Those are some interesting pictures. I immediately thought – so what can I do to make him constantly happy? But that´s the wrong consequence, isn´t it. I always felt sorry for him, he lost his parents at a young age and it´s like me and my sister are all he ever wanted and got, so I don´t want to ruin the most important thing in his life by not being perfect.

I know I´m going round in circles with this one, but I can´t stop wanting to be perfect for him. I don´t want him to be sad. Do you know what I mean? Even if it´s just at times when I can make him happy, at least then he´s happy with his life and me.

dear anita

thank you so much for your kind replies. It helps a lot.

The things you said sound familiar.  I know the answer to the question

“All the times you didn’t do what you wanted to do and instead did what he wanted you to do, all the times you expressed the opinions he approved of, all that you did, did you succeed in making him a happy man?”

should be no, but I don´t really think so. I think that me being who he wanted me to be, doing what he wanted me to do,  indeed made and still makes him happy. I can see he´s proud of me whenever I say things he likes or thinks about in the same way. If I´m not the perfect daughter he gets in a bad mood and is easily irritated.

Whenever I am how he wants his daughter to be, his whole world is perfect and he´s happy.

Do you know what I mean?

Dear anita,

thank you so much for your answer!

This is absolutely true. It feels like a buried pain inside of myself that bursts out as soon as there is a slight insecurity, or hurt.

I´ve had loving parents, but I always felt like I had no privacy at all. My mom was quite overprotective and I felt so often guilty whenever I wanted to do anything different than my dad, even just stating an opinion was a problem. So I kept quiet and lived as they wanted me to (not going out at night, not telling them about boyfriends etc.).

I haven´t been happy in a long time as I also feel guilty being happy. My boyfriend always tries to make me go out and do things, and I love it as much as I hate it. When we´re on vacation I feel guilty after a short time for enjoying the sun and doing nothing while I know my dad is at home working 24/7 as always.

I´ve got an older sister as well who is always in a bad mood, always complaining about everything. She always got all of the attention at home and I feel drained out after having spent time with her. Which – of course- makes me feel guilty again, as she´s my sister and , as she says, she doesn´t have any friends beside me.

It was hard growing up because I didn´t do the things the others did, so I didn´t have many friends. I used to feel like an alien in school.

So, yes, I don´t really believe that anyone could love me as I am, as I learnt to please the people around me, because I knew that I had to in order to be loved.

I tried talking to my inner child some times, I started crying immediately and tried to calm myself as a child, but it seemed to open wounds instead of healing them.

Any ideas on how to go on from here?

Ana