Hi Everyone

I guess I feel like conflict can be both be retraumatising and transformative at the same time. The difficulty lies in handling the pain and conflict in healthy ways. I do believe it is possible to learn from anything though. ❤️

Hi Everyone

My understanding of the matter is that it was a sensitive situation. Sensitive situations can be hard for people and naturally result in conflict.

I believe that we all see the good sides of each other. Anita did want to connect because she invited Tee to join the conversation. Tee wanted to connect to and would have had to have a level of trust in order to engage.

It might be hard for Anita to build trust with someone she’s had a previous conflict with. It might have been difficult for Anita to experience communication mistakes in these early stages of building trust. Tee might have had her own concerns about these things too.

Sometimes in my own life, I have noticed that hurt feelings can still linger after an apology. It can be hard for people to deal with. During conflict, it is easy for negative thoughts to creep in for anyone. It doesn’t mean that these thoughts are true though. Learning to challenge these kinds of thoughts has been incredibly important for my healing and helped so much in communicating with others during times of conflict.

There may have been a misunderstanding in how I communicated. I don’t like to criticise people anymore. It is hard to communicate and engage sometimes. I’m still learning how to. Rather than say something potentially hurtful, I prefer to stay silent. Anita may have felt like I was choosing sides. I don’t believe in sides. I care about everyone. Sometimes people can feel hurt when people show care to others they are in a conflict with.

It can also be painful feeling like you are the subject of conversation. I was processing my own feelings and sharing my perspective when writing about grace and compassion.

I imagine that it might have been stressful for Anita when I asked for boundaries to be respected. I imagine that she might be hurt right now because of the changes she is currently processing and the ongoing conversation about the conflict. It might also be painful for her to experience so much feedback about the conflict from various different people.

Up until recently, I have found it very difficult for most of my life to express empathy to others during conflict. The empathy was still there underneath, but I hid it. This was a result of my trauma. My mother would be particularly enjoy to hurt me when I showed any kind of emotion or vulnerability. She would get bored and it would end more quickly if I maintained my composure. At times of stress people often default to their childhood patterns.

Fear of rejection held me back for a long time. What if I open my heart during a time of conflict, show my vulnerability and my heart gets stomped on? I realised that I already felt like I was being rejected. So what was left to be afraid of when I was already experiencing it?

Unfortunately, it is impossible to have needs met by others when communication is shut down. Having needs met involves showing each other kindness and empathy. It requires trust to allow that process to occur.

Conflict is difficult for us all. We all have trauma. Harsh words hurt us all. It also hurts when needs are not honoured. It is difficult sometimes when different people have different needs. It can be hard for these things to align.

On top of these things, we all have our own life stresses. As a mother with health issues, autism and PTSD, I have a very low tolerance for stress at the moment. I know that Anita has shared her own difficulties she is going through recently. Tee might have her own difficulties in life.

Some situations are sensitive and are difficult to get through even when everyone can maintain their calmness and composure. Many things can make that challenging. It is natural for mistakes to happen, for feelings to be messy. It is human.

I think that believing in ourselves is important because it mitigates some of the stress of misunderstandings and assumptions.

I am very sorry for my part in things Anita. When you are ready to talk I will be here. ❤️

Tee, I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about your pain because I do. You took the brunt of the difficulties in this conflict. You have mostly been silent about your pain. I still see it though and it deserves to be acknowledged. ❤️

There are 4 active commenters who interact with the community. There is no anonymity. We all know who you are talking about. We all see the conflicts.

Hi Peter

Thanks for everything. I wish you all of the best in life! It would be a shame to miss the next edition of your story. ❤️

*say

Hi Anita

I’m sure you don’t mean anything bad by it, but can you please refrain from making anssumptions about people you don’t want to talk to. Thanks very much. 🙏 ❤️