Hi Tommy

I didn’t think that you were talking about the difficulties that happened in the past here. I thought that you were probably talking about something else. I was playing devils advocate not to scold you. I was trying to help bring a more balanced perspective and defend you. I apologise if it didn’t come across that way.

I don’t judge you for what happened in the past. I’m actually sorry it was brought up. God knows I’m not perfect and make mistakes all of the time. I think you handled it with grace.

I’m sorry to hear that you lost your friend and even more sorry that you are leaving again. I really missed you being around and think that you are a valuable member of this community. ❤️

If you would like to keep in touch please feel free to send me a message. I truly wish you all of the best in life too. ❤️

tbthrowaway64@gmail.com

Hello everyone

I would like to share my experience.

Once upon a time I was critical about Anita’s behaviour. I can see now that I was wrong and that I hurt her deeply. I cannot change the past, but I can make sure never to do it again.

It is not easy being human. I feel like I am always making mistakes. I only hope that the people I care about see the kindness in my heart and forgive me.

I’m deeply sorry for hurting you Anita. I would like to be friends. I always have! I’m going to reply to your post on the other thread Anita. ❤️

I’m deeply sorry for being critical of you as well Tommy. In my own way, I’m trying to take care of you because I believe that you are a caring and insightful person who deserves to be given a chance. I hope that you can see how much I care. I’m very much in the process of learning how to communicate at the moment. ❤️

Hi Anita and Jana

Missed you Jana! ❤️

I’m glad to hear that I made you smile Anita and that you enjoy your tinned sardines with olive oil. As an adult I don’t mind sardines anymore, the olive oil ones are definitely better than the tomato ones. 😊 ❤️

My thought on self-compassion today is that it is synonymous with compassion and encompasses everyone.

People who have difficulties with self-hatred and self-compassion often have difficulties with being judgmental towards others. What I think this means is that to have a proper relationship with self-compassion it involves being kind to others.

Any thoughts? ❤️

Hi Anita and Tommy

I’m well thank you Tommy. 😄 How are you?

Oh boy, I missed this one because it was deleted. Drama! 🎭

I’m going to play devil’s advocate. I believe that Tommy’s apology is genuine because straightforward people are very genuine. It is definitely something that can rub people up the wrong way (I know that from experience as a straight forward person myself).

He doesn’t strike me as a simpleton, I believe he’s learned his lesson. Poor choice to try these tactics with very vulnerable people.

I can understand a feeling of incompleteness whilst forgiveness is not received. I’m a chronic completionist. No matter how terrible a television show is, once I have started watching it I will watch all of the seasons. With unresolved conflict, it eats away at me to fix it or “complete” it. I think for me it may stem from a sense of anxiety about it. However, many people simply prefer to have their peace. Different people have different needs and it can beneficial to try to meet others needs. Meeting needs is very rewarding and surprisingly rarely done. It can be a lifeline to those in need.

I feel like people are complicated and can hold more than one feeling at the same time. That doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s inauthentic.

I feel like men can be a bit more brusque due to socialisation. Quite often they are used to teasing each other in playful ways that can seem quite harsh on the surface. I think it is important to have a male voice around. It brings a unique perspective.

I read something recently that said bluntness is a privilege reserved for friends. I can understand why that might be. It is hard to know how someone will respond until you know them better.

There are many different schools of thought of these things. I can understand why there is a belief in certain things. I do think that it is important to find the right balance.

I watched a documentary with the Dalai Lama and a child had fled from Tibet, her family were dead and she had found a new life in India. She talked of her grief for her relatives. I find it touching that whenever someone spoke of painful things he would subtly pray as they spoke. He advised her that if she focused on all of the wonderful things that she will learn in her new life, the pain of losing her family will hurt less. She kind of shrugged a bit unsure.

At this time, the Dalai Lama was accompanied by Archbishop Tutu. Who said sorry for her loss (it should be noted that the Archbishop spoke first).

I feel like the two approaches complemented each other well. Softening the message. It was described that Archbishop Tutu gave the gift of sympathy and that the Dalai Lama gave the gift of courage.

Hi Anita

That is very kind of you. Thank you! ❤️

I noticed that for me, these things are worse in the middle of a ptsd trigger. I don’t know if you have experienced that too? It is like um two triggers being on top of each other.

It helps me feel safe to be alone when things are like that. Do you feel like that too? Or are there differences for you? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, I was just curious what your experience was like. As you say, knowing that you are not alone in these experiences is helpful. It is nice talking to someone who understands what it is like.

Hi Drew

Thank you for your kindness and understanding! ❤️

That is unfortunate to hear that advocacy wasn’t able to help either.

I’m sorry to hear that your health condition has that intense level of stigma to it. That makes sense. It’s unfortunate when you bump into someone who is being rude. I find that people often do these things when they are struggling in life. I feel like in British culture there are some situations where it is an expectation to politely accept a bit of bad behaviour, or at least ignore it. It is hard to undo all of that cultural training. Whilst in other situations there is an expectation of responding in kind. Finally, there is the situation where these things are more serious and taking formal action is required. I feel like assertiveness is more useful in personal relationships where the person is expected to listen to you, but I admire your personal goal!

Thank you for sharing your technique that you used to help you during exams! It is really helpful to me because I’m a student. I had never heard of that before and I will definitely give it a try.

Congratulations and well done on getting your degree! 👏

Good luck with the job hunting, as well as getting the doctors to reconsider. Take care

Hi Anita

I’m sorry for the delay in writing, it has been a busy week.

That is very sweet of you to say! You certainly have a way with words. Thank you for your kindness, it is touching. I’m glad to hear that it was helpful to process and understand yourself some more. ❤️

I know that you will go from strength to strength in whatever you set your mind to. 😊

That makes sense with everything that you’ve been through. It is a shame that it is not properly recognized in America yet. I’m really sorry that she treat you like that. No one deserves that, let alone a child and to receive that kind of treatment from a “parent” when you deserved to be protected, loved and cherished is a very difficult way to grow up.

I’m similar with the hypervigilance, being afraid of being hurt by others. It is not an easy thing to deal with.

Good luck with everything! Not that you need it. I’m confident that you will succeed.

Hi Peter

Thank you for sharing your kind thoughts! ❤️

What is interesting is that I don’t dwell on these things anymore. I have accepted the situation and no longer fight against it. I realise that I don’t matter so much anymore. Raising my son well is the most important thing to me now.

It often strikes me that after a certain amount of time, something that I used to worry about no longer matters.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re stressed by the news. I get stressed by it too. I’m on a news hiatus and somehow I still manage to learn about it from others without even trying to.