Hi Tee

I hope you have a lovely holiday! ❤️

That’s great to hear you are setting boundaries with your mother. It is a shame that she doesn’t take them too well. Sadly, expected.

My adopted mother didn’t take me setting boundaries very well either. It ultimately led to communication fizzling out. It is a shame, but I learned to invest only the level of effort the other person is willing to put into the relationship.

Hmm I think I have what some might consider a bit of an odd perspective. I don’t really think in terms of right or wrong anymore. I try to look behind at the need that is being expressed and understand the other person’s emotional experience.

My son doesn’t like being told what to do. When he is asked not to do something he complains and I reassure him. It is like he instinctively worries, does this mean I’ve done something wrong? After I reassure him, he is okay. He just wants to know that he hasn’t done anything wrong (I teach him that mistakes are okay and allowed) and he is still a good boy.

Guilt is something that for me has been self-punitive and I try not to indulge.

Obviously, needs, feelings and boundaries are still important. I do think it is important to understand and care about these things for ourselves and others.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that I have done anything “wrong” persay. My culture is like Canada, we apologise for anything. It is just showing care and courtesy for someone’s feelings.

For example, my sister broke up with her boyfriend. Oh, no! I’m so sorry.

You don’t have to take responsibility for someone else’s experience, but I find that showing care for people when they are hurt, even when they lash out is important. I have found that it facilitates communication. Anger begets anger, but meeting anger with kindness can soften it.

I think the difficulty comes in, is if your mother is unwilling to meet your needs and boundaries. Like mine sadly was. Then you have to consider how much you want to invest in your relationship with her.

The way my therapist said it was, think of her as someone who is sick and don’t expect much.

I don’t know much about your Mother or your experiences with her. I don’t know what she is like. How willing is she to adapt and change? Does she listen to your feelings at all?

It is honestly hard work though and pretty tough to do these things. It’s taken me a long time to figure out. I’m still learning. I need to work on being more patient because I do still make mistakes.

Take care, wishing you all the best! ❤️

Hi Everyone

My son is a touch behind with his speaking. He usually screams at me when he wants something. I’m trying to encourage him to use his words. Say a word, any word. It seems to be encouraging him.

I’m not too worried about his speaking. He can do some very advanced sounds. I feel like he just is not in the habit because I have always understood his notices. He seems to focus on the language we use the most.

Have any of you watched Star Trek? He said walk the other day like a Klingon. 😂

He can now say mum at will. A long stream of Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum Mum… I love hearing his beautiful voice.

I’m more worried about his eye contact. I noticed that he has started copying me in avoiding eye contact. He never used to do that. Both of the things together worry me. He will probably be Autistic like me. I expected as much, but I feel bad for passing it along. I know that he will be okay and he is a smart kid. It is just a bit of parental shame. No one wants to see their child inherit their weaknesses. I’m trying my best to encourage eye contact.

On the plus side, he is getting really social. He has found his confidence. He goes around waving at people, saying hi occasionally and smiling. He always wants to be a part of what other people are doing. He’s a cute kid. People are generally nice to him. He did have his first experience of racism the other month sadly.

I’m trying to potty train and to teach him to walk without having a pram around for shorter distances. He likes doing his own thing. I don’t mind when I’m not in a hurry. It is just when I’m busy. It will take him some time to adjust. Instead of saying would you like to go back in the pram or walk (in the right direction) I’m now asking him if he wants to go home or walk.

Any tips are always appreciated by the way. ❤️