That sounds like a very stressful situation for you and your family and I’m sorry you’re going through it. I agree with Anita that minimizing the amount of stress your daughter witnesses between you and your ex could be helpful.

It’s also important to take care of yourself as much as possible. Once, when I was going through a particularly hard time, someone reminded me to be gentle with myself and I strive to remember this whenever life gets difficult.

I can’t tell you what your response should be to your daughter’s and mother’s health problems and the issues with your ex, and it’s likely only a very competent doctor and legal professional will have worthwhile opinions on those matters, but I will encourage you to do what you can to take care of yourself in a way that can help you decide how best to respond to all of these issues. Meditate, breath, practice present moment awareness, journal, or pray. (I find guided yoga nidra mediations from youtube or on a podcast to be helpful.) Do whatever works for you to get centered and as much as possible accept the situation you’re in currently, as unacceptable as it may seem.

This doesn’t mean giving up on a solution, but rather ceasing to struggle against what is occurring, as those stressful emotions aren’t usually helpful. I would suggest making it a daily practice to get yourself centered and commit to not resisting against whatever arises that day. From this place, you may gain a different perspective as to how to best respond to these events. Even if the situation persists for some time, you will be in a better place to support your daughter and mother and face these challenges.

Also, if you haven’t already, please tell your daughter’s therapist about her comments on death.

Sending you my best wishes. May your situation improve and you and your daughter live happy, healthy lives.