I’m conflicted, as usual. 😂

Part of me feels like being compassionate and understanding to all in a conflict can be hurtful in a group setting, especially when people don’t share these values.

It is understandable not to have these values, very few do. It is not something that is expected of people. ❤️

Perhaps it is more beneficial in a private setting? Another part of me wonders though, if there would have been as much support if not for calm voices being in the mix? ❤️

Hi Tee

I really appreciate your perspective and insight! Thank you for sharing. ❤️

I feel like these things are really complicated because as you said, narcissists can act in this way, but so can people who aren’t narcissists.

I feel like trauma and neurodivergence can produce very similar patterns.

Autism for example, there is a focus on details and a lack of understanding of context or difficulties with understanding others perspectives. Not because they lack the ability to empathise, purely because it is just not understood. When an effort is made to learn and understand, that is when things can change because they are capable of empathising when they understand the situation.

Trauma, I feel like can cause a focus on fears, as opposed to reality. People can perceive attacks, when it was not intended especially if a trigger is involved.

Not to mention, if two people are just in a high stress situation. Instead of understanding the stress is because of the situation, people can focus on what is right in-front of them, each other instead of the abstract idea of the situation and a cycle of blame can start.

Thanks so much Tee. I just figure I should get a head start on it because these things take time to learn. ❤️

Interestingly, studies show that when it comes to emotional expression some children are more sensitive to it than others. For autists, they are sensitive and need a low level of emotional expression. For neurotypical children, they actually learn better with moderate levels of emotional expression as it teaches empathy and might just be bored by and ignore low levels of emotional expression. ❤️

Hi Everyone

Oh it’s not you Peter, just that I’m not as resilient as I would like to be at the moment. So I can’t do things in an ideal way right now. That is all I meant. ❤️

Yes, I understand what you mean. Sometimes things just take me a while to process because I have a learning difficulty. 😊

Do no harm is a good goal, I just wonder about the practicality sometimes. We can only try our best. 🙏

I appreciate your intentions in discussing how to manage conflict Tee. It is definitely an interesting and I think important conversation to have. ❤️

I feel like conflict is very complex and everyone has their own perspective on how to handle things.

Some things that I find helpful to consider are frequency and intensity of difficulties. Yes, technically some behaviours are abusive. There is even such a thing as reactive abuse where someone will act in these ways to defend themselves. The way I see things is that real abuse occurs frequently and consistently, sometimes in multiple different ways and isn’t reactive, or is severe. That is not to say that other difficulties don’t hurt because they definitely still do. I’m just not going to suggest that it means a person is inherently abusive.

It is difficult because abusive behaviours are very widespread in society. Something like only 20% of people are actually truly healthy 100% of the time. On the other side of the spectrum about 26% of people are abusive. Then there is a lot of variation in the middle. Some people might be able to be healthy under moderate levels of stress, but struggle with being reactive under extreme levels of stress, some people are going to be reactive under moderate levels of stress. So context is important.

Something I like to consider is will this bother me in a week? Will this bother me in a month? In a year? And so on and so forth.

As a parent I think it is really important for me to be understanding of conflict because at some point my son will be a teenager. Teenagers these days tend to be verbally abusive, some even hit their parents, siblings or others at school, but their emotional regulation skills are not fully developed yet. In short, it is something that they struggle to control and a part of their development. It is a parent’s responsibility to handle these difficulties in a healthy way and try not to be reactive which would only traumatise their children. ❤️

The challenge is navigating the difficulties of upbringing and meeting ourselves where we are at with any issues we have and considering their individual needs and what is realistically achievable. Changing behaviours takes time and effort. All anyone can do is try their best. ❤️

For me, alcohol is something that doesn’t mix well with my PTSD. Even something like that can be a factor.

Thank you for your kindness Anita. ❤️