I also am a recovering perfectionist, and have been successful by hard work and fear, so I get that. I think I’ve been in recovery longer than you have, so I will tell you what helps me and you can take it for what it’s worth.

First, it’s a process – I haven’t found a single activity or philosophy that made me able to accept myself at all times. But I don’t beat myself up nearly as often or for as long as I used to.

Mindfulness meditation helps. It gets me _here_ and not projecting into the future or dwelling on the past. I (try to) start each day, before I even get out of bed, by spending a few minutes focusing on my breath and letting all the immediate “shoulds” running in my head go away for a little while. I try to remember to end my day before I go to sleep the same way. It’s a mindfulness sandwich for my day. In between I try to find 10 minutes to sit and meditate – sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn’t.

I’ve recently discovered yoga is very good for me, too, once I found a class where the teacher stresses over and over that however you are today is just fine. It has been good for me to do something that I’m not particularly adept at (since I also usually avoid those things), and to be in a room with other people who are just doing what they can with what they have on that particular day. I’m sure there are yoga classes and places that are much more competitive but I’ve found a number that are so accepting of me and other people who are “worse” and “better” than me, that it helps me to accept me and them, too.

Therapy is awesome, as you recognize. There are also books on Cognitive Behavioral therapy that can be helpful to deal with the on-going negative thoughts. With my extensive scientific background, I found Rick Hanson’s “Buddha’s Brain” helpful to get a grip on _why_ I’m like I am, and specific techniques for changing how I experience my life.

If you like animals, spending time with them always helps me. My dog is short and usually well-behaved but sometimes he messes up. Despite his faults, he not only completely accepts and loves me for who I am, he completely accepts himself just the way he is, short legs and weak bladder and stubbornness and lovingness all at the same time. I’ve probably learned more about self acceptance and how that frees you to really love someone else from my animals than anyone else…

The best thing you can do for your son is to show him that you accept yourself for yourself, and him for himself, and his mother for herself. I applaud you for starting on this journey.