i agree with kbearbuddha-
GO NO CONTACT.
fuck the money. youll probably never get it back anyway and its just an excuse to interact.

i was in the exact same relationship for 8! years…..walking on eggshells, crazy outbursts & crying from him for no reason, insults, spat on me…..i read your entire post just cause it sounded just like my ex.

so fast forward three years and i have this new lover who is actually a healthy, normal man. he has NEVER yelled at me, accused me of fucking my male friends, taken money – he apologises when he is wrong! – which at first seemed completely and totally amAzing to me. apologizing. taking personal responsibility. normal things that people do. amazing.
therapy, excercise, make art, be with friends, and treat this like an addiction – everytime you want to call or message this asshat call a good friend or family member instead…..or re-read your own post about his completely unacceptable behaviour towards you. yes, abusive relationships are like addictions. therapy might help a lot.
run for your life girl, your man sounds like a monster. it is NOT going to get better. dont spend 8 or 10 or 20 years on this relationship that is destroying you.
run.
good luck.
analisa