Jessica,

I really understand where you are coming from. I am in the middle of divorce now after being married 17 years (together for 20) and I found out, through a passing comment, that my husband watched porn regularly. Porn itself isn’t an issue when it is a shared activity. But when I found out he was watching it alone as a hobby, I felt completely inadequate. I was absolutely shocked at how bothered I was by it. I am progressive and all about “live and let live.” But the fact is, I will never look, sound or act like those women. This coincided with a drop in our own intimacy for a number of reasons. I never felt comfortable again knowing that (porn) was his standard or even (God forbid) his expectation and, honestly, that was the beginning of the end for us.

I am not suggesting your situation is the same. There were so many other layers to the stinky onion that was my awful marriage, but that was a really difficult one to get over. And truthfully, we never got over it because I never felt like I would measure up to his porn star expectations. You all may be able to work it out. But I thought I would share with you my own experience with that. Because it was incredibly impactful.

Wishing you the best!