When we are born and as children, we learn who we are from the responsible people who care for us. Later in life we can build on this and become “in spirit”, spiritually in touch with the deepest, highest form of love, that brings us understanding of this life, what may exist beyond it, and who we are beyond our ability to explain.

That’s how it should be, but in reality we don’t always have responsible care takers who are able to teach us these things. And so, sooner or later as adults, we flounder and struggle to find our self.

When how I was living, my life, became so painful years ago, I was driven to find out why. I had to. I was so full of anger and it was surely tainting my relationships with my family. During this time frame, my brother had died from a drug overdose, my stepfather had left my mom for another woman, and my relationship had failed.

Mostly, I was angry at my mother for abandoning us as kids to live with our angry father & a stepmother who didn’t know us, or care. I blamed all this on the loss of my brother, and my abandonment issues which I believed to be the cause of so much havoc in my relationships.

Life sucks some times.

But here is what I did, and how I learned who I am, and why.

I did make an inventory of my fears. I used a 12 step program. I took that list to a trusted person and worked through them one by one. I found my fear’s ROOTS, and learned that the opposite of fear is love. It’s the most difficult thing to love your self, when you are full of fear & some “thing” has pulled your rug out from under you. And I learned that even though I might feel, experience fear, I don’t have to act from it, and I do have the ability to stop my thought, and think other wise. It has taken many years of practice, and believe me when I say, that the opportunity to “get it right” has presented itself consistently. And I forgave. I learned forgiveness by wanting, wishing, praying everything good for the people I blamed. I did this with a desire that I have never again experienced. It was awesome and successful. I still do it if I feel injured spiritually.

As to finding your self. First, you are not any “thing”. You are not your thoughts, you’re not what you feel, you are not your mother’s daughter, you are not any thing. Sometimes, you can understand some of who you are by starting out with a list of who or what you are not.

Please stop for a moment to realize that no one, not a single other person in the entire existence of humankind, has the knowledge and gifts that you bring to us now. We are all unique in this respect, and speaking of respect, honor your self with believing, acknowledging this is true. I would do this daily, if I were you. Even with in the confusion you may feel right now, you are one of a kind and on a good path.

Second. We are all in progress. I am me today, I will be me tomorrow, but I will be a slightly different me by day after. And patience. Bring patience to your self by holding your hands, palm up to the sky, and breathing. Believe that it is ok, you are ok, and be ok with knowing that where you are and what you’re feeling is all right.

To reply, (but not to say that this is any right answer), to your 3rd question about regular, work life, I would say that if your personal work to know your self does not allow for your spirit to co-exist in your current work and stress, then… you will either abandon your quest for finding you or change jobs eventually. And with most people, this happens gradually and naturally.

There are many tools to gather and use for knowing who you are. Asking the question in the first place means to me that you are awake, conscious. Asking the question here in this forum could mean that you take this quest seriously. Hold on to this, keep taking steps. Life will teach you who you are. Start by loving you for asking.

Thank you for the gift of showing me a little more of who I am.
Namaste.