Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
November 1, 2018 at 4:19 am in reply to: Advice/thought needed, new job and moving to a new country #234913
BrainontheWallParticipantHi Anita,
thank you for answering. It’s been a crazy week for me. I panicked and was looking for advice from anyone who would offer one. I have decided to go to Oslo after talking with a lot of people and realizing that the PhD position offers a lot of freedom and I wiull probably be able to spend some time there, some time in Berlin.
Yes, I know rents are high, but my salary will actually be quite high, so I don’t consider this to be a problem.
I doubt that deciding to stay in Berlin would be the end of the relationship. My husband is not pressuring me to do anything, but it would definitely mean missing out on a fantastic career opportunity for the sake of the relationship, as you said. But I think I would find a way to make it work. However, after talking with my husband a lot, we agreed I at least have to try. If it turns out that our marriage suffers because of it, I can always quit. That was a brilliant piece of advice I got from a friend. It takes the pressure off tremendously. Nothing is set in stone.
Another great piece of advice came from my parents, who have been married for over 30 years. No job is worth sacrificing a good relationship. People are unique, jobs are something I can shape according to my needs.
Finally, I’m excited to explore a new country. The University of Oslo is an excellent place for my research and honestly, if I go back to Germany after that time, I don’t think having this on my CV will hurt. Plus, it’s another great opportunity to learn a new language; one I haven’t considered learning before. It’s all new and unknown and I think this is very attractive. I easily get bored with things I know too well.
So thank you again for your reply. It’s great to get some questions which make you think.
Joanna
BrainontheWallParticipantKristin123,
I agree with Anita, not knowing the answer to something does not mean that there is a higher power to it. In science sometimes you have to accept that there is no answer but that’s not the reason to stop looking for one and just explain to yourself that some being had to start it all.
And I also agree, that with all the suffering in the world, it’s hard to believe that a merciful, good guy who loves everybody and is omnipotent wouldn’t react. Clearly there are people who did nothing to deserve their sad fate. And when people say they will pray for them it’s just masking their inaction and giving them exuses to sit on their butts and do nothing. It’s an illusion making people feel better about themselves while doing absolutely nothing.If you’re interested in religion and the scientific side of things I recommend Richard Dawkins’ “The God Delusion”. He tackles a lot of theological arguments and tries to explain the science of the universe without involving religion. It’s not an easy read (I don’t have a background in physics and biology, maybe it easy for some who do), but it’s worth it, and may clarify some things, especially if, as you wrote, the logical side of you has many doubts.
Religion is not necessary to be a good human being to yourself and to others.Best wishes
BrainontheWallParticipantHi Nina Sakura,
I think it’s great that you’ve consulted a doctor before starting. I used to run without talking to a doctor. That was a mistake. But not because of the knees. I thought with the expensive, correct shoes I would not have any problems, but after two years my right leg got messed up gradually and the problem was that I was placing my foot on the ground in the wrong way and apparently didn’t have the shoes to correct this. And also I was told that running is actually not for everyone and some people (like me) can have more health benefits from walking. I was skeptical at first, since, as Anita said above, walking seemed like something older people would do. But it is indeed not less beneficial than running and I’ve also combined it with swimming and cycling to have some diversity.
So anyway, I hope you have correct shoes and you have consulted someone (theoretically people working in the shop should be able to help you) about how your feet are behaving when you run. Because a noticeable injury can occur after years and it’s hard to correct it then.All best
BrainontheWallParticipantHi,
I personally do not believe, that there is such a thing as not having time for a loved one (but I’m not a psychologist). Time might be perceived differently by people, and for instance, my boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend wanted to spend almost every waking hour with him and got mad when he said he had other things to do or wanted some space. So they broke up. My former roommate met a nice guy, but they had some conflicting scheadules. Still, she didn’t even try. She said that if it’s not going to work out, then it wasn’t meant to be. But she didn’t want to make the time, although she was spending most of her evenings at home watching TV.
I met my boyfriend (currently 4 years together) when I was starting my masters. He lived in a different city and we saw each other only every two weeks. Yes, it sucked, but I never had a feeling that I don’t have time for him, or that he didn’t have time for me. I went to see him even when I had an essay to write, and I just spent most of my time at his place writing it, but he was there and we ate together and took breaks together. If he has something important to do, I understand and I never nag him to spend more time with me. Then again, that’s just my experience and I think it’s important to mention we are both introverts and we are happy just sitting beside each other with coffee and muffins and reading books.
Sorry for a long post. Just had my coffee and now I’m super energetic 😉
All bestBrainontheWallParticipantI do not believe that there is such a thing as a god (no capitalisation intentional). And certainly I don’t believe in the catholic church.
I was raised as a catholic, but without any strong convictions on my parents’ part. My father is a divorcee and the catholic church does not allow divorced people to have a church wedding again. So they were kind of alienated by the church itself, with a priest telling them that they are a “problematic marriage”. They are together almost 30 years and are one of the best couples I’ve ever known. So that was the initial thing that caused me and my sister to doubt in the church and religion. Later on we started doing some research. She went in the direction of more scientific approach and I started studying the history of religion and Christianity itself and learned that gods were created by humans because of the lack of better means to explain their universe. Humans are curious by nature and they had to have some explanation why the sun is going up and down, etc. This is not the only theory on the development of religion and many scholars worked on that topic and why does humanity need mythology. But I found this the most convincing. With the development of science, religion becomes obsoltete.
While one cannot rule out 100% that there is some higher power, we might as well wait and see how science develops. People used to believe the most outrageous things and everybody must be prepared to adjust their views as new evidence appears.
Sorry for a long post. -
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 