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AlessaParticipantHi Roberta
That is unfortunate, bless their souls! Thanks, I’m definitely a bit obsessed with him. 😄
He’s okay with sharing food because I often share mine with him. I taught him to wait and take turns for things like soup.
He has started doing 1 on 1 play dates recently and goes to the park (he’s fine at the park). My friend just found a longer toddler group. An hour and a half. It was a lot of kids in his age group which was good because they understood the social rules. He had a good time.
Fortunately, he didn’t do the slapping again today. He tried briefly waving his arm in the air and I said no hitting, took him away briefly, gave the toy he was interested in away. He changed his mind about that strategy and stopped.
I think just being consistent in you are not going to be allowed to do that with other kids and it will end your fun seems to be helping. I’m relieved. I did tell him that all of the toys are for sharing as well!
He’s been going through a phase of trying not to listen to me. Pretending that he didn’t hear me when I ask him to do something because whatever he is doing or wants to do is more fun and he sees me as a bit of a soft touch. I’m trying to teach him that just because someone is kind doesn’t mean that they are weak. And it hurts people’s feelings when you ignore them.
Fortunately, he doesn’t really kick and the hitting doesn’t hurt. It is just the principle of it. The biting on the other hand… gives me bruises through clothes. He only really does that with me. 🫣
You were right about the poop rage! Both of the days he was doing the slapping, a poop happened shortly after. Who knew?! 😂
Yes, that is true! Sensation is helpful. I feel like people perceive sensation very differently. Perhaps they do in general, for most senses? Thank you again for all of the tips. Excellent advice, as always! ❤️
AlessaParticipantDang it!
* Your idea reminded me of the song Getting to know you, sung by Julie Andrews. 🎶
AlessaParticipantHi Yana
Count me in! ❤️
Your idea reminded me of the song Bon Appétit, Your Majesty Getting to know you, sung by Julie Andrews. 🎶
I have been watching an anime called Sakamoto Days recently. It is about an ex-hitman who builds a life with family and friends.
Also, the new season of Wednesday was pretty good.
My guilty pleasure show at the moment is Bon Appetit, Your Majesty. It’s a Korean drama. There is a 3 michelin star chef who travels back in time and cooks for the king introducing him to modern dishes. ❤️
Looking forward to getting to know everyone! ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Yana
Well, we had differences in opinion. He felt like he could gossip to me and criticise my loved ones unfairly. That is a boundary for me. I expressed that I wasn’t going to accept that or indulge in it. He decided he didn’t want to speak to me anymore.
He still has issues, I hope he heals in his own time and way. ❤️
What do I do with the pain of losing a friend? Empathise with his struggles. Empathise with my own pain and live my life. ❤️
AlessaParticipantMy understanding was by reflecting the nature of the situation. ❤️
AlessaParticipantI had some good advice from a friend today. I often feel my heart and my reason conflict. He suggested that in matters of heart, follow your heart. In matters of reason, follow reason. I thought that was excellent advice. ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Everyone
I had this friend who has C-PTSD. He constantly fought with everyone. He would gossip about the fights to his friends and it created a culture of fear to criticise him. Fearing criticism he could never learn by reflecting on how he created his own situation. ❤️
People would eventually get fed up and end up losing their temper with him, by holding in their pain and he would cast them aside for being mean to him, gossip and blog about his fights with them too, ignoring the pain he had caused others. Focusing only on his own pain. ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Yana
I’m so sorry that you are feeling ignored on your own thread. I can understand why that hurts and is deeply concerning to you. ❤️
I appreciate your willingness to allow people to heal and feel supported. ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Tee
I’m sorry, I didn’t give you a proper reply before because I was hoping that the conversation would be more constructive for you after an apology. I’m sorry that things are still challenging. ❤️
I’m feeling better after taking a break from the conflict. I’m happy to continue supporting you on this thread. ❤️
I understand that Anita has expressed a desire for me to stop doing that for her.
I can understand the your need to be heard and acknowledged first before a compromise.
I guess, I just think of things in a different way. Personally, I don’t need a common understanding to acknowledge pain initially. My primary focus is on being treated with respect first and foremost. I would rather be unheard, than to be treat disrespectfully. I feel like being treat in a respectful way naturally precedes a willingness to listen.
You weren’t trying to be hurtful were you? The purpose was to protect yourself from the similar things happening in the future and preventing harm to yourself.
