This is a great forum. But I too as many of people on this blog are attesting to, am also in what I believe to be a emotional abusive relationship. I have been married for now going on 2 yrs and it has been the most trying time in my life. I have been married before and though in my deepest core I felt like it was a controlling relationship, it was control not in worse way but the best way and due to my hard head of not wanting to change and be controlled my ex wife felt the need to move on ahead. And that was something very difficult for me to have to deal with. Fast forward. I divorced in 2014 and remarried in 2015, after meeting someone whom i instantly connected with after 5 months. It was a lot of pressure on her end, but also something that I prayed, meditated on, and expected to happen. My first marriage ended in me wanting to give more love, more patience, more understanding, etc. so when it was over with, I felt like I had much more to give and my ex wife had no more……and decided to give it to another man. I felt like, I deserved that bc I didn’t quite smoking like she asked, or purchased little things she asked for b/c it meant more to her than me, or cleaned the way she would desire, etc. So i was forced to leave with a huge void and no closure really. But i had to accept that she had moved on and moved on for good. So i made the choice either wallow in my sorrows of me now being divorced, or move on and move on with great love, joy, understanding and kindness. I became not only loving but more lovable, and to avoid any kind of failure again on my end, I would do all in my power to be the best in my relationship but simply to and may seem a bit weird but be Totally Unconditional In ALL – B/c I went with the mantra “LOVE ENDURES ALL”. And so I went ahead with great energy. And accepted all that my new spouse came with. She expressed her bipolar syndrome, she expressed her issues of anger, and unforgiveness for family relatives(Aunt), but exuded her love for her children and family…..Kinda a Oxymoronic statement now that I write this. But she expressed her likes and dislikes and it all seemed we were destined to be together. She told me that she desires to be married and projected her worthiness of being a spouse, and I felt sorry for her due to her past abusive relationships, and felt the need to show her a difference in Man, a example that she would need to see so that her picture of men wasn’t distorted or perceived as something she’d never have or that was just it, ” All men are dogs or bad”. I took that challenge on full speed, and found it to be a bad idea as soon as we were married. Both of us with children, myself having 1 child now at the age of 15, her having 4 children (3 girls: ages, 8,14, and 15 and a son now age 7). Myself having a pretty decent job enough to support at the time myself and daughter comfortably, was chastised for not making enough for her and her children, in which i took on b/c i was the husband now, so I ended up quitting my job at the hospital to return back to school to switch careers. All while in school to enhance my career for everyone I was being reasons as to why i wasn’t good enough for her and her children, the reason on why the children disrepect me as man, coming home to a dirty home, and a spouse whose expressed to me in many ways how much she hated where she stayed, what I did in my past way before her, if I am cheating on her at school with another student or teacher, that i should just quit school and work a 10.00 / hr job b/c Xmas was coming up and she wanted to have Jordans, clothes and Iphone(cell phones) for her kids, b/c they had it before, that I was wasting my time in school, that she didn’t feel like she was important enough b/c she didn’t have her degree and that I may in the future pick someone with a more professional career than hers, and I have not given any reason for these thoughts and actions on her behalf, rather again trying to be the best I can as a husband, father and man simply. I encouraged her, that she was great, she was more than enough for me and all I need in my life, that I honor and cherish her, she is beautiful, she is smart, etc…..I express these things to her in her chastising of my character, and just don’t know what else to do. I no longer see my own daughter b/c she has expressed, she wasn’t welcome b/c she didn’t call like she wanted her to, has said F*** my at the time 14 yr old daughter and that she will become a little whore later in life, b/c she lost her virginity, called her a B*&**, she has made my daughter feel uncomfortable when coming over by showing attitude, not talking to her, and being my daughter lost her virginity and got chastised, her daughter did the same exact thing, same age as well and she defended her instead, etc…..so much and now i feel as if i have neglected my own child for the sake of a marriage, whom I am not respected, where there is no togetherness, no unity, in what we are trying to do as a whole. She wants another child but she has issues with her own already. And herself as well, and want to say these things but at this point its like every time i try to speak logically I am emotionally attacked. You don’t care, you only want your one b/c you are selfish, I am not worthy etc……is what I hear from her. So it puts me back in this guilty sorrowful place, and find myself giving something or not saying something to avoid conflict or not feel less than. I pay majority of the bills, i take care of her children, whom doesn’t really listen to me, they have these attitudes of ungratefulness, I get them expensive shoes and they are messed up from mud and dirt in about 2 weeks, I get toys and they get broken up and pieces are all over the place, they get clothes and they are just thrown all over the floor and stepped on. We cook and clean together but she is at home a majority of the day, I come home from a long day of work now, and have to help clean and cook, she states all she wants to do is be a housewife, but then complains being home all day. So much more, I have tried to treat the kids ALL the same and though I don’t see my biological child as much b/c of this situation, my goal and true intention was simply for us to be a “Happy Family” of togetherness!!! I’ve put up a vision board of how this vision is being dreamed by me, I have placed positive and uplifting quotes throughout my home and they were all taken down and put on my vision board, basically given the message, I don’t wanna see these, you can, I have been told by her oldest child how much I am not her father and I can’t tell her nothing b/c I don’t even have my own child anymore, I have been told that by her 2nd oldest how much she don’t trust me to give her what she needs, I have been backtalked to by her youngest and outright been disrespected by them as well in many ways, and I try not to say or discipline them b/c she would jump on me and start yelling at me b/c of my correction to them. So i do it only when i feel it is necessary, or sometimes not at all. I have been chastised for paying child support for a child that I am not seeing at the moment, and how it is taking away from her children, but I have had to do this since my daughter was born so it is nothing new, it was fully expressed and known before we got married. My wife hasn’t had to do a lot as far as paying bills and having a lot of responsibility in regards to her own children, b/c her grandmother and Aunt allow her to walk on crutch and at times still do, by lending money when its not needed. They have paid her bills all the way up to me meeting her and marrying her. She is now 35 and she is growing slowly and getting out of that mindset, but it is so difficult at this point for me, b/c she still criticizes my past, my job, if I am cheating at work in which i am not by any means and give no signs of distrust at all, all i do is go to work and home, I really don’t have a social life, b/c she felt like when my friends and I went out even just to watch a local game, I was cheating, and my friends no longer call me to go out, in as much I don’t really want to go out bc of the accusations I’d receive. I don’t call the mother of my child even though I have no attraction nor any desire to go back with her, I get criticized for reaching out to her to get status of my daughter b/c I haven’t heard from my child, via text or phone call, so I try to reach out and get chastised like I am being sneaky or in the wrong. When i don’t express any area of concern when she speaks to the fathers of her children. My intentions are pure, have been through action, and show true concern for her, her children, and any issues. I took on the role of a great husband and trying very hard to be successful and hopefully I will. But to be honest, this is really taking a toll on me and finding it very hard to remain who I am, I have done some cool mind hacking exercises that in thought would work but, it isn’t, the pain of my child exceeds the pain of my own spouse, as far as me not being present in their lives. Know that it should be equal but the pain is so deep that I can’t find the unconditional love that is needed to not leave. Not sure exactly where or what to do…..So i just stay in abuse, feeling my strength is strong enough to endure the accusation, criticisms, and irrational thoughts.