You have my thoughts and best wishes. This will be the most difficult experience of your life. Writing a letter is the tip of the iceberg in that you will be faced with decisions on a daily basis over the next years and balance of your life. The number one priority right now is your children. Your children will keep you focused on what is truly important. Your sincere offer to your wife for counseling and trial separation was a very brave step. It shows vulnerability and your willingness to be honest in your imperfection. Her refusal to go down this road I’m quite sure is like a sledge hammer hitting you in the chest. Regardless of what has been said between the two of you, you obviously shared a great deal of love and companionship. She now has withdrawn her vulnerability and I’m very sorry to say…it will not return. You are now in a complete state of shock and grieving. My suggestion is not to bother with the letter. If at all possible (although believe me, I know it is virtually impossible) don’t acknowledge and vulnerability towards her in the form of longing, begging, pleading, anything more than business like communication regarding your kids. Eat well (you’ve probably dropped a few pounds in the last 3.5 months), find a few close friends to breakdown to once in awhile, continue counseling, exercise, a be an amazing role model for your children. The less you think about “her”, the better.

I wrote letters…and believe me, nothing positive comes from it.

Live for yourself and your children now. There is no quick fix to this. Forgive yourself for feeling HORRIBLE. It is absolutely necessary and perfectly normal. In my experience, the more you attempt to “act” happy, the easier day by day gets. Life is full of beauty and you will be able to see this from YOUR point of view eventually…not from a COUPLES point of view.

I wish well sir. Be strong.