Hi Confused

Thanks so much! 😊 🩵

That’s understandable to not be up to much during the holidays. It’s important to take care of yourself when you are feeling rough. 🩵

It’s good that you let yourself grieve. It’s still not easy though. I can see the weight of what you’ve been through in the numbness. 🩵

Family is supposed to be this tremendous pillar of support and strength for people. Being without that is hard. 🩵

It’s good to hear that you have some friends. Are you close with them? 🩵

I don’t have a family. I think that put a lot of pressure on romantic relationships. It’s putting a whole onto one person to be your everything. Other relationships are important too and also your biggest cheerleader has to be yourself.

When I was a kid, I experienced emotional numbing. It helped me to cope with my trauma. A therapist taught me to connect deeply with my feelings and overcome the numbness. I still have habits of it today particularly with stress. Oh gosh, I had just under 10 years of therapy.

A good therapist will treat you with care and show you what a truly healthy relationship is like. 🩵

I don’t think you messed things up. Long distance relationships often fail. Very rarely do they succeed to the point of someone settling in the others country. It is inherently stressful by its nature. It’s a lot of blind hope.

Things will unfold the way they are supposed to and it is neither of your faults. 🩵

Perhaps you haven’t cut her off? But are just noticing the nature of long distance for the first time? I think if you had cut her off you wouldn’t care so much or be in as much pain over it. 🩵

You are definitely not a bad person. Please don’t talk about yourself that way! 🩵

Hi Renn

Well it sounds like the main thing that was attractive about your partner was his appearance since he didn’t flirt very much.

This other guy has both. Are you really happy in your current relationship if you are entertaining this? 🩵

It is respectful to your partner to shut down flirtatious behaviour. If I find others attractive whilst I’m in a relationship, I tend to just avoid them. Saves any hassle. 🩵

Dear Anita

Thanks for thinking of me. 🤍

Sorry, I have just been busy with the holidays. 😊

First a cold and now a bladder infection. You are under the mill a bit at the moment. What a way to start the new year. I suppose you are hopefully getting all of the bad luck out of the way early. You deserve a good long run of good luck next. 🤍

I agree with equality and I’m glad that you stand up for yourself. I think it’s great that you see that you no longer blame yourself for your mother’s misery and can see her lies for what they are. Cherish your goodness! 🤍

Oh and of course, well done Bogart!!! 😄 🤍

Dear Anita

Happy New Year! 🤍

I’m sure that you and Bogart are going to have lots of amazing adventures together. 😊

I’m glad to hear that you’re starting to feel better. Just in time. 🤍

Oh good! I’m glad you both went out for some fun. Well he almost made it. Hopefully next time the full way. We believe in you Bogart! 🤞 😅 🤍

Hi Confused

Well, you trusted her enough to share some difficult feelings you were exploring. 🩵

Have you told her you shared some things with her whilst you were anxious that you didn’t mean? 🩵

The difficulty being that a lot of negativity can be hurtful in relationships. There is a ratio of 5:1 positive to negative interactions during disagreements and 20:1 positive to negative interactions outside of conflict that is present in healthy relationships.

Relationships can heal from difficulties and grow stronger if you put the effort in. So try to relax and focus on positive interactions now that you’ve got some things off your chest. 🩵

It does sound like you have some anxiety, but a lot of the time our negative thoughts are not true. So it is about staying calm and letting the feeling and thoughts pass without picking at them.

Perhaps there is a feeling that if you go over things that you might be able to fix something? Or try to stop something bad from happening?

What I learned though from my own experiences, is that it only causes suffering in advance as well as any future suffering. It is called catastrophising. 🩵

The more important something seems, the more likely you are to worry about it. So the trick is to deprioritise how important it is. Ah well. Don’t have to fix things today all at once. It will sort itself out in time, with a bit of positive energy. 🩵

How can you help people you don’t even know? 🩵