Hi Cris
I’m sorry to hear you are so very upset and can empathise with your feelings. Before I say anything else however, the fact you are having thoughts about ending your life is the priority issue to address. I am no professional in relation to dealing with this level of feeling, but would strongly recommend you contact someone who is, soon. Lifeline and other such organisations can get you started. Please, no life situation should ever be taken to be so serious that a person believes they are better off ending their life, or that taking this drastic action might be better for their friends and or family. You have to fight on. Tomorrow is another beginning, and if it is no better then the next day is another opportunity.
Russell.