Similar feelings except some key differences on how I feel towards my family. Since I was young, I always had Buddhist type of beliefs despite not knowing it until later in life. One being I can let go of a lot of things rather easily including people. I am actively meditating and have found positive results in lots of areas in life but family still is a struggle for me. Mostly because Im such a demanding, independent and focused person who feels burdened/frustrated with my family’s lack of initiative in many aspects in life. I

“Please help me understand myself. I love my family, but I don’t want to. It’s tiring, troublesome, and I don’t want to deal with it. They never did anything wrong to me, they are good people. I just have this disgust feeling towards them and I don’t know why. I’ve always felt like my family is holding me back from being my true self. I don’t even know what my true self is, but I feel this restrain everytime I’m around my family. ”

You are 22 years old, you have lots of time for change of perception of yourself and family. Life is not easy, in fact its full of suffering and family for sure contributes to it. The cookie cutter family does not exist and I have come to realization that I must except that in order to improve relationship with my family. You mention not knowing your true self, this is very sad to hear from anyone. Before you focus on your family you need to come to realize your true self and love your self, make any self improvement you need to if need be. Once you except your true self life is so much simpler. I have the opposite with my family, I am fully aware of who I am and my family takes me being myself as being a mean, cold person when all I want to do is help them. Eventually I discovered you can lead a horse to water but not make them drink. Since discovering this my stress level with my family has gone down but im still very irked by their life decisions and always a topic for argument. Being aware that I wont always have my family helps to keep trying to focus on the presnt of being with them despite how much they piss me off.

“When I turn 30, I plan to tell my family that I no longer wish to associate with them. ”

Maybe have distance but completely cut them off would be cruel. Just make your self less available and time will pass by where they wont reach out as often. I’ve thought about this at times but like you said you dont want to hurt them. Most people would be crushed to hear you dont want them in your life anymore. Dont intentionally hurt them like that.

“I’m jealous of orphans because they don’t have that burden. ”

So young, so naive. Life is perspective, an orphan would say you are rich to have the opportunity to have people who care about you in your life. Take it in and enjoy the positives and negatives of family. There is never just one side.