Hi Anita

It occurred to me that it might help lessen the pain to make plans and connect with the people you care about from the winery. The place might be gone. Perhaps you could still maintain some of the relationships with those who are willing? ❤️

Hi Everyone

Thank you for sharing Peter, as always a lot of interesting thoughts! ❤️

I have been thinking here and there about this. Considering the point Peter made about language earlier too. Always, so busy. 😮‍💨

I feel like language is used to understand each other. That being said, it is imperfect. But people want to know when they are in danger. They want to understand. They want to feel understood and cared about. They want to be free. They want to know when they are being threatened. They want to understand when they need to protect themselves. And everyone is different, so people make their best guess based on their experiences. Just my impression. ❤️

A baby’s first words are based around expressing autonomy and desire. Getting attention and praise. No. Why. Yes. Food. Body parts. Animals. Colours. Shapes. Building a vocabulary. The frustration at not being understood lessens.

I’m starting to understand the huge amount of work that goes into seemingly basic tasks. So many layers. We commit these things to muscle memory and forget about the huge amounts of training and effort it took to even achieve them. So much for free will, when many things we do have been rehearsed and become habit.

But yes, flow. I guess to me, it means accepting everything. Even challenging emotions or doubt if the moment calls for it.

I don’t think my life would look much different. ❤️

One thing that I did think is to listen to my body more. But even then, sometimes I think I don’t because I’m juggling other things. Priorities. ❤️

Some things are hard to swallow. The memories of my mother living on in me.

Hi Kyle

I’m sorry to hear about the deaths of your grandfather and grandmother, and that you have a terminal grandmother who will pass away soon. I can hear how much they all mean to you! ❤️

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You’re very wise in welcoming your grief. It is true, without it there is no love. There is no right way to grieve, so please be gentle with yourself throughout the process. ❤️

It is a shame to hear that her children haven’t been involved in the process. Is there a story to that you would like to share?

It sounds like to me that you are trying your best and doing a good job to be there for your grandmother. Please remember to take care of yourself too. ❤️

As we age, well it seems to me that grief doesn’t get any easier. For people you love it always hurts. Along the way you find your reasons to keep going. There is a lot to live for. 😊

Hi Tee

I just want to say that it has been really nice all three of us talking and getting to know each other better. It is special to be able to connect with people who understand the difficulties that we all grew up with. I’m truly sorry for everything you went through. You are such a special person and it is especially cruel for the person who should support you the most not to see you for who you are and have always been. ❤️

It is difficult to explain. I don’t really want to get into it too much because this is Anita’s thread. But I can explain a bit more on my thread.

I’m thinking of you and your spine issues Tee! How frustrating, your back had just recovered.❤️

Please take all the time you need in replying. I’m here and there anyway. 😊

Hi Anita

Wow you really put your heart and soul into that place. I can hear how special it to you. I’m sorry that you are losing it, you’re left with debt and only two people came to say goodbye to the place. ❤️

I think that people are uncomfortable with emotions and goodbyes sometimes. You’re a lot more connected to your emotions. It is part of the grieving process for you to say goodbye to a place you loved so much. ❤️

I think sometimes when we put our heart and soul into something it can feel like a rejection of us. It seems to me that you are the kind of person who puts their heart and soul into everything they do. ❤️

Sometimes life is hard and unfair. Things don’t work out no matter how much we try. I think it really speaks to your bravery your willingness to put yourself out there and take risks for what you believe in. It is very brave of you! ❤️

Hi James

I just think that people are different and trying to change someones mind or beliefs is like trying to control the wind.

We believe what we believe and feel what we feel. All of our experiences are different. None are right or wrong to me. And all are.

My perspective is that we are all saying the same things but coming at it from a lense of using different language. It is easy to misunderstand each other when discussing such subtle ideas. ❤️

Thomas is a Buddhist with a lot of experience meditating and has trained with a teacher. Meditation means a lot of different things to different people. You may not share the same understanding of it. ❤️

I appreciate a spirited conversation! ❤️

Hi Anita

I’m so sorry for all of the suffering and abuse you experienced growing up. You didn’t deserve a second of it. Not one second!

Thank you for understanding! I wonder what your favourite colour is? I’m glad that you are being assertive too and sharing your feelings about things. 😊

Yes, I have a perspective of the difficulties involved as a parent with trauma.

Well, it is not just the lack of help. The lack of knowledge being a new parent too. And the mental health issues caused by the trauma. Then the practicality of taking care of children.

If I hadn’t had a ton of therapy, had specific postpartum therapy available and been medicated. The outcome would have not been good if I hadn’t had all of this help. Realistically, I would have either killed myself or been forced to give up my son. This is the reality of being a parent with severe trauma.

Even with all of my therapy, without the postpartum therapy. I would have continued to struggle and be in a very difficult place.

Things are easier for me now. I love my son and enjoy being a mother. I’m very thankful for the help I got.

Sorry, I don’t want to make this about me.