Hi Erica,

This is my first time writing too, and although I’m not sure if this is any good for you, but I have been in a similar (but not the same) situation for about 16 months now.

I love my girlfriend dearly and she is genuinely nice, kind and caring, but I am still unsure about marrying her and she is almost daily suffering from my indecision – there are compounding matters, but these are the facts.

For what it’s worth I will say that if you don’t feel the same way about him as he feels about you, it is much better all around to not keep that locked away, and hope things will get better – the pain will just return harder and harder the more you try to avoid hurting him by sparing his feelings. A year may pass and you’ll ask yourself whether it makes any sense to stay when you feel drained.

You will eventually feel like you’re just acting a part in the relationship and no matter how kind your intentions were at the start, this will breed resentment in both of you.

The best thing you can do is avoid my mistake, and cause a small amount of hurt now, rather than stress and unhappiness later. I am going to have to figure out things myself, and I am ashamed to say my actions have contributed to things reaching such a pitch, that anything I do now will cause unnecessary pain and suffering, regardless of my choice.

Please avoid my mistake, and whilst it may hurt right now, it will hurt worse later, and for longer.

I hope this helps,
BlackFox3