m glad you have those pads that reduce inflammation etc. ❤️

I had faith that you’d figure it all out. I know when pain is bad that it can cause anxiety and vice versa. It can almost become a bit of a self-perpetuating thing. I forgot where I was going with this I’m starting to ramble because I’m tired. It’s getting late. ⏰

Yes, basically! I do think I’m a bit too receptive. I tend to push myself beyond the point where I’m comfortable, especially if the other person feels bad about something. I think I need to cut things off a bit sooner. I’ve been looking into communication techniques to help with this since I have a habit of shutting down and withdrawing as well.

I was thinking about what you said. Thank you for encouraging me to not dismiss my own needs. After reflecting, I think I have been doing that a bit. I do let a lot slide. It is hard to deal with things without putting pressure on people. I think because of my autism, ptsd, postpartum depression, having a child and no child care. Plus in general, there has been a lot of stress in my life too. It’s been one thing after another for the past couple of years. It’s created a bit of a crisis and I do try my best to just keep things calm as opposed to dealing with everything. But I’m starting to see that the downside to things piling up is resentment. I guess I’m going to have to prioritise and try to clear my plate so to speak.

Hmm well it is hard to let go of the desire to feel accepted by people we care about. I think I’m stubborn and not afraid of hard work. I do need to do a better job of taking care of myself though. It’s no good if I burn out trying to take care of everyone else. Just going to politely have to say no sometimes. ❤️

Thanks so much! 🙏 Appreciate your advice as always. ❤️

One day at a time! We got this! ❤️

Hi Anita

I’m sorry to hear that your sister called you to let you know that your mother is dying and that some of her siblings have died too. Was that the uncle who was kind to you? ❤️

I hadn’t read your thread yet or I would have answered you first. ❤️

I hear that there are some complicated feelings for people whose abusers die. It sounds to me like you actually did your best to take care of your mother. But it’s not something that a child can do I’m afraid. Not your fault at all that you were a child who tried your best. ❤️

Sometimes people feel relief when their abusers die. I hope it is not in bad taste to say that I hope in part it might bring you at least some sense of relief for the horror to finally be permanently over one day. I only say that because you truly deserve peace. ❤️

Please be gentle with yourself in these difficult times and take extra special care of yourself and little girl Anita. You deserve the extra love and support. Despite the difficulties in your relationship with her, death is not an easy thing and can land in strange ways. ❤️

Hi Peter

Thank you for sharing! As Anita said, beautifully written. There are no other words to describe it. ❤️

Some additional thoughts. I think that sometimes experiences shape our very being. Fear can become a state of being.

It seems to me that awareness is the antidote to this. Seeing it clearly can soften it a little, leading up to question if there is a better way? Giving us the strength and space to breathe deeply and allow it to pass. Perhaps coming back to things with a clear mind? All we can really do is try. ❤️

I’m fascinated with emotional contagion. It takes mirroring from theory to a practical reality. Human nature. Chicken or the egg? 🐓 🥚

Hi Tee

I saw that you got the results back and your disc herniated worse this time. I hope that recovery will not be as difficult too. 🙏 I can empathise with the knee issue making things harder. ❤️

My friend who has the herniated disc swears by his chiropractor. He found a really good one. Not every chiropractor is good though. It’s definitely worth asking around if you’re curious about trying it. Whatever you route you choose, I hope it brings you relief. I hope I’m not intruding or stressing you out. ❤️

Sadly, it wasn’t courage. I was just desensitised to being threatened with a knife and being hit. I wasn’t even scared because of what I’d been through with my mother.

Thanks, yeah I surprised myself and I was a little nervous because it was years since I had tried that exercise. It really does help though!

Ah well, we were all members of the same cult. That’s how we met. Members were encouraged to only spend time with other members, that’s how we became friends. Social worker was just really shoddy back then. They were looking to skip paperwork, cost of providing childcare, legal fees and protocol with informal adoption. Because they were family friends I was literally dropped off and social work never even bothered to get back in touch again.

I am thankful that I wasn’t alone. I didn’t feel able to cope on my own at the time.

Yes, it was easy to protect myself with my adopted family in comparison.

Honestly, it is okay. I don’t mind questions or misunderstandings. My life has been complicated. ❤️

Yes, that and I feel like I’m a bit impatient and get a bit anxious and frustrated waiting for the right time to discuss things. I prefer it when people are easy to talk to. ❤️

I think being a bit skittish around negative feelings just makes it feel like I’m not being accepted. But I realised recently that I’m not accepting the other person when I’m being resistant like that. ❤️

Hi Anita

Fair enough. I’m glad you found your own way of doing things. ❤️

The purpose of the exercise Tee previously recommended is to help with flashbacks. So with practice when you have one you can take control of it and make it less painful by rewriting the memory and protecting yourself.

I’ve come to understand that PTSD is kind of a dysfunction of imagination.

❤️

Hi Anita

I’m glad to hear that you are having better days. ❤️

I hope I’m not intruding? I just wanted to share what my therapist recommended about the confronting exercises. She was very accepting of emotion. She was okay with shouting and swearing when the situation calls for it. So it is okay to confront with anger. The key is to imagine an adult you with a little you. The focus being on protecting little Anita. Confronting the mother is secondary. Because you wouldn’t want to fight in front of a child, that would be scary for a child. The goal is entirely to focus on what you would do to protect your child self. If that makes sense? You could pick a less stressful memory to start with. You definitely don’t want to start with a very difficult memory. ❤️