Dear Anita

Thank you for your kind wishes! 🤍

I’m glad to hear that you’ve been well, relaxing with Bogart.

Yes, I’m sorry it does take time. I just like to make sure I give serious topics the time and focus they deserve. It wouldn’t feel right to half-ass it because you matter and your feelings matter. 🤍

I think that you understand what it means to be terrorized by a monster. I felt it too. There is no other word to describe it because it goes well beyond fear, being scared or afraid, into terror. You have been through so much and experienced so much damage as a result. Does a cake fix it? What would have been much more valuable than a cake to you would have been having some freedom, or your mother developing a level of self-control. But for someone who doesn’t want to hold themselves accountable a cake is a way to dismiss the painful experience you endured at her hands and a way to make herself feel good and alleviate some guilt.

At the same time, these reward experiences can seem meaningful to children. I developed a deep attachment to these reward foods. Little crumbs of kindness can feel like a drink in the desert.

I’m curious, do the ticks ever get less the more relaxed you are? And worse with more stress? 🤍

It occurred to me that there were a lot of parallels for you between the challenges you experied growing up and the climate in the world right now. I remember you once spoke about going to shelters when you were younger. It must have been difficult growing up with a war on both fronts. A personal private war at home, and having to literally hide from missiles.

It is something that a lot of people who grew up in the west are privileged to not have experienced.

I think one thing the book made me realise. A feeling of safety is something I’ve never really had. And I heard that it helps with anxiety, so it is my new quest to create a feeling of safety. I wonder if it’s something that you have an interest in too? I’d love to hear your thoughts on developing feelings of safety. 🤍

Thinking of you and Bogart! 🤍

Hi SereneWolf and Tee!

Nice to see you both around again. 🩵

I just thought I’d give my two cents on unconditional love because it’s a fascinating topic. I hope that’s okay? 🩵

It’s interesting to learn that as a parent a ton of “bad behaviours” are developmentally appropriate up into your teens.

So they are not really to be viewed as bad behaviours, because developmentally executive function doesn’t develop fully until adulthood. I guess that is why it’s called that. 😅

So part of being a good parent is staying calm and trying to teach your child how to process and manage their emotions in a healthy way and set healthy boundaries.

I think I only really started properly understanding unconditional love as a parent. It’s a unique experience. It is doing something for someone else, including experiencing “bad behaviour” and expecting nothing back. You just appreciate the person for who they are and enjoy spending time with them. Have faith that they will figure out their difficulties in time and find their own way in the world.

I think for adults it probably looks like something different. It’s important to love ourselves unconditionally too. So it is a balance between loving ourselves and loving others. Obviously, “bad behaviours” are not developmentally appropriate as adults and there are a lot of expectations socially and in the workplace.

I think it comes down to personal choice. What are you willing to accept? How do you view others mistakes? In very stressful circumstances are mistakes forgivable? How severe are mistakes? How much do mistakes negatively impact you personally? Where exactly is the line that you set to protect yourself because you are also important? 🩵

Hi Peter

I’m fascinated, as always, by your creative use of AI. 🩵

Hi Miss Duchess

Sorry I’ve been so busy. 🩵

Oh my goodness, social media can be a bit crazy sometimes. I hope no one has been mean to you?

Wow you’ve had a great start to the year. So much change!

Good luck with your dating coach. I hope your therapist is treating you well? How are you settling into your new house?

I didn’t know that about how many hours it takes to become friends. Very interesting.

That is a shame to hear about the difficulties with that wedding you were invited to. Can you still go, even if your other family members aren’t going? You sounded so excited for it. 🩵

Thanks so much for the update. I always love to hear how you’re doing. You’ve done a great job of sticking with the choir. I think you’re right on the money. When conditions are right, it is easier for you. I’m glad that you aren’t blaming yourself for the difficulties you experienced in college.

I hope you have a good trip to Scandinavia. Such a promising year. I love the positive attitude. 🩵

Dear Anita

I’ve been thinking about what you wrote these last few days, Anita. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through; it’s a massive amount for anyone to carry. There’s a huge difference between knowing the big zero message as a cold fact and actually feeling the raw injury of it for the first time. Having that land on you after all these years is a lot to wrap your head around, so it makes total sense that things feel heavy right now. 🤍

It is heartbreaking and undeniable that you were terrorized by your mother. When she threatened your life, she forfeited any right to be seen as a source of safety or care. Recognizing that she lost her mother-card through those actions is a bitter truth, but it seems to be the very thing finally letting you exhale. You aren’t just observing the past anymore; you’re reclaiming your space. Seeing you move from the corner to the center of your own life suggests that the old trauma bond is finally losing its grip. 🤍

I’m also struck by what you said about no longer taking on other people’s pain. For years, you were the shock absorber for your mother’s emotions and her crazy, which robbed you of the space to just exist and breathe. Deciding you’re no longer the guardian of everyone else’s distress—including hers or anyone else’s expectations—is a massive shift. It’s a necessary boundary, especially with everything happening in Israel and the Iranian strikes.

There’s a cruel irony in watching a conflict that mirrors the themes of threat you’re untangling personally. It’s a lot to manage, and it’s understandable if the world feels like a reflection of the internal war you’ve already fought. But the difference now is that you aren’t that unprotected child anymore. You’ve recognized the situation for what it was, and you aren’t obligated to stand in the line of fire for her or anyone else ever again.

