Hi Elizabeth

It is not an easy situation for either of you to be in for sure.

Did your husband say why he was upset about you not attending the rehearsal dinner?

They aren’t willing for you to protect your health by wearing a mask or provide food that meets your dietary requirements.

Since his family are like this, surely they don’t actually care if you don’t go?

It sounds like you’ve done a lot over the years to keep the peace.

I can understand not wanting to cause a rift in the marriage. It is hard when things are difficult with the in-laws.

Hi Omyk

I suppose that is what has to happen when life gets tough. Just get on with it day by day.

Congratulations on all of your achievements within your ministry! ❤️

True, marriage does not always smell of roses.

Do you have a fear of being alone or a fear of missing out on being with a partner? You have a child. You will never be alone. But it is a large commitment not to have a partner for an extended period of time.

I’m glad to hear that your day to day is happy. It makes sense that thinking about the intensity of the commitment to not having a partner in the future is anxiety provoking. I don’t think it would be easy for anyone. I suppose it is a sacrifice.

I can imagine. It must be tough being a single parent and having such a busy life. Downsizing makes sense. I hope you figure everything out. Whatever you decide. No rush, you have 25 years. 😉

Hi Gigi

Congratulations on being happily engaged and starting to build a life with your partner! Good luck with your masters degree. 😊 How are you finding living together? It can be a big change living with someone and moving cities.

I’m sorry to hear that you are worrying about your parents dying at night. That is very stressful.

You have talked about preparing for motherhood. Often when people have children it can bring them closer to their parents. There is a new level of understanding and empathy for the experience of our parents when we become parents ourselves.

This problem may sort itself out if you give it time. Why don’t you give them a call?

I’m sorry to hear that you find sex dirty and have unwanted thoughts of your father.

I have had thoughts of other people pop into my head too sometimes. I just refocus on my partner.

I think that sex is a pure and beautiful thing because for me, I cannot enjoy it if I don’t trust the person. It is nice to think of it as the beautiful connection that you have with your partner.

Have you told your partner that you have some anxiety about sex? It might be helpful to slow down. Spend more time relaxing and getting into foreplay and take a break when you need to because of the anxiety. It is traumatising to force yourself to have sex when you are feeling uncomfortable.

Some men don’t really understand that during our menstrual cycle, our needs during sex change because the sensitivity of our bodies change. It is important to communicate with your partner if you need something to be more gentle.

When it comes to unwanted thoughts. The more you are disturbed by them, the more they reoccur. It is awkward having thoughts about your father pop into your head. But it is not something that you are choosing and it is not your fault.

That is fair that you are having difficulty opening up in therapy. These are some sensitive topics. I don’t think that what you are experiencing is uncommon though. A therapist’s job is to be very supportive no matter what you bring up.

You don’t have to talk about your father until you feel that you are ready.

I learned to change my anger into safer emotions as a child because anger would be met with intense violence. It was just too dangerous for me to express it.

I had to limit the amount of drinking because the suppressed anger comes out when I drink.

I was taught by my sister that if I didn’t express anger during a disagreement that I didn’t care. She taught me to yell and swear even though I didn’t want to.

I was groomed for my childhood to accept abuse. It took a lot for me to learn to set boundaries with others. It still isn’t easy for me. I still get anxious and scared.

I read that anger is a secondary emotion. This means that other emotions often are along side it. Anxiety is a big one for me.

Nowadays, I’m working on letting go of resentment. I’m finding mantras to be very helpful.

Hi Omyk

I remember you! Welcome back. 😊

It sounds like you are feeling the battle between being human and the responsibilities of your ministry.

My perspective is that these days in western countries a lot of relationships fail. It really depends what you are looking for. What needs are not currently being met that you feel a longing for? It must not be easy, being without your wife.

I think that whatever you want and whatever you choose to do is okay. Please be gentle with yourself because your situation is not easy. You are dealing with a lot of responsibilities on your own. ❤️

Hi Tommy

I didn’t think that you were talking about the difficulties that happened in the past here. I thought that you were probably talking about something else. I was playing devils advocate not to scold you. I was trying to help bring a more balanced perspective and defend you. I apologise if it didn’t come across that way.

I don’t judge you for what happened in the past. I’m actually sorry it was brought up. God knows I’m not perfect and make mistakes all of the time. I think you handled it with grace.

I’m sorry to hear that you lost your friend and even more sorry that you are leaving again. I really missed you being around and think that you are a valuable member of this community. ❤️

If you would like to keep in touch please feel free to send me a message. I truly wish you all of the best in life too. ❤️

tbthrowaway64@gmail.com

Hello everyone

I would like to share my experience.

Once upon a time I was critical about Anita’s behaviour. I can see now that I was wrong and that I hurt her deeply. I cannot change the past, but I can make sure never to do it again.

It is not easy being human. I feel like I am always making mistakes. I only hope that the people I care about see the kindness in my heart and forgive me.

I’m deeply sorry for hurting you Anita. I would like to be friends. I always have! I’m going to reply to your post on the other thread Anita. ❤️

I’m deeply sorry for being critical of you as well Tommy. In my own way, I’m trying to take care of you because I believe that you are a caring and insightful person who deserves to be given a chance. I hope that you can see how much I care. I’m very much in the process of learning how to communicate at the moment. ❤️