Hi Andy

I’m sorry to hear that your father passed away and you’ve been finding it hard. That is a big thing to go through.

Yes, it is complicated when there is previous trauma. It is not just what is happening, but memories of the past as well. It is also scary being a woman and not being able to physically defend yourself. Often there is a fear of what could happen.

I’m glad to hear that the counselling is helpful! That is a great step. You’re doing all of the right things. Good luck figuring everything out. You’re a good egg for understanding the difficulties that she is experiencing. 😊

Be gentle with yourself because you are having a tough time and you didn’t mean to scare her. ❤️

Hi All

Thank you for the fascinating topic Jana. 😊

I feel like it is a complicated subject.

I feel like a roadblock for me was self-hatred. Often when people are abused from a young age they start to abuse themselves. It is hard to accept yourself when you don’t even like yourself.

I worked hard on changing myself to become someone that I could be proud of and forgave myself too.

I got to the point where I liked myself but such acceptance is conditional and ultimately circumstantial.

As they do, my circumstances changed and I could no longer base my self-esteem on them. I was still the same person and had the same skills, but I still struggled.

Another factor for me is state of mind. This is going to be a unique one to explain. I guess I would say that parts of my mind are fragmented. And seem to be different ages. Another way to put this might be different levels of maturity.

It has always been a bit younger. Child, teenager, young adult. Now there is a new part mature adult.

I have heard recommended before to treat yourself like you are your own parent. I’m finding it rather helpful.

This is where I’m at now. Finally open to trying affirmations, which I have always hated because I couldn’t believe them before.

It is nice to be in a place where I can say nice things about myself without cringing. There is still a way to go, but it is nice nonetheless.

Good luck to everyone on their journey of self-compassion!

Thanks Anita

Keep up your fine work. 😊 You are a treasure! ❤️

Hi Peter

I hope you feel better soon.

Love is an interesting one. I feel like a lot of people treat love as conditional these days. As you say, it is a cultural thing.

However, I do feel like unconditional love is really important and very healing.

Yes, I would suggest that being kind to people no matter how they treat you is important. Even if someone treats you poorly. I feel like it is a matter of principle – a desire not to compromise my values. Not to mention, very few problems are truly serious.

What do you think holding someone accountable means?

“To err is human.”

Everyone has flaws, but I think it is important to accept people as uniquely flawed individuals. It is impossible to get through life unscathed and we all bear the scars that come with that.

The trick is balancing these things whilst protecting ourselves and our loved ones whilst acknowledging that there is only so much that can be done as individuals.

Hi Andy

Well I can understand the concern about the tinder profile. Perhaps she isn’t lying to you and it is an old one? People can forget about these things.

But becoming suspicious and cyber stalking her because she has a facebook page is a bit of a leap.

I can understand why she needs some space because that is a betrayal of her trust in you.

It is difficult because both of you have experienced a lot of trauma in the past. Clearly this is bringing up a lot for you both.

I would recommend having a calm and honest conversation about all of this when things calm down.

It is really hard to trust people after everything both of you have been through. But not everyone treats people terribly. There are good people out there. You thought she was a good person? Try giving her the benefit of the doubt.