I can understand that you don’t see things in the same way though. It is okay. I think we just have different perspectives.
Ah well, I can clarify what I meant by Anita might be feeling like she isn’t heard. I meant that she might not be feeling heard in the most recent argument.
Your perspective is that you apologised initially in the initial conflict and tried to meet her needs at then and that she hadn’t tried to apologise to you yet. It was her turn to do that next. Essentially? That is fair.
You wanted things to be fair and not feel like you are begging or putting in an undue amount of emotional labour. I can understand that, it isn’t a pleasant feeling begging to be heard.
You do deserve to be heard and not blamed. ❤️
What was tough for you about the conflict?
I can share my perspective about respect – showing due regard for someone’s feelings, wishes or rights.
Do you feel like you were respected in the argument?
I can understand that, it is honestly very hard in a conflict like this to stay open. Yes, I think so. But it is not your fault. It is a difficult situation to be in. You are a good person being open to reflection. ❤️
I feel like people can change their minds during conflicts, perhaps I’m naive and overly optimistic. ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Roberta
Thank you for the advise Roberta. A book is a great idea since he loves books and they calm him down. I will try the other techniques you mentioned too. All brilliant suggestions, thank you. ❤️
Hopefully it is just a phase. He never used to do this as frequently. It was after he got ill most recently. He had to take a lot of medicine very frequently. It upset him taking the medicine. That is what triggered the hitting to worsen.
Ah so he wants to talk? That makes sense. He hit me the other day when I finished reading a book to him. Then he cried and I asked him what was wrong. He picked up the book again.
It was only pencils and books there at the class. I think it was just the difficulties of the situation. He definitely was tired, peckish and he did need to poop.
Yes, I am with him in the classes. They are only 30 minutes. Unfortunately, the sessions are always at the same time in the morning. Since the public hitting started, I’ve been following him around trying to keep an eye on it. Telling him no hitting and taking him away from the other child.
It is unique because he is in the habit of trying to take toys off other children since he is used to me giving him things I’m holding that he is interested in. I have been trying to practice taking turns with him. ❤️
He is a good kid and just exploring his boundaries recently. I hope that things improve soon. ❤️
Do you have any advice for handling the hitting and biting at home too? I really do appreciate your help because I don’t have a family to advise me about these things. ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Anita
Thanks, I found that advice online too. ❤️
AlessaParticipantCopy and pasting cut off the top part which was
Thanks for the apology Anita. ❤️
AlessaParticipanty Anita. ❤️
I just want to get some things off my chest because it feels like I haven’t been heard yet.
It hurt being ignored. I’m a very consistent person. I don’t ignore people.
It is difficult for me to connect with people who are hot and cold because it never really feels like they are actually interested in sustaining a friendship and have a foot half way out of the door, ready to slam it shut again. ❤️
I was shocked by some of the comments in both the initial conflict and the most recent one, but what unsettled me the most in the initial conflict was Anita posting about how happy she was whilst we were suffering.
It also hurt when I was asked for things to stop and I was ignored. I was politely begging for my feelings to be heard and to matter. No. I don’t matter, is what I felt.
It hurt to witness the conflict on Yana’s thread. I bore the pain as long as I could.
It hurts me to see what is happening now. Post apology. I don’t have any energy left.
I’m my own person. People are free and deserve to be heard. ❤️
It feels tone deaf to try to tell people what they can and can’t do after how we have been treat. What about our feelings? As long as things are handled respectfully and not in a cruel way, I don’t see the problem. ❤️
AlessaParticipantHi Anita
I don’t mind communicating with you in a different thread. Respectfully, I don’t think it would be fair for people to not be allowed to talk to each other about the difficulties. ❤️
There are some things that because you were involved in the conflict, you won’t be able to emotionally support them with. People do deserve to be supported. ❤️
I can understand why it might make you uncomfortable though. I don’t believe it is meant in a bad way. This is just how people process their emotions. ❤️
Suggesting that it is similar to what you were doing in your journal… it doesn’t feel appropriate or accurate. The two situations are vastly different. The conflict has been long, drawn out and painful. It didn’t have to be that way. It wasn’t our choice for it to be that way. People deserve a chance to heal and not to suffer in silence. ❤️
AlessaParticipantI love that song! 🎶 ❤️
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