I appreciate everybody’s feedback and advice. Right now, my wife and I spend our weekdays at our jobs (teacher for me; nurse for her), spending some evening time with our four year-old before he goes to bed, then chatting and perhaps watching a tv show in before heading to our bed. There has been no physical touch for six weeks because she says it makes her “shut down and pushes her even further away” so I am respecting that.

On the weekends, however, we both are choosing to generally spend our time together and things are wonderful for the most part: lots of laughing, open and secure conversations, going out and having fun together. I have looked at four apartments and plan to honor her wishes for me to move out sometime in the next few weeks and have noticed her interest in viewing as many as she can with me as well as comments like “a shorter lease would be better to get out of if we did get back together, but I don’t want to lead you on” or “One of us will need to buy a new bed but we should choose it together in the event we try to work on this down the line. I just don’t know what being separated will be like or how it will make me feel, but I do know that right now I don’t love you and need this time to sort out my life and move forward on my own. I’m sorry that I am hurting you”.

Confusing yes, but it seems like she is just as confused and in pain, looking for a reason that points at why she feels so unhappy as a person and her marriage is an easy choice. I have taken responsibility for my part in the marriage, I am showing her that I am willing to change and showing her that she (and our son) are the most significant things in my life. She has taken positive steps by going out with friends after work for the first time in years, working on her negative self-image related to depression, low-thyroid, and an eating disorder. She bought herself some new jeans for the first time in years and is putting herself first, which is what she really seems to need. She also loves stickers and organizing her planer and has been really into that as a release. I also noticed that she put a sticker on her laptop (the only one) that says “Be happy”.  I am proud of her and am willing to give her the space and anything that she needs while I begin to get back into the activities that bring me peace and happiness as well.

I agree with you, Anita. What can I do other than show her that I will love her no matter what? That I will be there for her no matter what?