Hi Anita and Jana

I settled on understanding the meaning of the emotions.

I remembered something that my old therapist said.

Negative emotions are not bad. They have a purpose. Anger is there to let you know when a boundary has been crossed.

I have been feeling anxious and I wondered what the purpose of anxiety was. To highlight a threat or danger. It can also be related to fear of loss. For autists particularly, uncertainty. The difficulty is that anxiety can misfire when there isn’t much of a threat. This is what happens to me a lot because of my PTSD. Hyper-vigilance.

I’m learning that I don’t often directly think about my feelings. I tend to focus on other things and not even notice. I have to look for the hidden underlying reason. Then when that is acknowledged the feeling passes.

I’m glad that you had a good weekend, Anita. I did too. Thank you! You deserve encouragement. You have achieved so much and are an inspiration to everyone here! ❤️

Ah well there was a pirate code of conduct. And one of the characters tried to use that to their advantage. And the pirate refused to co-operate and said they are more like guidelines than actual rules.

I’m working on handling conflict too, it is pretty tricky! I feel like internal validation is important. I feel like the more I do that, the less I need others to meet my needs, I guess because I have already met them. I am okay with doing my own thing and other people doing their own thing. I feel like that is healthy for me. Letting things unfold in their own time naturally instead of trying to steer the ship as it were.

I’m also working on understanding myself and others more. I’m pretty straightforward and honest. Which is not the best combination when it comes to conflict. Even with good intentions, it is easy for people to feel hurt. So I’m trying to learn how to be less blunt and when it might not be so helpful to share something.

I also have a tendency to emotionally shut down to protect myself in conflict. People often interpret that as me not caring. Which isn’t true. I’m a complex person and I don’t ever stop caring about people, not even during disagreements. As you say Jana, I just don’t like being vulnerable when I’m at risk of being hurt. I still have a lot of positive feelings for others when I express that and I feel rejected during disagreements it hurts.

There are some complex communication skills that I would like to learn, indirect communication and positive confirmation.

I’m glad that you no longer feel that others know more about yourself than you do Jana. 😊

Whilst I do find outside perspectives helpful. I feel like there is a vast inner world that other people are unaware of. Also, every person views us differently. Depending on when they meet us, they can hold onto views from the past which isn’t their fault, but there is a lot of growth that they are unaware of.

I feel like you are someone who has a rich inner world and there are a lot that some people might not take the time to get to know properly. I think that you’re a very wise and gentle person. I understand what you mean when you say that you have always been submissive. It is rare to meet someone as peaceful as you.

My guess is that lot of people don’t understand you and misinterpret your actions because you are so different. People often only understand what they haven’t experienced themselves.

I would guess that you probably do accidentally hurt people though. Everyone does because we are all so different. It is easy not to realise it when you have good intentions. There can be an assumption that others would see our good intentions and how much we care. But unless we are very straightforward and explicit in telling people this, it is easy for them to misunderstand and make assumptions.

I could easily be wrong about this, these are just some things that I have learned myself recently. What do you think? ❤️

It has been really busy recently, so sorry for not having a lot of time to write. It takes me a lot of time to think about things that are very meaningful.

Hi Peter

Thinking of you as well!

I found an old journal entry and I thought I’d share it.

If I could, I would climb mountains

If I could I would be a dog walker

If I could I would be a ranger

If I could I would fix this house

If I could, I would laugh and smile.

I still feel trapped by what I can’t do

I want to be free

I’m grateful that I can walk. I’m grateful for my job. I’m grateful for my husband.

I just want to heal and I have to be patient. I have to focus on the good currently in my life.

I look forward to dinner and walking the dogs.

It’ll be nice to make some new friends and learn about Buddhism.

I’m glad that I helped my sister feel more comfortable today.

Sorry, I didn’t see your reply until after I posted. I’m going to have to respond to it a bit later. Take care

Hi Little Buddha

I’m sorry to hear about the difficulties with your mental health and that your partner isn’t able to support you at the moment. It is not an easy thing to go through.

It sounds like both you and your partner are going through a lot right now. It certainly isn’t easy when you’re busy with work and kids. It can feel overwhelming and like there’s no time to process. This is especially difficult when it comes to mental health or feelings of stress because it is difficult to add more stress in that situation, especially when you believe he will respond negatively. You cannot get blood from a stone and trying to can make things worse.

Do you know what is causing your partner difficulties?

I would suggest keeping things low stress. You could probably get some of your needs met this way. You could probably get a hug. Or Spend a bit of chill time together.

It is possible to communicate your feelings a little bit at a time in a positive way. For example. Saying I miss you. Doing something nice for him. Then spending time together.

I’m feel sad about stuff from my past, can I get a hug?

Short and sweet is what gets the best results when everyone is struggling.

