Hi Peter

How are you doing? ❤️

Ahhh Lao Tzu, my favourite writer of all time. Thank you for sharing, you made my day! 😁

I am reminded of an old thread. We once spoke about suicidal ideation. Nowadays, it is less disturbing to me.

Sometimes thoughts arise, sometimes they don’t. They come, they go. Get better, get worse, get better again. I have them is the wrong statement. Some days I don’t. Will they always come? Maybe they won’t one day. Maybe they will. To dwell on it is the problem. I am safe, so there is nothing to worry about. These things are relics of trauma and an expression of discomfort.

Sorry to talk about me. Your writing is beautiful. This is what I was reminded of and I thought you might want to hear since you were present with me in that conversation. ❤️

Hi Anita

I think you are spot on about not rejecting yourself. ❤️

Yes. My inner child is pretty quiet. It is progress to reach out to my adult self when I need something. I think that side of me is slowly starting to trust my adult self.

It’s okay. I was just trying to give an example and explain the meaning behind it. 😊

I look forward to you sharing how you explore taking care of your inner child. ❤️

I’m sorry to hear that you were starved as an unborn baby and then overfed later on. Do I remember correctly that you were force fed too? Well done on overcoming the ED by the way!

Did your mother for lack of other terms ever deal with her eating disorder after you were born? It is very difficult for young children to eat without their parents eating. Eating together is an important bonding experience as well. A parent eating confirms to a child that the food is safe to eat.

Very true! Nothing is forever. I think the most shameful part for me, is that when I was younger and didn’t understand. I liked the attention. If that makes sense?

Thinking about it… Perhaps it is similar to the wig thing in a way? It is very disorienting when understanding of something changes so drastically. It is a betrayal.

I love your affirmation! Perhaps you might want to save that somewhere? It was beautiful. ❤️

That was kind of you (and brave) to stand up for an innocent dog! ❤️

Yes, so many lies. 🫂 I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve any of it! ❤️

Hi Anita

Thanks so much! That sounds good to me. ❤️

Relaxing sounds like a good idea. 😊 I’m already more relaxed. I would like you to feel relaxed too. ❤️

Of course, I do communicate things already. So no worries there!

Still not breathing well unfortunately. But it’s slowly improving. So thankful for that.

I think in a way, that your conversation about your experiences is helping me too. I just wanted you to know. You’re very brave for talking about these things. ❤️

Hi Tee

Is it ok to move the conversation to my parent life thread? ❤️

I feel like our discussion has moved away from conflict a bit. 😊

Good morning Anita ☀️

I wasn’t very focused yesterday either. I forgot to reply to the rest of your message. It sounds really special to spend Thanksgiving with people who don’t want to spend time with their families. It’s nice for people to not be alone on the holidays. I hope you have a good time. 🦃 🍗 🌽

It’s more specific details that are a trigger, as opposed to the topic being discussed for me.

I don’t mind if you share what you want to. It is really up to you. I try not to avoid things too much because of my ptsd. It is hard to explain and a delicate balance. But yes, avoiding things makes my PTSD worse.

I’m glad to hear that you slept better. I know you often have trouble sleeping. You deserve a good sleep. 💤 🌙 ❤️

Thank you for caring and willing to accommodate my preferences. Is there anything I can do for you? ❤️

I also have a question. Do you like or dislike being asked questions? I only ask because people can fall on both sides of the spectrum. Some people find it shows interest. Others it can make them feel more anxious.

I didn’t sleep very well, but I can’t breathe very well at the moment and I got sucked into a vortex of online shopping for the black Friday sales. 💵 😂

I do want you to be able to feel free to share what you want to and not hold back because of me. ❤️

Hi Anita

It’s okay. Please don’t worry, I read it after reading your trigger warning here. It is somehow easier to deal with when I know a trigger is coming. I can brace myself, so I’m not taken off guard, as opposed to when I don’t know if stuff like that is coming. ❤️

I just don’t know how much help I can be? As Tee suggested, there is a link between people being sexually abused a young age and then going on to perform the same behaviour themselves. Of course, not everyone does. But for some people who cannot accept their abuse seek to normalize it.

It doesn’t make it any less painful. But it is an explanation. Everyone is different. It helped me a little somehow reading about these things in a very sterile way. Anyway, I’m sorry for bringing that up if it didn’t help.

It is just hard for me to know what to say and stay present. Obviously, none of these things should EVER happen to a child. Let alone your own mother. People do not ever imagine that women could do such things…

I read that um thing you said about how your mother said you could never wash your hair right. Mine said the same.

The nudity, the same. I try not to remember things though. Some things are better left forgotten for me.

There are in general many similarities. That is why it is a trigger for me.

Lots of love and sorry for not being good at talking about this ❤️

Hi Anita

I can hear how hard trust has been for you. I understand how difficult it can be to trust. ❤️

I’m glad to hear that you are open to such a thing. It makes my heart happy. 😊

I know I’m not the most expressive of how I feel, but I do care. It is a cultural thing. British people can get embarrassed when complimented. ❤️

Yes, I saw. I’m sorry, I wish I could it is just a very triggering topic for me. I think the SA was more difficult for me than the other kinds of abuse. I don’t know if you agree?

Hi Anita

No worries, talk later. I know you need a break from the computer. 😉

Reconnecting sounds good! Take care ❤️