Dear pete ,

said to hear all about what pete u described, my well wishes be with you
agrees with Anita.
i believe you(pete) is living in past or your main focus is what happened in past and i believe that is what altering your life
i suggest you to think of the moment you are living not about future nor about past this moment , there are many people having more worse times than you still they are fighting.
in my opinion stop seeking love or approval of someone else for yourself, love yourself as the way you are , do what makes you feel good

pray and stay connected to ALLAH, HE listens to everyone who try to reaches HIM.
may ALLAH bless u and give u more power