It is bonding with your partner that is the most important thing. Treating yourself and him kindly is very important when things are difficult.

It’s good to hear that you have a therapist. It might be worth trying medication, if you’re having difficulties coping even with a therapist.

In my experience, resentment is something that requires understanding your partner’s side of things. Life is hard sometimes, people have different needs and people do make mistakes.

It is okay to want and need things from your partner but at the same time it is okay for him to not be able to give it when he is struggling too.

It might be hard, but you will come through it stronger when you are able to manage your feelings without relying on your husband when things are too difficult for him to be able to be there for you. I hope that things get easier for you both soon.

Remember it is hard for him too right now. You are in the same boat together.

I find that relying on people who are in a place to be supportive is helpful as well. You are welcome to talk about anything that you would like, if that would be helpful to you?

Hi Anita and Jana

How were your weekends? I’m still doing okay. Thank you both for your kindness and support! ❤️

The article is really interesting, thank you for sharing it! I liked the model about the unconscious mind and the seeds. Bringing the seed of mindfulness to the other seed is a really helpful way of explaining these things.

This is all very true Jana, well said! Good luck with the inner child work. Not that you need luck. I’m sure you’ll find your way through the pain and come through it stronger than ever. ❤️

It is amazing to hear about your strength, development with self esteem and self compassion! You are certainly succeeding in making this world a better place for yourself and others. I’m glad you experienced a sense of calm and relief from your tics as a result of your inner child work. This is very promising! ❤️

I’ve gone down the road of avoidance, I’ve gone down the road of confronting my feelings. I find it challenging because I used to get lost in the pain. I try not to get lost in it anymore. Perhaps confronting and accepting are two different things. It is time to see my feelings in a more positive light.

Hi Drew

I’m sorry to hear that a medication caused you to speak your thoughts out loud. That is upsetting when it didn’t used to happen before. Does it happen often?

If you don’t mind me asking what was the name of the medication that caused the issue?

I’ve quite often experienced doctors not learning about the side effects of medications. It is entirely possible that it could be a rare side effect depending on the kind of medication.

They may also not be concerned because thinking out loud is a rather common behaviour. Certainly, it isn’t something that means anyone is crazy. I’m a thinker out loud too. I don’t really mind it though. When it came to a job that involved confidential information and working openly in the public I just practiced muttering to myself without the noise to avoid any issues. Humming a tune is also something I did instead. The internet recommends chewing gum.

It sounds like you handled the situation with the optician well, you were just a bit surprised. It is common for people to not respond in a usual way when they are surprised. I don’t think it’s necessarily a problem that they tried to help you, but they could have asked if it was okay first.

I can understand why you would want to manage your emotional responses when it comes to hitting things though. The easiest way would probably to pay attention to your mood and disengage from whatever situation is upsetting or making you angry before it gets to the point where you start to hit things.

Do you have any difficulties with sleep at all?

One of the most helpful things for impulse control is to sleep well. It might sound silly but research shows that being tired is just like being drunk, which also negatively affects impulse control.

The times when I struggle most with impulse control are when I haven’t been sleeping well.

Of course, managing stress is important too. People often act out of character when they’re stressed, as opposed to when they are feeling calm and relaxed.

I found the supplement L-theanine helpful for impulse control. It is an extract of green tea and promotes a calm focus (I was also having trouble concentrating at the time). Anti-depressants can also be helpful too. I understand if you are feeling unsure about taking medication after that experience you had though.

Beta blockers have also helped me to manage my emotions when things are really tough. It’s not a mental health drug. Just a blood pressure medicine.

When it comes to situations that you are aware of in advance, considering how you would like to act before you are in that situation could be helpful. Or if you are placed in an awkward situation and need some time to consider how to respond, excusing yourself and going to the bathroom so you can collect yourself can be helpful.

Splashing cold water on my face, massaging my neck and back of the head, yawning repeatedly are all things that science shows calm down the nervous system.

I wish you good luck with figuring these things out!

Hi Gabriel

Your love for your girlfriend, self-awareness and desire to seek solutions are commendable!

You mentioned that you are an extreme extrovert. Do you have anxiety and difficulties spending time with other people as well as your girlfriend?

Are there specific moments over text that increase anxiety for you? In person, can you identify anything specific that increases your anxiety?

Do you feel that there is pressure to move in together because you live 4 hours away?

If you don’t mind me asking, what has living with others been like for you?

It is clear that you care about your partner. Because of the combination of the extreme extroversion, the distance between you both and your care for your partner, do you find that during visits you have a tendency to push yourself to your limit or beyond it? Or do you feel like there might be another reason?

I would imagine that taking breaks and spending some time alone to decompress is essential for you. If you take better care of yourself and pay attention to when you are getting overwhelmed and take breaks when you need them before you are beyond your limit that might be helpful in curbing any unwanted behaviour.