I’m glad you’re safe now, both physically and mentally, and that you have that genuine security with Bogart. Having a bond that is so loving and pure is a much needed comfort.

After spenting a lifetime as a soldier in your own home, holding your breath and waiting for the next explosion. You’ve certainly earned the peace you have now, and the right to prioritize your own heart over the chaos of others.

I am praying for your loved ones in Israel, hoping they stay safe and out of harm’s way. How are you holding up after such a heavy week of realizations? 🤍

Dear Anita

Sorry it has been so busy with the new cat. Everyone is getting on okay. The first couple of days were particularly intense because my son and the dog have never lived with a cat before. It was a lot of no leave the cat alone, please give him some space. The message has started to sink in thankfully. Then I got him neutered, because he started marking his territory. It’s been a lot for him bless.
He’s started to recover now, coming out of his shell and stopping hiding. He’s a long haired cat and has some matting that I’m slowly working on.

I’m so glad that Bogart is getting along well with the pulling. It sounds like he’s come a long way in a short amount of time. I think he’s eager to please you. It just shows what a special bond you have. 🤍

You’re right, so that projection made you a target. 🎯 That’s not very fair, to be abused relentlessly because of things outside of your control. 🤍

My bio mum was very angry about our father leaving and blamed us for it. Being a boy, he might have been a target of projection too? Perhaps he reminded her of our father?

That is good that for her that your sister was less damaged by the abuse. Not so good for you though, who felt the weight of it so heavily. 🤍

I felt guilty too for leaving my brother with my mother. But he was old enough to choose. We both did our best trying to protect them. At some point you have to choose yourself. I think you did the right thing. You have been through so much in your life. You deserve to actually live it for yourself and be happy. 🙏 🤍

Oh wow mountain lions and coyotes! Such a wild area. We just have foxes, rabbits and squirrels. 🦊 🐇 🐿️

Sorry to hear that your friends weren’t at the taproom and you were feeling lonely. Unfortunately, I didn’t see that message until just now. I’ve been working on this message for you for a couple of days. That’s how busy it has been. 🤍

I think it’s great how you’re reclaiming your childhood now as an adult. It’s true, you never really got to have one. 🤍

Your mother was wrong about you wasn’t she? You’re perfectly you and a great person! 😊

Amazing what happens when you have room to breathe and aren’t around all of that toxicity. 🤍

Dear Anita

Hmm mixed feelings. Anxiety and excitement are on the same pathway. I’m feeling a bit overstimulated. Not in a bad way.

The cat arrived and he seems to be settling in well. He is just about the chillest friendliest cat I’ve ever met. The breeder did a great job choosing him for us. I’m honestly blown away. It’s not an easy thing for a cat to adjust to a toddler and a young dog. He seems to be taking it in his stride. Doesn’t have a bad bone in his body. It’s been ages since I’ve had a male cat. 🤍

Oh I didn’t mean to suggest that your sister was spared. I wasn’t spared either. I just mean, they have limited energy, so go harder on one than the other. What you both went through is horrible. 🤍

I saw in the news today, an extreme case of child abuse in the UK. It made me cry. People say a lot that these things don’t happen anymore. Clearly, they do. I wish that these things were gone from the world for good.

The pulling in the snow makes sense! He must have been very excited. It sounds like he’s doing a much better job outside of that though.

Bless! I’m glad that Bogart was okay. Some of the noises that hunting dogs can make are crazy. I think it would give anyone a fright. When my girl first howled. I was like what the 🤬 is that? She sounds no joke like a moose. It is impossible to describe. I didn’t realise it was her at first until she did it again.

My old husky boy was like that with rabbits. All common sense just exited his body with rabbits around. 👻 You’re doing the right thing by avoiding them. I’m sure you will get to know all of the areas rabbits hide out. I don’t know if this is helpful to you at all. But hunting instincts are less in the daytime. Purely, because wild creatures tend to come out at sundown. I tend to try and walk before sundown for that reason. 🤍

I understand why you let him off. It is murder walking a pulling dog on lead in the snow and ice. I hope your next walk is calmer. 🤍

You did a good job taking care of yourself and Bogart. As always, excellent instincts dog Mom! 🤍

Hi Tommy

It is that time of year again for Americans, isn’t it? Good luck! I hope you get a good refund. 🙏 🩵

It’s a good thing you got those trees sorted out. The area I live has a lot of trees and they are constantly falling over in mild storms (not even rough ones like you yanks get). You cannot be too careful.

I love the variety of projects you have planned. Such talent! 😊

You have some inspirational views. These things are easier said than done. I’m glad to hear that you’re doing your best trying to take things in your stride. 🩵

I understand what you mean regarding the broken thing. I’m not there yet, but trying my best.

The inner librarian in me cringes at the idea of burning books. 🔥 📚 🫣

I find that books are interesting, but it’s only really after you’ve had the experience that you can truly understand the meaning of it. In that way, it’s kind of redundant. I do enjoy the wonder though. Some might hold too tightly to words. I love that books shine a light onto the writer’s inner world. 🩵