Hello everyone,  you are all so nice taking the time out to talk this out with me. He is a very handsome man. He does appear to be confident and well put together. The whole sobbing and grabbing of the legs definitely threw me for a loop. But looking back, I had a few hints he was emotionally insecure. His ex moved out and he was on his own for about 7 months and he said that about killed him and he didnt see how I could go as long ad I did alone. I told him I knew I had issues to work thru and I had/have major trust issues. That being alone is what i needed. Crazy thing is, I did trust him.

He is remorseful. He did agree to go to counseling only because he said he would do what it takes to keep me. He’s reluctant because he said counseling went very bad when he and his ex went thru it, and seemed to only makes things worse. In talking to him about it, seems his ex did all the talking and he’s not much of a talker, esp about feelings and conflict. So he never voiced his side if the issues. I myself am a little reluctant about counseling only because I’ve gone to so much counseling for 3 yrs after my split, that it feels like a pain to go back. I mean I had intensive therapy for PTSD. I have my 6 month check in’s but my therapist doesnt do relationship counseling. Ugh, just didnt think I’d be landing myself in therapy again. Mentally, I have been in a good place for years. And even going through this, whereas I am heartbroken and disappointed, it’s nothing compared to before.

Michelle, you have good points as to why I would want him back. Some of it does come from the negative. There is that nag in the back of my head that says I wont find better. Things nag at me like I know he doesnt want to be alone, and there are plenty of women who’d love to take him on. I’ve heard women talk about him for years. And to see him with someone from work would crush me. I have a good job, I like my job, so leaving is not what I want to do.I try to filter all that. But, really what it comes down to is that I do love him and despite the betrayal, I feel he loves me too.

Hes not out of my house. I dont know what I want to do about him. Things had been really good up to the time she contacted me. We traveled, we did everything together. It’s hard to just shut all those feelings off. It had been 6 months since this occured between them, so he thinks I should just be able to move on from this since things were going so well. I only found out 6 wks ago about all this, so I’m living it now like it just happened, hes not understanding that.

Thank you anita and mark. I’ve been telling him we need to go to counseling. He thinks counseling is b.s. Yet he cant quit crying. When I told him I wanted him out, he got on his knees and grabbed my legs and sobbed.

It gets more idiotic. We work for the same company. We aren’t in the same department,  but avoiding him would be next to impossible. Hes been in my office sobbing several times. Yes, I should have stuck to my original plan of not getting involved. He was convincing. She had been moved out for almost 3 months before the legal separation.so it had been over 7 months of her not living with him before I started seeing him. And that it had been bad with the fighting for yrs, and they havent spent the last2 Christmas’s together. So I was told it was only a technicality at that point. And the reason the separation has been stretched out so long was so she could keep insurance since she didnt work and has health problems. She told me that’s just what they do, but always find their way back to each other.

One day I’m fine, the next I cant stand the sight of him. We go out and have a great time, the next day I’m a total hag to him. I’ve been through yrs of therapy because of the crap my ex put me thru. It sounds absolutely ridiculous, but at least when I got knocked around, it was upfront. Literally in my face. But this kind of betrayal is different, its sneaky and in order to get past it you have to have faith it wont happen again. I was happy those years after my divorce, being by myself, but after 5 yrs of being alone, I guess I finally gave in. I had been asked out by many, went out on dates with a few, but never allowed it to go anywhere. Na, I had to wait until a trainwreck caught my eye. Like I said I feel like a dumba$$.