Dear Anita

Thank you for understanding! Apologies, I’ve been quiet because there has been another bug going around. Starting to come out of it now.

How are you doing? 🤍

I’m glad to hear that Bogart it helping! He sounds like a very special dog. There are some interesting techniques that you can use to calm down from a PTSD episode if you’re interested? 🤍

That’s okay. It’s good that he’s making progress. These things do take time. 😊

I did some more research into autonomy development throughout childhood.

Pre-school

Dressing

Playing with other kids

Deciding who they want to spend time with

Completing tasks without guidance and fixing their own mistakes

Simple chores

Allow risk taking

Choose what to do with free time

Listen to opinions

School age

More chores to develop life skills

Develop various skills

Decision making without direction from adults

Developing a sense of identity

Moral reasoning

Normalize mistakes as part of growth

Avoid over protection

Teenage

Allow independence

Foster decision making based on values

Reduced dependence on parents

Regulating emotions

Responsible for health and finances

Actions have consequences

Set rules for boundaries

Listen to them even when disagreeing

I read an interesting description of an example of someone who has developed autonomy in a healthy way.

They essentially make decisions in line with their emotions, beliefs and values.

Yes, mostly used the microwave! Thankfully, the cooker is fixed now. 🙏

I heard that there is a local tattooist who likes to do Pokemon tattoos. I wonder if she can come up with a design I’d like?

Yes! One more week now. It has been a while since I’ve had a cat. I like a busy home. I don’t like it being quiet.

Do you feel okay talking about the autonomy stuff? I wouldn’t want to upset you. I wondered if it was a sensitive topic? 🤍

I just want you to have the space to explore these things as you see fit, because it is such a personal thing. You have been through so much.

Thank you for your support and kindness. I really appreciate how considerate you are. It seems like we have some similar values. 😊

When I was younger I didn’t understand the importance of small talk, but it is a good way to show care for people, showing an interest in them and their lives. It means a lot more than some people realize. 🤍

Dear Anita

I’m so sorry to hear that your family are dealing with the bombings again. I hope that things will settle down and they get through it all safely. 🤍

Do you think you might be being a bit hard on yourself? I read the thread and you shared a perspective, as did everyone else. But it didn’t seem untoward in any way. 🤍

What are you hoping to get out of dissecting your role in that thread? 🤍

I’m sorry, I lost the message I just wrote because my son wanted to look at fire trucks. It timed out. Then my second attempt he stopped me from using the phone and it fell under the couch. 🤍

I’m glad to hear the pulling is improving. Hopefully, your shoulder will heal as the pulling continues to improve. Strength training has helped the most for me with my shoulders.🤍

It’s possible the coyote was a husky. A lot of people do mistake them for wolves because they look very wild. They can bark and howl when they want to, but can be quiet too. They have a prey drive, but mostly for rabbits and wild creatures. They seem fascinated by the scent and running. It depends on the owner and experiences they’ve had for the temperament. They can be quite sweet. In the wrong hands, they can attack other dogs. And if they have been attacked they can become reactive.

I’d like to get a pikachu, mew and togepi in a stained glass style on my upper arm or shoulder.

Do you feel like you are still reclaiming your autonomy? 🤍

I’m so happy you’re enjoying having a dog. I feel like animals are very non-threatening and a comfort for my PTSD. Dogs in particular are so happy and loving. Have you found Bogart been helping your PTSD at all? 🤍

15 days now! The cat tree and wheel are up. I have prepared a crate with blankets and bowls. I’m trying to get my son used to these things being here in the hope that he is bored by them when the cat arrives.

Our cooker is still broken, but the parts arrive next week. It looks like it will be fixed then, which is a relief. Not having to buy a new one is a blessing.

Thank you for your kindness! I’ve been enjoying talking with you too. I forgot to say before because of the topic. I was quite serious when researching autonomy, because of the context with what you’ve been through. 🤍

Oh and my son peed on the potty for the first time other day! Did I say that he does his number twos? I forget, it was easier for him to do that because we have a book that focuses on it.

Also, I have an exam to submit this weekend.

