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Ben Schnell

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  • in reply to: Stuck in marriage #101365
    Ben Schnell
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    There’s nothing wrong with you. I imagine those feelings are quite normal. In my opinion, the important thing is to realize you might feel that way with anyone, given time. As great as it is, marriage loses it’s novelty and excitement. Marriage is good at other things, like companionship and support. It may be tempting to think, if I could get a divorce, and live on my own, and date around, life would be more exciting. That might be true temporarily, but it doesn’t necessarily mean life would be better. You would exchange some boredom for some excitement, but you might be unwittingly signing up for a ton of heartbreak, and loneliness in the long-term. In my opinion, what’s great about marriage is that it can outlast those feelings, if you’re willing to stick it out.

    Also, watch out for unnecessary guilt. The feeling that you shouldn’t have those thoughts are probably more damaging than the thoughts themselves.

    But it may be helpful to intentionally seek out novelty and adventure in other areas of your life. Dating and relationships is such a tangible source of adventure for some, but it’s not necessarily healthy to find adventure here. Maybe a road trip could help, or a series of random acts of kindness for strangers – I’m not sure what you consider adventure. The point is, it’s possible these feelings could be less about your marriage, and more about a need for adventure or novelty.

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