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J

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  • #57640
    J
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    Life is short, live for today and you will be happy!

    We all live with regrets, some more than others. People who live in the past find it much harder to find happiness. I’m in that boat, trying to oar away as much as I can. I wanted to leave my husband, had a great opportunity to do it, but I didn’t. Then I spent a whole year regretting that decision, I was living so much in that self pity and anger, that I never realized the other opportunities that were coming my way, that I could have used to convert the situation to suit me, but I didn’t.

    I’m slowly trying to come out of that rut. Meditation helps, also gratitude. Every time your mind wavers to what could have been, force it think of all the positive you have today. Tell yourself, the past is gone, you can’t go back in time and change that.

    You were meant to have this relationship, live it to the fullest.

    Take care and all the best.

    #56942
    J
    Participant

    You sound like me, expect I’m married to the guy. For a long time I did everything around the house and took care of my daughter, was working full time, bringing in equal amount of money to the house. Yet I had to do all the work!

    I don’t enjoy sex with him, never did. I don’t think I love him either (I don’t know!!!) and frankly I prefer him to be away rather than be home with him…not surprising, he had an affair with his colleague for about 3 years. I found out, he apologized and after a whole year of going back and forth with her and me, he’s finally left her…and convinced (forced) me to stay with him.
    He is changing, helping more in the house and with our daughter, but I’ve lost all respect and what little love I had for him. I can’t bring myself to enjoy sex with him, and while he used to get mad about it, he doesn’t any more, at least he doesn’t show it.
    We still have lots of arguments, and It’s always my fault and I am the one who ends up apologizing (whether it was my fault or not). He is controlling and manipulative.

    What you feel for your boyfriend is not love, just a comfort zone, being with him is familiar. He doesn’t love you nor respect you. Try to talk to him, if he doesn’t change, move out…Yes, easier said than done! I’m struggling with the same thing. Every time I make plans, decisions about moving out, then he starts flipping out, he would threaten to kill himself, stop eating, cry and make me feel so guilty, that I would give in and drop my plans.

    I feel your pain, be strong and write down what are the things you like about him, what you don’t. Talk to him, that’s the only way. Ultimately, you have a choice.

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