Hi Tommy

It’s okay, I don’t mind taking advise. 😁 That makes sense, I’ll have a look to see how far apart the studs are. That’ll make things easier only having to find one. Thanks so much for your help! 🙏

Wow, that’s amazing! 😁 I might not know much about this type of thing, but I know when people know what they’re talking about. 🩵

I’m really short. I probably won’t be able to reach the shelves, they’re going up behind the couch in the living room. 😊

What a beautiful perspective Peter! 🩵

It is an induction cooker top that has broken. The oven works fine on it.

Oh thank you for your advise Tommy about the stud finder. I wouldn’t have known, it’s my first time. I’ll try to find a strong magnet. 🧲

Are you learning to solder electricals or larger metal? I love the sound of your set up! 🩵

Hi Tommy

Who knows? 😊

I built the cat wheel. It is just from a kit. The cat tree is next another kit. First I have to tidy the kitchen because the hob on the cooker broke. An engineer is coming to fix it tomorrow. Wish us luck! 🍀🤞

17 days until the cat. 🐈‍⬛

Hmm for the shelves I was thinking about a large scratching post going vertically. And shelving at different levels with places to jump up and down. I was thinking about oak finished mdf. It needs to be light because the cat is a big boy. I’ve had cats before and the fabrics always got so filthy. Impossible to clean. I’m going to try no fabric this time. I wanted to try a shellac finish on the shelving. If it is too slippery I can sand it a bit. It helps to prevent scratches on the surface too.

I need a folding workbench, a stud finder and to source some materials. It will be a nice little project. I want to flesh out the design once the studs are mapped out. 🩵

Dear Anita

Yup, I would do this even when the pulling isn’t painful. It is good to get him into the habit. He will start to get the message that pulling stops his fun. It doesn’t hurt to give a firm but gentle tug and a no too. And of course, a calm praise when he walks nicely. 🤍

Hmm well have a think for a bit and see if a tattoo is something you want to do. My adopted mum got a tattoo on her forearm when she was in her 60s. The tattooist was very gentle. They are aware that they need to be very delicate with fine skin. It’s a lovely idea ALULA, such a beautiful memory. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m sure she will understand if you change your mind. 🤍

You have always been worthy of love. There is so much more to you than your trauma. I’m so sorry that your mother taught you to believe otherwise. 🤍

I hope that things change for you and your sister when your mom dies. It would be nice to be able to talk to her without the presence of your mother looming. 🤍

Hmm well my bio mum and I both put in effort to avoid each other a lot, so the complaining wasn’t constant. And I was too independent, taking care of her and my brother from a young age.

She told me that her father raped her and that she used to exchange sex for stuff because she was very poor. She told me that people promised her things and she had sex and they wouldn’t keep their promise after.

I know she moved away from her family because she didn’t want to deal with them. But she would visit them once a year because they would give her money.

I got burned out from caring. The suicide attempts and cutting were getting worse as I got older.

I feel like for abusive parents it is very inconvenient for them when children are their own people, which they are from an early age. It was very common to abuse children to shut them up for a long time.

My son tries to let his desires be known and he’s 2. He doesn’t want a nappy change. He doesn’t want to wear his clothes sometimes. He doesn’t want that food. He doesn’t want me putting his toys away to clean or go to bed. He wants what he’s not allowed and is disappointed when he is stopped. It is much easier for a child to express what they don’t want than what they do want. I think it’s just a bit complicated of a thought process imagining something that isn’t directly in front of them.

Even now, it is common for people to describe behaviour as tantrums. I don’t really believe that. Difficulties happen when children desperately need something.

Yes, but I mean that my internal resources are a bit weak. I’m trying to practice comforting myself every day at the moment. I write down the times I feel anxious in a day and I try to comfort myself at the end of the day.

Hi Tommy

I recently realized that a lot of behaviour comes down to neurotransmitters and hormones. The difference in thought and emotions from these things alone is a lot without adding in factors like hunger and fatigue.

Studying animals is helpful. Sometimes we forget that we are them. Physiology is fascinating. 🩵

A female dog will drastically change their behaviour based on hormones, all to facilitate reproduction at the opportune moment.

Sometimes, we are not even control when we think we are. 🩵