Hi Peter

Thank you! That was very comforting and beautifully written as always. 🩵

I feel better about it all now. There are no answers, sometimes you just have to experience life. Worry, love, joy, pain and all! One day at a time. 🩵

Thanks again everyone! 🩵

Hi Anita

It’s honestly okay! Please don’t worry. 😊

I wouldn’t even use the word mistake, that would imply doing something wrong, which you haven’t. 🤍

It seems to me that your mother would shame you just for existing, not even having to make a mistake. It must have been really hard when that happened. 🤍

I’m definitely more relaxed talking to you now. It has as always, just been really busy for me recently. 🤍

I was about to thank you for thinking of me in that thread as well, but I can do it here. Thank you for your kindness! Actually, I appreciate that you have been very thoughtful and supportive. It was very kind of you to research information about nurseries. It is just so busy that I don’t always have time to respond to all messages.

I am on a quest to respond to Tee and Peter at the moment.

I’m still mulling things over. It’s been another busy day. I did an exam and helped my sister look for her lost cat. We did find him! Hurray. 🙏

It makes sense that the winery means so much to you. It seems like it was instrumental for you in overcoming your social anxiety? Would you agree? I think such a place which can make you feel so safe and welcome after everything you’ve been through is very special indeed. 🤍

I think you’ll be great helping people in a hospice. 🤍

Hi Roberta

Thank you for your thoughts and kindness! 🩵

Yes, I think I’m appreciating some of the things that my mother did more too. There are some things that I don’t know how she managed. How did she make sure that we had clothes? We didn’t have money. 🩵

Even the things she did wrong can be seen as instructions for what not to do. 🩵

I’m sorry to hear that your father has dementia. That is not easy. Thank goodness he has you showing him love. 🩵

Hi James

Well, I can’t control his DNA. I was lucky that he was born healthy. I can help his body to function. Ensure he has a good sleep routine, a healthy diet, make sure he stays hydrated, provide opportunities for exercise and try to keep his stress low. 🩵

He still gets sick once or twice a month. Fortunately, nothing too serious.

I’m trying to nurture the development of his personality. I’ve socialised him in baby classes, since he doesn’t have siblings. I’m teaching him about feelings and that others have different experiences. I taught him to be active because research shows that confidence comes from their physical ability for toddlers. Explaining the reasons why he can’t do something and validating his emotions as research suggests. I’m teaching him techniques for communicating and managing his emotions, encouraging autonomy. As research suggests teaching him values about hard work, effort and perseverance. Only time will tell the outcome. So far he is a sweet and friendly boy who isn’t afraid to let you know what he wants or doesn’t want. 🩵

I don’t agree that some have a weak personality and some have a strong one. There are so many factors involved. Upbringing, the nature of the trauma and severity. Neurodivergence and brain damage.

Yes, emotional contagion is a factor. But children also have their own emotions.

Regarding my feelings about nursery, yes it is related to my trauma. He isn’t worrying about any of this. He might have feelings about it once he is actually in nursery and separated from me. I will have to hide my feelings to try and help him be comfortable.

The truth of life is that in my country 1 in 6 children are sexually abused, mostly by people they know. He cannot live his life never trusting. So it is down to chance. 🩵

Hi James

I’m sorry, I don’t understand. I’m very literal. Having saved my son’s life many times over at this point, tidying to prevent harm. Taking care to consider his feelings. Protecting him from conflict. 🩵

On a practical level, people make choices. These are things that must be done, so I do them. 🩵

Hi Anita

Thanks for the study! I will be okay. My son is just starting nursery soon. I am overthinking it and being silly. I liked the ocean imagery. 🤍

I’m glad to hear that you are feeling calmer today. Enjoy your break from the topic. 🤍

Yes, I switched to blue hearts for you. 😊 I don’t like making mistakes. The white ones are harder for me to see when I’m tired. I always have the brightness off on my phone because I have very sensitive eyes. I’m not good with subtle colours. Navy and black, look the same to me. Grey and white… With the brightness off everything is mostly grey for me. It is easier to see when I’m less tired. 🤍

I hope using a different colour in general will prevent mistakes with the red ones. At least even if I forget, at least the colour will be blue and not red. 🤍🤍🤍

Hi James

Thank you for explaining. It helps to connect the senses, pain, gratitude and helping. Gratitude and helping are my language. 🩵

And yes, I have been worrying about the future with my child. He will start to make his own way in the world and I won’t be able to protect him. He will go through suffering. As a parent, this doesn’t sit right with me. I am used to suffering. I would not want him to suffer. Maybe this comes from a deep seated wish to erase the suffering I experienced as a child. I don’t want him to suffer as I did. I hope that he suffers much less. No child deserves suffering. 🩵

Thank you for helping! 🩵