Hi Dude and E I know there’s only the slimmest chance that you guys see this and its been almost two years but I think I need you’re guys’ help. I find myself in a similar situation as you. Dude and I are very similar. I felt like a had written a lot of what both of you guys had written and it made me wonder just how many people go through similar situations.

I’m a guy and the girl I’ve dated for three years is more like your ex Dude. Its a chaotic relationship and a real mess, we love each other but the relationship will destroy us. While she didn’t cheat that i know of, due to school and anxiety she went to a dark place in her life. She became physically abusive, depressed and very self centered, i did everything I could but I felt and was told it was never enough, I wont go into what that did to me suffice to say i tried hard to be a better man for her. i ended up without friends (because she thought they were a bad influence) and very broke because there was nothing I wouldn’t spend to make her happy (think very fancy dinners and travelling all on a moderate to low income).

Things came to a head one night when she woke me up and threatenned me with a scissors, in hand. She had gone through my phone while I slept and read the messages between me and my last friend (he has left the country he was my last friend in this city, so now I have zero social life at all). While I had never cheated, ever or even entertained another woman, the way I spoke with my friends was highly immature. I’d say things like “i’d bang that woman” etc about celebs or random women like my trainer. I never actually meant any of it it was just boys being boys. I think when she read that though she flipped and honestly wanted blood, I was on the defensive at first clearly i NEVER wanted her to read just how immature I could be. But at some point I realized that my phone and my messages between me and my guy friends are PRIVATE. Sure I was immature but I was faithful and she didn’t have the right to go through my phone or threaten me afterwards. I had had enough of the snooping and violence and threats so I broke up with her. She was crushed.

A lot happenned and I eventually met another girl, so much like you E lets call her Y. Y was a sweet woman looking to start something with someone who was serious. She was nice to me and helped me deal with a lot but unfortunately I was still hung up n my ex and every so often I would talk to her. Looking back I feel so guilty because while I was never dating either of these women I was caught between them and they both liked me. Eventually after a short period of indecisiveness i returned to my ex. i figured Y didn’t deserve what I was putting her through and me and my ex deserved each other, I still loved her and she loved me despite knowing I had left her and been with Y.

The truth is i hate being with my Ex and she hates me too for ever having left. We slipped back into our old pattern and the abuse has escalated. I have never laid a hand on her and I have been beaten quite thoroughly for what happened with Y. Its left me fractured and very broken inside. On one hand I still cant forgive myself for hurting Y by going back to my ex, it literally keeps me up at night. On the other I’m afraid to lose my ex. I know its sounds convoluted but I love her. I wish I could just be alone though .I feel paralyzed, I’m so scared of hurting someones heart again, even my Ex’s. She can be very mean but i know she is hurting from so much and she has grown accustomed to me being there for her, if I left her now I’m afraid of what it’d do to her. She has said words like “I wish I could die” so many times now. I’m glad I have no friends left sometimes because I think if I ever told anyone this I’d just breakdown, its pathetic.

No matter what i do I feel I’m hurting someone and I’m making the wrong choice. Should I just stay with my Ex till she leaves me one day for being so pathetic? This was never me, once I used to think I was cool, I was social and over the years its all gone theres nothing left of me anymore and i honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be okay. i don’t know if I’ll ever let got of the guilt of hurting Y.

So Dude and E can you tell me how your story turned out? Did you guys stay together or drift apart? If you did drift apart Dude did you go back to your Ex? What happened next because I feel like your story is so similar to mine and maybe I can learn something from your experience.

Thanks for responding if you do.